KILL or KEEP Vol.7

Big Thief – Dragon New Warm Mountain I Believe In You

Big Thief are a nu-hipster indie band from Brooklyn. They make mostly folk musics that many people enjoy but no-one really gets. If you get it, you’re out: house rules. As part of the Big Thief tradition of doing oblique things with tangential glimmers of Meaning that deepen more mystique than they open windows, the band have released a twenty-track single album entitled Dragon New Warm Mountain I Believe In You. Everyone including you is already talking about it. Everyone has wildly different song rankings and all of them are fucking wrong.

We at KILL or KEEP HQ wondered whether there was something #deeper to explore, and so we assembled with a big question mark. We are ianb, JesperL, johnnyoftheWell, Pheromone and Sinternet. We hope you have fun. 

Rules

Every song must either be KILLed or KEEPed.

If a contestant fails to KILL at least four songs, they will themselves be KILLed!

Special rule: Who Is The Big Thief?

If a contestant KILLs a song, they must accuse a celebrity of being the big thief.

If they KEEP a song, they are the big thief. They must reveal what they stole, and from whom.

First Impressions

Ian: so is this an album i can commit mass larceny to or no? because i set fire to 17 orphanages in the rural American south in preparation for this listen. are you guys feeling similarly? i’ve got to KILL a lot of songs to make up for all of those orphans.

Jesper: ian i watched men in black until 2 am last night what is orphanage 

jotW: This album has been out, like, two entire days. I’ve heard the whole thing like twice and binged the good bits to death and consigned the bad parts to oblivion and have a fairly clear idea of how this is gonna go, but I might be wrong!!! I like this album! Big Thief always have songs I really love and this album has more songs so uh duh yeah. Was exactly what I needed after overplaying the new Yeule to infinity so ig it is album of the week woooo ####hipstertrash

Pheromone: Johnny name dropping Yeule in literal record speed ok let’s go I am ready. I’m not a huge Big Thief fan by any stretch but I did get a sneak preview full-album listen of this and liked it! Some of it, a lot; most, had room for potential growth in my heart. My heart is open. 

Jesper: Big thief implies the existence of lil thief

Sin: is this where we all jack off? Uhh i havent heard this yet but singles were good and im hyped :>((0));;’;’

Jesper: I saw big thief live once and it was the least sexual concert of my life probably

(1) Change

Pheromone: Starting an album with the ‘OK’ implies the answer to a question. Implying a pre-album question.

Sin: wow nice they started recording too early

Ian: is this dolly parton on barbiturates or something or am i listening to the wrong album

Jesper: for a song called ‘change’ this sounds like everything i have ever heard by big thief. melody kinda nice but i’m bored

Pheromone: this is lovely tbqh tbqh. Kind of exactly what I expected from a big thief opener and I maybe love It? 

Ian: no i would not stare at the sun in fact i would highly advise against doing so?

Sin:  is that a thrice reference

jotW: every big thief lyric is a thrice reference 

Jesper: stealing honey from a swarm of big thiefs or whatever

Sin:  god i havent heard thrice in years

jotW: what was that pretty song about the rise and fall of civilisations and nothing changing

Sin:  that was earth by lil dicky

Ian: ngl this song kinda makes me wanna float. or kiss a homie. 

Pheromone: it is early and I have not brushed my teeth. Wow that was great I would KEEP and steal a ham sandwich from Jack Antonoff

Sin:  cute song i will KEEP uh i stole my nan’s brain functions (she has le epic dementia)

Jesper: sorry KILL, the eh celebrity thief is jason bateman probably

jotW: Cute introduction track, I KEEP it and uh I am the big thief bc I stole thrice’s honey 

Ian: KILL because i’m still really worried if any of those orphans survived

(2) Time Escaping

jotW: this is such fauxworldmusic hippy cafecore

Pheromone: Yankee hotel

Ian: what the fuck did this just flip into, and why do i smell craft beer and bad coffee?

jotW: has grown on me since it dropped as a single, probably bc the lyrics are good 

Sin:  finally someone decided to copy mid 2000’s anco percussion

Pheromone: mid 200’s – bush-fires and hair and all

Jesper: this sounds like the coffee my friends make me try to make me like coffee and it’s all like toffee fucking whatever and it’s all ass

Sin:  oh hell yeah i got some ass coffee for you babe

Pheromone: I love cheap coffee 

jotW: there are two kinds of cheap coffee, the kind that tastes like arse and the kind that tastes like blood. Arse is obv way preferable 

Ian: there’s only two types of coffee, my coffee, and my coffee with hard liquor being the main ingredient.

Sin:  i said what i said

Jesper: this group is like 60% brit why aren’t we talking about tea ffs

Sin: that’s the tea sis *gay hand flop*

Jesper: haha yes spill the tea sis this is a KILL, the celebrity thief is jason bateman 

jotW: i swear two hands clapping: BAM BAM is the best bit on this song by a far enough margin that i will weep salty tears into my coffee and hmmm, idk I like this song now KEEP and I actually did steal Animal Collective muzak from the interweb so there!

Pheromone: the enter shikari way d’aw that was okay i liked it maybe i will KEEP this entire album. I am a big thief and I will steal my sister’s dope board game collection 

Sin:  im clapping myself. Ass cheeks that is. I WILL KEEP and uh steal the secrets of time travel from a midget with smallpox

Ian: KEEP because the orphans will need someone to listen to if they manage to make it out

(3) Spud Infinity

Pheromone: this is annoying – what’s it going to taaaaaaaaaaaake 

Jesper: producer: how much spring? big thief: yes

Sin: SPUT INFINITY

jotW: Infinite sput. infinite spit.

Ian: is this just a Laura Stevenson cover project now or something i can not find any semblance of originality in this whatsoever not even gonna meme.

jotW: no it fucking isn’t laura stevenson has never been this annoying

Ian: this is true thank you for correcting me senpai johnny <3

Sin: this feels like a horrible histories song about cowboys

Pheromone: ban the word celestial from music yes promote the words garlic bread in music yes

Jesper: humongous thief

Ian: moderately sized, but disproportionate and oddly constructed thief

Sin:  im gonna type in wingdings for the rest of this song

Sin:  oh wait its not there fucl

Jesper: holy FUCK this sounds like wingdings you are so right 

jotW: “there is a potato” preach sis. am enjoying this song approx 3x as much now that we’re shitposting all over it i wonder what this says

Sin:  i actually like this i have no taste filter. this bit sounds fleetwood mac-ish

Ian: i have no taste filter and if i’d rather go blast Sematary at max volume then there’s a problem

Jesper: is this like hop along on paper?

jotW: people are legitimately calling this the album’s pleb filter and it is sweet. it’s also not good!!! KILL, the big celebthief is uh uh uh uh David Attenborough for stealing biological scholarship from the clutches of elitism

Jesper: okay whatever KILL, celebrity thief is jason bateman 

Pheromone: I KILL and and the thief I choose is Milli Vanilli, I feel they might steal

Sin:  i will KEEP and im running out of things to steal hmm. I’ll go with willem dafoe’s underwear

Ian: so yes jesper, in short it basically is what Hop Along looks like they sound on paper. KILL because Hop Along can actually write decent songs.

(4) Certainty

Jesper: oh yeehaw this sounds so much better already

Ian: man, i need to crack a brewski on somebody’s John Deere with a fishing pole up my ass to fully immerse myself with this song

Sin:  she sounds like joan osborne sometimes

jotW: big thief be like “uh actually we can play good country too”

Sin:  it’s actually americana, you pleb, you dolt

ian: this is lame i’m gonna go smoke some weed or whatever people think i do

jotW: ian be like windowpane but the genuine article 

Jesper: this makes me want to jam emily scott robinson so it’s a good song yes

Sin:  windowpane is my favourite aphex twin tune

Pheromone: mouth breather is my favourite aphex twin song

Sin:  i thought you’d be more of a cock gobbler fan phero

ian: can i KILL this prematurely? i want to put it out of its misery.

jotW: check bitch magnet. This song is nice and forgettable but nice um um um it does pick up from Sput Spud Spit Inf song so I guess KEEP and I stole pheromone’s bitch magnet reference compulsion.

Pheromone: you can kill now, it is finished. KILL and I think that Trebor is a stealer of much garlic bread.

Jesper: KEEP i stole a cowboy

Sin:  i am gonna be unoriginal and KEEP again. Uh im stealing morgan freeman’s voice, try getting work now bitch

ian: double tapped just to make sure it stays KILL’d

(5) Dragon New Warm Mountain I Believe In You

Ian: well this is already beautiful huh, kinda weird change of pace

Jesper: i want to hate it because of that fucking title but this is pleasant

Sin:  big thief title tracks never miss

Ian: oh god the ASMR falsettos oh no

jotW: did Two Hands have a t/t?

Sin: yes it slaps

jotW: lmao shows how much i remember about that alb

Jesper: most people have two hands but not all people with two hands have a t/t

Pheromone: isn’t it weird that the average amount of hands on a person is less than 2. 

jotW: what does the title signify? Like, close ur eyes and say the first thing that comes into your head when you think of it?

Ian: cum. literally cum.

Pheromone: wake up dragon, new mountain just dropped

Sin:  its like a menomena title it means nothing. it just VIBES

Jesper: dragon with anxiety needs mental support to come out of his cage and do just fine 

jotW: so my diagnosis is that phero is behind on everything, jesper wonders whether he’s doing ok yet, ian needs a fuckin shower, and sint is my shrink now

Sin:  i wish adrianne lenker believed in me

Jesper: KEEP this boi it’s good also i’m stealing pheros cursor cuz he keeps hovering over my text ffs

Pheromone: So, if Rowan’s review is right this was the first 5 track section – all recorded in the same session? KEEP and steal my cursor back

Sin: KEEP OH YEAH. I’m stealing the Queen of England’s secret lizard form

Ian: BURN it. but KEEP because it’s pretty

jotW: KEEP the gorgeous t/t obviously, uh uh uh uh i stole a quid from a wishing well when i was like 8, not a cool move

(6) Sparrow

Sin:  oh i liked this single, this and little things are the only songs i already knew

Jesper: rhyming sparrow with arrow instant kill

Ian: i’m not even listening to the song, but if what jesper said is true, yeah that’s an automatic KILL right out of the gate sorry

Sin:  what do you want to rhyme it with then? Mia farrow?

Jesper: narrow, much prettier word

jotW: yeah, alright Jesper, not all bands can be [checks ur favs] Circle Takes the Square

Pheromone: dude they rhymed apple 3 times 

jotW: it was a menomena 

Pheromone: phemenomenal

Jesper: sucking the juice out of your narrow

hole

Sin: wow i can relate i also accidentally eat apple seeds sometimes

Jesper: did they forget to implement like more than one melody into this song jfc

jotW: you are such a zoomer sometimes it’s adorb

Sin:  jesper is anti-vibe

Jesper: kill all vibes. also KILL this song, celebrity thief is sinternet who stole all my vibes 

Sin: you can’t take my vibes, i’ll have nothing left. KEEP AGAIN, im a pacifist. I’ve stolen so much, but all i really wanted was zooey deschanel. So i just steal her

jotW: this was probably a really bad choice of single, but big thief big keep, best track so far after the t/t. Love love how her shifting octaves and emotions and things suck the good stuff out of that melody but in a good nourishing sadway, KEEP, emma watson is a big thief and she stole neekafat’s innocence in harry potter 4 when he was like 19

Pheromone: KILL but like not a big KILL, a gentle KILL akin to a push down the stairs. It’s decent. I think Slint stole Bitch Magnet’s thunder

(7) Little Things

Sin:  OH HELL YEAH THIS SONG ABSOLUTELY FUCKS

Jesper: inclined to agree so far, dis nice

Sin:  i played this so much last year

Ian: okay even from my phone speakers outside, this kinda smacks

jotW: i fucking adore this song and have listened to it probably as much as the rest of the album put together

Pheromone: ian you’re using phone speakers?! Is the prestigious kill keep nOTHING to you?!

Sin:  maybe he stole a really good phone from 2054 earlier and it has a whole dolby sound system

jotW: probs more likely than Big Thief releasing a consistent album in the year 2022

Jesper: i haven’t heard a single song off this album before but i think i will come back to this boi

jotW: DRINKING A BEEEEEER

Pheromone: er I don’t like this song, I don’t hate it either. This segment of 5 is looking worse than the last except the next song i have liked on spotify already so sick

Ian: honestly loving the arrangement on this track, the rhythm section is really standing out it’s growing on me. the guitar tones/keys are also a great touch.

jotW: yh love how this song is basically an acoustic hammering the same chord in straight quavers for 6 minutes and it does not get old for one second. the whole band knocks it out of the park tbqh

Jesper: isn’t their drummer buff as fuck or am i thinking of a different band

Sin:  im gonna curse you all by calling this post-folk and hoping it takes off

jotW: neek already tried that and he couldn’t go outside for 2 months after

Ian: post folk exists already and someone assigned that genre to me on some SoundCloud database and i hate the idea that post-folk is a term that even exists

Jesper: pre cum for post folk, imma KEEP already. i once stole a single euro from my dad when i was 7

Sin: i am so unoriginal damn. also obvious KEEP. im stealing kanye’s harddrive, the world will finally found out if yandhi really existed

jotW: yeah, maybe the easiest KEEP in the history of KILL or KEEP so far. I’m stealing phones from the future and sending them back in time to my teenaged parents to see if their relationship survives it

Ian: KEEP so i can sample it i guess. it’s also pretty good too, i suppose.

Pheromone: wow I agree. KILL and I think liverpool stole the 2019 champions league final

Sin:  man imagine black kray sampling this

Ian: black kray is my hero

Phero: I thought you said black keys and I didn’t really understand why you would say black keys

(8) Heavy Bend 

Ian: okay but this actually has some Black Kray type beat vibes to it wait what the hell

jotW: this is okay and a good comedown after Little Things

Pheromone: this is the biggest keep this is the best song on the album this is beautiful. Glad you agree johnny

Sin: damn fucking great intro

Jesper: was hoping for a grind song

Sin: god i know i have to kill something but this is all so good so far

Jesper: spinkick this song into a KILL, celebrity thief is that dude from the story so far dropkicking a girl and robbing her concert experience 

Pheromone: anat called this trip hop discuss. Oh shit KEEP and I will steal bidets and make them a norm across the UK 

Sin:  man I want to sample this now. KEEP. steal the greek economy

Ian: KILL for lack of spinkick potential, wasted smh.

jotW: “fucking great intro”/song ends. Nice. KEEP and i’m stealing French from the French and sending it to the moon

(9) Flower of Blood

Pheromone: Budgie is gonna come for you with that one

jotW: Budgie is already on the moon duh

Ian: this is getting big emo energy as the album goes on, i’m feeling like

Sin:  m/ title

Jesper: blower of flood

Sin: is that one about the library level in halo 1

Jesper: i have only ever played mario kart wii idk what that means

Ian: yo fuck the library in Halo CE.

Sin:  all my homies hate the library

jotW: this is such a jesper song but less vaporous and twinkly and potentially enjoyable

Ian: rumor has it, jesper only has orgasms in harmony with Cocteau Twins’ songs in a falsetto tone.

Jesper: needs more reverb but this song is hot for sure 

Sin:  if this was like 20bpm slower this is pure cocteau

Pheromone: this is good and sexy and i love cocteau i will say this is my new favourite big thief song KEEP and I’m stealing Johnny’s brother 

jotW: i’m vibing with this less that i did at first, but I do like the palette

Ian: song is Cool and Good™️. KILL it. i’m already on the border of nodding off and this doesn’t necessarily help.

Sin:  think i like this the least so far but it is still really fucking good, seems like a grower

Jesper: KEEP for sure, i’m stealing cocteaus 

jotW: yeah, KEEP – not as good as the 4ish track before, but we’re in a way stronger place than the album opening woooo. I’m stealing sugar from jesper’s aux cord

Sin:  KEEP probably. Or maybe KILL to meet the quota (fuck the KILLKEEP authorities). I accuse all tories of being dirty rotten tories

Pheromone: we run a neoliberal ship here at KEEPKILL hq

(10) Blurred View

jotW: people were calling this industrial lol

Jesper: IS THIS A TRAP BEAT XD 

Ian: is this billie joel armstrong?

Sin: lo-fi big thief to relax/study to

jotW: leaked demo of the new portishead album. 

Pheromone: maybe better than portishead guys

jotW: you don’t know where portishead is 

Pheromone: johnny knows port well

Sin:  she does sound a bit beth gibbons-ish sometimes

jotW: i do fuckin love port

Sin: port is great and underrrated

jotW: phero can we get windowpane back rn plz i don’t care if it’s his birthday

Pheromone: it is his birthday but he is the neutraliser. KEEP this and steal window back he is a necessary cog in the mechanics 

Jesper: ehm KILL? celebrity thief is rachel goswell from portishead

jotW: KEEP, Big Thief are big thieves and they stole Beth Gibbons from the band Radiohead

Sin:  KILL out of quota necessity again because i do like it a lot. The thief was idk who would make a good thief uhh former Liverpool defender Daniel Agger

Ian: KILL 

(11) Red Moon

jotW: fuck this

Pheromone: What would Beth Gibbons do as a career if not the band ?

Sin:  librarian dont ask why

jotW: yeah she’s got strong specs n cig breaks energy

Ian: guys seriously, i’m scared. i want to go home.

Jesper: howdy y’all, go home ian

Pheromone: omg what was that bit about a grandma

Jesper: :'( 

Sin:  throwback to the glory days of kaomoji posts

Pheromone: what did she say about her grandma please 

jotW: she delivered the lyric as a kaomoji tableflip

Pheromone: she has the oven on? Is she about to go manchester by the sea on her grandma

Jesper: the urn is in the oven? fuck you i love that film 

Pheromone: i do too, her grandma does not

Ian: okay yeah this is boring but the violin is cool i guess, so bonus points but KILL

jotW: this is one of two songs on the album that sounds like 30x better if you pretend the whole band are shitfaced, but it is still not good

Sin:   the cat has rabies and gonorrhea

Pheromone: i like to pretend that isn’t a whistle and someone is strangling a bird to make that noise

jotW: KILL KILL KILL uhhh Adrienne Lenker’s grandma is a thief and she stole a pie from Lord Farquaad’s urm

Jesper: don’t strangle birds i’ll strangle you KILL celebrity thief is phero stealing my happiness by mentioning dead birds and the best saddest film

Sin:  probably the first alright song so KILL, its fine mostly though. The thief was some guy called conor orbest apparently

Pheromone: KILL and steal this drum outro and put it all over a conor orbest demo oh shit i got the rules mixed up

Ian: ngl this is mid as fuck so far KILLLLLLLL

(12) Dried Roses

jotW: oh yeah this song exists

Jesper: …hooray?

Sin: with the geese she fucks???

Jesper: small difference between geese and geezer

Pheromone: what does a wet rose symbolise?

jotW: a firm sponge cake

Jesper: pu**y. KILL, celebrity thief is pu**y 

Ian: pussy marijuana. KILL.

jotW: this is nice but forgettable and I want to save it but simply cannot uh KILL Pheromone is the thief and he stole the KEEP from KILL or KEEP.

Sin: this is like montage cut  at the end of a romcom where the characters leave each other. KEEP, i’m sappy. I stole Leo DiCaprio’s girlfriend, we’re much more appropriate age-wise.

Pheromone: KEEP because of course I will this is lovely. I am going to steal a firm sponge cake

Jesper: you’re too horny phero 

Pheromone: send feet pictures

(13) No Reason

jotW: this is a coldplay song

Jesper: this is nice i think

Ian: this is a song, i’ve concurred

Pheromone: where on earth do you get coldplay from this

jotW: no reason

Sin: coldplay is universal, thats like saying you don’t hear the chris martin influence in cryptopsy vocals

Ian: yo Waxahatchee sounding really fucking sad lately somebody check in on her. nobody with stable mental health puts a flute part like that in a song like this.

Pheromone: is this bit charles mingus

Sin: white boy hears one slightly jazzy lick

jotW: moanin all night to this

Jesper: christ phero stop talking about minges

jotW: ok being real this time, it does give me bigtime bigthief flashbacks to christian singalong material, but like, not the bangers. The one in three songs that they play in between the bangers

Sin: big thief atheist icons

Ian: if somebody starts typing on my line again i’m gonna play this flute part all the way up your goddamn poop chute. KEEP because flute sounds funny!!!

Jesper: i will sin and KEEP this, stealing this #flute solo for no reason tho

Sin:  very pretty feel like im boutta get molested by the youth leader, KEEP. im stealing the belongings of the victims of the My Lai massacre.

Pheromone: This is really boring! KILL and I think someone in an authority position stole Sin’s innocence

jotW: yeah this song is whatever, KILL, Chris Martin is the big thief and he stole music from God but fucked it up 

(14) Wake Me up to Drive

Pheromone: JOHNNY you did a course somewhat related – why is this capitalized Wake Me up to Drive – why is the Up not capitalized am I being silly

jotW: phero you are not being silly but also this is hipster trash so the answer is out of fucking reach and i cannot help you

Sin: i hate fucking random ass capitlisation

Jesper: capital letters should be banned everywhere always hashtag stand up to capitalism or whayever

Sin:  sounds like casiotone for the painfully alone

jotW: someone said this sounded like my little pony and lol yeah fair tbh

Sin: i thought all mlp music was just black dresses side projects

Pheromone: there used to be a lot more mlp people on sputnik i think. 

Jesper: big thief, little pony: KILL. celebrity thief is qanon shaman 

jotW: i feel like this one in particular definitely benefits from a lil ironic distance in a way that i am not comfortable with, so it’s another KILL phwoar this is not a good stretch of album. Ayumi Hamasaki is the thief and she stole 3 hours of my life i cry

Pheromone: i am going to KEEP this because i am a trailblazer. I am going to steal the moniker belle and sebastian

Sin: its sweet, but ill have to KILL (for reference KILL to me atm is less than a 4.5), ill still jam it. The thief was rupert murdoch. The target? democracy.

ian: KILL for undisclosed reasons.

(15) Promise is a Pendulum

Jesper: god this is a long album 

jotW: yeah lol i just realised that.

Sin: now i wanna listen to pendulum

jotW: isn’t there meant to be a new pendulum record or some shi

Sin: the tracks they released were ass tbh

Pheromone: this is one of like four songs I hearted on spotify when I first listened to this album so i am probably going to keep this. i love eric’s trip, 90’s lo-fi indie pling plung

Ian: i stayed up until 4am EST for this shit 

Sin: all this needs is some harp and it’s be a joanna newsom classic. speaking of when THE FUCK are we getting a new joanna newsom record

Jesper: zoned out for a sec, was that lyric ‘i could never build an earthworm?’ cuz dope if true 

jotW: hands up all those who have built earthworms in this gang

Pheromone: i ate a worm once

Jesper: two hands up 

Sin: idk what that means but im gonna go with yes i did the worm at my secondary school prom

Jesper: ok phero you’re getting into vore now? 

Sin: he always was

Pheromone: i cannot be tamed

jotW: first vore reference i’ve seen in 2022, people are civilising uncomfortably fast 

Sin: KEEP, this is supreme comfycore. Im stealing the love back from old rich men and donating it to local prostitutes

Jesper: yeah KEEP i’m stealing your heart <3

Pheromone: KEEP it is bloooooming lovely and and I am stealing Charles Bissell’s harddrive

Ian: KEEP because now phero put filthy thoughts into my head, that devil!

jotW: this is fine and i have already forgotten everything about it, so KILL. Jesper is the big thief and he stole vore from the online vulgate.

(16) 12,000 Lines

Sin: what is this my dissertation

Pheromone: what is sint’s dissertation topic?

Ian: i think i accidentally wrote this song when i was 15 like 3 separate times and somehow this still sounds more phoned in lol

Sin: my dissertation is on the influence of hip-hop culture and language on non-western countries, particularly africa

Jesper: is dissertation the same thing as dissection 

Pheromone: is africa a non-western country

Sin: yes

jotW: what do the people of [african country] think about donda 2?

Sin: it had a huge impact on the ghanaian drill scene

Pheromone: we are off track. This is kind of boring. KILL but another slight KILL akin to feeding an enemy too much sucrose

jotW: i enjoy how we’ve barely made a single direct comment on any of the past 7ish songs. This is another snooze, KILL and the celebrity thief is your mum etc 

Jesper: KILL i don’t remember any of that, celebrity thief is kanye west

Sin:  KEEP its nice. Im stealing marilyn monroe’s face and putting it on harvey weinstein

Ian: wait is that track already over? that was a song? KILL.

(17) Simulation Swarm

Sin: this is the song everyones going on about right?

jotW: yeah this is the one

Jesper: wow this a dynamic or 2 as opposed to the past half hour of music 

Pheromone: what are the people saying about this

Sin:  oh i can see why now this pumps and bops. vocal rhythm is sick

Ian: idk phero whatever drug user/dealers talk about

jotW: this is one of those moments that you suddenly remember why Big Thief are meant to be one of the best bands in the world and it’s too much too fast but also absolutely perfect

Sin:  yes, a Big Thief guitar solo. its not a solo but i felt the need to say that

Ian: big thief, pfft, more like somewhat above average indie-rock with dreamy pop influences that i moderately enjoy!

Jesper: fuck most guitar solos 

Pheromone: jesper will you fall asleep back to back with me

Sin: UFOF might be overtaken by this now tbh but UFOF t/t is still the best ever

jotW: is still in the ballpark, think this and Little Things have the edge but mmmmm all are the real stuff

Sin: very solid agree right there

Ian: i hate that i like this. KEEP.

Jesper: light KEEP, stealing all guitar solos from all music forever

jotW: KEEP this obviously, easy album highlight. I am the thief and I stole big

Sin: KEEP like your life depends on it. I’m stealing the memories of Jeff Bezos and replacing it with clips from bestgore.com

Pheromone: this is a pretty hard KEEP. I still don’t love love love it but it’s really good. I think Win Butler from Arcade Fire stole a lot of olive oil for his hair

(18) Love Love Love

jotW: hahahhaha i’m pouring wine rn, big thief do bridget jones/sharon van etten drunkvibes distressingly well

Ian: almost done jesus christ thank god i don’t have to be sober for this

Sin: already like this, nice energy

Pheromone: this is the least likely mountain goats cover

Sin: i hear some heavy angel olsen in this, and yeah van etten too

Ian: to be fair to johnny though, this is probably the best Wine Mom-core i’ve heard in quite a while.

Jesper: wow what a well written chorus 

jotW: am singing and sipping to this rn 

Pheromone: i really like this really like this really like this

jotW: i really really really like you

Sin: and i want you, to want me,

Pheromone: i am ten feet tall

jotW: i am a metaphor for your boner

Pheromone: you are my rose 

jotW: i am an apple seed

Sin: release my love, sounds a bit dodgy. early KEEP, what a barnstormer. Im stealing my own dignity from myself, noted celebrity

Jesper: KILL i don’t like this, celebrity thief is ur mum 

jotW: love love love love love KEEP obviously i will steal all your wine

Pheromone: good national song. KEEP and er I am going to steal the letter t from my keyboard

Ian: KEEP so i can say this song busts nuts 

(19) The Only Place

Sin: what if it was the only plaice and it was about a fish and chips shop

jotW: then it would be the opener and we would not hear the end of it. plaice vs. sole though, mmm fish got puns 4 days

Ian: so are you telling me that a fish hit a bunch of beer bottles with a bat???

Pheromone: his album does not feel like an album bu I hink hat is the inenion maybe oh no i am inerruping he fish conversaion. 

Sin:  lemon sole is the best fish hands down no question

jotW: righteous fuckin content

Jesper: i hate it when artists make albums (that shouldn’t be albums)

jotW: jesper you are so stupid deep sometimes

Pheromone: see: the entire nine inch nails discog

jotW: lmfao alas yes

Ian: i only eat fish i can grab with my bare hands so i can watch the life leave their eyes.

Sin: don’t you mean your bear hands?

ian: ¿por qué no los dos?

Jesper: rawr?

Sin:  ian writing fucking paragraph fantasies about animal abuse what has big thief done

Ian: ok well fantasy is a loaded word first off—

Pheromone: I think (?) the songs I end up KEEPing from this album will end up painting a picture of the type of soft boy i am and i am ready. This is nice and I will KEEP it but passively. I will steal a life-time supply of sparkling water

Jesper: KILL this yes celebrity big thief is lil thief

jotW: is this flamenco 

ian: KUM; idk it was alright just benign. 

Sin: this is cosy and now i need a warm fireplace, KEEP. im stealing my time back to relive the entire album for the first time without these dumb conversations

jotW: this is maybe the best softboi song we’ve had so far or ever so KEEP it, i’m stealing a peek at my neighbour’s balcony the next time – 

Pheromone: johnny delete that whatever it is 

jotW: – she hollers karaoke practice on a Sunday morning i have so many questions

Pheromone: ok haha not what i thought was coming

(20) Blue Lightning

jotW: i am waving my arms like a drunk inbred country bird

Jesper: that’s vaguely cute and so is this song

Sin: this is canonical to the eiffel 65 cinematic universe

Ian: did somebody say drunk inbred bird, i’m already here, what more do you want from me old man?!?!

Sin:  wow i also want to be a shoelace she just gets me, but i just wanna touch pretty people’s feet tbh

jotW: Question Seventy-Six – Analyse the lyric I want to be the shoelace that you tie in the context of: catboys

Ian: lou reed singing I AM THE TABLE but instead it’s I AM THE SHOELACE

Pheromone: is this reverb

Jesper: KEEP this, catboys need shoelaces like all other boys but maybe for more cleaning and playing related purposes and that’s ok no kinkshaming here yea

Sin:  catboys have shoes in their asses. KEEP, great closer. I’m gonna steal the 2024 ppresidebntial election, whoever it is. WHAT SHOULD WE DO NOW

jotW: yeet. And KEEP I also wanna feel so happy that I cry this is lovely I’m stealing the thief from Big Thief they can just be big

Ian: pleasant note to end on to be honest, though wow this was 30 minutes too long jeez. KEEP overall though.

Pheromone: KILL not a fan really. I think you stole from the cradles you were rocked in you took the first words that they spoke

Closing Remarks 

Jesper: a couple of good songs on an album i will never listen to again, so yeah nice uhh i’m going to enjoy the sun now i think

jotW: I still like this album, maybe a little more than before, although I’m more convinced than ever that its third quarter is totally fecking useless. It’s endearing and warm and silly and sometimes sad and maybe this band is fab after all mmmmm KEEP solid 3.5 time well spent escaping.

Ian: while i’ve been a fan for a while now, nothing big thief has done really been able to captivate me like a lot of their others seem to do for some people. that being said, this was fucking weird, i don’t know where i am. anyways good production. 3.2 testicles out of 5 potential testicles. it’s a classic. KILL.

Sin: its a 5 baby! Yeah this is so solid, feels very cohesive and consistent even with the different pacing and stylistic approaches from track to track. Adrianne’s amazing voice is given exactly the right treatment, and they’ve really upped the game when it comes to the rhythm and percussion of their sound. Little things is still my fave for now, but we’ll see if anything grows above that in the future, there’s a fair few contenders there. I choose to KEEP every song fuck da police

Pheromone: this was fairly delightful probably a 3.5 maybe a 3 – i enjoyed it! I need to wee I will be back to finish this in a second

jotW: I am rejamming Little Things already maybe I’m a little obsessed 

Sin: ok so when are you paypaling me the £50

jotW: Maybe you do use me

Final KILLstats

 

ianb: 10/20 (50%)

JesperL: 12/20 (60%)

johnnyoftheWell: 7/20 (35%)

Pheromone: 8/20 (40%)

Sinternet: 4/20 (20%)

KILL or KEEP will return soon, please be excited and stay posted!

Archive

Vol.1: Smashing Pumpkins – Mellon Collie…

Vol.2: Nine Inch Nails – The Fragile 

Vol.3: Carly Rae Jepsen – Emotion

Vol.4: Deftones – White Pony

Vol.5: Nightwish – Once

Vol.6: Tavito Nanao – Heavenly Punk Adagio