Michael Nyman brings the lulz 2008-01-24 by Iai EMERITUS | 10 Comments | What with all the famous, influential musicians who've died of late, I thought I might report this highly amusing story I uncovered in my fiancee's January copy of Grazia Magazine.
The story is all about a woman (Z-list actress Jane Slavin) who contacted a man over Facebook, only to have him date her for a couple of months and then never return her calls. She then created a false MySpace account under the alias Lucia Keenan to lure him into a further date, on which she confronted him over his poor treatment of his lady friends.
The lulz comes from the fact that the man in question is award-winning, world-famous film score composer Michael Nyman, famous for his work on such films as The Piano and The Cook, the Thief, His Wife & Her Lover and for such stand-alone works as The Man Who Mistook His Wife For A Hat.
It gets better. Under the Lucia alias, Slavin has written an online diary of her experiences with Nyman called 'The Facebook Diaries'. In this, she reports how she was surprised to learn that Nyman was 'as short as Ronnie Colbert', and that he produced 'a remarkable amount of dandruff'. Nyman is, of course, bald. She also remarked that it would have been nice if he'd trimmed the hair out of his ears, and that the '30 or 40 naked Barbie dolls' that he kept on his bed were a little creepy. She goes on to make the incredible claim that Nyman sent Lucia around 100 online messages in a single day, most of them explicit.
Want MORE funniez?! He has a discoloured, smaller than average trouser snake. He's so tight with money that he once shared a taxi with Slavin and forced her to pay her half (consider, for a second, their respective earnings over the past 25 years for the scale of this meanness). In fairness, however, Nyman described Slavin as a 'fucking genius' when she revealed her treachery.
The blog is as yet uncompleted, but Slavin claims that 'when he finds out about the blog - especially the grand ending - he'll never speak to me again.' It is believed that she is planning a book release.
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Tagged: Michael Nyman
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Wtf.
The weirdest part is definitely the barbies.
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Ditto to the above statement.
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Ditto.
This is pretty lulzy though. The news section just gets funnier and funnier.
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I am seriously considering the fact that everyone here is a in the closet /b/tard
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I'm just surprised that short bald dudes have facebook.
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that story is fucking RIDICULOUS. jesus.
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wow
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Grandmas Boy anyone? I can't stop, it feels so good. As for the news, a bit odd but humorous.
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lol
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Who gives a flying fuck
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