i really did NOT need to know that...

oh, chad...

Photograph or didn't happen.

lol

I don't know what else to say.
Why does the world need to know?

ahahahaha

w t f

oh, the experimental youth

Why would ANYONE tell ANYONE ELSE that!? Why even do it!?
...just...wtf

TMI

:lol:

fucking retard

did he not realize that people already thought him and his band "sucked dick?" and now we can use it as a literal meaning
hahahaha, this is ridiculous what a dumbass

love the headline too

LOL.

I wonder if he got ribs removed so he can still do it like Marylin Manson did

This news seriously made me LOL. AHAHA!

"I really wanted that case of beer"

So, he was sober at the time?

I wonder if he got ribs removed so he can still do it like Marylin Manson did

Oh good lord. It's true that this news item confirms something that we all knew, and yet it still manages to be TMI! Quite lolworthy.

not a surprise.

What? lol. Classic!

quite unnecessary, yet the funniest news article ever

Bwahahahaha

All i can say is , WTF Chad? And yes the Marilyn Manson thing is only a rumor. He has denied it quite a few times. Its just something somebody made up to make him look even worse in the public eye.

Wait, that isn't normal?

Wouldn't you if you could?

when I read the title I thought it was some guy who hated nickelback and was gonna get his account deleted, then I saw that it was Spat lol. and also :lol: at Chad being desperate and not being able to get a woman to do it for him

Desperate? Did you not read it? He was 14. I'm sure he could get a woman to do it for him, he's insanely rich.

quite unnecessary, yet the funniest news article ever

yeah, thor it was.

this band is terrible.

but i can do it.
and yeah, im gay.

Thank God he probably can't recollect what he might have done AFTER getting that beer.

It must have been SOME beer.

XD

Pfff, deny it all you want, the truth is you would if you could.

Gotta respect the guy's honesty

why would ANYONE tell ANYONE ELSE that!?

First of all he's lying, no normal person can do that. Unless hes one of those freaks who can fit themselves into a trunk or something.

Most somewhat intelligent people usually follow the phrase "first of all" with another relevant thought or idea.

Even more "intriguing" than Chad performing such a "skillful" feat of flexibility at age 14 would be if Chad still has such a "skill" at age 34... What person (myself included) wouldn't wish to have such a "talent"? Come on...Don't lie... Chad Kroeger is very "fascinating" because he writes such a diverse variety of songs... How could you ever figure out a man whose onstage presence radiates sexual, animal, MAGNETISM, yet whose voice belts out tender, vulnerable, soulful, ballads? Chad Kroeger can never be "pigeon holed" like a lot of recording artists definitely can be... Chad writes beautiful love ballads like "Hero", "Too Bad", "Far Away", "Gotta Be Somebody", "Never Gonna Be Alone", & "If Today was your Last day"... Chad writes fun songs like, "Animals", "Something In Your Mouth", "Rockstar", "Next Contestant", & "Someone That Your with"... Chad writes angst filled, "suicidal" songs like, "Savin Me" and "I'm Not Leaving Yet"... Chad writes searing, heart pounding songs like "Side Of A Bullet", "Just To Get High", and "Just For"... Chad writes wild songs like, "Burn It To The Ground", And then (the icing on the cake) Chad recently wrote the sexually charged, "Sex" and "Next Go Round"... This gorgeous hunk of a man writes songs about EVERYTHING! What woman wouldn't DIE to have a sweet, loving, caring, VULNERABLE man in her life who was also fun, wild, crazy, and super sexually charged? Chad's pure onstage animal magnetism while singing songs like "Figured You Out" is terrifying, & just doesn't match up to the vulnerable little boy belting out songs like "Savin Me" and "Hero" This is called COMPLEXITY people, and Chad Kroeger's complexity and creative GENIUS is off the charts! (And this "God" can still laugh at himself and reveal some stupid, little thing he did when he was growing up in horrible life circumstances and just wanted some BEER)... What a beautiful "SOUL" lives and breathes in Chad Kroeger... The man takes my breath away

I couldn't have said it better myself

Chad recently wrote the sexually charged, "Sex"

How could you ever figure out a man whose onstage presence radiates sexual, animal, MAGNETISM, yet whose voice belts out tender, vulnerable, soulful, ballads?

Too Bad's not a love song, it's about his wank of a dad

Well, my suspicion is proven true. Something about him always screamed he'd done this kind of thing.

Lol is all I can say.

I SUMMON BLUE EYES WHITE DRAGONNNNNN

ROFL @ the desperate housewife above

wahhahahha you can tell balls spend too much time playing with his yu gi oh! cards (so did i X D), on the news, yeah... freak...

Wasn't that PB issue pretty old?

I'm speechless.

I am without speech

words can't describe.

Anyone with an ear could tell that Kroeger has been knee-deep in balls since the first grade.

this old, he said that like a year ago

Did you happen to notice that the article date is over a year old?

hahahahahahahaha

this old, he said that like a year ago

Hehe. This is great.

I'm so pleased you bothered to follow my link

has confirmed the suspicions of many

lol

omfg I have this issue too.

god I'm going to get rid of it now.

well...i dont care. whatever he does is his own business.... FAG.

I just don't get 99% of the comments here, who the hell wouldn't suck their own dick if they could?

i bet he lied


even about that

true. good for him. but i wouldve prefered that he keep that to himself. oh well.

wow...what a great bump to have. and lol...I do remember this when it was posted.

Oh this is still going. I'm fairly sure this story is the sole reason we don't have a "most viewed news stories" feature.

Made my day.

@ aliciaarol1: Epic sole post.

If I could, I would at least try it. I would just be incredibly ashamed and wouldn't tell anyone..

"If I could, I would at least try it. I would just be incredibly ashamed and wouldn't tell anyone.."

why? and if you don't mind me asking, how old are you?

i can almost guarantee any man over the age of 20 wishes he could suck his own dick. you jerk it, what's the difference?

ewwww

16.

Its not about the difference, its about curiousity.
Man this is the worst convo ever haha.

lol people are too closed up on these sort of things. well i'm assuming you're a virgin (of coarse u don't have to respond) because i was at 16, but if you don't start being comfortable with these sort of things, you're not going to know how to please a woman because you'll be too scared and uncomfortable. just my opinion

shhhhh

you would if you could

yep i would

i'm pretty sure doing this, and pleasing a woman are two different ball games man.

you're missing the point

if you do it to yourself, its not gay

oh, did you mean being comfortable with talking about sex? then, i see your point.

not gonna lie ive done it just to see if i could

"oh, did you mean being comfortable with talking about sex? then, i see your point."
yeah exactly. sex is the one of the most natural things on earth, right next to eating and breathing, it baffles me why people are so uncomfortable

it's cuz you gotta get nekkid

nudity is fun

with a profile pic that you have, i am not surprised to hear you say that, thecircus

awesome thread guys, keep it up

Someone keep it bookmarked and bump it once a month.

everyday

thread is rated R

hard R

your 16 yr old friend isnt allowed in here

no suprise

the sexually charged, "Sex"

oh my

all i can say is...no surprise

To this point I had not read this.... why?

The important thing is you have now.

dude is one bad mother fucker.

Wow. I thought this was a spam article from someone' alt. account.

lol@bumping two year old news articles.

Splat Out is the biggest troll ever!

Not sure what I think about finding this...

"It was soft and required a lot of pulling. I really wanted that case of beer."

oh yeah, i remember this. lulz were had. tears were shed. good times.

love you, Dave. js

this is just ridiculous but

Even more "intriguing" than Chad performing such a "skillful" feat of flexibility at age 14 would be if Chad still has such a "skill" at age 34... What person (myself included) wouldn't wish to have such a "talent"? Come on...Don't lie... Chad Kroeger is very "fascinating" because he writes such a diverse variety of songs... How could you ever figure out a man whose onstage presence radiates sexual, animal, MAGNETISM, yet whose voice belts out tender, vulnerable, soulful, ballads? Chad Kroeger can never be "pigeon holed" like a lot of recording artists definitely can be... Chad writes beautiful love ballads like "Hero", "Too Bad", "Far Away", "Gotta Be Somebody", "Never Gonna Be Alone", & "If Today was your Last day"... Chad writes fun songs like, "Animals", "Something In Your Mouth", "Rockstar", "Next Contestant", & "Someone That Your with"... Chad writes angst filled, "suicidal" songs like, "Savin Me" and "I'm Not Leaving Yet"... Chad writes searing, heart pounding songs like "Side Of A Bullet", "Just To Get High", and "Just For"... Chad writes wild songs like, "Burn It To The Ground", And then (the icing on the cake) Chad recently wrote the sexually charged, "Sex" and "Next Go Round"... This gorgeous hunk of a man writes songs about EVERYTHING! What woman wouldn't DIE to have a sweet, loving, caring, VULNERABLE man in her life who was also fun, wild, crazy, and super sexually charged? Chad's pure onstage animal magnetism while singing songs like "Figured You Out" is terrifying, & just doesn't match up to the vulnerable little boy belting out songs like "Savin Me" and "Hero" This is called COMPLEXITY people, and Chad Kroeger's complexity and creative GENIUS is off the charts! (And this "God" can still laugh at himself and reveal some stupid, little thing he did when he was growing up in horrible life circumstances and just wanted some BEER)... What a beautiful "SOUL" lives and breathes in Chad Kroeger... The man takes my breath away

i couldn't have said it better myself

I can't say I've read this before, but it's pretty great.

Why was this found.

waitwut

wow, lol. just heard about this. hahahaha

Lol'd so hard

You guys are welcome.

I think.

greatest article ever

This is why Sputnik is my music news source.

1. Laughed.

2. Stopped laughing.

3. Read it again.

4. The lulz resumed.

Lmao.. what.. hahahahaha

I just realized that this is over 2 years old.

[quote=Hep Kat]That wasn't funny at all.[/quote]
Lil Wayne avatar

Whoa











.

um, source?

Little bit of a verbal attack there.


On a side note, holy fuck that bull's eye is a star why the fuck would you mess with a bull with a star eye

Kroeger told Playboy:
Kroeger told Playboy:
Kroeger told Playboy:
Kroeger told Playboy:
Kroeger told Playboy:
FOUND THE SOURCE
lolz

I found the source, lads.

ps: josh i'm srry ilu tiger got outta the cage bro

PLAYBOY: Will Nickelback be vindicated 30 years from now, the way Led Zeppelin has?
CHAD KROEGER: I don't know if we've been decimated to the level Zeppelin was. Maybe we have, maybe more so.

(hinting that Nickelback are the modern day Led Zeppelin)

PLAYBOY: Did you steal things often?
CHAD KROEGER: I broke into my junior high school about 11 times and found the combination to this huge walk-in safe. God, it was like my personal ATM.

(whoa guys, what a badass)

have you seen every movie judd apatow and co. have ever been involved with ever

lol

PLAYBOY: The Los Angeles Times wrote, "Nickelback's music isn't for hipsters or the illuminati. It's for people who don't want to have to think."
CHAD KROEGER: At what show, besides Frank Zappa's, is someone trying to get people to think? Rage Against the Machine is the only band I can think of.

(System of a Down, Tool, Pearl Jam, Bruce Springsteen, Bob Dylan, Neil Young, Radiohead, Nine Inch Nails, Pink Floyd, Opeth, off the top of my head, and the list goes on)

Okay who was the bugger that revived this damn thread.

lol

To be fair... it was for beer.

I thought this was recent... How come I never saw this before?

I don't know bro do you not search "chad kroeger" and "dick sucking" like all the time? there's your first mistake

Its possible. A friend of mine saw Chad Kroeger go into a bathroom with a black guy, and when they came out the black guy handed him $10. It was a dick measuring contest. This was not made up.

"I don't know bro do you not search "chad kroeger" and "dick sucking" like all the time? there's your first mistake"

I mean, if it was in the Sputnik news feed, I would have seen it. I check this site most days.

:l

to be fair beer aint nothin special

Liar.

nah im bein legit

I suppose if I was offered beer for putting my dick in my mouth...


I'd just go buy my own fucking beer.

yeeee

"I don't know bro do you not search "chad kroeger" and "dick sucking" like all the time? there's your first mistake"

I found it by googling sputnikmusic sucks.

ZINGGGGGGGGGGGG

OH YES

wait, fr33, I thought you were leaving lol

lmao i never read this before

Monthly bump. Just in time.

lolwut? i never saw this hahaha.

I wonder if I could pull this off.

What a faggot seriously. I tried this but couldn't bend over far enough!

I wonder how much yoga is necessary for a grown ass man to do this.

Can't believe I'm just reading this for the first time. Absolutely hilarious.

What would Philosoraptor think of you now Gyro?

"Photograph or didn't happen."
Unless you give a quote first hand...
Why would he do that?

Still the funniest news story I've ever seen

This news and thread are epic. How did I miss this? Keep bumping up for the lolz

hahahaha this is the greatest headline ever.

This reminds me of the metalocalypse episode where they heard about someone sucking their own dick and each got caught trying it on their own time.

Haha what an ***hole. I can't believe he said that. Why would anyone say that to anyone?!

hahaha
retarded people who make retard music

hey dude im seriously just curious- how do you stumble across this article? its been months since its been posted in and from looking i see its not even linked from nickelback's page.

^ Someone posted it on one of his lists.

haha k thanks pitt. i wasnt trying to imply anything about the above poster but it seriously seemed like you had to be googling some chad kroeger dick or something. awesome ava btw.

LOL that's so true, and thanks bro.

I honestly thought this was some spoof news update to mock Nickelback. Guess not. Ew

nah, he literally sucks penis.

lol I love how this gets randomly bumped every so often hahaha

ahahahaa

yeah, it makes my day to log on to sputnik and see some bullshit about chad kroeger's penis on the front page

this is my first time seeing this

i loled hard

Okay. My night is ruined.

See the thing about this is that on the one hand, you have a dick in your mouth...

But on the other hand, you have your dick in a mouth.

WHY IS THIS STILL BEING COMMENTED UPON?

But, either way, I have no idea why you would need to tell anyone that you did this.

Bump. Cue the torches and pitchforks.

death by suffocating on own member

That's hot

Ahhhh this thread. Memories...

Jesus did I laugh when I read this first time.

LOL

This has got to be the most awkward, yet entertaining article I've seen on here so far.

News Article of the year.

Wasn't this a Metalocalypse episode?

TMZ worthy news indeed.

happened in 2008, still relevant today. Now THAT's musicianship

happened in 2008, still relevant today. Now THAT's musicianship

LOL

lol i remember this

This was four years ago already? Damn.

time flies when you're drunk

*having fun

time sucks its own dick when you're flying chad kroeger

what

Ahahahahahaha

Still remember reading this in 11th grade English class and laughing my ass off.

bump 4 avril

Perhaps she didn't get the memo...

lol I remember this article
many lulz are had

LMAO wtf lolol

4chad

haha maybe it was a gay hater that hit him with the rock

say it ain't so

People actually believed that this is true?

Holy fuck I lolled

LOL

Chad was here earlier

I'm gonna bookmark this and bump it every few months.

This is fucking indredible.

fucking lmao

Lol how have I never seen this?

lol

this means that the song "Something in your Mouth" is in fact autobiographical

Love this guy

Holy shit thanks for bumping this cause i forgot to put it on my bookmarks

*bookmarks*

Welcum ;]

Just going to leave this here.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MgJUhmhBiuA

wait what

it was on the most viewed list when i was on another article so i thought it was new but it's 2008 and
i was like "wait what" see above

ha

lol

haha holycrap

Forgot to bookmark this again

best bump thank you

fripper how old are you

green baron is about four times more mature than you, and like four years younger.

still the best news article ever

Dave strikes!

haha

thank you to the guy who bumped this

what the crap

I fuck the dead in my spare time

Laughing too hard in school right now.

lololol

so good

bookmarked!

*comments so article comes up in my discussions*

lmao

Milf

Aww you Canadians

^_______________^

Best bump ever

Here on sputnik we only have professional- quality news articles...except when it's too damn funny to pass up.

F-E-A-T-U-R-E

wat

haha wat

this made my day ah ah so so funny

wat

The fact that this qualifies as news is why Sputnik is great.

I swear, I'm gonna make a 'Sputniks greatest moments' list and this will be in there

"Photograph or didn't happen."

win.

anyone remember when you could rate news articles?

"Photograph or didn't happen"

So you want a picture of under aged Chad Kroeger's dick?

lookit this photograph, every time I see it makes me laugh?

It's never too old

wow this still gets bumped... rofl.

Almost as great as Balls's "Andcas Has Been Arrested" news article.

lol i never saw that... i was gone for a week or so and then when i came back everyone was going on about andcas leaving... care to explain what happened? i was always curious

also if that article still exists, hook me up brah

Was not expecting this from staff... but this is still the best news article on this website in a very looong time

"lol i never saw that... i was gone for a week or so and then when i came back everyone was going on about andcas leaving... care to explain what happened? i was always curious also if that article still exists, hook me up brah"

Balls posted a fake news article about Andcas being arrested and was demoted from contributor and banned or some shit like that. And then shortly after Balls was kicked off the site Andcas decided to leave and asked the mods erase all his comments and reviews and permaban him. And Sputnik was sad about it for a while, myself included. The news article was deleted like five minutes after it was posted but I saw it and was laughing my ass off.

lmao that's hilarious. i wonder what made andcas up and leave, he was a pretty prominent contributer
to the site. i remember i made my first account around the time he joined.

Oh, that's what happened? In that case Balls m/

AHAHHAAHHAHAHAAAAHAAHAHA Oh man this is hilarious. I was wondering how this was still up and then I realised it was a staff article. Priceless

God help us all.

"This is is not news-worthy. Like, at all."
Actually it is, for we have DOCUMENTED PROOF

This is the most news-worthy post since... well, ever.

im just happy that my boy chad kroeger ended up getting that beer he so desperately wanted

This is so TMZ-like, I'm surprised it isn't an Andcas article

This is way better than TMZ. They wouldn't have the balls to write something like this

"im just happy that my boy chad kroeger ended up getting that beer he so desperately wanted"

fucking lol.

im so happy this was bumped

same. it's such a ridiculously hilarious part of the site.

that and KILL's review of periphery. fucking golden.

gives ol sputty a rustic character

lmao sputty. cannot unsee that now

"same. it's such a ridiculously hilarious part of the site.

that and KILL's review of periphery. fucking golden."
WHY DOES EVERYONE FORGET THE CHRISTIAN COFFEE SHOP REVIEW?????

She'd be pissed if she could see the parts of me that i've been kissin'

We didn't need an article on this subject because we've all known this fact for a while. Still funny though.

Who knew that when he said "I like your pants around your feet", he was referring to your gay uncle.

I am glad this is on the most viewed list

Okay, sputnik.

keep the bump going

Sputnik will never forget, Chad

I wondered who's going to have the last comment of the year on this article...

bumped

Fuck off Inhalation. Thank you fripper.

I feel like if this were posted by a non-staff user, that person would get banned.

God, how long have you noobs been on this site for? 4 months? Geez.

Same shit. You don't even know kid....... you don't even know.

News to me.

f tha haterz

Wait, what?q?!

Wait you guys don't suck your own dick? Just me and chad?

Let's be real here guys, I probably would've sucked my own dick for beer when I was 14 too. Actually I probably would've sucked my own dick for no beer when I was 14. That being said Chad Kroeger is still a douche who does in fact suck balls.

I'm just thinking KILLs review

they should make a rule that you can't post in this thread if you weren't here when it was posted (and yes I'm aware that I missed it too, but fuck all these new users in here)

I'm gonna regret commenting on this...

it would never have gotten bumped then...

if only i had joined the site 4 months earlier tho

omgz

KEEP ON BUMPING THIS

There are a few sources of unlimited happiness, while most of them are reviews, some are this

indeed, hope this thread never dies.

How have I never seen this

And here I am, sat here with a stupid grin on my face. Thank you for this, it made my day!

Guess it's safe to say Chad figuratively and literally sucks dick now. XD

LITERALLY DAE AMIRITE?

THIS WILL ALWAYS BE RELEVANT

lol quite a feat there chad. props

Never forget.

Lol wow this is still going

"Oh this is still going. I'm fairly sure this story is the sole reason we don't have a "most viewed news stories" feature."

ta-da! your wish has been granted

do people like legit live on this website

"It was soft and required a lot of pulling. I really wanted that case of beer."

I love how it pops up at the top of the "Most Viewed" articles list. The BREAKING really makes it stick out.

DAE suck their own dick lelelelel 9gag army

Lol I fucking knew it!!!

-infinite bump-

Whenever I see this news post, I can't stop myself from laughing.

-infinite bump-[2]

bump

-smashing professionalism-

Is anyone even surprised about Kroeger's actions?

Yep that sounds about right

god is real

Thank you lord xenu

Called it.

Called it.

The "BREAKING" makes this article much more funny

hahaha

bum

"But did Chad really want the beer? Or was he trying to tell us something?"

Maybe he was referring to a different kind of "Sam Adams"

This still going? Hahha

Aaaaaaaaandddcaaaaaaasssass!!!!!!!!

I hope this stays relevant forever.

Looking back, he said he was 14 and much more flexible AT THE TIME. Is this him saying he's tried recently and knows he can no longer suck his own dick AGAIN? If so, for what reason was to suck it again? Two cases of beer?? lol

This is the most immortal bump I've ever seen.

impervious it wasn't just for the two cases of beer, he also wanted a packet of crisps as well

I thought he was looking for some Oscar Meyer

"Rain of fish" is an annual weather event in which hundreds of fish rain from the sky onto the city Yoro in Honduras!!!

I wonder if sucking his own dick was totally worth the beer. Was it shitty beer like Natie Ice? lol

my day=complete

Does this mean Nickelback is cool now?

Just out for a rip are ya chad?

AND THE TRAIN KEPT A ROLLIN

I just randomly remembered that this happened...damn you Chad.

Just out for a rip are ya chad?

more like just out for the tip

*swoosh*

...

yuuuuuuuuuuuuung leeeaaaan

in the cuuuuuuuuut
for some morphinee

#NeverForget

"THE WORLD MAY NEVER KNOW"

we need to inform a larger demographic about this

i want chad to be asked about this on the ellen show

why

Can't believe you guys bumped this again. Okay I can.

Haven't been on this thread for 2 years dayum, being old sucks.

I knew Avril had a dong.

yep, bumpin'

Fripp- yes

six - me and my friends just had a laugh about it in skype, so i beg to differ.

we're the scum of the earth, true deviants.

You say "savages" like it's a bad thing

We likes laughing at le may mays.

See, it's stupid.

#NeverForget [2]

#NeverForget [3]

lol this article

#NeverForget [69]

wtf

Gobble Gobble

Chad must still do this, he's been 14 all his fucking life.

his mom would be pissed if she could see the parts of himself that he's been kissin'

I see nothing wrong with it.

Keep the dream alive.

"his mom would be pissed if she could see the parts of himself that he's been kissin'"

Oh that's fucking gold. lmfao