Oh. Hi, and welcome back to yet another installment of “Staffers’ gone Wild!” or um…vague instructions on how to review music. In setting aside your schedule of busy Sputnikmusic comment posting and left click debauchery to get to the nitty gritty of “how to review music”, hacks, roms and workarounds we hope you still enjoy this little left-hand turn from visiting Tool threads. In this segment we’ll be cross checking different staffers’ approaches to putting words together. Maybe you’re a budding reviewer, on the cusp of greatness, searching for that piece of the puzzle lost on the floor or maybe your mum just logged you on to the household’s singular trusty laptop and you don’t know what to do with your fifteen-minute screen allowance before the older sibling demands the computer for…research? Either way, you’ve come to the right place!

I’ll do away with the small talk (or will I?) but you guys all know the power puff diddle of Sputnikmusic. The site’s Mr. Nice Guy. The El Primo himself, pimp-daddy Dewinged!

First off. Who are you and how did you get here?

That depends. In this version of the multiverse I’m the worldwide famous reviewer Dewingus Magnificus, well known for writing embarrassing 5/5 reviews for several hair metal albums, but what really brought me here was the scent of blood in the air. Also Mongi’s review of Cult of Luna & Julie Christmas’ “Mariner”.

Are you really a pimp?

I’ll admit I’ve pimped a couple of dwarves in the past…

Good morning and thank you for um…setting aside your schedule of busy Sputnikmusic comment posting (we all know you’re just wasting time on your loo break) and left click debauchery to get to the nitty gritty of “how to review music”, hacks, roms and workarounds. In this segment we’ll be cross checking different staffers’ approaches to putting words together. Maybe you’re a budding reviewer, on the cusp of greatness, searching for that piece of the puzzle lost on the floor or maybe your mum just logged you on to the household’s singular trusty laptop and you don’t know what to do with your fifteen minute screen allowance before the older sibling demands the computer for…research? In short, thank you for coming to the right place!

Today (or sometime this week more likely) Ben stumbled into the wrong room. The door locked behind him (oh no!) and now he’s stuck to a chair until a rescuer appears at an undisclosed time. You guys can tell creative writing isn’t a strength of mine right? Um…

First off. Who are you and how did you get here? Are you asleep?

Zzz.

In your own words, how does one review a piece of music?

Tl;dr: No idea lol.

Engaging brain … erm … ig there are two uncircumventable goals: (a) engage reader and (b) express self.

Importantly, (a) > (b): the audience must, necessarily, come first. Everything else is secondary. If, as a result of your words, you have convinced someone to listen to…

You’re here! No, I mean you actually came. Someone please lock the door so you guys can’t get out. In this segment we’ll be cross checking different staffers’ approaches to putting words together. Maybe you’re a budding reviewer, on the cusp of greatness, searching for that piece of the puzzle lost on the floor or maybe your mum just logged you on to the household’s singular trusty laptop and you don’t know what to do with your fifteen-minute screen allowance before the older sibling demands the computer for…research? Either way, you’ve come to the right place!

Welcome to Part. 2 of an undisclosed number of mini interviews in this segment.

Today (or sometime this week more likely) we have Tyler White a.k.a. Tyman128. I lack basic witty comments here and enough back-story to dangle lazy liners and joyful familiarity. I shall fix that this year – consider that a late New Year’s resolution. 

First off. Who are you and how did you get here?

Yo, what’s up! I am Tyler, better known on this God forsaken website as tyman420 (I don’t know, some people sorta started adding that to my name and I have zero clue why). I showed up – lemme check, hold up – well… my join date now says January 1970, but I’m pretty sure it was early March 2018 and my first review was June 2018. I still don’t fully know why I even joined this site, pretty sure I just found a random review…

Is it evening yet? Or is the morning? Um…setting aside your schedule of busy Sputnikmusic comment posting and left click debauchery to get to the nitty gritty of “how to review music”, hacks, roms and workarounds. In this segment we’ll be cross checking different staffers’ approaches to putting words together. Maybe you’re a budding reviewer, on the cusp of greatness (how ’bout that?), searching for that piece of the puzzle lost on the floor or maybe your mum just logged you on to the household’s singular trusty laptop and you don’t know what to do with your fifteen-minute screen allowance before the older sibling demands the computer for…research? Either way, you’ve come to the right place!

Welcome to Part. 1! Today (or sometime this week more likely) we have…Jesper!!

First off. Who are you and how did you get here?

Hi! I’m Jesper and I probably got here in like 2015 while trying to find a review for Knuckle Puck or Brand New or something. Pop punk being part of your origin story is rarely a good sign. 

How many reviews do you have on this site? No, disregard that. How many reviews are you truly proud of? Now you can circle back. How many reviews do you have? 

Eh, out of my 155 reviews I might be truly proud of a few of them. I honestly don’t know because I never/rarely reread my own reviews after they’re up (mostly because I’ll have proofread them like 24 times…