good luck y'all

tempted to apply for contrib but I think Jom might just insta ban me if I do

Gonna apply!

excited to become staff this year

Can a contrib still build personal portfolios for “big person jobs”? 🧐🤔

nope Jom will find you if you do

Here we go!!!! Get in there.

wow cool. if i were at all consistent in both quality and quantity of my reviews and had time irl i'd have applied. but from what i've had the chance to read, i'd suggest these fellows for promo: ArsMoriendi, ReturnToRock, PsychicChris, Trifolium, Mythodea, DivergentThinking, porcupinetheater, e210013, OSEL (if only he were more consistent), Pheromone

Dont hurt me if I do jom

Gonna get promoted and write nothing but Toby Driver/Peter Steele height-play fanfic

ArsMoriendi, ReturnToRock, PsychicChris, Trifolium, Mythodea, DivergentThinking, porcupinetheater, e210013, OSEL (if only he were more consistent), Pheromone - literally all of these are on our VETO list, sorry boiz

does VETO stand for Very Eligible To Overpromote?

I will become the next site moderator

Where do the biggle boys fit into this equation?

And can we assemble a crack satirical news team with Johnny at the helm?

"And can we assemble a crack satirical news team with Johnny at the helm?"

How do we upvote on this thing?

i would like to apply to write gay fanfics in the blogs section is this something you are looking for

I think you'll have to send that particular resume off to caliggyjack

I already applied for that one Sint, let's not make this harder than it needs to be

I'd like to apply to write weekly columns on the impacts of penguin-led corporations on the communities in Rwanda

Hotel Rwanda, Club Penguin. The implications are harrowing

we could collaborate perhaps?

on the real though the blog section is wholly underutilised and maybe having dedicated blog writers might bring a bit of variety here

could do things like user polls and tournaments or other regular features in a much more digestible manner there

Can’t believe this is still a thing.

Sputnikmusicdotcom, you mean?

Applied!

Dewi in with an early charge. : ]

I used my application last year as a campaign for granite to get staff so who should I use it for this time

"Dewi in with an early charge. : ]"

Same here, lol. I already put mine in as well

wait people still write reviews on this site?

why not, I'll do this again

I would like to apply to continue to be the resident butt.

can i be emeritus

Butt. : Granted. Please continue your excellent work.
JustJoe. : You are emeritass, please report to Divaman

what have i gotten myself into again

I wasn't aware Diva was in such a position of power

"I think you'll have to send that particular resume off to caliggyjack"

You called?

What's this about a gay fan-fic columnist position? I'm in.

I have one review I wrote like 10 years ago...well it was a lot of hard work but I think I’m ready to be staff.

Everybody hates me which makes me prime material for straff

it makes you prime material to fuck off

prime Discourse only, yall know the kind

Johnny can you be my sponsor I'll be good for exactly one day longer than my probationary period I promise

nolerthemalding

I like this idea

I like it a lot

i am wary about sponsoring anyone since i told the contrib groupchat i'd put in a good word for anyone who immediately bumped the Punisher thread and they all did

porc, i can promise undisclosed favours if you switch your ywgwww and fetch ratings and then, idk, give someone a massage

Johnny inceptioned us all in preparation for this announcement with his Phoebe article, smooth operator

I think it's time for me to apply. I really love writing, but I'm not sure I would be able to meet the demands.

Ugh, I'm really tempted this time...

I refuse to write or conduct myself as such, but I'd like to be staff plz.

i support mims on this one

I already thought Dewi was staff

Is this what a premonition feels like or do I just not pay enough attention?

applied for contrib because why not fingers crossed bois

Get off Sputnik Ecna haven’t you seen Final Destination what are you doing??

You can do anything you set your mind to, man. Eminem said so.

Oh no

If there is a fiery plane crash and I'm the only survivor, we got problems

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EorQUyKXEAEXyfA.jpg

We're all gonna die one by one according to the order we posted in this thread. Number of comments = number of red herrings in your set-piece

Okay applied for contrib let’s see what happens

Just wanna say that seeing Ecnalzen, MiguelAngel and some of the contribs give me good feedback has made me continue writing (even tho I just started)

I heard if I write 69 solid rock hard reviews, I can be staff

fact or fiction?

Dewinged’s a shoo-in, and well-deserved

i third this notion

promote e210013

hey i know i dont review stuff but let me be staff anyways for shits and giggles it'll be funny

His Name *Is* Pencil, after all

I'm a software engineer give me the keys to the car and I will implement all the features

sputnikmusic.com
now with cup holders

if sputnik gets cup holders I'm leaving

"Just wanna say that seeing Ecnalzen, MiguelAngel and some of the contribs give me good feedback has made me continue writing (even tho I just started)"
- Hey hey! Thanks for the mention. Glad I could help! They may want you to hone your writing a little more before popping you up with a contrib tag but who knows? It doesn't hurt to apply

I want to go to the Sputnik Steakums would make for us

Applied for Contrib. Wish me luck.

+100 for Dewinged

Dewi, please get on the stage so we can all see and cheer for you

I am interested in very public demotion for inactive or poorly behaved tagged members more than anything.

Also sarcastic Johnny news sounds like the best thing that could ever possibly happen to this site.

Damn, people, thanks for the love, good luck to everyone that applied, and those in doubt give it a shot, you never know!

+1 on sarcastic news. It should be the standard from now on.

Once again, lots of great writers on here. Good luck everyone!

good luck everyone! nothing but track by track revs from now on please

Aiiiiight excited to see new faces! Good luck y'all

if only i had written more revs :[ stoopid medical school

come on, fedex, we need more reviewers than doctors

A doctor eh? Are you sure it’s not just because dedex is already a contrib and only one kid in the tower of kids under the trench coat can show their face, or it gives the game away

you are absolutely right gene *drops out*



@staffers make me contrib to disprove porc's theory

good luck all < 3

pls pls pls apply for contrib if you're on the fence about it. we're lovely and friendly i promise and occasionally there are cookies and occasionally there are not.

What have I told you, you can’t promise cookies. We can’t eat pictures.

but what if we don't get in? then we'll be even more on the fence

i mean i'm not on the fence i am both feet in the garden scratching the window longing for the hypothetical days when I'll be able to rate in 0.1 increments

0.1 is not a staff perk. Give it back to the people!

it is a staff perk now bcs it broke the site when it wasn't


i was there, Death had ratings in the ballpark of 6.10E99/5


come to think of it, bring it back yea

@someone, generally speaking (without experiencing a moment of foot in mouth) some staffers will provide insight into why a participant didn’t rise this time. If you’re a serious user (i.e. less shit post, more responsible) it may come down to a few little things; lack of experience, not quite consistent enough, writing skills to work on etc. On that note I can tell you you’ll be able to get a sincere response.

Then there’s those ghost promotions....

Good luck to everyone who will apply.

Tldr: if you’re on the fence, apply. If nothing else it helps put you on the radar for the year after.

I'm seriously thinking of applying. Feeling active this year.

if you’re on the fence, apply [2]

I remember when I thought that to be a ''Contributing Reviwer'', you should be contributing by adding a band to the site (because at the bottom of any band page it says ''Contributors'' haha)

ghost promotions? feels kinda weird if one's only chance of promotion is posthumously

Worked for a whole bunch of guys. Some of our staffers rose through the ranks in such a manner.

Applied

good lad

Atta boi Tundra

*quiet applause*

is there a way to see who applied?

ya login to jom's account

I AM the Senate/Jom.

mmm. well I voice my support for all who apply, and actually want the position.

if pheromone or porcupine applied, I support them in particular.

Applied.

I feel I may have screwed my application, though. I think I talked a bit too much about my pros and cons as a writer. The supervisor will probably want to see a short/concise text.


Best of luck to all the applicants!

good luck, applicants!

Sputnikmusic March Madness ahoy!

Good luck to every applicant!

> site copyright 2005-2019

im gonna buy the copyright n force myself into a mod position

shit, he's on to us ... quick, someone fetch the ban hammer!

let's see, should i go for a 3rd declination?

Phero we gotta apply underqualified historical reviewing pace notwithstanding let's set this contrib app on FIRE my LOVE

for sure porc, between the two of us we could probably muscle out a couple reviews every month, as long as anat produces music at a buckethead-like speed

plus, the 5 pos maximum would be hidden under that silky sweet contrib status. hmmm, has joint contrib ever been a thing ?

@ian we love you just DO IT don't let your dreams be dreams

applied, if I make the cut I promise to develop entertaining rivalries with at least 2 other contribs and get into twice as many heated arguments in news threads

That's the Kompys2000 guarantee!

bro i will engage you in the fiercest of fisticuffs

If Sitar can make it then anything's possible

so true

Holy shit Asleep bein' so fucking wholesome in the thread fucking LOVE to see it

also asleep

> bro i will engage you in the fiercest of fisticuffs

"If Sitar can make it then anything's possible"

I strive to inspire :]

Good luck everybody!

applying rn because ben and sitar are too kind to me to say no to

Ah, the old guilt trip. Smooth moves guys.

Contrib status will be immediately revoked if there is not a physical altercation within the first week of obtaining said status. You have from now until then to train.

ive been training for it since '17/'18 mars, you should be the one preparing >:^)

hey i could swear there were like twice the amount of contributors than are now when i first joined

>OSEL (if only he were more consistent)

have we met?

no, but i'm familar with your writing

ah and I'm familiar with your love of stimming *bounces legs*

Fuck it I'll apply. This is my pre-emptive cover letter: I don't have to work two gigs anymore so my past pace ain't indicative of potential future pace, why not, let's boogie

*bounces legs back*

i applied, shouldve probably noted that a lot of my recent review appearances arent actually on my profile lmao, but seems like you guys are kind of lacking in the numbers department (at least since 2016-18), and even if im on the veto list again, i hope you guys can at least keep me in consideration (or reconsideration for that matter lmao)

@porcupinetheater Good luck mate!

Never, Jom, I'll never stop voting for you.

Make Jom's avatar bigger (again)

Wait, I can bypass vetting for news articles?! Oceanic correspondent checking in, send any and all meme worthy breaking news to my shoutbox please

I want to apply for a Sputnik staff, so I can become a mighty Russian Cleric, and wield my magical man staff for the good of humanity.

And I tried searching for the contrib app in the Google Playstore, but come up with Coin Trip?

When I learn how to develop apps, I'll apply for moderator in chief, and make a Sputnik app that's easy to use on all mobile devices.

Milo's got the beat on the street finding the scraps and tatters for Johnny's massive satire machine.

It's our very own Sweet Smell of Success

man slothsam is kinda onto something, not too far off of the social media and multimedia ideas that i brought up in my application

Hire Nik Nocturnal

SlothcoreSam in here writing lyrics for the next Black Country album

Good luck to everyone applying!

SlothcoreSam is just an anagram for Steve Jobs; coincidence? i think not.

Ssshhhhhhhhhh

I just want the job so I can give In Through the Out Door the 4.9 it deserves

Flex if you’ve got flex.

apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply APPLY pls i want new contrib frens tnx < 3

We suddenly not good enough for you bro?



Serious though: Apply [2]

Nocte bb i love you but i need new frens for when you are inevitably elevated above us mere morals to the lofty heavens of staffness

Apply [3]

It’s hard to make calls like that when I’m surrounded by the current talent.

Thread is long but the first 1/3 I read was quality.

Bump

Yes, ba-bump

Deadline for apps is tomorrow

Get off the fence and join the good cause

we want YOU to apply

is there really such a thing as a veto list

you want me to apply dedex? :]

steak for staff or we all migrate to metal-archives

steak for staff justjoe. for emeritus & phero for ghost mod or we resurrect cokemachineglow & use it for evil

yes petition signed and dated

"is there really such a thing as a veto list"
Yes. It's a crumpled up piece of paper in Joms back pocket that he carries with him at all times. It's blank, save for your name.
Jk parks you should apply when you write it is lovely < 3

Just applied!

Good luck < 3

Tick tick on that deadline folks : )

good luck to everyone who applied of course as always !!!

Can I apply to get my staff cleaned.
I think I've got some hitch - hiking organisms taking shelter under my prepuce,
they've been feeding off my smegma for weeks,
they are becoming obese,
Gonna get my new friends on weight watchers,
Feed em some amphetamines,
Gonna get them to dance to Billy Eilish in a creepy necrophile way,
I'll nurture them, and show them the ways of Sputnik.

I nominate my Smegmatic organisms for staff!

Applied for comptroller

Best of luck friend.

ok, guys i am ready to apply now

where's the app?

uh oh. Did someone miss the deadline?

no, no, no i took that down in my diary to make sur--

ah fuck

I don't know if it would work, but you could possibly ask Jom? There might be a late fee though?

send your late fee to my bank acc direct pls thanks I'm poor

How many bitcoins?

i actually did apply i dont rly know where i was going with this i am in a lecture i am sorry good luck me

asleep i will send you £1 worth of bitcoin

woah nocte we made a bitcoin comment at the same time !

technically I was first lol : ]

Still best of luck to those with the balls (or vag parts) to apply.

"asleep i will send you £1 worth of bitcoin"

i will take it

do not worry, i had the foresight to invest that £1 gift to you into gamestop stocks a month or so ago, we're going to the moon!

good. i expect at least a 100% return on my (lack of) investment.

When do we find out who got promoted to contrib/staff?

Following

Good luck to all who applied! Lots of gr8 writers on this site!

"When do we find out who got promoted to contrib/staff?"
beginning of March

Unless someone posts a Tool review

When should we expect to see the results?

Beginning of March

look up two comments

when do the results for this come out?

@Sowing when do we find out who is the father??

Do you think I should get this lump checked?

Have you been involved in an accident that wasn't your fault?

my god! what have i done ?!

In your beautiful house!
With your beautiful wife!

hi guys, i am ready to apply now

hi ready to apply now, im wald

hi wald, do you think porc should get that lump checked?

This radium toothpaste is really nice y’all, my friends told me I am positively *glowing*

What is the deal with airplane food?

Have you seen this? Have you heard about this?

@someone: bro you're awesome, but I have 0 desire to become a contrib. I usually need help with my reviews and I usually only review stuff when I think no one else will

With that said: people who only put lyrics in their review summaries should also be vetoed, that shit is overdone and lazy. I don't care how well the lyric fits the review

I write one review every 5 years, let me in

Yeah I’m not gonna apply until I get a lot better at reviewing and do it somewhat consistently. Still got a lot to learn

Wow, colton showing a modicum of humility? That's a first.

where can i apply for more pots reviews

imagine not knowing yet that pots is literally fantano

i dont watch youtubers so

Stick us down for staff so I can moderate and what have you

good point park me neither

I’m extremely humble

the monkey's paw resolution would be pots doing 15 minute video reviews on youtube... i wouldnt watch them

what if he did them topless

“imagine not knowing yet that pots is literally fantano”

Pots is of the melon species so it would make sense

>what if he did them topless


theyd get taken down yea?

#freethenip

Parks dropping truth bombs

"With that said: people who only put lyrics in their review summaries should also be vetoed, that shit is overdone and lazy. I don't care how well the lyric fits the review"

I don't think that's been happening as frequently these days anyway

I do it, I love it and will keep doing it. Now with the sole purpose of annoying Ars.

nice

Be right back, gonna change all my summaries to lyrics, but not necessarily the right ones

I don't think I'm ever gonna top the summary I did for Steel Panther's All You Can Eat back in 2014:

"Steel Panther died for your sins, and now they're back for your sister."

i dont have a sister dumbass

When's the decision going to be made on this?

beginning of March

Coolio, grazie

did you apply Omair?

Yeppers Myth, for the first time since I joined :P

Omair for Permaban!

FINALLY

Dreams really do come true

"Nocte

@someone, generally speaking (without experiencing a moment of foot in mouth) some staffers will provide insight into why a participant didn’t rise this time. If you’re a serious user (i.e. less shit post, more responsible) it may come down to a few little things; lack of experience, not quite consistent enough, writing skills to work on etc. On that note I can tell you you’ll be able to get a sincere response. "

So can one of the staffers give me an explanation as to why I wasn't promoted to Contrib? And also, was an official announcement of who got promoted ever made?

Strangely enough, there was no announcement. That’s why Park’s congrats list got featured

Why aren’t I a mod yet

Because you review soundtracks

You forgot to say like a boss

Got em

Gotta catch em all