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Contributor
Reviews 34
Soundoffs 4,026
News Articles 4
Band Edits + Tags 855
Album Edits 2,118
Album Ratings 3991
Objectivity 76%
Last Active 01-05-23 6:04 pm
Joined 05-30-20
Review Comments 6,855
| Users REVIEWED
im not indiephantom | | 1 |  | Lost Horizons
In Quiet Moments
Dewinged
The daddy of this website, despite being around for less than half its existence. Pretty much guaranteed to have you fangirl over him after a few convos. Frequent contributor of gently worded, sophisticated reviews, and a great sport participant in contests and civil discussions.
Worst 5: Dewi is most up-to-date with the state of the world and culture at large, but his age is sometimes showing in 5s like Stone Temple Pilots or The Cranberries. One is also permitted to snobbishly leer at his Tool and Perfect Circle ratings.
Best 1: shitting 0,5 at MGK seems like carpet bombing a dead horse. But if that's the worst offender, we're looking at a fairly good user rating stats.
Best review: Lost Horizons - In Quiet Moments
Best moment: the time he got personal phone numbers of every user on the site and called them to ask "Who's your daddy?" The part of Japan where JotW resided at the time reported abnormal humidity in the air.
4.5/5 a gold standard of Sputnik user | | 2 |  | Lapalux
Amnioverse
Lord(e)Po)))ts
Self-supposing Grandmaster Troll and gatekeeper of good taste who actually does have good taste. Lordy is the bee's knees, if the bee in question is a cybererotic rendition set to some neon minimal house bleep bloops.
Worst 5: difficult to spot an unironic 5 among his ironic onslaught, but that Ariana Grande dump seems about right
Best 1: jeez, where to begin. The guy's like a masterkiller of getting needlessly mad at nonsense, but praising it verbally. But openly admitting to giving 1 to Billie Eilish out of spite seems to take it.
Best review: he only has the one tho
Best moment: giving birth to Colton just so he has somebody to shit on
4/5 for style (and my personal bias)
1/5 by popular vote | | 3 |  | David Kauffman and Eric Caboor
Songs From Suicide Bridge
SandwichBubble
Our lord of listening to anything that exists, after having invented cure for sleep and hearing problems due to listening to too much music. Current holder of the prestigious "Bruh you for real?" Award for most non-troll ratings. Difficult to find a better instant source of recs for whatever rubs your nips.
Worst 5: dude i cant even. can you even? can anyone even? eeny meeny miny moe those Chipmunks records. Joke ratings. Jokes are not permitted on this website.
Best 1: with great ratings come great disappointments too. Sandwich likes to underrate or overreact with some things, like Tonight: Franz Ferdinand most certainly did not deserve a 1 slap. But the you also listened to more than 2 Bull of Heaven albums for us, so you'll get a pass on account of your probable damage received.
Best review: literally doesn't need to write reviews even, but he chooses to. Shining a light on Sun City Girls or Songs From Suicide Bridge
Best moment: inventing listening to music
4.7/5 | | 4 |  | Bob Dylan
Rough and Rowdy Ways
Colton
The agitator. But he's good to you, if you're good to him. Unless he randomly decides to be a prick. Until he randomly decides not to be. A bipolar disorder incarnate, but medicated. A disagreeable user with questionable taste, but he rarely seems to turn an outright bully. His endurance in the face of Lordepots is admirable.
Worst 5: as the only Young Thug Jeffery stan on the site and possibly in the world, this gets the boot
Best 1: despite a tendency to underrate, he at least is decent enough not to go for 1s for his victims, so the list is pretty small. That said, there are egregious things to be found here anyway. Like Sonic Youth's Confusion is Sex, for which he probably has his reasons, but none are stated in the sound-offs and I can't be arsed to dig through the comment section to find some salty teenage ramblings about authenticity or sth
Best review: Rough and Rowdy Ways
Best moment: marrying and then divorcing ArsMoriendi over their disagreements on Ween
2.7/5 | | 5 |  | Mariah Carey
Daydream
Koris
The slipped-through-the-cracks underdog hero of Sputnik, who is always around and a guarantee of a good convo, eager to take part in the weirdest of exercises and tourneys (case and point: this). Among his great contributions on Sputnik is bringing an air of friendliness into any banter, amicable or hostile, consistently convincing me with his reviews to listen to shit I don't want, but Koris makes it sound like I should, and generally keeping the standards of classiness of local Contributrs very high
Worst 5: Carly Rae Jepsen shilling
Best 1: missing the point of hilarity on 100 gecs
Best review: early on in his career he wrote sth up for Mariah Carey and even I, who hate her stuff, had to check it out.
Best moment: the time he formed the Sputnik Republican Party and freed the prog slaves
4/5 the spirit of Sputnik is in good hands | | 6 |  | Hampton The Hampster
Hampsterdance the Album
ArsMoriendi
His worst offence is claiming to be a detective, while doing no investigative work. The sole person keeping Ween relevant these days. His principal mission is to spread love and friendship in these here parts, but he chooses to do so in the most charmingly irritating way possible, often acting high-brow about his taste. But coming from him it's like if a puppy tried to come off as threatening.
Worst 5: hey look, jokes are jokes, but when I see a 5s list this airtight, i'm just gonna bail. Hipster Snob Behavious rightfully earned!
Best 1: despite his superior taste, he only deemed 6 records worthy of a 1. Among those are some pretty deserving receivers, as well as favourite punching bags like 100gecs and Yeezus, so there's no real "best" or "worst" here.
Best review: his reviews are always quick and concise, but Hampton The Hampster is meme gold
Best moment: revealing he was Hampton all along
3.5/5 | | 7 |  | Thomas Azier
Love, Disorderly
Sowing
The man is a mystery. Been around since forever, but no reviews or ratings, no comments, no lists. Nobody knows him. What's even going on?
?/5 | | 8 |  | Lightning Bolt
Hypermagic Mountain
kkarron
Do I know you? It feels like I know you. kkarron's comment habits show a pragmatic personality, as they are always short and to the point, often reduced to simply bumping reviews of albums worth bumping. I'm fairly certain I've seen you around, but I'm not quite so sure.
- *shouts to the next room* Karen, d'you know this guy?
- *from the other room* Nah, but he looks familiar. New guy?
- Nah, 3 years active now. Av seems familiar.
- Dun ring a bell, nah. Looks familiar tho.
- Aight, you pass, but make a bigger presence next time.
Worst 5: His 5s are quite the display of not-quite-boomer metal picks. But I guess you could ditch Burzum or Sodom.
Best 1: Only has DJ Himmler in his 1s. Who are you even? Do you not feel disdain ever? wtf
Best review: before his 4.5 review of Hypermagic Mountain by Lightning Bolt, it only had some word salad review rated 2. so he's done god's work
Best moment: realising Sputnik needs a Karen, but choosing to become kkarron instead and be nice.
3/5 | | 9 |  | Stara Rzeka
Cień chmury nad ukrytym polem
Pangea
The man, the myth, the prehistoric supercontinent. Charisma the size of an actual Pangea and arguably among the most well-liked users from Europe (post-Pangea). If you haven't seen him around, then you haven't been around. Can be regularly seen in the corner snickering with one of his fellow Benelux fellows like Trifolium. If you see them together, they'll smirk and continue talking quietly to each other, making you feel like they are discussing matters of mocking nature.
Worst 5: the hell is even PET Records
Best 1: dunking on St. Anger, while you only 1d Music of the Spheres and Spongebobcore is low, bro
Best review: Cień chmury nad ukrytym polem, but Pang could use writing more.
Best moment: that one time I was actually included in his corner-side chats, as I was mistaken for a Belgian
4.1/5 | | 10 |  | Keleketla!
Keleketla!
dedex
The main force behind sound-off popularity nowadays. Just seeing his name on the front page under new sound-offs section is enough to warrant a read. Wordsy and folksy, best of both worlds. He is what I aspire to become and thus he is also my arch nemesis.
Worst 5: would've been The National, but he explained it very well, so it gets a pass
Best 1: Bring Me The Horizon - Music to Listen to... only got a "big fat nah". You're better than this, bb.
Best review: I don't get how he even has the capacity to write reviews after pumping out so many sound-offs so often, but his Keleketla! review is precisely why this guy should be Staff
Best moment: injecting every RYM copypaster with smallpox
4.2/5 | | 11 |  | Ray Lynch
Deep Breakfast
AsleepInTheBack
Naming yourself after an album you haven't even heard at that point is a red flag, but AITB is more than his dormant demeanour would suggest. He's into sleepy music, drowsy opinions, and comatose takes. But he's a good sport about it, always willing to support his claims with facts and feelings, give or take a few. But becoming a staff with so few reviews must tell something about you or Sputnik's judgement.
Worst 5: Asleep thankfully did not immediately start abusing his power to change the decimal ratings, so his 5s are still 5s. In specifying all other normally 5-worthy albums as 4.9s and such, he narrowed his list of truly 5.0 classics to a bluntly revealing shallow white boy dime-a-dozener. This is a list of a man too desperate to avoid nearing his 30s. All of these albums are for the dunk.
Best 1: Whitehouse - Great White Death, because noise
Best review: actually and honestly, Ray Lynch - Deep Breakfast
Best moment: falling asleep behind a wheel
3.6/5 | | 12 |  | Oxbow
Serenade In Red
Demon of the Fall
Girls, if your boy has these rating stats, it's a red flag. Holden Caulfield cosplayer and a modest metalhead, Demon is no stranger to strange takes, questionable opinions (we'll get to those ratings soon) or being friendly to a select few. His greatest contribution was showing many lurkers that you actually can have a space between words in your name.
Worst 5: https://www.sputnikmusic.com/uservote.php?memberid=1097747
Best 1: Demon sets his tastes pretty clear. He likes cock in his rock, but not in his proverbial mouth, so all the cock-themed metal is closer to 5s, while all the cock-laced pop is closer to 1s. Pretty indistinct taste, but speaking of cocks, odd that Oasis and Sex Pistols are 1d.
Best review: Only has two, but that Oxbow rev is actually good.
Best moment: i'm sure there's one soon to appear on the copypasta thread.
2.5/5 | | 13 |  | Lil Yachty
Lil Boat
Ryus
What LordePots secretly wants to be, while Ryus secretly wants to be Relinquished. Electronica and electronically-tinged hippity hop is his jam (but you wouldn't know it from his 5s). Also strawberry is his jam. Guy's got a sweet tooth and a sweet personality. Until, of course, something rubs him the wrong way. And stuff rubs him the wrong way quite often. Has a thick tech post-grad energy.
Worst 5: You show me a list that screams "I only shop eco" more than this. Throw Bladee out of the list and out of the window. That toddler-with-a-vocal-mixer has nothing to do there.
Best 1: is this Baseline's 5s list? Can't single out one album, so by a dozen-sided dice it's decided to be... Sleaford Mods. Sure, why not.
Best review: his defence of Lil Yachty is both hilarious and captivating.
Best moment: The time he used his cosmic energy to literally evaporate both Boards of Canada members and absorb their powers.
3.5/5 | | 14 |  | Forests
Spending Eternity In A Japanese Convenience Store
Snake.
His username may evoke associations with fearsome creatures, but Snake. is actually the plush toy equivalent of actual snakes. He is a snuggleable dork with heart of heavy hardcore. Never has a mildly anarchistic vegan-as-personality-but-not-lifestyle person seemed this loveable.
Worst 5: his 5s list looks like he needs help or has received it already, idk. Dump Kanye and be cool.
Best 1: dude is this a 1s list or an Aftershock line-up? I guess Forests shouldn't be there, because what snake hates forests.
Best review: reviews?
Best moment: Pledging allegiance to Yig and being rejected.
3.7/5 for this fluffy boi | | 15 |  | Myrkur
Folkesange
Gnocchi
The tastiest user, as has been stated numerous times. If I remember correctly, he was the originator of the Weekly Releases blog segment, which is what brought me to the site and made me stay in the first place, so big ups for you for that (unless it's not so, in which case fuck off). A prolific and consistent writer with an almost chilling mature language, despite the fact he so often focuses on metal. Imagine him discussing adult stuff like taxes and gardening or something.
Worst 5: Literally the first person I saw here who has B.B. King at 5, so I don't even care what else his 5s hold, this one redeems everything (but Opeth, actually).
Best 1: Went 0.5 on Tones And I in hopes to keep up popularity with denizens. Undeserved victim, silly gimmick rating.
Best review: That Halsey review legit made me think twice about Halsey, but explaining Folkesange is his great feat.
Best moment: the time i've had him with pomodoro sauce. then i ate his ass.
High Priest of Sput gets 4.3/5 | | 16 |  | Sunn O))) and Ulver
Terrestrials
Jom
The guy carrying this whole crumbling facade on his back. Alternatively known as the one you ask to change your name or merge duplicate band pages.
Worst 5: no rating? the hell do you think this is, some kind of a game. get yo ass here and rate some stuff im-friggin-mediately
Best 1: banning sach
Best review: for real, his review of Sunn O))) and Ulver - Terrestrials made me temporarily butthurt, when i read it, but i calmed down and got the point.
Best moment: breaking down at mx's doorstep for all the shit he has to endure from us, only to be met with a cold shoulder and a cynical "it's 3am, who are you and how do you know where I live?"
Sputnik/5 | | 17 |  | Glen Hansard
This Wild Willing
neekafat
Shift user, as in he is densely present everywhere, but then disappears for like a week or two, until reappearing for ubiquitous presence again. Often can be seen defending tween folk from meatheads or challenging passive casual conversationalists to verbal duels of wits, often left ignored. He was quietly built up his presence on the site over several years, eventually becoming a deserved Contributor with several craftily worded and wordily crafted reviews. Now a patron of Sputniktown milk bars and dog cafés.
Worst 5: Phoenix Bridges or whatshername
Best 1: somehow, among a bunch of proper 1s, I see Parquet Courts improv EP for shits and giggles. Probably deserves the1, but not among this 1-list company.
Best review: probably responsible for Glen Hansard's This Wild Willing being actually acclaimed on Sputnik.
Best moment: devouring his thin neekaslim in utero.
3.9/5 | | 18 |  | The Veils
Total Depravity
anat
Changed what he believed to be an inferior name to something that 7/10 casual observers regularly mistake for 'anal', while 5/10 of them giggle internally. Despite this, he has not yet been confronted with this truth, at least not to my knowledge. The most accomplished musician of Sputnik this side of AnimalsAsSummit. May be actual Brit, as opposed to others.
Worst 5: not sure how to put this. you have an incurable Pretty Good Taste Syndrome. you are destined to enjoying and promoting great overlooked stuff, while receiving none of the attention.
Best 1: the man is a curiosity, any number of his 1s could have easily appear in his 3.5s for maybe the same reasons. take Arctic Monkeys' Trivago ad album, for example.
Best review: he reviewed The Veils' Total Depravity and instead of the music focused on some fungus. chad move.
Best moment: selling branded anat rings online
3.8/5 | | 19 |  | LSD and the Search for God
Heaven Is a Place
Zac124
no clue
Worst 5:
Best 1:
Best review:
Best moment:
no clue/5 | | 20 |  | Neptunian Maximalism
Eons
tectactoe
His motto is mean, but his heart is pure. Not everything deserves 2.5. For that matter, don't subject yourself to things you know will be 2.5, man. You aren't getting younger. Stop it, get some help. Can often be notice in the Sputnik courtyard enjoying sunbathing.
Worst 5: This list screams "I only drink barrel-aged craft beer". This has plenty great stuff, but strikes with pompousness that only an obligatory Glenn Branca 5 can deliver. You loved This Heat and Au Pairs, you pretend to love Branca, because of status.
Best 1: Nothing says "I don't have theorist's analytic talent" like 1ing John Cage's 4'33
Best review: tectactoe is an infrequent writer, last time putting digital pen to digital paper in 2020, but he never strikes a dud. His Eons review might have prolonged that project's popularity here for a few months longer than necessary.
Best moment: inviting all of Sputnik to his babyshower
2.5/5 cause life is short, but shame on all of you who aren't him by comparison | | 21 |  | Tentenko
Hibiya Koen
JohnnyoftheWell
What if a troll gets Staff powers. Truly the otaku Donald Trump nobody needed and nobody deserved. But in all honesty, Johnny is an unthinkable constant of Sputnik culture, unavoidable and let to roam free, wreaking havoc. He's fun to observe, interact with, and actively agitate. The last part mostly due to his ability to agitate you back or at least let his anger out on some unsuspecting schmuck out of spite. Fun stuff, even if not always funny.
Worst 5: Don't pretend like Kayo Dot is really a 5 for you. You've made it your career to shit on better things for lolz.
Best 1: The same, but in reverse, for Ashnikko. If everyone else was against it, you would have praised the living shit out of it.
Best review: Johnny is going for Sowing's throne with his reviewing pace and quality. I remember his Tentenko series as a madman's errand that could have easily attracted no sane person's attention. Yet he committed to it.
Best moment: exploding into glitter when in danger
5/0 | | 22 |  | Sleater-Kinney
Call the Doctor
Pheromone
Rarely does a user earn their name as much as Phee. Always sure to light up a long-lasting dialogue, even if it's a thread about the colour mint green. I believe he can brighten up even that. His online presence is basically this guy: https://tinyurl.com/PheeSput Pretty much a puppy chasing imaginary sticks turned human.
Worst 5: Just a brief collection of truly 5-worthy 5s. Except for Brand New. You ditch that scummy schlack for casual snobs and we're cool. Funnily enough, everyone who has Brand New at 5 know that it's their worst 5.
Best 1: John Cage's 4'33 again? You literally didn't have to listen to it. Show me a more pointless 1, I'll wait.
Best review: I keep getting surprised by how few reviews it takes to make one a Contrib, but that Call the Doctor spotlight review was a necessary wordy retrospective and I thank you for that.
Best moment: living in my dreams rent-free, the free-loading bastard.
4.6/5 for the fluffy boi | | 23 |  | Linda Perhacs
Parallelograms
bgillesp
Scholar of that prog guy you've heard isn't uncool, but never actually bothered to listen. I'm getting tired of comparing people I like to puppies and kittens, but this is one fluffy boi. I just wanna cuddle him up like a cartoon pet. Hoo's a kwute lil boi? owuwuwuwu
Worst 5: dude ily but what is this list. Are you 13? Actually, you might as well be. I'm taking that ily back, for legality's sake. Let's say Korn and be done with it. (tho that Exquirla holy shit, what a deep cut, did not expect to see it here)
Best 1: Mostly a display of usual suspects, nothing quite surprising. Sachiko M is my choice, because my tinnitus and neurodivergent hearing tells me it's actually an orchestral masterpiece.
Best review: Gill has to be really passionate about something to review it, that's why it's always 4+ revs (and that one outlier, but whatevs). Granting Linda Perhacs her only review (!) is a noble thing.
Best moment: ( )
4.4/5 | | 24 |  | Young Lions
Blue Isla
SteakByrnes
Apparently, the most popular user of this antique website, though you wouldn't know it from anybody's direct praise. User named after what actor Gabriel Byrne names his every dinner before muching on it like he's still on Vikings.
Worst 5: A Fever You Can't Sweat Out is your Panic 5, sir. Not cool
Best 1: memecore ratings without any real personal original opinions. Maybe Twenty One Pilots, because at least from a general public's view it sticks out from the rest.
Best review: Call the police, this scallywag only has one review and is on a first-name basis with the mods?
Best moment: most of these "best moments" are made up, but credit where it's due, SteakByrnes won Sput Madness and that's something*
5/5 apparently
*read in a confusedly indifferent intonation | | 25 |  | Impossible Nothing
Phonemenomicon
GhandhiLion
Wait, this isn't Pitchfork's editorial press officer? I'm shocked. One of the most hard-to-please users on the site, who also claims that 2.5 is a high praise. As long as you rec him Brooklyncore 1960s microtonal ambient post-avant-garde fartwave IBM computer-composed music that he's already heard (supposedly), you'll be fine.
Worst 5: Honestly though, this is some cool ass list. Husker Du, just cause y'all need to get your taste in rowdy music right.
Best 1: the day people stop hating on Sachiko M is the day people forget about Sachiko M.
Best review: He wrote two. Both for some... uhm... things. Both as sharp as a fart's residue. Eeny miny Impossible Nothing.
Best moment: Giving actual Ghandhi some 2.5/5
metropolitan barista/5 | | 26 |  | Ornette Coleman
Science Fiction
AnimalsAsSummit
Professional musicians, even if he says so himself. His main site presence is promoting his music, gaining the marginal traction his Bandcamp needs to pretend it's an actual full-time project. This is some musical popularity Ponzi scheme on the smallest scale possible, I sense, but I cannot fathom how does anyone profit or lose anything. So sure, give the guy's page a visit, it ain't some basement rap sessions.
Worst 5: the guy's got Animals as Leades and Scale the Summit in his name. whatdya think it's gonna be here: AaL's shapeless wankery, of course.
Best 1: oof a lot to choose from. Other than our greatest musicians ever 100gecs, it's also Danny Brown or at least a dozen very self-aware musicians and some one'd expect AAS to enjoy. Feels odd that you hate Volhnn, considering it isn't very far off your own productions.
Best review: he can take criticism and can give it too. sorta. his reviews are all 5s.
Best moment: claiming his profile was also all DIY
3.2/5 | | 27 |  | Phantom
The Epilogue to Sanity
indiephantom
Literally not Sowing? But who else has this much surveillance access and interest in the community? Like Jom ever leaves comforts of Meds Thread except for casual bodega visits. I don't know who you are, but your love for the known prick Colton is unsettling. Does Colton even know you exist?
Best whatever: Literally his whole existence (within the confounds of this moniker, he might as well be a gloomy git otherwise, whatdoiknow).
review/5 | | 28 |  | Cassandra Jenkins
An Overview on Phenomenal Nature
HelloJoe / JustJoe.
I feel like I literally just found out you exist and suddenly you are everywhere. You're not JustJoe. percahnce? Nah, that guy's a true phantom. He graces us with his visit when he deems necessary. Hasn't been around lately. So while we wait, here's a bootleg Joe. A fine specimen, albeit a redundant one. You do the Joe substitute job well enough. Now where's JustJoe.?
Best moment: Defeating their evil child UnjustJoe. in a magic duel.
3/5 + 5/5 (HelloJoe will insist he's the latter) | | 29 |  | Budgie
Budgie
budgie
Means something to someone.
3.9/5 | | 30 |  | Radiohead
Kid A
pizzamachine
This user is a bald-faced liar. Not only is he not an actual pizza machine, he has led many a poor soul to believe there actually is a machine for pizzas. There are only ovens. And I blame you. Can be regularly seen by the water cooler in a state of stasis, leaving the water pouring needlessly. Calls users he likes his "special little boys".
Worst 5: this whole list is a testament to mediocrity. ugh
Best 1: what's wrong with you? literally show me the difference between your 5s and your 1s lists. but that Wu Lyf at 1.5 is also worthy of a disciplinary slap on the ass.
Best review: i'm not reading 200+ metalcore and video game nerd reviews. Your Kid A review is hilarious for all the wrong reasons and shows why you're still just a User with this many reviews.
Best moment: announcing the existence of a self-sustainable pizza machine before it actually being released, then trying his hardest to invent one, ultimately failing and disappointing millions.
no pizza for you/5 | | 31 |  | Jean-Michel Jarre
Oxygene
CaptainPlasma
New guy. Call him turkey! Let's join a cult. You will either deeply regret your joining this site, or enjoy it thoroughly to a point of regret. Anyway, your review proper is pending. Welcome home, young sojourner.
Worst 5: as an assortment of mostly run-of-the-mill "i play video games too" characters, your unironic Mudvayne enjoyment is admirable, but gets the obligatory boot.
Best 1: no 1s, pump those numbers
Best review: no reviews for you
Best moment: finding the Sputnik G-spot: the sound-off bump button
too young, not ripe enough/5 | | 32 |  | Coheed and Cambria
From Fear Through the Eyes of Madness
Storm In A Teacup
It's so cute that your av is a picture with your nephew. So cute. Such a nice guy. Storm comes here to haunt from the Sputnik's days of yore. An old-timey user maintaining the lawlessness of those days. Can frequently be found in a basement show or raving about developing Sputnik's own virtual universe.
Worst 5: you're a fine lass, but pretending Deftones have even a noteworthy output past the 90s is laughable, especially with that sonic diarrhoea of an album, Ohms.
Best 1: y u gotta do my Deathy Grippies dirty like that?
Best review: the infrequency of Storm's writing antics leaves him at double the amount of reviews of most contributors, but still a user. His 5 rev of Coheed's IV made me reconsider my dislike of the band.
Best moment: successfully hoarding most of this site's windbreakers and tea packets in his personal storage until anti-monopoly authorities had to get involved
4/5 | | 33 |  | Nouns
While of Unsound Mind
SlothcoreSam
"There's a failed lawyer haunting teen-punk shows" but in a cool way. Sam is actually like 40, did you know that? You wouldn't be able to tell from his taste, profoundly emo and pop-punk. He's basically Exclaim! Magazine in Aussie countryside setting. Just a lovable goof out here being all lovable n shit. I dare you to find me a person who dislikes Sam.
Worst 5: Sam's 5s suffer the syndrome of lack of surprise, It's a who's who of usual suspects, provided you suspect usually punk and 20th century ragers mixed in with some 21st century underdogs. Sam tends to overrate new releases, so I can't tell which of his premature 5s will last. Drop Jonsi
Best 1: no alarms no surprises. I guess ABBA, cause c'mon
Best review: Sam tried his wits at reviewing only twice so far, but already shows a good promise. Keep on pumping, you'll get there champ. Putting Nouns on the spot is your ticket to good graces with half the people here.
Best moment: in comments
they're good users, Brent/5 | | 34 |  | Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart
Requiem in D minor, K. 626
Egarran
He has more than one egg in his basket. His personality is eggsactly as his name suggests. If he were an activity, it's be Easter egg hunt. Is a frequent eggsagerator of support for his fellow users. He's not much of a thread poster or participant of your typical Sputnik activities, but he frequently partakes in Sput lore eggspansion.
Worst 5: He likes his Bleh metal loud and atmospheric. He also likes Bill Hicks. And somewhere in between, he likes Mozart. Don't pretend, buddy, it doesn't suit you.
Best 1: Being an obnoxiously positive person as he is, there are no 1s. I ain't even mad. More optimism like that will do this world good.
Best review: Egarran never wrote a single review in his life. None at all. Nope, no reviews ever. He has decided to dwell on his writing, sending it privately to copywriters and proofreaders, before he can write a cohesive, proper, full-length review. So far none hath been written.
Best moment: working at a farm, doing egg runs
3.8/5 | | 35 |  | Six Finger Satellite
Severe Exposure
Mort.
The Loki of the site, as in he's a trickster and died about a dozen times already (username checks out). Inexplicably adored by almost every user he's ever interacted with, ultimately confusing all other users, who only know him from hearsay.
Worst 5: Other than Shiner, Mort. is a connoisseur of all other overly bassy mud-rock like Duster or . The madman has TWO Dance Gavin Dance albums 5d. An easy target to pick on, but for a good reason.
Best 1: Funny you should have Tones and I at 1, when it's only a few breakdowns away from being Dance Gavin Dance (breakdowns both musical and emotional).
Best review: I am torn between two reviews, for which I am grateful. Couch Slut's My Life As a Woman and Six Finger Satellite's Severe Exposure.
Best moment: promoting a band called Shiner, faking reviews and gig history to make appearance that the band actually exists, then going back in time to create them, so that his promotional schemes work out.
3.4/5 | | 36 |  | The Antlers
Undersea
Deathconscious
Once a prominent dominant member of the site, until being a full-time copypasta archivist overtook most his priorities. Now passed on to his apprentice, whatshisname. If metalheads and gloom-doomers ever needed a hero, he's not the one, but he's here to say with all his Emma Ruth Rundle and Neurosis bullshit (or any [insert doom-ish metal band here] really).
Worst 5: it was going to be Rundle, until The Antlers and their eternal bloated sadness appeared. They are the curse that caused Rundle-bundles in the first place, so they get the spot.
Best 1: For the most part it's the attempt to make your friends in ageing metal like you, therefore That's the Spirit
Best review: reviews?
Best moment: Being clinically unconscious for an hour, only to come back an enlightened man, claiming he has seen eternity and was utterly bored, therefore he no longer wishes to listen to profoundly boring music, dumping all his sad-girl-with-a-guitar and echo-mic set-up.
3.6/5 | | 37 |  | SVMMERCAMP
Sequoia
tyman128
Because tyman123 through 127 were taken by now-absentees. Ty is just happy to be around, and who can blame him. He's that kid your mum makes you hang out with, but you end up finding a lot in common, until he becomes involved with an MLM later in life. When asked about what kind of music he likes, his response is frantic mimicry and making sounds like "wawawaw, hrrr, bambam, bdrzh, boom, kablaam".
Worst 5: Being a Manchester Orchestra apologist as he is, he should have seen this coming. A Dreadful Mile to the Surface it is.
Best 1: Having recently exited his own real-life Hello Kitty Suicide Club made him detest the idea all the more.
Best review: Ty is an up-and-comer, really trying his bestest out here, getting all the more prominent. His Conmaniac Svmmercamp revs are really sweet.
Best moment: Exacting revenge on all 7 evil tymans to earn the beautiful spot of tyman123, only to become well known as 128, realising that those who love you will do so even if you're 8.
128/5 | | 38 |  | Sea Dweller
Love Is Coming
sixdegrees
My brother from another techno mother. When we're all conquered by robots, this is the robot-to-human translator in chief they will use. His staff will include LordePots, Relinquished, Ryus, and myself hopefully. wink wink
Worst 5: Despite enjoying the weirder things in life, six's 5s are a brief run through some more classic outsider music, as well as a few unexpected pretendees. I would've gone with Burzum, because fuck all nazis, but at the same time Bladee is the sound of creative impotence masquerading as experimentation
Best 1: Oh no, six! Somebody hacked your account and gave half of your 5s a 1.
Best review: Six is almost, but not quite there with writing and it's a shame he stopped so many years ago. This could've been something. I guess Sea Dweller was a little better focused, but still, you can sharpen your writing, I believe it.
Best moment: Being called out for wearing a coat in 15 degrees, being unable to actually withstand the 6 degrees of cold. smh
6/15 | | 39 |  | The Gerogerigegege
Yellow Trash Bazooka
MiloRuggles
Hahaa! You've all been duped, my dudes. I'm not actually a casual user. This has been another episode of the "Undercover Professional". My name is not MiloRuggles, but Miloslaw Archibald Rugallini. I am a professional reviewer and a musicology professor at Cambridge University. For over 10 years now I have been infiltrating lowly amateur websites, showing them what real reviewing looks like. Thank you for sticking around and tune in every Wednesday at 5pm to watch yourself be duped like fools, yo!
Worst 5: Def the Deftones alb. Cleanse yourself, good sir.
Best 1: Nothing screams "struggling with irony" like giving Gerogerigegege 0.5
Best review: you go choose, for fuck's sake. Hey Milo, when's that book of yours coming out?
Best moment: during the dramatic reveal of his identity, unmasking too hard, accidentally ripping his own skin off, still charming the hell out of everyone present, the silver-tongued devil
we don't deserve you/5 | | 40 |  | Sea Oleena
Weaving A Basket
JesperL
A personality like those creepily eye-enhanced Youtube thumbnails, overreacting to things (wink wink). This Doctor of Lust and Sex has penetrated Sputnik to spread his creative offspring. He is a prolific writer with a good sense of wit, too often provoked by the likes of JohnnyoftheUnwell and coerced into penning memes or godforsaken texts for the amusement of a very few. Poor fella. Go get em, boi.
Worst 5: Feels like I've scolded you for this before, but that American Idiot 5 is a must-go.
Best 1: Jesper savours his creativity for other endeavours, so his 1 list is a blunt and unsurprising batch of nothing new and nothing remarkable. If anything, it signals a dedication to objectivity.
Best review: Like I said, a prolific writer. And it's not even his final form. His dunk of Manchester Orchestra is hilarious, but him defending and promoting things like Sea Oleena and Iress in this economy is quite remarkable.
Best moment: Quitting making porn for writing porn.
4.4/5 | | 41 |  | Annea Lockwood and Maze
Bayou-Borne / Jitterbug
CottonSalad
Exuse me, did you not get the memo? This is a music website. Where are the ratings? Where are the reviews? Your av is what I looked like looking at your disturbingly lacking profile. What are you here for, to socialise and make friends? Moreover, Cotton - Salad is a horrifying thought. I disapprove of your gusto, my friend. Change your ways and find the light of the way of Jesus Christ or something.
Worst 5: (≖_≖ )
Best 1: (≖_≖ )
Best review: (≖_≖ )
Best moment: The lists tho. Them thick-ass lists. Those are quality
2.5/5 (ง︡'-'︠)ง | | 42 |  | Drowse
Light Mirror
butt.
Lookieloo, almost 3000 ratings, a few reviews, bunch of lists about this'n'that and death metal and top 10 ways to sit on the toilet or sth. Now that is what I call a dilligent, law-abiding citizen of Sputnikmusic (CottonSalad and the like, take note). Anyway, this user ... now wait a moment... your last list was in 2019... as was your last review... within the year or two of your joining. And then radio silence? Are you denizens that lazy these days? Pump those numbers, get to it, im-friggin-mediately!
Worst 5: probably a casual big-boy emo enjoyer, so the whole list might as well be in this spot, but let's go for The Hotelier, as the rest screams "I am actually 30 and don't know what to do"
Best 1: there's just the one and it's the most misunderstood album of our time. smh
Best review: yeah, it's Drowse. like heck oh yeah, more like this, please
Best moment: battling his cousins dick. and tits. to a fight, killing both, becoming the Congenital Genital General of Sput
3/5 | | 43 |  | The Lion's Daughter
Skin Show
Uzumaki
This user is the kind of person who invites you to a movie night, only to play Seinfeld reruns, giggling even when nothing is happening. Can be usually heard talking shit about straight lines and right angles. Recently got a large round box for his ceramics shop, I wonder what he's up to...
Worst 5: You're spiralling out of control! (get it? spiralling, Uzumaki. me has smarts) I ain't going through that whole pile. Animals As Leaders, the wonky noodle bar of pretentiousness caught my eye the first, so it's them.
Best 1: I'd've said Corey Feldman, for the memes, but The Lion's Daughter certainly does not deserve to be in the same pile as Etienne "I dye my skin dark so I can say the N-word" Sin
Best review: zero revs, nothing twisted to see here (twisted cause Uzumaki, huehuehue)
Best moment: got me all excited once asking for a date only to then revert saying he meant "what date is it today"
3.5/5 | | 44 |  | Converge
Petitioning the Empty Sky
Avagantamos
Here lies Avantgamos. No, Avagnimous. Agronomus. AVGN. Avril whatever. This Greek-ass-named fellow is a specimen unto himself, dedicating his life on Sput to promoting or seeking the slightly less noticed, but still revered artists and styles in the obscurer forms and weirder directions. His interest in the avagt-narmde and hip-hop of yore makes for some cool convos, if you ever happen to be in need for some niche interest focus.
Worst 5: A list of uncontroversial stuff, mainly due to their being quite universally acclaimed in their niche categories, but I guess xanopticon could use the boot.
Best 1: Besides the misunderstood genius of Corey Feldman, this one also has the lazy people's favourite punching bag, Tones and I.
Best review: Got just the one. There's a lot to be expanded upon in writing, but you got the basics right. A little too simplistic, but the spirit is there. That was 9 years ago. More Converge revs when?
Best moment: being an extravagant amos
4/5 | | 45 |  | Mirrorring
Foreign Body
Bedex
Another soundoff king of his own enclave, and by extension both my brother and my sworn enemy. The fucker might have outwritten and outwitten even Sowing and JotW's lovechild. If unrequired but certainly welcome by all means writing was anyone's calling, Bedex has his own Batsign for interesting releases. Try dropping by every once and again for new recs.
Worst 5: This list is like a fresh air after a week underground, but if something must be picked, then make it be the Tonedeafs.
Best 1: I haven't heard either of those tapes, but judging by your descriptions of them, they're right up my alley. But one must be picked, and let that be my minimalist God, Celer.
Best review: so like umm like bruh like umm how bout u fuckin write more, ay? this is some quality penning
Best moment: Burying the hatchet with his brother dedex to fight their father exex.
quality/5 | | 46 |  | Anthony Green
Would You Still Be In Love
cold
Forever the new kid on the block. The warmth exuded by this user is unbecoming of such username. How dare you? Be distant and mean or else I am afraid we'll have to revoke your cold rights. Cold can be often seen helping out burn victims, gradually annoying them with his overobsession with mellow core music. If encountered at a library, cold will most likely use the public computers to look at video memes on youtube, set to loud volume, laughing hysterically.
Worst 5: if whiny hardcore was a list. Pity Sex is a pity rate and you know it.
Best 1: only got Dance Gavin Dance at a 1 and there has rarely been a more apt 1 list. congrats, you've won.
Best review: got that one Anthony Green album. it's a bit clunky, but you got the gist right. maybe you could hone your stylings and structure a little better and you'll get there, bud.
Best moment: beating the New Kids on the Block with a cinderblock to assert dominance. (user bloc always feels nervous around cold)
3.6/5 | | 47 |  | New Order
Technique
bloc
He always welcomes the motherfuckers. But this motherfucker is a scourge of Sputnik purists. No ratings, no reviews, very few lists, joined in 2008. You mean to tell me you come here to just... hang out? Is everything okay? Did Reddit ban you or something? Your seniority gives you no right to simply disregard the rules or engagement here. For shame.
Worst 5: no ratings, so no clue. but I do know he likes New Order's Technique, cause one of his lists of faves had it
Best 1: bloc is the essence of a 'best 1' xoxo
Best review: the time he reviewed the world and concluded that Sput was better.
Best moment: revealing his face and turns out he's a Roblox character
probably named Greg or Jerry/5 | | 48 |  | Tuxedomoon
Desire
Cimnele
This user has the makings of a classic presence, but is often bogged down by that pesky real life that so many of us true Sputnik believers have long left behind. You could use to write more, silly willy, you already soundoff'd half your ratings. Been around since 2012, has a few lists and only 2000 comments, but you still know him tho
Worst 5: a collection of admirable picks, many so generally 'g o o d' that i cannot single them out as the worst, but perhaps Kayo Dot is a artsy normie pick, if anything.
Best 1: some of these things you dunk on just for dunking's sake. you didn't really hate Ibaraki, you're just being contrarian.
Best review: hey you're better than you give yourself credit, just sort out issues of content and phrasing, but that can be done by mere revision. the Tuxedomoon rev is certainly a necessary addition to Sput reviewing collection.
Best moment: claiming dominion over all chimneys, accidentally invading the nation of Hungary for their ugly cakes
3.7/5 | | 49 |  | Kaonashi
Dear Lemon House, You Ruined Me: Senior Year
Purpl3Spartan
Nothing says more about a person than having both Beethoven and several different SpongeBob Soundtrack albums as their favourites. Sparta is relatively new here, but his ubiquitous presence makes you think he was here since forever. A little difficult to pinpoint his stance in things, as his personality blends in. Maybe that is why I just assumed he was here forever, cause he fits wherever he goes and you take him for granted. Averaging 7 comments a day, he might as well be the most consistently average-traffic-generating user.
Worst 5: oof, Spongebobcore is a joke, stop joking, this is a serious website.
Best 1: a show of mostly obvious 1s, but La Roux sticks out like a sore thumb.
Best review: the two reviews are a little thin, but they get the point across. props for the Kaonashi rev
Best moment: travelling back in time, infecting the actual Sparta with emo xoxo uwu
B tier/5 | | 50 |  | The Callous Daoboys
Celebrity Therapist
MarsKid
LIES ALERT! Not actually from Mars. Matter of fact, a very grounded, down-to-earth, this-worldly type. Mitch has found his hideout between lurking and selling his soul to Sput (as we know, there is no middle there). A constant presence, yet a rare sighting. Has spent the good chunk of his tenure (za)prudely plugging some run-of-the-mill core band. Creates fun and engagingly interactive environment in his comment sections.
Worst 5: all that mediocre breakdowncore. you're better than this, Mitch. or are you? Perfesone is a bloated theatre kid's drug nightmare and you know it
Best 1: another poor soul dunking on the Gecs.
Best review: the Daoboys rev might have been the reason they bumped you to Staff, and the potential of writing like that is why you got the Contrib to begin with.
Best moment: making salacious comments about Venus
spicy telescope pics/5 | | 51 |  | Mike Oldfield
Tubular Bells II
PumpOffBag
This user is...wait... hold on. No. It can't be. Your name is not pumpOFFbag, but pumpBOFFbag? Is this a typo? Are you sure this is the direction you wish your life to take? Well, Boff's taste tenet is "how close to a bop is this without actually being a bop" (or a boff, as he calls it, probably). In his reviews he often sacrifices his sanity for our amusement. Like you didn't have to smash those pumpikns or go through Yachty, but you chose to anyway. Admirable.
Worst 5: an admirable display of usual suspects, had Burzum not found its way there
Best 1: 1'ing Lulu proves your interest in the weirds is only fleeting and peripheral
Best review: Tubular Bells II rehabilitation is a welcome feat. the iconic hilarious neg reviews are a must-read, but i am trying to award posititivy here
Best moment: i swear i remembered a good moment, but that Off/Boff debacle threw me boff, now i can't recall
3/5 will increase with name change | | 52 |  | Ramleh
Hole in the Heart
DadKungFu
A name more literal than you may realise, for he has actually defeated many a dad in kung fu to become the chapmion 'Daddest Kung Fu-er to Ever Dad'. Currently residing in a trailer en route to Isle of Dogs in London, cause the silly willy thought there'd be a dog for every visitor. Can be seen patrolling the weirdo threads, bumping cool underground essential releases.
Worst 5: i wish my dad had your taste, but the daddyness of it all does seep through sometimes, The Clash gets the boot
Best 1: again, the dad in him speaks here. i bet you clutch your fists like a grandpa at Poppy
Best review: his dives into essentials of odd music are essentials unto themselves. for highlighting Ramleh and a plethora of other great noisy and experiemtnal record, you have my grand admiration.
Best moment: being so tired once that he played Pedestrian Deposit instead of Peppa the Pig to his kids
*raw wall of screech* (in a good way)/5 | | 53 |  | Stereolab
Margerine Eclipse
BitterJalapenoJr
A sweet one and quite mature, actually. One of the quickest Contrib gains in Sput history (ig idk really) and for a good reason. His writing is concise, to-the-point, but doesn't sacrifice structure or coherence. They are more like a fast informative rundown. Can often be seen frequenting the threads an inch to the left field from generally-known. Smile-inducer (sometimes slime)
Worst 5: ya'll need to outgrow Green Day, finally.
Best 1: truly choice selection of 1's. only four, but they just reek of a particularly detailed opinion hiding behind. sadly, Jala does not sound off, so we may never know. as of now, i suppose the Killers' album had some hits on it.
Best review: the issue with overarching consistency is that it makes evaluation difficult. i suppose filling in the important Stereolab review gaps was a great service to the site.
Best moment: eating a jalapeno, crying intensely, proving he is no Jalapeno boy after all *shaking head in disapproval*
good user/5 | | 54 |  | Skillet
Dominion: Day of Destiny (Deluxe Edition)
Minortimbo12
New-ish user. Ditched being nice a few hours in, now resigned to occasional semi-sincerity and benign trolls for those too timid for Baseline's savagery. Can often be spotted at joke-writing classes and free-entry roast battles for inspiration. Roams fast food drive-thrus with exorbitant orders 10 minutes before close time. Considers himself "scholar of life and cheese crackers".
Worst 5: halfway to Boomerville, Minor's choices are as bland as a the stuff playing at used car dealerships. Theocracy is goofy theatrics incarnate and not in a good way.
Best 1: 0.5 to Imagingons is absolutely correct, but that 1s list is a few inches away from your 5s list, buddy. Careful there, lest you confuse the two at some point. Olivia, I suppose.
Best review: jokes aside, a surprisingly observant writer, albeit amateur, lazy with lots to learn. Skillet review almost made me consider listening, so kudos
Best moment: at least 2 of his 100 troll lists were funny
2.5/5 take it or leave it | | 55 |  | Steve Reich
Different Trains/Electric Counterpoint
robertsona
He had Staff written all over him even before becoming Staff. Sophisticated, averse to smile and ease, highly professional, and one of the few staffers who are actually believable with their decimal ratings. Likes soup.
Worst 5: probably Musgraves and her signature lack of personality is a hype so temporary, I doubt most of her 5ers even remember they've 5d the album.
Best 1: Sona chasing hate-trends is not sth I expected to see, but the insincerity of BCNR 1s are a sad lil stain on his otherwise lovely personality.
Best review: his occasional check-ins for the off-kilter records are always welcome among the onslaght of otherwise new releases and expected indie classics. I remember reading several of the Steve Reich revs independently, only later realising they were all penned by Sona.
Best moment: literally organising a festival, inviting all his most hated artists, giving out free tickets to all his mortal enemies, setting the venue on fire, collecting insurance
Staff/5 | | 56 |  | Code Orange
Underneath
DavidYowi
A Bowie pun as the user name is always whale cum. You find me a metal propagator with personality more alike a plushie in a a blankie with hot cocoa on a snowy winter evening. Look at this adorable lil thing, in fluffy slippers, listening to songs about desecration and decay and whatnot. Yowi probably dressed up in corpse paint for Halloween only for their grandma to go "aww who's a cute medieval ghost", "meeee uwu" replied Yowi.
Worst 5: I think, as a humanity, we can all move on from Green Day, drop it, ew.
Best 1: look at all those trendy hates. ADtR was not as bad, and folks piling up on Tones and I is certainly unfair.
Best review: defending Code Orange so wordily in front of all these ghouls takes courage. Kudos.
Best moment: summoning mildly off textures on random surfaces to mildly inconvenience enemies. "Why is my t-shit valvet on the inside?" *cue Yowi laughing* in the background
wintertime cocoa/5 | | 57 |  | The Jezabels
Prisoner
Butkuiss
The username that is subtly giving me a headache and maybe typhoid fever idk. Butkuiss is a few inches away from introducing that Storytime Youtube era to Sput. A quick looksie through the threads reveals affinity for drama, both personal and site-wide. Prepare to get insight into somebody's life and a slight shaming for not having listened to a few underground records.
Worst 5: I am yet to find out why C R Jepsen is the world's chosen pop queen and seeing her on another 5s list just deepens my confusion.
Best 1: huh, not a lot of offenders tbh. Lulu at best, but it's forgivable. good 1s list yo
Best review: a very infrequent reviewer, Butkuiss waited full 10 years before having feelings so strong that he had to publish a review... a 3.0 review. 10 years of build-up for a splash of easy meh. But that Jezabels review was dope.
Best moment: compiling a complicated list of reasons why a niche dub substyle is directly influencing modern metalcore, then having his dog eat it
?/! | | 58 |  | Hello Kitty Suicide Club
^_^
Dedes
Not to be consused with dedex. Dedes has been steadily writing obscure and bloaty metal reviews for some 8 years now, wow. And still has not made Contributor, what's up with that? This user is the epitome of a person for unwinding. If all the drama and the trolling gets overwhelming, you need a Dedes to ground you and help you relax, maybe he'll even rec a bloated (death)metal(core) album tailor fit for you.
Worst 5: pick one Counterparts album, they can't all be 5s. otherwise it's a pretty consistent list of inoffensive metal picks.
Best 1: Dedes certainly jumped on that Liturgy hate-train and it's as funny to see now as it was initially
Best review: Dedes is a consistently brief writer, all texts strict to the point and easily digestible. but that HKSC shortie is among the sput memes now.
Best moment: running through the whole alphabet of Dede-folk, murdering all of them, hoping to finally reach the x. But dedex is prepared for you, fiend, just you come.
3.6/5 | |
someone
04.11.22 | how bout that | Koris
04.11.22 | Sure, I’m down | ArsMoriendi
04.11.22 | uh oh, oh wait it's a someone list, I'm in | AsleepInTheBack
04.11.22 | I sense a spicy list within our midst | Demon of the Fall
04.11.22 | bookmarked | dedex
04.11.22 | ow yes | Pangea
04.11.22 | good content. review me | Kompys2000
04.11.22 | You better give yourself that phat 5/5 boo ;) | someone
04.11.22 | against my journalistic integrity to review myself | neekafat
04.11.22 | hewwo :3 | kkarron
04.11.22 | I'm this close to making a "REVIEW LISTS REVIEWED" list. Once I'm involved in this one of course. | Sinternet
04.11.22 | slaughter me | JesperL
04.11.22 | this is excellent (do me daddy), very stoked for this sput arc where everything except for music gets reviewed lfg | Sowing
04.11.22 | Mods do not ask to be reviewed. They just stare at you until you decide to do the right thing. | Pangea
04.11.22 | who goes to sputnikmusic.com to talk about music anyway | Gnocchi
04.11.22 | Do the right thing | Ryus
04.11.22 | me | someone
04.11.22 | updates | CottonSalad
04.11.22 | I’m ready to be different | dedex
04.11.22 | bae me | LeddSledd
04.11.22 | big big chungus
big chungus
big chungus | DavidYowi
04.11.22 | I’m down. Damn everyone is roasting each other. | Pangea
04.11.22 | It's a cockatiel training album! can't find audio from it, but the fact it exists warrants a 5
also st anger is potentially the worst from the 3 tbh
https://www.discogs.com/release/1664015-Unknown-Artist-The-Complete-Cockatiel-Training-Album | dedex
04.11.22 | babe you're too nice | Sowing
04.11.22 | Very accurate review for me, thank you | tectactoe
04.11.22 | Sign me up, i love being judged | pizzamachine
04.11.22 | Bro’s out here reviewing bots | Demon of the Fall
04.11.22 | list is far too friendly so far, I'm hungry for succulent roasts | SlothcoreSam
04.11.22 | I got someone here | anat
04.11.22 | please review me someone | tyman128
04.11.22 | destroy me | indiephantom
04.11.22 | “im not indiephantom”
if only | Avagantamos
04.11.22 | my ego is on a warpath rn, put me back in my place | HelloJoe
04.11.22 | Justice for Colton. His work is misunderstood. | someone
04.11.22 | i wish i could roast everyone, but i have a desperate need to be liked | fogza
04.11.22 | lol someone has let the tiger out the cage, can he hold onto the tail? stay tuned | ReturnToRock
04.11.22 | Dunk on me, bro. | Deathconscious
04.11.22 | TheAnalyzer | someone
04.11.22 | updates | bgillesp
04.11.22 | Do me ahrd | Ryus
04.11.22 | i have been skipped :O | CottonSalad
04.11.22 | don't do us like that someone - we need all ur time and attention to make this worth it | someone
04.11.22 | jesus you children, just wait a second | CottonSalad
04.11.22 | no u | Cimnele
04.11.22 | think i am too indistinct to be reviewed. no energy to post | JohnnyoftheWell
04.11.22 | Oh fuck no yes fuck | SteakByrnes
04.11.22 | do me do me | GhandhiLion
04.11.22 | "His greatest contribution was showing many lurkers that you actually can have a space between words in your name."
lol | Colton
04.11.22 | how am I a a prick :( that's not very nice | Avagantamos
04.11.22 | I heard that sean booth and bobby brown are young thug stans too | Gyromania
04.11.22 | Go for it | Zac124
04.11.22 | Go ahead and destroy me. | someone
04.11.22 | who are you? | Bedex
04.11.22 | dede should be staff [2] those 0.1 increments are necessary for the rat ings to fit the soundoffs people | deathschool
04.11.22 | 🔒 | cold
04.11.22 | .5/5 | deathschool
04.11.22 | What I really meant to saauyuuyyyy | Mort.
04.11.22 | sputnik ive been harsh to you | Demon of the Fall
04.11.22 | do I like cock or not, I’m confused?
unclear roast, but I’ll take it as I was wanting to see one after all | someone
04.11.22 | do you repent your sins and become Vivant.? | Snake.
04.11.22 | i think all users who have not been featured on guess that sputniker should be priority #1
aka pls analyze me and feed my ego | someone
04.11.22 | wouldn't call you a Demon of the Fall, as much as you are a Mild Fiend of a Gentle Slide | Storm In A Teacup
04.11.22 | Lmao | indiephantom
04.11.22 | "i think all users who have not been featured on guess that sputniker should be priority #1
aka pls analyze me and feed my ego"
your time will come... maybe | Storm In A Teacup
04.11.22 | Demon was ready to have me commited a couple hours ago cuz he reads comments out of order. | Demon of the Fall
04.11.22 | you’re gonna need to comment again for me to understand what you’re on about teacup
obviously unrelated to the above but where do I go for a name change? Lol | Sinternet
04.11.22 | is this where i go to get my name changed | someone
04.11.22 | for those who want to know where to go to get their name changed, i just made some updates | Drifter
04.11.22 | me | Storm In A Teacup
04.11.22 | Lmao | AnimalsAsSummit
04.11.22 | Always kind of saw CaptainDooRight as the sites main dude | Storm In A Teacup
04.11.22 | Why would you do that lmao | someone
04.11.22 | well he does give off the most "dude" energy | neekafat
04.11.22 | i've been skipped :c | someone
04.11.22 | many have. i'm only one person who's drunk and at work. so cut me twice the amount of slack | LeddSledd
04.11.22 | skip all of us and only review users that didn't asked to be reviewed | tectactoe
04.11.22 | Not sure if i've been skipped or if someone is just arbitrarily picking users | SteakByrnes
04.11.22 | he is spinning a wheel | Colton
04.11.22 | gene why am I a prick. I need examples. screenshots. receipts | Avagantamos
04.11.22 | https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=To-YI0rjoIk | someone
04.11.22 | how about last night Colton? you want everyone to know or only someone to know?
i'm keeping your choker too btw | someone
04.11.22 | i'm publishing once i'm satisfied with the write-up. don't get emotional, it's just a matter of readiness | Kompys2000
04.11.22 | You can't rush genius | deathschool
04.11.22 | I’m so emotional rn | Colton
04.11.22 | i want everyone to know | Storm In A Teacup
04.11.22 | I dont want to know. Please censor for all storms to not see. | SteakByrnes
04.11.22 | you can tell me | AnimalsAsSummit
04.11.22 | Used to see Caps posts all the time. At one point was one of the most active people for sure. | bloc
04.11.22 | 12 is too damn good lol | AsleepInTheBack
04.11.22 | 3.6 ... ill take that ... x
Can confirm that my appointment to staff was incredibly poor judgement (for which I am eternally grateful). | AsleepInTheBack
04.11.22 | 1, 3, 10, 15 and 16 = yes! | SlothcoreSam
04.11.22 | Someone forgot about me. | someone
04.11.22 | no i haven't | someone
04.11.22 | to be reviewed:
Kompys2000, neekafat, Sinternet, JesperL, CottonSalad, LeddSledd, DavidYowi, tectactoe, SlothcoreSam, anat, tyman128, indiephantom, Avantgamos, HelloJoe, fogza, ReturnToRock, Deathconscious, bgillesp, Cimnele, JohnnyoftheWell, SteakByrnes, GhandhiLion, Gyromania, Zac124, Bedex, deathschool, cold, Mort. AnimalsAsSummit, bloc | neekafat
04.11.22 | "i'm only one person who's drunk and at work. so cut me twice the amount of slack"
hahahahaha I wish I was drunk here man | Drifter
04.11.22 | not me :( | Dewinged
04.11.22 | Who's your daddy? | Slex
04.11.22 | Roast me i guess | someone
04.11.22 | there's more water in the (Johnnyofthe)Well now | someone
04.11.22 | to be reviewed:
Kompys2000, Sinternet, JesperL, CottonSalad, LeddSledd, DavidYowi, tectactoe, SlothcoreSam, tyman128, indiephantom, Avantgamos, HelloJoe, fogza, ReturnToRock, Deathconscious, bgillesp, Cimnele, JohnnyoftheWell, SteakByrnes, GhandhiLion, Gyromania, Bedex, deathschool, cold, Mort., AnimalsAsSummit, bloc, Drifter, Slex | Koris
04.11.22 | Thanks for the kind words :]
Also, I'm a bit surprised that you singled out the Mariah Carey review. For whatever reason I always forget I wrote that one, lol | Pheromone
04.11.22 | do me czech king | DoofDoof
04.11.22 | Want to see my worst 5 and worst 1 :D | loveisamixtape
04.11.22 | u got ur work cut out for u | madrigal30
04.11.22 | give it a try | SlothcoreSam
04.11.22 | Thanks someone, you're a real Czech-mate | Sinternet
04.11.22 | where do i purchase said anat rings this is very important | Gnocchi
04.11.22 | Am currently not doing taxes but do have a few chilli trees on the go right now. Also proud of the misinformation in my blurb but very okay with it being there. The Tones and I take is low effort. Aside, someone is on fire with these.
Further user suggestions: Hyperion, Evilford, Jac etc | someone
04.11.22 | no idea why i always associated the weekly releases with you | Lord(e)Po)))ts
04.11.22 | I like your review of me almost as much as I like Ariana Grande | neekafat
04.11.22 | "Best review: probably responsible for Glen Hansard's This Wild Willing being actually acclaimed on Sputnik."
thank youuuu < 3 that's actually one of my fave reviews but I wish it did a lil better, I will say that I pushed Sowing into pushing it (: | MiloRuggles
04.11.22 | Hit me bb | Gnocchi
04.11.22 | De-weekly
Herein lies your answer. | Dewinged
04.12.22 | Well if we're talking the weekly blog post, that goes back to Sowing, Willie, Deviant and the unfathomable depths of Sputlore. Gnoctinged are just the last ones steering that ship now (with Sow coming to the rescue when we are both knocked out by life). | someone
04.12.22 | I see I see
Gonna go slumber for a few hours, see ya tomorrow | Sunnyvale
04.12.22 | Sign me up, please! | Colton
04.12.22 | do u guys think i'm a prick | Assemblage
04.12.22 | Well, I guess I eloquently step in line haha. What's my number!? | Pon
04.12.22 | shoot | rockarollacola
04.12.22 | Do me if you have the time and/or energy. | anat
04.12.22 | raise your hand if you want to see my rings | someone
04.12.22 | mememe | Dedes
04.12.22 | I would like to put in a submission sir
Also GOAT users are the core trifecta of steak jay and jeet.
If you jam Erra and repeat their names in a mirror 3 times they'll appear before you in a state of windmilling. | Uzumaki
04.12.22 | @dedes can’t forget calmrose
Someone do me | TheSonomaDude
04.12.22 | years ago someone put me on a list like this and gave me a 4/5. i was so flattered that i printed it out and framed it. | SteakByrnes
04.12.22 | Lmao hell yea Dedes my man | someone
04.12.22 | i'm increasingly getting concerned that i cannot roast people | tyman128
04.12.22 | I'm sure you can | someone
04.12.22 | you dingus, your ... face... is a dingus
there. did i roast ya? | madrigal30
04.12.22 | GOTTEM | tyman128
04.12.22 | "you dingus, your ... face... is a dingus" good lord you didn't have to go that hard on me | CottonSalad
04.12.22 | Everyone on Sput is just so amazing yah | tyman128
04.12.22 | hmmmm... bold assumption | CottonSalad
04.12.22 | someone is deciding, not me | brainmelter
04.13.22 | my turn when | SteakByrnes
04.13.22 | hey | brainmelter
04.13.22 | hey what’s up 5/5 user steak | MetalMarcJK
04.13.22 | Good stuff. Was looking for a Hawks or KILL review, but that’s okay. | JohnnyoftheWell
04.13.22 | Kayo Dot is the only band that isn't a person's name worth 5ing but otherwise I accept this someoneing
Time to bump Ashnikko up to 4.9 territory | tectactoe
04.13.22 | Incredibly based and strangely accurate take. someone is now my new favorite Sput user (sorry robertsona, Dewi, Johnny, Ars, Wines, Demon, et al....) | Demon of the Fall
04.13.22 | ...this implies I was in the top 6 :-)
also implies I WAS 6th (and an undisclosed amount) behind 'that guy' and he sucks, damn it! | dedex
04.13.22 | yeah someone proves to be an astute observer of this godforsaken place. all takes are based and a fact | Scoot
04.13.22 | based | bgillesp
04.13.22 | Aww, shucks. Too bad I’m twice as old as you think I am… Have you checked that Exquirla album? It’s the best thing nobody has ever heard | Mort.
04.13.22 | how many users on sput these days anyway | parksungjoon
04.13.22 | 1 | kevbogz
04.13.22 | "Have you checked that Exquirla album?"
UN HOMMMMMBREEEEEEEEEE | Storm In A Teacup
04.13.22 | More like biased and eh, wack. 😄 | bgillesp
04.14.22 | kevbogz knows!!!! | butt.
04.14.22 | now do me | Dedes
04.14.22 | I'll do u teehee xpppp | butt.
04.14.22 | psych, nobody knows anything about me except that I make love to Immolation | someone
04.14.22 | i do butt every day already | Trifolium
04.14.22 | Wow I did not even see this whYYY!? My phone must hate me.
Review me please someone and show how I could improve in your judgemental-yet-fair eyes. | someone
04.14.22 | the only way you can improve in my eyes is if i wear better glasses | Trifolium
04.14.22 | ✨✨✨✨✨🤩
And your glasses are PERFECT already! | madrigal30
04.14.22 | did dedes just hornypost on sputnikmusic dot com | someone
04.14.22 | madri, if you've ever been to the casual convos threads, you'll find that a good half of it are just hornyposts | Trifolium
04.14.22 | 😏 | CottonSalad
04.14.22 | get a room | CottonSalad
04.14.22 |
...and leave the key under the mat | madrigal30
04.14.22 | at this point cotton we should really collectively pitch in for one room. the smell would be something but it's the only way these jokers will ever be satisfied | CottonSalad
04.14.22 | "the smell would be something but it's the only way these jokers will ever be satisfied"
[2] | Egarran
04.15.22 | I haven't been hornyposting since they bonked me and put me in horny jail /:
Does this improve my staus? I mean do me. Do me hard, daddy. | JohnnyoftheWell
04.15.22 | do mort | Pheromone
04.15.22 | omg someone i love you aw also
do mort | JohnnyoftheWell
04.15.22 | no do mort | CottonSalad
04.15.22 | [2]
no [2] | Trifolium
04.15.22 | Who did that to you Egarran!!? Where can I find them? I have a word or two to say to them 👺 | Egarran
04.15.22 | I've been told snitches get stitches | Mort.
04.15.22 | dont do mort | Sowing
04.15.22 | This is one of my favorite ongoing lists right now. The descriptions are really entertaining. | JohnnyoftheWell
04.15.22 | sowing co-sign for mort plz!! | Dedes
04.15.22 | I want to mort | someone
04.15.22 | aaah there's so many of you
i don't manage at all | HelloJoe
04.15.22 | You'll need to start hiring staff. Haha | someone
04.15.22 | i can pay in smiles and cuddles | Trifolium
04.15.22 | Hey, where can we apply??! Smiles and cuddles! | someone
04.15.22 | submit user reviews not previously reviewed, any amount you choose. your reward will be feature on the general list | Gyromania
04.15.22 | Damn no updates for days | 0GuyMan0
04.15.22 | Hawks review when | CottonSalad
04.19.22 | RIP | Gyromania
04.19.22 | RIP failed list, proving only Johnny can make these kinds of ambitious lists | Koris
04.20.22 | ^ Speak for yourself, I've caught up with everyone on mine ;] | pizzamachine
04.20.22 | The capacity of human intelligence seems to limit the capabilities to expand upon any possible creative aptitudes. Indeed, if one cannot even notice the facets that the ingenuities around him are comprised of, how can he be expected to fashion a beast of his own? This inveterate sense of constraint is a great blow to the veracity of mankind's abilities. It restrains us and holds our minds to the ground below, averting any possibility of rising above ourselves to something greater; something not fathomed by the conventional mind. This concept of seeking to go beyond one's self, known as ?transcendence?, is essentially a gateway to unlocking pieces of ourselves that can lead to some of the most elaborate and significant creations of our world. For many, this quest to transcend and form creations that were once considered unthinkable and overwhelming consumes life. Certainly it is rare to find such people, but when they are found, creative barriers are destroyed. | Mort.
04.20.22 | id forgotten that exists | garas
04.20.22 | I'd be curious about what you think about me, don't be gentle. | Mort.
04.20.22 | garas has that always been your username or did you shorten it? | garas
04.20.22 | Nope, it was always like this. | Pheromone
04.20.22 | garas is amazing and i miss him
5/5
this is my review | Egarran
04.20.22 | I agree with Pheromone's review | Pheromone
04.20.22 | ega counts as peer review and this is now academic fact | Uzumaki
04.20.22 | Damn no updates for days [2] | SteakByrnes
04.20.22 | can't believe I was never reviewed by my good pal someone | AmericanFlagAsh
04.20.22 | This is fucking funny | someone
04.20.22 | felt wordy, might expand later | someone
04.20.22 | to be reviewed:
Kompys2000, Sinternet, JesperL, CottonSalad, LeddSledd, DavidYowi, tyman128, Avantgamos, fogza, ReturnToRock, Deathconscious, Cimnele, Gyromania, Bedex, deathschool, cold, Mort., bloc, Drifter, Slex, DoofDoof, loveisamixtape, madrigal30, MiloRuggles, Sunnyvale, Assemblage, Pon, rockarollacola, Dedes, brainmelter, MetalMarcJK, Hawks, KILL, Scoot, kevbogz, parksungjoon, butt., Egarran, 0GuyMan0, pizzamachine, AmericanFlagAsh
and several that have been suggested still | budgie
04.20.22 | am i nothing to u | Josh D.
04.20.22 | budgie
he is nothing to me
Worst 5: Korn
Best 1: Fiona Apple | Purpl3Spartan
04.20.22 | nice | AnimalsAsSummit
04.20.22 | Thank you! The review for me is perfect | AnimalsAsSummit
04.20.22 | All I’ll say is Volhnn doesn’t sound anything like my music lol but a funny comparison | AnimalsAsSummit
04.20.22 | Volhnn is noise and ambient, I make DnB. Basically polar opposites. I’ve never made anything that is remotely noise music. So I think you could see why I don’t like them, or any noise stuff; it’s the opposite of my taste homie. | Lord(e)Po)))ts
04.20.22 | “ What LordePots secretly wants to be”
You’re right, I do want to be 14 again
In all seriousness tho, although our top genres align and I respect that Ryus sheds light on obscure corners of electronic that this site sorely needs exposure to, me and Ryus have very little overlap in our tastes within those genres. We look for entirely different things, especially in electronic, but in hip-hop too. | someone
04.20.22 | I see
I just know of your similarities cause I got to the two of you when I need some obscure electronic or hip-hop recs. | Lord(e)Po)))ts
04.20.22 | We bicker about superior electronic music format, it’s a terrible impasse and it’s ruined many friendships. He thinks mixtapes with pictures of cans of sprite on them reign supreme while I like full albums that are not memes. | Lord(e)Po)))ts
04.20.22 | Also he makes fun of west coast hip hop while I make fun of south which also puts us at odds and makes us bitter enemies | Lord(e)Po)))ts
04.20.22 | He likes electronic with names like “dj dj wizards of waverly place” and I like shit with names like “lampadamp” | someone
04.20.22 | You should make your own thread where you compare users
To you or each other, doesn't matter | Lord(e)Po)))ts
04.20.22 | Ryus likes blank singles from non existent record labels only found in the dankest corners of discogs marketplace and I like artists that can afford artwork | JohnnyoftheWell
04.20.22 | Hunger games pt.2 when? | Colton
04.20.22 | someone I am more aware of indiephantom's existence based on the three lists they've made in the past month than I'm aware of your existence based on however long you've been on this site as well as the year+ you've been in the discord, even with the weird self serving channel you made and named after yourself and then got owned by normaloctagon when you bitched about it being deleted :) | indiephantom
04.20.22 | colton do you love me | JohnnyoftheWell
04.20.22 | newsflash: someone's an inattentive lil bitch
and i don't mean someone | Colton
04.20.22 | yes, I love all users by default until they violate my three strike rule of unreciprocated digs at me, at which point I am inclined to prove them right and become whatever heinous character they accuse me of being. or if they listen to metalcore | indiephantom
04.20.22 | we’ll see if you keep that same energy when you guys figure out who I am | Lord(e)Po)))ts
04.20.22 | “ lil bitch”
Wasn’t Indies clue for Colton obvious enough as is? | JohnnyoftheWell
04.20.22 | there is no such thing as too obvious in this vanilla riviera
By which I mean holy shit sorry, I am so sorry sorry are your feelings okay shit I'm so sorry yikes sorry I would never say anything like that not in front of a crowd of likeminded ballsacks SORRY | someone
04.20.22 | Col, I've only encountered your presence here in some more contentious situations, as well as from hearsay of other users who have mixed feelings about you. "Being a prick" isn't a diagnosis.
I've mentioned it the second time in the list and on that spit-guessing game, cause you kept asking in the comments.
I'm not very active on Discord. That channel was an idea I kept active for like a month and then bailed and it was right be deleted. I've had some friendly banter with norm about it and that's that.
Grow up. You're cool. I love some of the stuff you do, alright? Don't take things too seriously. Ever. You'll be a more agreeable person for it.
Also, LordePots is much more of a prick than you can ever hope for, but he can take the jab. | someone
04.20.22 | Anyway, back to this ordeal. | Egarran
04.20.22 | I feel you underhype Joe. It seems like maybe you don't *get* Joe? | Lord(e)Po)))ts
04.20.22 | “ likeminded ballsacks”
Wouldn’t being scrotal-brained kind of be a compliment since they are so wrinkly | someone
04.20.22 | Which Joe tho | AnimalsAsSummit
04.20.22 | This just in : AAL first album 2009 voted for best Grammy nominated album ever. Wank you say? Well an awards an award... | Mort.
04.20.22 | ooof budgie | CottonSalad
04.20.22 | Yeah yeah lol lol I got it lol lol I got wrecked lol lol I got it lol lol I got wrecked lol lol I got it lol lol I got a new piece lol lol I got it lol lol I was just so excited lol lol I got wrecked lol lol I got it lol lol | someone
04.20.22 | Is it called Grammy cause only dyslexic grannies watch it? | Colton
04.20.22 | I can assure you I'm not pressed about that, it's more just like after the third diss I felt obligated to live up to your allegations because I couldn't think of a more fun response and to keep ignoring you at this point would just feel rude. you elevated yourself to the second tier of banter through sheer attrition but based on your last comment it doesn't seem like you can handle it. maybe you can make yourself another channel where you just go back and forth with yourself. oh wait you already did that (see, NOW I'm a prick)
johnny it is 2022 now and in spite of whatever feigned sensitivity you may have perceived from me it would not be wasted on a dweeby rhythmless english teacher even if it were real | Mort.
04.20.22 | there are tiers of banter?? | Egarran
04.20.22 | shit just got real | Mort.
04.20.22 | there are tiers of realness? | someone
04.20.22 | It's the peril of text exchange. One cannot always distinguish humorous messages from serious ones. And so when one (some-one or Colton-one) writes light-heartedly, it may be misinterpreted as butthurt. I've misread your comment as butthurt, Colton. You've misread mine as defensive.
Also "oh wait you already did that" When did I do that? Am I geriatric already to not remember another channel? | budgie
04.20.22 | uy no what nvm remove me | JohnnyoftheWell
04.20.22 | do not
"Wouldn’t being scrotal-brained kind of be a compliment since they are so wrinkly"
wasting all that surface area should be punished by death by a thousand sharts, who's gonna dish em out | someone
04.20.22 | I guess you can make tiers for anything, of you're dedicated and bored.
Bottom tier banter is whatever is going on here.
Also, it's the mid-lower tier of realness. | tyman128
04.20.22 | I wonder when someone will hit tier one of banter | someone
04.20.22 | no purgie for budgie. Sorry | GhandhiLion
04.20.22 | I don't hate Sachiko M. :[ | JohnnyoftheWell
04.20.22 | in spite of whatever feigned sensitivity you may have perceived from me | someone
04.20.22 | But you gave it 1
Numbers don't lie
Numerical ratings are far superior to verbal explanations. Just admit it, you | someone
04.20.22 | Jeez there's like 6 different conversations happening at once, I don't know who's replying to whom anymore. | Mort.
04.20.22 | how many tiers are there to tiermaking? | Mort.
04.20.22 | do the tiers of all tiers contain themselves? | JayEnder
04.20.22 | Scarily accurate on pretty much all of these. Well done haha. | someone
04.20.22 | Is there a Library of Babel of tiers where all tiers are kept including tiers about tiers and tiers about those tiers? | tyman128
04.20.22 | "do the tiers of all tiers contain themselves?" tiers actually don't exist... that's a tier itself | someone
04.20.22 | Most., you are going down a rabbit hole here and are increasingly dragging all your surroundings down with you. | someone
04.20.22 | "that's a tier itself"
The flat tier conspiracy | GhandhiLion
04.20.22 | "But you gave it 1"
yeah that one is boring | Egarran
04.20.22 | I've never understood why everyone doesn't love Johnny. I guess I just get him. | JohnnyoftheWell
04.20.22 | eat grass goatlord | SteakByrnes
04.20.22 | mine rocks | Lord(e)Po)))ts
04.20.22 | Colton skipped stage 2 in his process of grief over the fact that he’s an unlikeable prick and went straight from denial to anger | JohnnyoftheWell
04.20.22 | went straight from anger to accidental erasure more like shit mbad
can't wait for him to get to bargaining, gonna let leave that carrot out in the sun and see how long it can dangle | Lord(e)Po)))ts
04.20.22 | Or was pretending he wasn’t just butthurt his expression of guilt? Ah well, we all grieve in our own way ❤️ | JohnnyoftheWell
04.20.22 | stop spamming i'm spamming | SteakByrnes
04.20.22 | gm johnny | budgie
04.20.22 | I've never understood why everyone doesn't love Johnny. I guess I just get him.
hjes
very
inconsistent | JohnnyoftheWell
04.20.22 | good evening you grinning fucking skunk rictus ily
budg the only thing i have ever asked of you is to eat shit and expire i am the definition of comsitkemcey | someone
04.20.22 | "good evening you grinning fucking skunk rictus ily"
Wow just like me mother | budgie
04.20.22 | thats true | SteakByrnes
04.20.22 | more like funk cactus | someone
04.20.22 | Funk Cactus sounds like a funk-themed cocktail bar in southern Florida | Colton
04.20.22 | johnny actually exists in one of the higher tiers, and while he’s never figured out how to interface with it he deserves credit for surviving nonetheless. we’ll see what he can do this year with bread in his stomach and only 1 language in his brain | Lord(e)Po)))ts
04.20.22 | @johnny I reached acceptance like 10 years ago but I don’t think he’ll ever be an evolved alpha Chad prick like myself, evidently doesn’t have the stomach for it poor lad
Babadook dook dook | JohnnyoftheWell
04.20.22 | parp purp parp how would you cook human flesh? | Mort.
04.20.22 | 'Colton skipped stage 2 in his process of grief over the fact that he’s an unlikeable prick and went straight from denial to anger'
thats like 3 tiers | SteakByrnes
04.20.22 | you must collect the 3 tiered tears to open the door to kingdom farts | Purpl3Spartan
04.20.22 | I could use some sacred tears | HelloJoe
04.20.22 | I think JustJoe and I had an exchange of words once and maybe after that we sort of just merged into one? Can't confirm since I also haven't seen JustJoe around. | Josh D.
04.20.22 | Time for HellJoe to rise and challenge | HelloJoe
04.20.22 | Yeah man. Point me at something and I'll give it the ol' challengeroo. | Josh D.
04.20.22 | No, HellJoe. | alamo
04.21.22 | "im not indiephantom" sounds like something indiephantom would say | Uzumaki
04.21.22 | Damn, got snubbed again…. Should’ve kept my mouth shut about updates… | Lord(e)Po)))ts
04.21.22 | “ budgie
Means something to someone.
3.9/5”
😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 | Colton
04.21.22 | could see phantom being park or storm in a teacup | indiephantom
04.21.22 | awww, how flattering | Colton
04.21.22 | lol what’s up storm | indiephantom
04.21.22 | there’s absolutely no way you think I’m storm | Colton
04.21.22 | either storm or someone. one of those two | indiephantom
04.21.22 | bold guesses | Gnocchi
04.21.22 | Someone is a pretty broad guess though | someone
04.21.22 | pizzamachine does not exist | someone
04.21.22 | are you calling me a broad, Gnoc? | HalfManHalfAmazing
04.21.22 | I'm so behind on the Sput lore | HalfManHalfAmazing
04.21.22 | Shout-out to Potzer though we have similar hip hop taste | madrigal30
04.21.22 | all broad-related insults are directed to me, resident foid of sputnik | pizzamachine
04.21.22 | Calls users he likes his "special little boys".
Actually I prefer disciples | Pheromone
04.21.22 | is your name a half man half biscuit reference | pizzamachine
04.21.22 | Nah. Was gonna call me reviewmachine, but as life must have pizza added, so doth user names | Lord(e)Po)))ts
04.21.22 | Damn I’m getting pizza tonight for sure | Avagantamos
04.21.22 | I think HalfManHalfAmazing is a reference to the lyric on "It Ain't Hard to Tell" by Nas | Bedex
04.22.22 | 'The main force behind sound-off popularity nowadays' hey ho i started and he followed suit
tbf dede did show me this site in the first place so not sure i win this one | Pheromone
04.22.22 | you both win but we all use sputnik regularly and so we all lose | Egarran
04.22.22 | But Phero you make me feel like a winner | Pheromone
04.22.22 | even the greatest winners of all time have lost a game or two m'boy | Bedex
04.22.22 | too real phero, too real | someone
04.22.22 | sound right off with that attitude, Phee. only positive thinkers itt please | garas
05.04.22 | bump | Egarran
05.04.22 | I guess we were alienated by the demand for positive thinking.
garas best in the Hungarian empire | pizzamachine
05.04.22 | “Best 1: what's wrong with you? literally show me the difference between your 5s and your 1s lists.”
Had me rolling | someone
05.04.22 | Rolling pizza dough, I hope | Dedes
05.05.22 | I had dominos yesterday
It was
Moderately good | Dedes
05.05.22 | @bedex
That name drop had me immensely confused, Forget dedes is also dedex condensed lol | Uzumaki
05.06.22 | Deadthread | Storm In A Teacup
05.06.22 | I wouldn’t even be surprised if this was me and I have split personalities on Sputnik. | neekafat
05.06.22 | wouldn't be the first | someone
10.13.22 | I just might | ConcubinaryCode
10.13.22 | Would you do me? I'd do me. | Demon of the Fall
10.13.22 | This list helps me feel closer to him (tect)
Maybe I’ll sleep okay tonight | Mort.
10.13.22 | reivew me pls i need my existence to be acknowledged more than it currently is | BMDrummer
10.13.22 | i need to be known on this site | sixdegrees
10.13.22 | verm
toondude
riffoclock
relinquished | DungeonBoy
10.13.22 | this was funny | Egarran
10.13.22 | Really good list. You can tell someone is super intelligent. | Uzumaki
10.14.22 | Throw my hat into the ring; you can review me as well | Minortimbo12
10.14.22 | Why do you bully pizzamachine :-( :-( :-(
oh yeah and bully me to; review me | CaptainPlasma
10.20.22 | I can't cease to amaze how unconvetionally the list function is used on this website. | someone
10.20.22 | how is everyone doing? | someone
10.20.22 | SlothcoreSam's best moment: making me run out of space writing about him. smh | tyman128
10.20.22 | just realized that my alt account was reviewed but my main wasn't... beautiful | insomniac15
10.20.22 | haha, love the list | Egarran
10.20.22 | I hope you have seen some of Sam's pics from home. He lives in a wonderland. | someone
10.25.22 | missed me yet? | tyman128
10.25.22 | I missed you 😭 | Egarran
10.25.22 | Yay 💓 nice review. I feel seen.
Requiem is totally a metal album, they just hadn't discovered electricity yet.
>So far none hath been written.
Heeey. But someone should really write one for that. | garas
10.25.22 | These new entries are great. Please don't stop, dude. | someone
10.25.22 | hey tyman, missed you there. | someone
10.25.22 | felt cute, might update later | Shemson
10.25.22 | Lol Mort creating Shiner checks out in my world | tyman128
10.25.22 | listen, that Hello Kitty Suicide Club was a dark time in my life okay... | Uzumaki
10.25.22 | Great. Looking forward to that album now on my anti-core list. | MiloRuggles
10.25.22 | Oh are you updating this? I'd still love to be sprayed by your glistening lexicon xx | Mort.
10.25.22 | inexplicably? bruh its completely reasonable that people love me, im a nice intelligent dude with great skin and a winning smile
but also lol yeah my dgd 5s are just how it is, got no words to defend myself.
also never noticed that youre the soundoff king damn dude kudos to your consistency | Egarran
10.25.22 | >never noticed that youre the soundoff king damn dude
It's the good kind of neurotic.
I can say that now I have been well rated. | someone
10.26.22 | Milo, i'll throw you one in gratis, darling | fogza
10.26.22 | "Bladee is the sound of creative impotence masquerading as experimentation"
definitely winning sputnik this week | someone
10.26.22 | added Jasper, cause i must | MiloRuggles
10.26.22 | Oh my, I didn't expect such hard-edged praise. You've made me feel like a chunky chip on a day where I've felt like more of a small fry. More importantly, thanks for the new temporary nickname thing
Unluggily, Cambridge did not supply me with good taste, an irony radar, or musical talent. Instead all of my joy will come from reading future entries on this ripper list | ramon.
10.26.22 | milo gives me a boner tbqh | Egarran
10.26.22 | I'm more a Jesper kind of gal
dude makes me swoon | ramon.
10.26.22 | por que no los dos mon ami | Egarran
10.26.22 | >por que no los dos mon ami
good point
but the heart wants what it wants | Mort.
10.26.22 | upset my rating is low, im going to change my sput ways to become more liked as the sycophant serpent i am | fogza
10.26.22 | Sput just wants someone
that it can Mort to
It wants you just the way you are
| Minortimbo12
10.26.22 | you should do me | Demon of the Fall
10.26.22 | 'upset my rating is low, im going to change my sput ways to become more liked as the sycophant serpent i am'
I found it reassuringly low, maybe the guy just has shit taste after all? | Egarran
10.26.22 | someone is pretty underrated agreed | InfernalDeity
10.26.22 | This was super entertaining lol | Deathconscious
10.26.22 | "someone is pretty underrated agreed"
Who?? Tell me! | Egarran
10.26.22 | Sorry, I can't be more specific. | LeddSledd
10.27.22 | ur mom reviewd!! | Tyler.
10.27.22 | where am i | 0GuyMan0
10.27.22 | what an undertaking | someone
10.28.22 | Waiting for my girlfriend's boyfriend to leave, so I can go home and get some sleep.
In the meantime updates incoming | someone
01.18.23 | u
up
upd
upda
updat
update
updates
pdates
dates
ates
tes
es
s | Zig
01.18.23 | nice concrete poem, some! | JesperL
01.19.23 | damn i am honoured
and that spirit writeup is wonderful | Purpl3Spartan
01.19.23 | Jesper good user yeah | Uzumaki
01.19.23 | So, Seinfeld night at my place then?
Wuss for not going through all my 5’s | Mort.
01.19.23 | uzu demands respect for the mammoth undertaking they undertook with the whole core homework series
| Purpl3Spartan
01.19.23 | (2) that series was chefs kiss | someone
02.22.23 | i am hereby reinstating my campaign for the Sput's March Madness
Like and subscribe for more quality content | Mort.
02.22.23 | someone once helped me find a song
good user | someone
02.22.23 | Mort. is in fact Vivant. | JohnnyoftheWell
02.22.23 | lmao Bedex has Celer 1'd? ambient stooge | JohnnyoftheWell
02.22.23 | also um
" I guess xanopticon could use the boot."
this + KD on mine do kinda make me question whether you've understood either of us in the slightest ily write faster | someone
02.22.23 | you are no one to question peoples' tastes
i, on the other hand, am someone | JohnnyoftheWell
02.22.23 | who
amputating xanopticon from the avagantorganism would make you sputnik's Isaac Johannes Lamotius, and I sure damn wouldn't take his recs for anything. watch that step | Avagantamos
02.22.23 | maybe i'll remove xanopticon from my 5s when sputnik introduces ratings higher than 5 | PumpBoffBag
02.22.23 | 12 is great. Sowing review is accurate also, what a guy | Purpl3Spartan
02.22.23 | And the series continues | Tundra
02.22.23 | Always late to this stuff | someone
03.08.23 | thanks to budgie for reminding me. updated a few entries | Purpl3Spartan
03.08.23 | Very noice | AmericanFlagAsh
03.09.23 | I thought this was Johnny's | AmericanFlagAsh
03.09.23 | I meant to put "and I was shocked how nice it was" | unclereich
03.09.23 | great list idea | Pheromone
03.09.23 | i have johnny's users rated list who wants it | Egarran
03.09.23 | aka the necronomicon | someone
03.28.23 | updates
Cimnele, 11 years on Sput, circa 2000 comments
Purpl3Spartan, 2 years on Sput, over 5000 comments
step yo game up, Cim | MarsKid
03.28.23 | Do me do me do me | PumpBoffBag
03.28.23 | Pls pls pls | JohnnyoftheWell
03.28.23 | "perhaps Kayo Dot is a artsy normie pick, if anything"
Things Only Said By People Who Have Been On Sputnikmusic For Apparently Too Long Yikes | GhandhiLion
03.28.23 | let him cook | JohnnyoftheWell
03.28.23 | what's in the pot i said what's in the pot huh | someone
03.28.23 | i'm straight grillin | DavidYowi
03.28.23 | What order have u been doing these someone? | someone
03.28.23 | it's the rule of "have i got sth to write about for this user?"
it used to be first come first serve, but there are so many requests now that i am just picking basically at random | pizzamachine
03.28.23 | This was a pretty funny list tbh — well done/fuk ya | butt.
03.28.23 | LOL I never realized you actually wrote one about me. So accurate and I love it | Purpl3Spartan
03.28.23 | Bro’s cookin I’ll take it | MillionDead
03.28.23 | I want in plz | Cimnele
03.28.23 | i would step my game up but i'd have to get out of this deckchair (big lazy stretch) | someone
03.28.23 | Understandable | Borracho
03.28.23 | Do me | botb
03.28.23 | Roast Me Up Fella | Minortimbo12
05.31.23 | bumb | Minortimbo12
05.31.23 | come roast me im bored | 0GuyMan0
05.31.23 | let him rest jeez | Egarran
06.01.23 | Underneath his dated edginess and slightly neurotic egotism, Minortimbo actually has potential to be a decent tiktokker | fogza
06.01.23 | now that's a tombstone inscription | Pheromone
06.01.23 | do mort | someone
06.01.23 | i did tho | Minortimbo12
08.26.23 | ^^^^
bro i just saw this | someone
09.08.23 | i have no review to publish today, so i might as well review a few of you | garas
09.08.23 | Yay! | MarsKid
09.08.23 | Oh damn, I expected roasts and instead I got wholesome vibes. Big love < 3 | someone
09.08.23 | i was keeping myself aback here, but was almost going to roast on account of you lying about your planetary affiliations | Egarran
09.08.23 | Correct reviews. A purple spartan is a penis. | MarsKid
09.08.23 | How do you know I'm lying | Demon of the Fall
09.08.23 | I was roasted hard | someone
09.08.23 | turns out the fall in your name was literal, not a season | Demon of the Fall
09.08.23 | defo should've gone with Demon of the Autumn | evilford
09.08.23 | Do me! | Egarran
09.08.23 | Every time a person stumbles and lets out a curse, the demon grows in power. | Minortimbo12
09.09.23 | :( | pizzamachine
09.09.23 | :O | bellovddd
09.09.23 | so this is where all the Kool kids hang. | pizzamachine
09.09.23 | ( ͡▀̿ ̿ ͜ʖ ͡▀̿ ̿ )✌ | Valzentia
09.09.23 | can I have a review | pizzamachine
09.09.23 | Ok it’s up | PumpBoffBag
09.13.23 | Hahaha yesssss. Thanks lad, I love it | someone
09.13.23 | reconsider your life (read: name)
what is Boff even? | Minortimbo12
09.14.23 | i am someone | someone
09.14.23 | just for you, bruh. all in good fun | bananatossing
09.14.23 | I recognized most these users. This list is the sputnik red carpet. | Butkuiss
12.02.23 | Do me now | 0GuyMan0
12.05.23 | "do me now"
best Christina Applegate movie quote? | Minortimbo12
12.09.23 | i only have 27 lists lol | Colton
12.09.23 | it's sad that my lists are gone. particularly "how do I tell my coworker I'm not gay" the thread in that one was gold | robertsona
12.09.23 | Scary list glad I dodged this bullet | someone
12.09.23 | Just you wait | Minortimbo12
12.09.23 | is colton back? | Mort.
12.09.23 | no thats a ghost | budgie
12.09.23 | the fact that butt is one of the lowest rated just invalidates everything here man | someone
12.12.23 | anyway, a few updates be coming soon | someone
12.12.23 | there you go, 4 more folks, hope you're happy | someone
12.12.23 | it also seems that Sput has deleted two of the entries on the list. whoever was between JesperL (40) and CottonSalad (41) disappeared and idk why.
if you know you've been on the list before but cannot find yourself, please inform me, you may have fallen victim to Sput's fuckery | Butkuiss
12.12.23 | Damn gene, you didn’t need to go that hard (but you did and I love it) | someone
12.12.23 | If I see a But, I kuiss | Verdr
12.12.23 | I'm so late... sorry, could get to me? | GhandhiLion
12.12.23 | Rip cotton :[ | GhandhiLion
12.12.23 | Can we replace colton with cotton | Egarran
12.13.23 | Cotton left the site right after this list was published ): | someone
12.13.23 | for real? why? | 0GuyMan0
12.19.23 | wonder if I was better off by never engaging the message board here. Some of y'all act like you know each other more than just seeing the same names in the same threads over and over for a decade, seems odd to me. | Ryus
12.19.23 | thats bc a lot of ppl do interact outside of here | LilLioness
12.19.23 | I feel grateful I wasn't around for this. lol | Cygnatti
12.19.23 | I am once again asking: can you put me in coach?
Hmm, perhaps I should write a review. I *did* write a real review for a single a couple years ago but sput doesn’t like dealing with singles. | 0GuyMan0
12.19.23 | "I feel grateful I wasn't around for this. lol"
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't mildly interested in seeing what internet randos think of my behavior over the years lol | someone
12.19.23 | "I feel grateful I wasn't around for this. lol"
you're still around for this tho, this thing is not over | LilLioness
12.19.23 | ah shit | AnimalForce1
12.19.23 | "Some of y'all act like you know each other more than just seeing the same names in the same threads over and over for a decade, seems odd to me."
I mean, you can still semi-get to know someone via forums and discussion threads | Egarran
12.19.23 | Seems odd to me. | necropig
12.19.23 | necropig
0.5/5
Agreed |
|
