Today things will likely get bad for the English as French-speaking people gear up to grab an unapologetically boring 1-0 victory over them. In a move that would make the proudest indie rock journalist happy, there is a weird layer of self-awareness going around in the English press for this game. Thanks to it, I have never been more optimistic that I am totally not optimistic about our chances in this game. I am daring to dare to not dare to dream. Also, since the majority of our userbase is American, please don’t make fun of us today. It’s not our fault.

Also, something something about the French.

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England: Los Campesinos! – Every Defeat A Divorce (Three Lions)

Pretty hard to know what to choose for this one but if the nation’s hopes have been toned down to some sort of footballing nihilism, we should probably call upon Los Campesinos! to make thinly-vieled analogies comparing the sport to sex and the disappointment in both areas. I honestly think if this was our national anthem, our team would sing it proudly before games. Contrary to popular belief (and much to Gareth Campesinos!’ massive dismay), Los Campesinos! are not a Welsh band. This has happened before- I think the sadly misplaced Ryan Giggs would be happy at home in this band.

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France: Air – ‘Run’

France offer us the best in music to float with in Air, whose name apparently acts as initials that translate to “Love, Imagination, Dream”; that could easily sum up their musical output. My personal favourite is ‘Run’, their visit to the creepy darkside of electronica.

Again, I advocate this as the country’s national anthem. An excellent piece to rally those French players… does Trezeguet still play for France? I’m sure he’d prefer this to La Marseillaise.