Lorde Stoned / Antonoff Stooge

2021-07-22 by giving 4 reviews to albums only 3 people in the world have heard STAFF | 38 Comments
The Kiwi-born LA-acclimatized popstar LORDE has released a second single for her highly anticipated/somewhat dreaded upcoming album Solar Power. It comes replete with a visualiser because the industry just loves giving.

In a long overdue though (#spin) shocking turn of events, the song has had untoward consequences for both Lorde's reputation as a relatively independent pop auteur whose artistic judgement was credible, and for producer/co-writer Jack Antonoff's reputation as someone whose situation at the forefront of That Mainstream Sophisticate Pop Sound That Keeps The Depressive First World Dancing And Thinking About Crying (You Know The One) is even more obsolete than people once feared.

"Stoned At The Nail Salon" is an essentially a carbon copy of the track "Wild At Heart", as heard on Lana del Rey's trainwreck of an album Chemtrails Over The Country Club earlier this year - and by carbon copy, we're not talking similar moods or motifs or inflections or any other innocuous similarities of the kind that you've heard countless times already on separate works by separate artists produced by Antonoff (see: St. Vincent's "Slow Disco" vs. Lana Del Rey's "Norman Fucking Rockwell"). No sir, this is self-plagiarism of the highest order and no amount of intellectual property rights should keep our good man from suing his own pants off in a flurry and hurry. Make haste! Spear of the church, by the sacred decree, protect our princess.

"Stoned At the Nail Salon" is more innocuously boring than "Wild At Heart", but anyone who made it through that song's catatonic vocal performance and nib-rending lyricism (The cameras have flashes / they cause the car crashes) will have instant flashbacks of the still-fresh depths it plumbed, rendering Lorde's cadence and inflection commonalities tragically unlistenable. Alongside Lorde and Lana, Jack Antonoff produces and backseat auteurs for Taylor Swift, St. Vincent and Clairo, none of whom have made a decent album in recent memory, and he did one song with Carly Rae Jepsen that turned out okay somehow.

You can watch and enjoy the online fallout on Twitter links including this one:
mobile.twitter.com/FranziaMom/status/1417886494820159491

You can listen to and experience "Stoned At The Nail Salon" here:

Tagged: Lorde

Comments:Add a Comment 
JohnnyoftheWell
Staff Reviewer
July 22nd 2021
40957 Comments


i didn't write this article and there is no blood in my veins

there is only red wine

fuck this song

Digging: Trophy Scars - Astral Pariah

parksungjoon
July 22nd 2021
35660 Comments


Lord(e) Sto)))ned

Digging: Controlled Bleeding - Distress Signals

GhandhiLion
July 22nd 2021
13344 Comments


Exciting. There's also two new William Parker albums coming out tomorrow.

Digging: Leila Adu - Dig a Hole

Romulus
July 22nd 2021
9043 Comments


johnny i appreciate that whenever you write words they feel as if The Internet has become sentient and grown vocal cords and spoken to us all. this is the strongest of compliments i can give

genuinely lolled at "he did one song with Carly Rae Jepsen that turned out okay somehow"

luci
July 22nd 2021
12661 Comments


there's a staff blog section ya know

el_newg
July 22nd 2021
1355 Comments


so you're just writin reviews in news articles now huh

JeetJeet
July 22nd 2021
9831 Comments


what a snoozer

Digging: Injury Reserve - By The Time I Get To Phoenix

MercySeat
July 22nd 2021
378 Comments


This is the best news article I've ever read here

Feather
July 22nd 2021
7259 Comments


"so you're just writin reviews in news articles now huh"

Keep this trend GOING

Sowing
Moderator
July 22nd 2021
39096 Comments


I like that some personality is finally being injected into this site's news section. Even if that personality is sarcastic and condescending. #jotw for title of news staff

Digging: The Felice Brothers - From Dreams to Dust

Feather
July 22nd 2021
7259 Comments


"Even if that personality is sarcastic and condescending"

This is the personality that this site deserves!

nash1311
July 22nd 2021
2906 Comments


@Sowing - yeah but whenever non staff does it it gets edited before posting. Otherwise there could be lots of fun here lol

Lord(e)Po)))ts
July 22nd 2021
67108 Comments


I can't imagine this could be worse than the first track but also I can definitely imagine it being worse than the first track

nash1311
July 22nd 2021
2906 Comments


It is

SteakByrnes
July 22nd 2021
24731 Comments


"yeah but whenever non staff does it it gets edited before posting."

I've had some fun in articles in the past that go by unedited :]

heck
July 22nd 2021
6178 Comments


christ these articles suck

Digging: Deafheaven - Infinite Granite

nash1311
July 22nd 2021
2906 Comments


“I've had some fun in articles in the past that go by unedited :]”

NEPOTISM. NEPOTISM I TELL YOU

Sowing
Moderator
July 22nd 2021
39096 Comments


I won't decline articles just because they're written differently or with a sarcastic wit
But they do have to be well-written

sharkmsc
July 22nd 2021
335 Comments


"johnny i appreciate that whenever you write words they feel as if The Internet has become sentient and grown vocal cords and spoken to us all. this is the strongest of compliments i can give" {2}

rc239
July 22nd 2021
327 Comments


zzzzzzz

SteakByrnes
July 22nd 2021
24731 Comments


"NEPOTISM. NEPOTISM I TELL YOU"

look at what I classify Volumes as in this article lol

https://www.sputnikmusic.com/news/37579/Volumes-promote-new-single-album/

Trundle
July 22nd 2021
3641 Comments


johnny about to get sput blown up with redditers again lol

bigguytoo9
July 22nd 2021
1130 Comments


Jerk Antonoff should rot. I mean he dated Lena Dunham right, so that says everything. Screw him and screw this record. Lorde can stay in New Zealand and never leave IMO.

bigguytoo9
July 22nd 2021
1130 Comments


"Jack Antonoff produces and backseat auteurs for Taylor Swift, St. Vincent and Clairo, none of whom have made a decent album in recent memory"

Taylor and St Vincent have NEVER released a worthy album. Not a single one. I saw ST VINCENT open for Arcade Fire on the Neon Bible tour and it was a garbage opening set.

Gnocchi
Staff Reviewer
July 22nd 2021
15131 Comments


Can’t wait to see Sowing’s review stacked next to Johnny’s

nightbringer
July 22nd 2021
2190 Comments


I chuckled.

Cormano
July 22nd 2021
2905 Comments


"Kiwi-born" lmao I love you Johnny

those mfs are some of the dopest birds that's for sure

Slugboiiii
July 22nd 2021
307 Comments


"Taylor and St Vincent have NEVER released a worthy album. Not a single one."

You never listened to 1989 then?

botb
July 23rd 2021
14755 Comments


I’m enjoying these

JesperL
Contributing Reviewer
July 23rd 2021
3365 Comments


article is probably the best thing to come from the song so thx lorde

Digging: Nightcrush - You Mark Me the Deepest

Pajolero
July 23rd 2021
1183 Comments


More news posts like this please

Tunaboy45
July 23rd 2021
17645 Comments


aha who is making these news articles?? xD fukn crazy hahaha

Shattered_Future
July 24th 2021
1578 Comments


Bless this article and fuck Jack Antonoff to pieces, single-handedly ruined pop music.

Odal
July 24th 2021
629 Comments


lmao what the hell is this article? Trash takes aside, can we please leave the editorializing out of this?

alamo
July 24th 2021
4222 Comments


perfect article. johnny never misses

vult
July 24th 2021
524 Comments


yuck

Gyromania
July 25th 2021
32931 Comments


there's a staff blog section ya know [2]

BigBlob
July 26th 2021
5677 Comments


there's a staff blog section ya know [2.1]



You have to be logged in to post a comment. Login | Create a Profile





MOST VIEWED NEWS

Jesse Lacey Allegations
Jayyvon Opens Up About Abuse
R.I.P. Chester Bennington
The Fall of Troy bassist melts do..
The Story So Far's vocalist dropk..
Deftones stream new single
R.I.P. David Bowie
R.I.P. Lemmy
Brand new Brand New Single
Killswitch Engage debut new single



OTHER RECENT NEWS

Dream Unending Announce Debut LP
New Ars Magna Umbrae Album & Song
Twiztid/Dani Filth Neon Collab
Endless premiere new single
Behemoth To Release Live Album
John 5's a Sinner
Foo Fighters Go Prog (maybe)
Placebo return with new single
Four Stroke Baron release "Khera"
Bring Me The Horizon DiE4u
New Silent Planet Album/Video
Archgoat Unleash 'Heavens Ablaze'
Nothing's La La Means I Love You
Aephanemer Unveil 'Panta Rhei'
Doodswens Drop 'In mijn Bloed'

» see all news

RELATED REVIEWS
Lorde
Te Ao Marama
Lorde
Solar Power
Lorde
Melodrama
Lorde
Pure Heroine
Lorde
Tennis Court
FAQ // STAFF & CONTRIBUTORS // SITE FORUM // CONTACT US

Bands: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z


Site Copyright 2005-2019 Sputnikmusic.com
All Album Reviews Displayed With Permission of Authors | Terms of Use | Privacy Policy