An interview with BaselineOOO

Music has had a bad year. Sputnik has had a bad year. Awful things have happened, and the jury is still out on who to blame — silly jury! They should spend less time pointing their fingers and more time clapping their hands at the one user who can save us. After a randomised selection of noble volunteers, it was determined by fated that this user would none other than the site’s longtime dismantler of philosophies, distorter of diets, shredder of manchildren, encourager of all the most unlikely and profane interests, BaselineOOO! Here she is! There will be no images: hush and look at Baseline’s words.

* * * * *

jotW: Greetings BaselineOOO, lucky winner of the Sputnik Interview Raffle. You have appeared before us today to save Sputnik. How does this feel?

BaselineOOO: Hello, Sputnik! Baseline at your service, or should I say, at your rescue? Honestly, I’m resonating with this whole “saviour” thing, my messianic syndrome is tingling. It feels like finding a glitch in reality and riding it. Saving Sputnik? Don’t I do that every day with my succulent comments? Should be like just another day at the office for me!

jotW: Let me explain the rules: I will write in italics and you will not write in italics, otherwise the interview will break and you can’t save Sputnik. I will ask you questions and you will try to answer them. You may ask me questions in response and I will maybe try to answer them. Do you approve? 

BaselineOOO: Understood. Don’t hold back.

jotW: Would I ever? Anyway, as we all know, Sputnikmusic has faced, survived, and continues to face great crises this year – hence this interview! I could summarise these for our audience, but as our saviour, it’s more appropriate that we hear it from you… 

Question 1: what, in your judgement, are the most serious issues the site has faced and/or still faces in 2023?

BaselineOOO: The site’s biggest problem in 2023 is that the mods aren’t really keeping things in check. Sputnikmusic is a blast because it’s pretty chill on the moderation front, but honestly, it’s time for a change. We’ve got this whole vibe of freedom and randomness going, feeling like a close-knit family, but honestly, it’s starting to feel like that cozy family is getting smaller and smaller, if you catch my drift. It’s time for Sputnikmusic to get a bit more serious if it wants to stay engaging and competitive.

There’s also that annoying performance glitch where you pour your heart into this long comment, hit “post,” and poof, it’s all gone because you got logged out. Ufff!

And look, some users might think losing the forums was a big downer, but truth is, the forums were a snoozefest and just sucked away the energy from other parts of the site, like the way superior and interactive comment sections for album reviews we all love.

Oh, and don’t even get me started on the site’s look. The UI’s like stuck in Windows95 land – not in a good way – and the logo’s begging for an upscale. And that black to gray gradient background? Makes it look like we’re trying to sell coffee or something. The layout is even worse, seriously, why’s the “Quick Links” (like, what even is that?) tucked away under your “My Profile” page? It should be called “Actions” or something intuitive and placed somewhere on top where everyone can actually see it. I could go on forever. Time for a visual revamp, seriously.

jotW: How many of these problems come down to optics and how many are to do with inherent evil?

BaselineOOO: Most of them come down to corruption rather than optics or some inherent evil. Maybe it’s time to invite some laid-back European users to balance out the sketchy stuff that’s creeping into Sputnik from the American side? Here’s some food for thought: if Sputnik is not inherently corrupt, then why was it founded in Louisiana? Checkmate, atheists!

jotW: To dwell very much on optical problems for one more question, you may be aware that it is currently impossible to change Sputnik avatars, and many – maybe most! – of us have no avatar at all. What impact has this had on the average user’s ability to separate art from artist?

BaselineOOO: Oh well, the chimes will ring with or without wind. But, I’ll admit, not being able to change my avatar has been a traumatising experience, and I’m pretty sure I’m speaking for everyone here. I mean, how can any new user recognize who’s the big shot voice of this place when I’m stuck with a kiddie-style painting of a sandwich as my profile pic? What’s worse, it seems like we’re stuck with Egarran’s avatar for what feels like an eternity. How can a fellow sputniker supposed to separate the art from the artist, the creation from the creator, when they can’t even have a decent mirror to reflect their own personality? Fix this asap.

jotW: Preach, sister! In the midst of all this, how can the average Sputnik peon achieve financial stability? Question 2: any bank hacks or investment tips?

BaselineOOO: Investments are for insecure mush boys. You gotta think big. Hire a hacker to help you tweak sputnikmusic avatars, then cash in by selling those slick avatars to other users. It’s a simple (dare I say, Romanian) way to make some easy money. But if you really want to up your financial game, to my level even, consider being my friend. I’m all about sponsoring interesting ideas with money out of my own pockets. I’ve even toyed with the notion of starting my very own Andrew Tate-style private club, with free speech and obscure album recommendations. Dunno, think about it, could be a game changer for any of you.

jotW: Question 3: what are the benefits of dreaming?

BaselineOOO: If it wasn’t obvious enough, I am kind of a big dreamer myself. Dreams are hard to get into but extremely illuminating once you are in. If you value your dreams, they can extend their influence into the sphere of decision-making and exhibit a visible correlation with the regulation of your destiny. I personally recommend sage tea (Salvia officinalis). It serves as a facilitator in the attainment of profound dreams, concurrently functioning as a purgative agent for negative thoughts. On the other hand, the consumption of caffeine has a detrimental effect on the quality of deep sleep, leading to a day-to-day state of consciousness more akin to a bird’s than a proper human. What I find fascinating is that, whether the “dreaming” in your question alludes to the idea of sleeping or to that of aspiration, the similarities between these two become increasingly apparent once you understand their true meaning. 

jotW: Question 4: are you a product of your environment? 

BaselineOOO: Nah, I’m not just absorbing whatever’s around me, I ain’t no pushover. I’m alone in the wild radiating my own damn light, no Edisonian thievery going on. My taste in music is INSANE, I’m one of the first 100 internet users from the West who listened to Fishmans and Ichiko Aoba. I really like things that were things before things were a thing. I’m elite and I’m not even trying, it comes naturally to me. And, by the way, I sense all the political implications of your apparently simple question. Environment can sometimes be a real jerk to my gender, but I’ve totally moved past that (shoutout to Christina Aguilera’s “Fighter”). If anything, environments bow down in front of my solipsistic shtick. Besides, picture a universe molded after yours truly – this chat would be like dissecting reality itself, and let’s be real, nothing’s free under capitalism, especially getting enlightened. I’m just this independent chick from Eastern Europe, all about that artistic life… my vibe, my rawness – all unapologetically me. Oh, and my username’s packing a whole story, it’s like the Audi logo but you’d need a truckload of acid to fully grasp it.

jotW: On which note, parksungjoon once described your Romanian credentials as fake. You are not allowed to refute this here. Instead, please describe in unnecessary detail what makes a real fake Romanian.

BaselineOOO: First things first, parksungjoon? He’s probably lost in the fog when it comes to his own origins. Unmistakingly correct though, I am a fake Romanian. Why reveal my true location on the internet when you know I’ve got my fair share of enemies and stalkers lurking around? I just played Romanian roulette and picked this random place on the map with my fingertip and decided “This is where I’ll fake it LOL.” Cause what is more hypocritical than pretending to be a vampire when not.having.sucked.once.in.your.life? Embracing a culture that I’ve explored through Google searches and travel documentaries is my secret fetish. Let me drop some truth bombs about my fake life in Romania… In broad strokes, rampart capitalism is definitely taking a toll on the morale of the Romanian peeps, who are, for the most part, still trying to hold onto their innocence in this dystopian carnival. My 2 months old OnlyFans account is more financially successful than my father’s hardware store, which has been gathering dust for two decades. He’s struggling to cope with that reality while I chuckle in his face. It helps that I’m pretty easy on the eyes, making it a cinch to fake my “Romanian” credentials. Natural brown locks, light brown eyes (it’s important that evil people look good on the outside), second-hand German luxury sedan that doesn’t fit into the parking spot, tossing dollar payments all over the world, all with the future at my feet, life as a fake Romanian isn’t bad!

jotW: Back to the topic of the environment – and saving Sputnik! – Sputnikmusic is full of dudes with dude issues. What are your feelings on this?

BaselineOOO: Honestly, when it comes to making connections, I find it easier to click with guys who are into art. Looking back, every time I befriended artistic women, whether face-to-face or online, things just spiralled into unnecessary drama. There was so much spite and backstabbing, and friendships falling apart out of the blue. About seven or eight years ago, things got so bad that I had to move to a different city. This crazy toxic girl from Twitter considered herself my rival or something, and she went all out to get me in trouble at work and even tried to snatch my boyfriend away. It was a mess!

On the other hand, interacting with male users is way less of a hassle for me, especially online, where sexual attraction is limited (it also helps that sputnikers are into metal, a huge turn-off). Plus, I’ve noticed a lot of people assume I’m a guy, which kind of acts as a nice shield and keeps the few relationships I have here pretty drama-free.

Having chick or dude issues, doesn’t matter, it’s nothing to laugh about. Hang in there, Sputnik dudes!

jotW: How, in your view, would Sputnik benefit from a matriarchy? Can one sole being bring this about with her solipsistic self-radiance?

BaselineOOO: Well, it seems like Sputnikmusic is kind of leaning towards a matriarchy already, with all these users carrying their mommy issues around everywhere. I mean, just take a peek at any Thrice thread – can you honestly tell me that’s how guys chat in real life? Sputnik is either Canadian territory or a very feminine place.

But can one person alone really make that happen with her self-centered confidence? It’s a bit of a stretch, I think. I mean, sure, I could make a difference on Sputnik, but I can’t totally reshape it to fit my own matriarchal vision. If I were some kind of dictator here, for starters, I’d probably put a ban on all negative words. I’d definitely introduce a heart-shaped button for the comments section too. That would be kinda cute!

jotW: Imagine that either you made it happen, or the Great Hack reset all privileges across the entire site but somehow elevated you to its sole Moderator. Question 5: reconstruct the Staff roster in 5 clicks, please.

BaselineOOO: I disagree with your question so I’ll answer my own. Staff is an irrelevant position, so let’s delete it altogether. Plus, I cannot be the sole moderator when I have so many friends to help me run the site!

So, instead, make me the big boss and owner of the site. I’ll take this business to new heights and bring in those sweet profits. Need a winning team? Hire this bae! Now, if you’re looking to crash and burn, don’t change a thing, everything is A-OK as it is!

Let’s make Hyperion1001 my right-hand person because every queen needs one, and also every time he speaks I’m having an orgasm.

Give Dewinged some extra power, like endless dictatorial power. He thrives on it. Even at his most evil, he’s mostly right but with a sprinkle of chaos, like the God of the old testament.

Potsy should be archmoderator, the queen bee of all moderators. She’s not just incredibly based but also brings some much-needed female representation to the sausage fest that is Sputnik.

And, last but not least, let’s throw DadKungFu and Tundra a bone and make them moderators.

jotW: And now use your powers to ban five users for personal motivations.

BaselineOOO: ToSmokMuzyki (do I really need to explain? Bowser will never be a pokemon)

bighubbabuddha (he’s a bully and he can’t tell the difference between Buddha and Budai)

Havey (he’s always rigid and tense, besides, I should be the only elitist member here)

Egarran (he’s flawless, but was mean to me one year ago and I remember)

rellik009 (he paid attention to me then left the site?)

jotW: And now ban five more for the hell of it.

BaselineOOO: ReefaJones, Sharenge, MarsKid, Sowing, and sonictheplumber. All for trivial reasons ranging from bad avatars to being born in the Midwest.

jotW: Question 6: What is the worst thing that it’s possible for a musician to do?

BaselineOOO: If we’re talking about a musician as an artist, the worst thing they can do is dropping music when they ain’t got the skills for it, stumbling into undeserved fame and influence, spreading the virus of narcissism, inadvertently contributing to the downfall of humanity.

Now, if you look at a musician as a person, the worst thing they could pull off is building a massive fanbase by creating beautiful, cathartic depressive music, overloading on that depression, and then sadly ending their own life. As somebody who lost a dear friend to suicide, I’m telling you, it’s a terrible thing… You know the feel, when you’re punk but also kinda chill? Be like that, please. Robert Smith didn’t manage to kill himself after making Pornography, that’s what I call a true post-punk professional.

jotW: Robert Smith, the Boy Who Lived. Nice. If you could remove one musical artist from the fabric of history, who would it be and why?

BaselineOOO: Probably Swans. They appear to project this aura of self-perceived coolness surpassing their actual standing – a kid’s band. Their fanbase predominantly comprises of somewhat rebellious, edgy teenage girls who also happen to be HBO subscribers. They’re the ultimate “it’s just a phase” band. Once you hit 24, you forget Swans ever existed, assuming you’ve matured in any relevant way. Fun fact: a totally random singer songwriter from Sweden, Anna van Hausswolff, released one record in the style of Swans and it’s literally better than all of their albums. Swans… more like Ducks, amrite? Actually, forget everything that I wrote about Swans. It’s Steven Wilson.

jotW: Let’s go back to punk! Who are the worst and best punks between Greg Ginn, Greg Sage, Joe Strummer, Brenden Yates, and Alec Empire?

BaselineOOO: I had to do a bunch of research, digging into their stories and music to get this answer together. In fact, this question is the sole reason the interview took 3+ weeks to make. But seriously, how do you remember all these names without a hint of irony? Joe Strummer just comes off as too relatable to be considered punk, and Greg Ginn and Greg Sage just seem angry at the world for kinda silly reasons, like, I bet they’re using non-flouride toothpaste but that’s about as punk as it gets for them. They might talk big, but there’s not much substance there. Now, Brenden Yates, that’s a guy who’s got some police heat after him, I’m so impressed! Alec Empire? He’s like Andrew W.K. for ladies, I don’t think the reptilians overlords are that threatened by his presence, if at all.

jotW: Please single out some users who you believe would be better and happier people if they were more accomplished punks. What is your guidance for them?

BaselineOOO: If JohnnyOfTheWell just went all out, banned everyone who disagreed with him without a second thought, and started throwing punches left and right, he’d probably achieve a lot more. I’ve seen a pic of him before, and honestly, I think he’d rock a mohawk. The thing about Johnny’s is that like he’s playing along with the crowd ironically, he embraces conformity for some unknown reason, and that’s probably why he hasn’t ended up in jail yet.

jotW: Yeet? Now the converse: who punks too much, too unsuccessfully?

BaselineOOO: Perfume was first created to mask the stench of foul and offensive odors… spices and bold flavourings were created to mask the taste of putrid and rotting meat… What then was punk music created for? Was it to drown out the voices of others, or the voices within ourselves? 

Zakalwe fits this narrative, he’s got this habit of going rabid, like a mad rabbit. I mean, if you can’t wrap it, rap it, don’t throw it under our eye lid.

jotW: Question 7: I read something about how a major ocean current on the Atlantic side of Canada is near collapse and that it’s going to absolutely melt everyone who lives on it. How does one collapse a current?

BaselineOOO: I’m more about human politics than geopolitics (before worrying about Earth, think about the even more endangered future of yourself, you know?), but I’ll still try to give a proper response. I, for one, straight-up collapse when garbage music hits my ears, so maybe some Aussie Progressive Metal was blasted on a freakin’ yacht in the middle of Atlantic or something? If I can collapse and hit the ground, and so can Eminem, then surely a big-ass ocean current can too. And no, I’m totally not hinting at Ne Obliviscaris, just to be crystal clear.

jotW: What was the last garbage music that made you collapse, and what was the last empyreal music that had the same effect?

BaselineOOO: Karen Dalton’s “Something on Your Mind” blew me away, as if I had been thrown against the wall. After the impact, I found myself on the ground, and on the metaphorical wall, there remained a silhouette resembling my body, with flowers blooming around it.

Some real garbage music that has had my nerves on the brink of collapse recently was George Clanton’s “Ooh Rap I Ya”.  It seems like when an artist’s creative inspiration turns into excessive pastiche, it inadvertently crosses the line into what feels like appropriation. Hollow content nauseates me.

jotW: Question 8: Can I get some nutrition advice from you?

BaselineOOO: The only nutrition tip I’m all about these days is: quit caffeine! I mean, you can go ahead and mess up your body and heart health with all sorts of lousy eating habits, I couldn’t care less. But if you mess up your headspace with caffeine, well, guess who’s gotta brace for you crashing your car into mine and bringing your anxiety nonsense to my workplace? I’m telling you, caffeine it’s the worst thing humans have ever stumbled upon. It’s ridiculous that this stuff is still legal.

jotW: What does your diet tend to consist of?

BaselineOOO: I eat with my brain, not my mouth. Mostly salmon, tuna, beef, tofu, nuts (almonds, pistacchio, hazelnuts), seeds (sesame, buckwheat, sunflower, pumpkin, chia, flax), mushrooms, chickpeas, peas, beans, lentils, salads, spinach, legumes, forest fruit, melons, avocado, heavy spices, and lots of tea (sage and linden are my favourites). I don’t touch: dairy, pork, poultry, organ meat, sugar, grains, corn, garlic, onion, caffeine.

jotW: Is the no-onion policy really on nutritional grounds, or are you just sensitive about consuming near-sentient beings as layered as yourself?

BaselineOOO: You have to understand that people like me, who are picky about music, tend to be picky about what they eat, too. You gotta admit that avoiding onions does add some layer of mystery to my diet, doesn’t it? I wouldn’t describe my soul as being endlessly layered, but rather splashy and liquid, like a waterfall without gravity. It’s not only about preserving my core identity, raw onions just make me ultra sweaty, so I dodge them. On a side note, did you know that onion juice makes humans cry, but if you spray it in a horse’s eye (assuming they’re not an Opeth fan), they react like it’s just water? Strange, right? Try it! Nothing is random, evolution has its own subtle symbolic hints, you just gotta pay attention. I also avoid garlic, but that’s all about my fake Romanian vampire persona.

jotW: The Chinese government announced yesterday that it was banning all Japanese seafood in response to Japan’s plan to release their reserves of radioactive water from Fukushima into the ocean. The plan for Fukushima is to release under 22 trillion becquerels of tritium into the Pacific per year (i.e. less than was released per year when Fukushima Daiichi was still actively operating). Now, Korea dumped 365 trillion becquerels of tritium into the Sea of Japan in 2020, while China released over 70 trillion becquerels between Fuqing and Sanmen power plants that same year. The UK has Heysham power plant and Sellafield processing facility, which together released over 800 trillion becquerels into the Irish Sea in 2019, and we caught over 10,000 trillion becquerels off France via the English Channel in 2018, so naturally no-one sentient in this country has eaten a fish since, but still, I have two questions for you: 1) will or should radiation ever be considered a category of nutrition, and 2) if I – or you! – wanted to boycott Chinese fish, how can I make up for this in other areas of my diet?

BaselineOOO: I always considered radiation an underrated nutritional category. Why eat stingray steak when you can eat gamma-rays? To boycott Chinese fish, you need a not-so-fishy plan, like make sure you stick for a while to a diet of land-locked food like coffee flavoured cheese or whatever they eat in Austria. Lastly, start a campaign to promote eating sustainable seafood alternatives, like loan sharks. I personally boycott Chinese fish by replacing them with rubber ducks when I’m taking a bath. Is it as exciting? No, but it gets the job done. Boycott is such a misogynistic word, though, like boyscout? Girls can girlcott too…

jotW: What are the maximum and minimum lengths of time that you would consider spending in China?

BaselineOOO: At most (MOST!), a three days city break in Shanghai, getting drunk with power and trying all kind of street food (always wanted to try grilled scorpion since it resembles my personality). And, just to keep things precise, we’re talking a minimum of… let’s say 17.6 cm? Whoops! I just can’t wrap my head around why the interviewer is so fixated on China though. Next thing you know he’ll ask me questions about Xi Jinping or something. I mean, everything about China just feels completely alien to me. Their socio-cultural themes and motifs are a distant galaxy away from my inner essence. I’d rather read a manga from left to right and I’d probably understand more than what I’d do from spending any number of days in China.

jotW: Question 9: What lessons can Sputnikmusic learn from Xi Jinping? 

BaselineOOO: Sputnik could try being more assertive and authoritative with its users, establishing a clear hierarchy and rewarding them with social points. It’s the only way to achieve equality of outcome for everyone, while maintaining the illusion of status.

jotW: …and what lessons can Xi Jinping learn from Sputnikmusic?

BaselineOOO: That Metal is life. But then again, China already has the biggest metal reserves on Earth, so I guess Jinping is based… so, maybe he should interview the Chinese equivalent of BaselineOOO on national television?

jotW: Question 10: You now review albums – fuck! Many of us attempt to do this too, with limited success. Share some advice, unlock our inner Pushkins.

BaselineOOO: Here’s my six rules of writing reviews:

1) Break it down, dissect it track by track, or at least scrutinise key moments, or you’re just serving up a bland word stew.

2) Don’t set an intended audience. Forget catering to anyone’s tastes. Write for yourself and for the future generations.

3) Use academic language to assert dominance. Bring out the big words, flex that intellectual muscle. Show ’em who’s boss.

4) Starve yourself: empty stomach = sharp mind. It’s science. Give your brain all the juice it needs.

5) If you’re head over heels for an album, well, too bad. Love doesn’t pay the bills. We’re here for the critique, the lifeblood of human progress.

6) Review only Japanese albums while their artistic culture is still on fire. Western culture is so limp right now, why waste everybody’s time maintaining this fake erection with blue-pill compliments?

jotW: Question 11: I’ve seen some interesting discourse lately around the fabled “horse girl gene” – interesting because I do not understand what any of these words mean. Can you explain them to me?

BaselineOOO: This is more of a quest than a question! In the not-so-deep folklore of my homeland, the “horse girl gene” refers to a playful notion from the 18th century of how young girls are head over heels for horse. We’re talking ginormous, thick, larger-than-life affection here, the kind of fondness that makes you go “whoa, hold your horses!”. Well, I found it cute and so I’ve applied it to Opeth fangirls years ago. In this case, the notion would suggest passionate fandom, because Opeth fans have their horse blinders on at all times and are highly confrontational beings when you recommend them other bands. Similarly, Opeth fanboys, they’ve got their very own “horse boy gene” deal going on, but sadly, not in the way they’re probably imagining it as they’re reading this. Sad, but true!

jotW: So sad! You did indeed once observe that “Opeth fans are horses.” Is there a catch here for horse girls? Can they be Opeth fans too? Do actual horses carry the horse girl gene?

BaselineOOO: This is a problematic question. I’ve once met an Opeth fangirl who happened to be horsy, her Ache I felt when she told me she loves Akerfeldt. Horses carry lots of genes but they lack hygiene. To finally settle this debate once and for all, “My Arms, Your Horse” is the filter that separates real Opeth fans from horses.

jotW: …and I think that’s enough saving Sputnik for now. Question 12: 2021 onwards has been majorly underwhelming for J-pop, so I’d like you to save that instead. You’ve been made manager of these artists: what career-transforming artistic/lifestyle/image/astrology decisions will you make for them:

Kayoko Yoshizawa

BaselineOOO: She should change her producer ASAP, whoever’s in charge right now amplifies her energy but cramps her artistic vision.

Katy Perry

BaselineOOO: Should’ve stopped after her not-so-impressive 2001 debut. I dunno, she should give reggae a try?

Shiina Ringo

BaselineOOO: Ease up on the surgeries and crank out more catchy hooks pls.

Yumi Matsutoya

BaselineOOO: Yumi’s an icon, no changes needed. Stay strong, queen!

2NE1

BaselineOOO: Perfection. They’re like the embodiment of evil capitalist music. N. Korea must be seething.

YOASOBI

BaselineOOO: At this point I’m more impressed by your music taste than anything, Johnny. YAOSOBI should just rip-off the style of Maison Book Girl (in an obvious way) in order to survive. Oh wait…

Matsuo Bashō

BaselineOOO: He should stop being stuck centuries ago and go full EDM like his Osaka descendants.

jotW: Can I get some top 5s on the following please (ranked, with reasoning):

US Presidents

BaselineOOO: It’s your lucky day because I’m quite versed in American history.

1. Franklin D. Roosevelt : FDR was the best because he had the most letters in his name, which clearly means he had the most ideas, and they also happened to be the best ideas.
2. Thomas Jefferson : Religious freedom, promotion of science, declaration of independence. He didn’t quite invent spaghetti, but he pretty much laid the ground for the modern age West as we know it. Not bad at all?
3. Donald J. Trump : Tbh making America famous again is just as important as making it great. Obama was turning the US into what seemed like Europe v2.0, too stale and bureaucratic. Trump’s magnetic appeal and political vision were, dare I say, extremely addictive to me? Isolationist in the streets, imperialistic in the sheets.
4. Dwight D. Eisenhower : Economic prosperity and desegregation. Not to mention all that charisma overkill and his eyes, they were to die for. <3
5. John F. Kennedy : He had the coolest accent by far and he seemed pretty chill overall.

Worst albums to score as 5.0 Classic

BaselineOOO:

1. John Coltrane – A Love Supreme : Much akin to Igor Stravinsky’s transformational impact on classical music, Coltrane’s influence upon jazz resided in his ability to render it more accessible to a wider audience while simultaneously introducing elements that are diminishing in cerebral depth. However, in this process of adaptation, I think he succeeded in preserving the quintessential allure and essence that inherently define jazz. But yeah, he was no genius like Ellington or Armstrong, more of an youthful aspirant with ADHD, trying to capture the sheer intensity of the genre. I personally dislike his music with a passion, but I appreciate his works for what they are worth.
2. The Beach Boys – Pet Sounds : Hearing The Beach Boys on the radio by mistake in the summer can elevate the human experience to sublime levels. However, upon acquiring their albums and listening to them on your record player at home, expecting transcendence, unnoticed imperfections will suddenly become glaringly apparent. This album in particular literally sucks, but there’s this energy, like Weezer’s, or something. 5 stars.
3. Have A Nice Life – Deathconsciousness : Deathconsciousness typically winks to emo teens seeking to immerse themselves in its bleak, suicidal vibe. In my case, I use it as the main soundtrack for the weekly upper class social gatherings I organize. Regrettably, the juxtaposition does not yield the desired outcome, resulting in people fainting and throwing up all over the place. Maybe I’m missing the point, but such is the paradox of Having A Nice Life.
4. Can – Tago Mago : An album often given undue reverence by dozens of art school students, Tago Mago always felt infested with an irksome cult-like following. To keep my honor intact, I disincline to engage with both the band and its vexing group of enthusiasts. But, I do admit, their work shows an unexpectedly enjoyable and lighthearted face.
5. The Velvet Underground & Nico – s/t : Impressive Nico record ruined by the featuring of The Velvet Underground.

Soulseek users

BaselineOOO: I don’t pirate music nor do I believe in soulmates.

Trance releases from the year 1995

BaselineOOO: Crazy difficult question BTW

1. Lucky People Center – Interspecies Communication : This shit is so next-level it hurts. When you realize that a goth girl from Romania knows more about music than you do, it really makes you question your own worth, doesn’t it?
2. BT – Ima : Standard answer, I’m ashamed to admit it, but yes, it rules, and yes, I have a romantic crush on BT.
3. Mystic Force – Frontier : If you like (not pretend) electronic music, I assure you this one will be one of the coolest first time listening experiences you’ll ever have with a record.
4. Marusha – Wir : Some seriously out-there experimental stuff, but it’s still got this classic trance feel to it. It’s just top-notch Euro music mixed with a crazy intensity that’ll just melt your face off.
5. Nina – Dare! : Childhood nostalgia. I had this on an old cassette, and I used to dance to it after coming home from school. It holds a special place in my heart.

Europe

BaselineOOO:

1. Germany : perfect country, great history, best people, walkable cities, impressive combination of materialistic and religious lifestyle (driving your BMW M8, engulfed into your leather seat, while listening to Johann Sebastian Bahn on the Autobach)
2. Spain : beauty all around, impressive infrastructure, 2nd best language, holds the two greatest cities on the planet  – Pamplona, San Sebastian
3. Ireland : U2, awesome people, nature, air quality, affordable housing, U2
4. Slovenia : best country to run away (from yourself), its geographical position means long-term political stability
5. Portugal : perfect weather, healthy lifestyle, funny language, Brazil

jotW: BaselineOOO, you have saved us all. How do we repay you?

BaselineOOO: Always here to lend a hand. That is what I do as a psychological being, pulling people from the edge of the Abyss. And God knows that our beloved satellite, Sputnik, has been off the grid lately, drifting alone in cyberspace. We should each do our part and build him stronger! 

How can you repay me? Aww, I don’t know, you don’t have to do anything special, just be yourself. I do things like this out of pleasure. Helping the community that played such a significant role in my journey as a person. But let’s not get too carried away, if we are to be 100% honest, my relationship with Sputnikmusic is more of a mutual parasitism (not to be mistaken with symbiosis) than anything. I suck the blood out of this site, but it’s toxic, congested and infested blood. In return, the userbase treats me with disrespect, but little do they know that this harsh treatment only makes me stronger, daddy! I’m a persistent leech you can’t shake off, but in the good way! Honestly, I already get my reward from Sputnikmusic from the sheer adrenaline of surviving here. Maybe it is me who should repay you with writing as many reviews and insightful/overly-critical comments as possible. If I ever decide to become a full-fledged emeritus reviewer, remember, I couldn’t have done it without you all.

jotW: Any final words?

BaselineOOO: I recorded a message: https://vocaroo.com/15VaakBv2CIs

jotW: Thank you for your salvation!