Hello and welcome back to our ongoing sexification of Staff past and present and hopefully present-and-future by way of deep-diving casual-reading power-lifting interview posi-sharking antics: Sputnik’s very own Meet the Spartans. Steel yourself as impossible questions are posed and the Staffers you wish you’d had the courage or attention span to acknowledge surpass your wildest expectations.

Today we embrace the softest boi of all the bois. He is wonderful, we all love him, and I am now going to think deep thoughts about hugging him instead of beefcaking up an uncomely introduction. Pleae make some candid noises of appreciation for… BlushfulHippocrene! 

Hello! 

 Salam.

 Who are you, and why does your name begin with Blushful? 

My username, BlushfulHippocrene, is a Keats reference (from ‘Ode to a Nightingale’: ‘O for a beaker full of the warm South, / Full of the true, the blushful Hippocrene’). Pretty embarrassing, but aptly so I guess. I don’t remember what my thinking was; but I’d been studying Keats in high school literature, I probably thought the phrase was interesting, I forgot the p/w to my old account, I was dying of boredom in Pakistan, and I wanted to 5.0 a Bon Iver album. Hence, the first thing I could come up with: BlushfulHippocrene. I’m glad people started calling me Blush; I wince when I have to read the full thing. 

You’re one of the most floaty huggable chillpeople on the interspace. I love this, but I also love bursting balloons: what’s something unexpected that makes you lose your cool,…

Not long ago most of us death-nerds found ourselves listening to the new Obscura record. ‘A Valediction’ came out in a particularly busy release week alongside other names such as Adele, Converge and Chelsea Wolfe, Exodus, Swallow The Sun, Pathology and many others. Naturally I thought we’d make the band’s release week just a little busier and singled out Obscura personality, head-honcho and guitarist, Steffen Kummerer.

Here’s how it went.

Hello, Steffen, and welcome to the obscure reaches of the internet we like to call Sputnikmusic[dot]com. We’re home to a myriad of peoples and argue constantly over which albums are the best of their respective years — sometimes we even agree. Maybe you’ve heard of the site before?

There is nothing better than arguing about which band, album or song might be better than anything else with people you don’t even know. Yes, I am aware of the page and especially the well-written reviews on Sputnikmusic.

While the site looks like it hasn’t crawled out of the early-to-mid 2000s we at least try to keep up with as much modern music as we can get our fingertips to. Some of us feel quite spoiled with the quality of music being released during 2021. Are there any releases that have tickled your fancy this year?

Every year, new great albums see the light of day. In 2021, Hypocrisy, Nestor, Unanimated, Archspire, Lucifer and many more released new records I listen to constantly. A while…

Hello and welcome back to our ongoing sexification of Staff past and present and hopefully present-and-future by way of deep-diving casual-reading power-lifting interview posi-sharking antics: Sputnik’s very own Meet the Spartans. Steel yourself as impossible questions are posed and the Staffers you wish you’d had the courage or attention span to acknowledge surpass your wildest expectations.

Today we welcome the most expensive cocoa in the Staff chocolate cupboard. He is a gentlemen among warthogs. He prances heavenwards while the rest of us wipe our noses with our unpaid utility bills. He knows how to write, he’s the essence of charm and dignity when on duty, and he’s too nice to do much more than ignore the hell out of your sorry arse if you’re not up to standard. Believe you me, that’s the treatment most of us deserve and (oh fuckin’ yes) receive. Give it up for the one, the only… Pon! 

Pon. Hi.

Henlo!

What is your alignment?

Based on others’ assessments of me I’m either lawful or chaotic neutral. So I guess I’m completely self-serving and my methods depend on the situation.

Why are you named after a Kyary Pamyu Pamyu song?

“Pone” gave way to “Pön”, which resulted in an attempt to have my Sput name changed to the latter. Regrettably, because Sput’s code is as old as the internet itself, the accented character broke the site…

Hello and welcome back to our ongoing sexification of Staff past and present and hopefully present-and-future by way of deep-diving casual-reading power-lifting interview posi-sharking, Sputnik’s very own Meet the Spartans. Steel yourself as impossible questions are posed and the Staffers you wish you’d had the courage or attention span to acknowledge surpass your wildest expectations.

Today’s hot bod in the hot seat is a dreamer of dreams, an upside-down-er of opportunities, a cipher of ciphers, an animal for unexpected hype, and an unmasker of hidden faces in places you never knew faces were to be found. He has facets also. Please give it up for: Winesburgohio! 

Who the hell are you?

I feel like this should clear things up. Otherwise! Eyes: Poo-brown. Hair: Balding remains of once leonine and voluptuous locks :O. Sex: if you insist! etc.

How did you originally arrive on this website, and what convinced you to stick around?

O.K. bear with me: I must have stumbled on this website in my teen years – surely one couldn’t have loved Circle Takes the Square and Kayo Dot in the ‘00s and not have cursorily browsed spitnuk at least once – but I was actually put onto it by Zach Savage, a man who I have never met and will never meet. I friended him on facebook because we were the only two people who had the wit to add “allocating resources” to our “likes”; he recommended sput and the rest was history! I’ve formed really strong friendships with…