Fuck yeah, best song ever. Just an amazing composition!

The vocals remind me of a bob dylan parody

god everything about this just sucks so much it makes cry.

no, not cry...

weep.

It's like someone's talking over Deaf Magnetic

Song is about as quality as the TV show it was inspired by

ugh.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

HUUUUUUUUGH...

HAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

imagine the worst song on st.anger and make it worse by adding someone with alzheimer's rambling overtop

Uhhhh.... what?

He's always sucked really, only stepped it up for Justice.

This song sucks.

fucking lol

If you're gonna make a piece of shit track like this, at least give it some odd time signature changes so it's interesting or something.

wat is this i dont even

fucking hilarious. i can't wait to hear the whole album

Oh god what was that? Really, what was that?

He is a table

the way he says despises makes me laugh

DespEYEses you!!!

So I actually quite like it.

this has to be a joke right

I AM THE TABLE

The same riff over and over again.

What a Piece of Shit.

Fucking hell this sucks. I'm so pissed off right now, fuck, shit, this is goddamn awful!

Metallica sound great, but Lou Reed brings the track down soooo bad. Go back to making your shitty guitar feedback albums, Lou.

iamthe table

Theres too much here to call them out on. I cant pick. Its terrible

I AM THE TABLE
I AM THE TABLE
I AM THE TABLE

New mantra each morning

You know it sucks when the new Nickelback is better than this.

Have you ever had large black dicks unwantingly shoved into your ear? I haven't, but I assume this is what it feels like.

I AM I AM I AM I AM I AM I AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHMMMMMM!






The Table.

Album of the year.

jesus christ. I've loved everything Metallica has ever put out....but.....what the fuck is this?

Ear cancer. Fucking ear cancer.

hahahahahahahahahaha

my god. I can't believe this is the same band that put out Ride The Lightning.

I can't even believe how bad this is.

Have you ever had large black dicks unwantingly shoved into your ear?







don't bring up traumatizing experiences. Took me years to get that out of my head.

this is worst than African Child

released on the same day as megadeth's song in spite

on another note, this song is atrocious, it certainly 'repels you'

i wonder if metallica listen to this and think, fuck yeah man this sounds metal as hell

st anger pt 2

"this is worst than African Child"

lol agreed...this could be one of the worst songs i've ever heard

i can't take the word despise seriously any more

i just think of desPIESing

Nowhere near as bad as I expected based on the clip. Lou has good rhythm and delivery on certain parts. Some of the lines are intriguing, some are not. We'll see how it all fits into the story. The last minute of the song is badass.

Anyway, can't wait to see this debut at #1 on the charts.

lol

"Some of the lines are intriguing"

Yeah bro, pure poetry.

I WANT TUH HAVE YOU DOWNING

You gotta admit the "second guessing, second guessing" part is genius.

^ This.

Yeah.... that was pretty shitty....

This is not THAT bad guys. I mean it's not good or anything but Christ it's not the worst song Metallica has ever made, not by a longshot.

might not top KILL KILL KILL KILL

ii like the part where the guitar riff goes dun nun nun nuh nuh nuhhhhh nuh

As someone who didn't have any hopes for this in the first place, I guess I'm not disappointed with how bad it is.

the fuck are you guys talking about, this is my favorite song.

write a positive review for it irving

I'm definitely interested in reviewing it regardless of how I feel about the record. Am watching a film adaptation of the play the album was supposedly inspired by as I type this.

No. Fuck this band. It's like they are trolling everyone to see how much the fans will put up with.

I need to listen to something better. Where's a copy of St. Anger?

They all need to Ride the lightning.

It's not as bad as everyone is saying it is. It's not very good either, but this is far from being absolutely terrible ...

Never thought it was possible for Metallica to set a new low.

Yea it's been a while. *insert couldwinarabbit partying too hard excuse*

''It's not as bad as everyone is saying it is. It's not very good either, but this is far from being absolutely terrible ...''


NO IT'S FUCKING ABSOLUTELY TERRIBLE...

wow, you guys are overreacting so much. Its not THAT BAD seriously.....having said that its not very good either.

fucking awful lol

Jesus this is terrible. Totally not enjoyable. At all.

"it's not the worst song Metallica has ever made, not by a longshot."

Yes it is...

This whole thing is a giant mindfuck. I hate this damn song but I also hate the Metallica fans on youtube who are like "who the fucks lou reed?"

This whole thing is confusing and shit, I'm going to go listen to Velvet Undergrounds first album and pretend this didn't happen.

the cover art even says lol on it

This has got to be another Machine Music thing...

Even Lou Reed sounds awful here.

he's the worst part

I AM THE TABLE.

it was pretty bad.

collaboration idea: maybe alright.
product: poop.

I think Lars was the worst part .. he was just pure shit

Just... what. This is really, really terrible.

At least James actually sounds quite good on this. Maybe it's because he is juxtaposed against some rambling homeless guy.

But overall, fucking puss.

This band is a fucking joke, WHY does this exist? They've been putting out nothing but SHIT since Black (Oh yes that album is a 5 compared to this shit)

this is plainly stupid. I am more excited to hear the new Nickelback album rather than this. so far everything is awful the cover, the view, can't wait for the next songs !!!

It's very... specific. If you have certain expectations how should Metallica sound like you'll be disillusioned because it's not another thrashy song. But there are 10000 good thrash bands already, and it's interesting how they experiment with their music. This song is at least acceptable - Reed's senile voice and dirty wall of dense sound go well together, and I like the solo at the end.

The YouTube comments and Like/Dislike ratio is great. Maybe this whole thing is all an elaborate troll of mammoth proportions.

I'm not disillusioned because it's not thrash.

I'm disillusioned because it's dull, repetitive, and sounds as if it's meant to be taken as a joke.

I can't imagine them sitting around a table and saying "alright, I'm just gonna play this riff and you're gonna say this stuff".

Artists involved must know this is fucking awful?

See if Lars was smart he would have put this out 20 years ago, then I promise NOBODY would have stolen their music with Napster.

What the fuck is this?! I am the table?! My gosh, this is complete and utter shit.

Gonna steal this

at least megadeth's new album is coming out soon

I'm not even going to hear it.

To the people who have heard it. Is is better or worse than St. Anger?

This is like if a drunk hobo crashed the St. Anger recording sessions and started rambling/singing about PIES and suicide but nobody really stopped him because they felt pity or something.

To be completely honest, you can't compare the two.

It's worse then St. Anger in overall music, but both are completely bad, and at least this one isn't Metallica's fault for it sucking. Well Lars' drumming is completely boring and simplistic, but other than that, and the fact James is a table.

Album is gonna rule.

''Gonna steal this''



Don't bother.

This is an abomination against human race , metallica and lou reed should retire with dignity

So yeah I can actually dig it

Lol @ this YouTube comment:

"I am The View, I am the table, I am Barbara Walters, I am Whoopi Goldberg..."

But yeah, that song is pretty terrible.

hahahaha con

It pains me to say this, but I literally couldn't get through 10 seconds of a second listen; I figured that if I listened a couple times I finally might find something decent in there. Nope.

Here's to hoping this is a massive troll job, and that Dave releases Endgame pt. 2 to make up for it especially if its NOT a troll job.

wow... anybody still think St anger sounds bad after this?

This song.... Lou Reed was the wrong choice for vocalist. This sounds like... I just... WHAT THE FUCK?

is this for real? it honestly sounds like it's a joke. It is that fucking bad.

This song sounds like it was composed, sung and drummed by my dead grandmother. She is surprisingly bad.

might be a joke. surely cant be so bad ?

'' wow... anybody still think St anger sounds bad after this?''



No, I think it sounds better compared to this.

WTF BRO?!

This is simply a mess

Again, this isn't a metallica album children

"Again, this isn't a metallica album children"

Doesn't change the fact that this is crap.

Song is absolutely hysterical.

Honestly, i'm actually looking forward to this thing now. I have a feeling i'm gonna enjoy this album in the same ways that i should've enjoyed Deconstruction by Devin Townsend. Hilariousness and pretentiousness to the nth degree, however as opposed to Decon, this album isn't aware that it possesses those traits, which makes it all the more entertaining.

Hey now, I never said this isn't crap

True, you didn't. Caffeine hadn't set in yet, and my half sleeping mind assumed that you meant it wasn't.

This would have been pure win if it was an angry Wilferd Brimley diabetic rant.

Of course not. In fact this song has killed all hope I had left for Metallica.

It's like if you tried to make The Residents metal and suck at the same time, except instead of using their spoken word delivery, they brought in Maximum Bob to give it a whirl, lyrics and all.

Terrible.

really hate the vocals. this collaboration was the worst idea ever

oh my. wtf happened

These kinds of news items always seems to bring out the stupidest users with the stupidest comments. The last thirty users ahead of me should all get their heads out of their pretentious, self-important asses.

"wow... anybody still think St anger sounds bad after this?"

Ill be honest, I think I'm in the minority when I say I really liked St. Anger, and as such, I am now in the mood to listen to it to get this song out of my head. Going to appreciate it even more, now.

MUST... FIGHT... GROUPTHINK...

BLARGH AHHH THIS SUCKS SO BAD

irving just cause someone doesn't like it doesn't mean they're pretentious

actually, we should be concerned if someone actually does like it

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lv2qLOiioPc

Of course it doesn't have to mean they're pretentious, but you guys certainly are.

this is so bad though

there is nothing likeable about it. the riff is boring and it's all the instruments do. and lou reed's vocals are just spoken words with some melody in the chorus which isn't that interesting anyway

and this, as the lead single, is meant to be the best song

sucks hard

I like how the talking and the instruments don't correspond to eachother in any way.

Album was obviously made so reed wouldn't die broke

lou reed just sounds senile. he's just babbling some shit repeatedly throughout the whole song, sometimes kinda hinting at some kind of distorted singing

I think you guys are missing the point here a little. The fact that the project is based on a
hundred and ten year-old German tale and is derived from music written for plays specifically
written for that story probably suggests that hooks, thrashy riffs, and killer drumming sections are
of secondary importance. Maybe the concept of investigating the inner mind of a prostitute who goes
through several partners, from rags to riches to rags again, and ends up being killed by Jack The
Ripper himself requires more than just THRASH THRASH THRASH THRASH.

And let's face it guys: since when did any of you come to Metallica for particularly good
instrumental skills and Dave Mustaine's growly vocals anyway? We all know you hate Lars Ulrich
because he's not as good as about 75% of the drummers out there, and nothing he can ever do might
change that. Ripping on them for a.) not having produced what you expected (which you probably
shouldn't have in the first place) and b.) not having skills they never had in the first place reeks
to me of pretentiousness and ridiculous levels of self-arsery.

And this logic:

and this, as the lead single, is meant to be the best song

is quite silly.

To be honest, it's just boring. There's way worse material out there.

"And this logic:

and this, as the lead single, is meant to be the best song

is quite silly."
how? it's perfectly reasonable. if this is meant to be the best example of the whole album, it doesn't seem like it's gonna be particularly good

how?

Oh, merely for the fact that I can think of about five hundred albums where the lead single wasn't the best song on the album. Moreover, look at the track times for this beast: only three tracks present themselves with the brevity (defined as sub-six-and-a-half-minutes) required for a single release.

fair enough

but this is still terrible.

"Maybe the concept of investigating the inner mind of a prostitute who goes
through several partners, from rags to riches to rags again, and ends up being killed by Jack The
Ripper himself requires more than just THRASH THRASH THRASH THRASH"

it doesn't reflect any kind of emotion like that

"And let's face it guys: since when did any of you come to Metallica for particularly good instrumental skills and Dave Mustaine's growly vocals anyway?"

wut?

I would quote you the specific lyrics in the song that deal with the subject matter, but I really have much better things to do with my time.

AnarchistFish, dude, I'm sorry if I'm being ridiculously brash. It just pains me to see about three dozen idiots (you are not included) with no idea of who or what Lulu is shit on the album and its creators on the basis of ONE SINGLE TRACK. It's like them reading the back of a horror book and deciding to crap on the whole damn thing because they didn't like the gist of it. And also because they wanted a detective novel.

irving not every person who said this song is bad believes what you assumed we all did.

I personally could care less what they're rambling about, that is if I'm supposed to listen to the same lame riff for 5 1/2 min to hear about it

"I personally could care less what they're rambling about"
how much could you care less

A bad Metallica album, what a surprise

that was a good laugh

through several partners, from rags to riches to rags again, and ends up being killed by Jack The
Ripper himself requires more than just THRASH THRASH THRASH THRASH.


Gonna go listen to whitechapel now

"A bad Metallica album, what a surprise."

Not a Metallica album

I literally laughed out loud listening to this.

This song make St. Anger look like Master of Puppets

^And as such, I will be buying for two reasons:
1) It has Metallica in the name/playing on the record, so I must buy as a massive fan.
2) Given the immense length of the album, over 80 minutes, there has to be some sort of bright spot on this. There has to be...right?...??

Lou Reed has some great/incredible albums.

I blame Metallica being boring and Reed being older than dirt.

It was bound to fail really. I'm glad they are releasing this though for comedic value alone this gets a 5/5

Irving, I'm only hating this because Lou Reed's vocals were beyond ridiculously bad. And just because the story is cool
doesn't make it any less of a shitty song. Take the greatest conceptual album in history, make every song sound like
Friday, and no one would like it.

Hobo music

Whether it's a Metallica album or not, and whether the story is interesting or not, it's just plain
bad. No one should be exposed to such an abomination of a song.

this is really bad but I can't stop listening...

HE IS THE TABLES

Is this a fucking joke? That was soo bad.

Overkill : Ironbound
Megadeth : Endgame
Exodus : Exhibit B : The Human Condition
Anthrax : Worship Music
Kreator : Hordes of Chaos
Metallica : Lulu

One of these things, is not like the others..... one of these things just isn't the same....

^ Indeed. One of them is titled "Lou Reed and"...

I didn't actually think it was at all bad.......

Hell, it was interesting.

ummmm...

what the hell

i love it

Keep in mind however that (according to Rolling Stone) these songs are written by Lou Reed with "significant arrangement contributions" from Metallica.
Which means that this is not a Metallica album, it's more like an experiment and as such, I wouldn't go as far as to compare it to Master Of Puppets.

http://www.rollingstone.com/music/blogs/alternate-take/exclusive-metallica-and-lou-reed-join-forces-on-new-album-20110615

When I first heard the 90 second clip I thought it was awful, but hearing the full song I actually think its pretty good. It actually does a good job at mixing the positives of both acts and it is actually making me excited to get the full album. I would agree that "I am the Table" may be one of the worst lyrics ever.

Megadeth Wins

[Mortal Kombat Pose]

Metallica's contribution to Lulu looks like Kamen's contribution to S&M. It sounds like an interesting experiment to me

finally listened to it.... first two minutes of Lou Reed being... terrible at being terrible. At least the ending was somewhat good.

writing the album off now, tempted to listen to St. Anger now if I wanna listen to something better than this.


I AM THE TABLE! I WANNA SEE YOU ON THE FLOOR!

not really my thing. chorus wasn't that bad imo.

Even though this was bad; I didn't think it was that bad.

I AM THE TABLE!

http://www.thevine.com.au/resources/IMGRELATED/iamtable_260911043142.jpg

my only question is why does sputnik care so much
everything about this screams 'Who gives a fuck'

"Gonna go listen to whitechapel now"

That's what I was thinking.

And this is lolbad.

If they wouldve just had Hetfield sing, it wouldnt have been AS bad.

Still really fucking boring though since its the same riff repeated for over 5 minutes

I just want to cry listening to this... Aren't these the guys who wrote Fade to Black?

Metallica be trollin'

Lulu's round ma neck

This is a piece of fucking shit. It pisses me off that Metallica would even contribute to something like this. what is that dead fucking piece of fur shit mumbling in the microphone?

this has got to be a joke! guys?.....guys?!

this wasn't as bad as I was expecting after skimming through this comment section, at times it was actually kind of cool


and yeah, this is not a Metallica record

Might listen to this for the sheer amount of lolz it's seemed to have garnered.

I think the upcoming album will get much worse ratings than St.Anger...

this sounds.....weird. but it still has to potential to be something good. but these expectations are very low now. VERY LOW.

This song is absolutely horrible.

I'm madly in anger with you

Rumor has it that James Hetfield is "the table". So awful

wesley willis is rolling in his grave.

I once put my dick in a blender. It was the worst thing that I had experienced in my life before I heard this song.

Dear god...

My lifestyle determines my deathstyle

what the fuck

Why is everyone so hung up on the "I am the table" lyric? You realize he isn't calling himself a piece of furniture, right?

Regardless, I fail to see how that could be in contention for the worst Metallica lyric ever when something like "what don't kill ya make ya more strong" exists. Or maybe that's okay simply because it's paired with a pseudo-thrash riff?

i want you on the floor

i think DEATH MAGNETIC kiks ass but that was poop

Yeah, this is all kinds of bad.

"Metallica's contribution to Lulu looks like Kamen's contribution to S&M. It sounds like an interesting experiment to me"

totally agree thats a good comparison. i actually like this i like some of lou reeds stuff like take a walk on the wild side, he never "sung" (if you that singing) good. but its pretty interesting, hope the story flows well in the record.

Hahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahaha seriously I can't help it hahahahahahahaha

Someone take the crash cymbals off that drum kit...

But seriously, 'I am the table'? Wtf?

The lyrics aren't the worst part

Oh man some of your guy comments made me laugh, I haven't even heard this yet. Jamming this ASAP lol

*Edit*

Oh wow, now what the heck was that?

So the Beatles give us I am the Walrus these fellas give us I am the table.

Album was obviously made so reed wouldn't die broke [2]

It's a mess, probably one of the worst songs ever recorded.

I don't get it. Honestly, I don't understand the point of this. There's overwhelming dislike for this, even from die hard Metallica fans. Do they honestly expect it to sell well at all?

Fuck off Lou Reed, never heard of you until this but by God man, LEARN TO SING

you've never heard of lou reed? dude

I'm gonna be honest, that was significantly worse than I expected. Based on what people were saying, I knew it was gonna be bad, but I had no idea it would be THAT bad.

Im the biggest Metallica fan there is and this is fucking indefensible.

I'm sorry Hans, but for once I gotta say you're wrong.

How have Metallica not aborted this like an unwanted druglord's bastard son?

Also: Torben Ulrich is disappoint.

I'm sorry Hans, but for once I gotta say you're wrong.

He's not the one that's in the wrong here.

This song is bad....it makes St Anger sound amazing.

This is a new level of suck for Metallica. Can't say that I didn't see this coming, though. They have proved to be completely non-caring when it comes to their direction and songwriting.

I am the table should be a meme by now

^ oh it is

I can already see idiots defending this like St. Anger alllll over again

Fuck off Lou Reed, never heard of you until this but

Comedic value 5/5

Gimme two, gimme fie, gimme djkvnjrgbhjlqergipejgipuagipjetaipgjairoguipbp....I AM TEH TABLEZ!

heard it on the radio already

Hmmm, huge MetFan here.

This song is first of all boring.

I don't remember reading anywhere that Jaymz suffered from nerve damage of the hands and can't play the guitar anymore... What's up with the same boring riff for 4 minutes? I'm assuming it's by design, but WHY?

Admittedly, the last minute or so is great, but a bit too little too late to salvage this bizarre collaboration. Lou Reed's "contributions" are definitely super sucky. Yikes!

I guess it's true that if you're showered with tens of Million$ after a gigantic career your 20 y.o. angst and inspiration kind of die along... Pity.

i wonder if james hetfield wil sign my table

Oh wait, he is the table

I wonder if they'll release a coffee table book that turns into a coffee table

If this was released as a joke, I think it is to make fun of everyone defending it.

My god this is shite.

Hulk Hogan & The Wrestling Boot Band > Metallica

I AM THE TABLE!

Hulk Hogan & The Wrestling Boot Band > Everything

Metallica could release a 90 minute album of a collaboration between themselves and lou reed shitting and farting all over the mic in different directions with various pooping methods and people will buy it because it's metallica.

EDIT:

didn't realize what i wrote was spot on.

"I can already see idiots defending this like St. Anger alllll over again"

@ Sonicspeed500 - Fuck YOU!!! and your close minded pea sized brain!! i love St. Anger and if that makes me an "idiot" so be it. people like you should take a look in the mirror and think why can't i accept someone else liking something i do not. i HATE rap but i understand why people like it and i don't call them idiots!!! and i defend St. Anger from closed minded pricks! like your self! i know it has many faults but darn i like it anyway, oops im an idiot now? fuck off!

lol wtf was that

St. Anger is not a good album dude. And you should listen to some rap records, there's lots of good ones.

BTW

http://qkme.me/3552d4

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jwaV_YZMIqY

After Lulu the collaboration will continue with 3 more albums as a result:
- Reed The Lightning
- Lou'd
- ReLou'd

^ Lmfao

getting head to this doesn't even make it good

I would just like to say, I heard this on the radio yesterday. I cried.

Sorry Lars...I just don't get it
Probably too tridimensional for me right now

But this will win a Grammy Award...as always...

Someone put up a version without lou reed's vocals
Still sucks

@ StrizzMatik - i was in a bad mood sorry, but im not an idiot for liking or "defending" an album
for it positives and overlooking the negatives. i know many people don't like St. Anger i love it
though cant say why just do, and there's many others too, not the majority i know .(i wrote a review
if you want to read).

-about rap- i only got into like Eminem, some old public enemy , rundmc very few songs but i
generally really dislike rap. lyrics annoy me mostly especially now a days all about drugs, sex,
money and the "ghetto" (not the real one of course) and a lot of it is sexist towards women , no
instruments no
singing just rapping/talking over computerized "beats" and now a days their doing weird synthesizer
vocals on many rap, hip-hop and pop songs (i hate that!) , it's just not my cup of tea thanks any
way.
p.s.- and
just because i dislike/hate it, i don't think your and "idiot" for liking it or defending it for its
positives ;)

props to lou reed for actually making me care about a new metallica release. i mean, i don't necessarily care about it in a positive way, but if this were just an ordinary metallica album, i'd probably just be like "meh".

ewww make it stop