“Don’t give up your day job….”

The above is the subject of a million glib remarks – so many, in fact, that we tend to forget there are people out there who give up well-paying jobs to pursue a career they have absolutely no aptitude for. In this case, pro skateboarder Jereme Rogers – a man already burdened by the failings of his parents, who were so confused by the similarity of “Jerome” and “Jeremy” that they named him a bizarre hybrid of the two – retired from the sport at the age of 24 to pursue a career in the rap business.

Barely a year later, Rogers returned to pro skateboarding, but it hasn’t stopped him from continually dipping his toes in the music industry. ’30 Thousand 100 Million Freestyle’ appears to be his first single under the new name J. Casanova – he’d previously recorded under his given name – and I can categorically say it’s his best recording yet under the new name.

To be honest, there’s probably not enough time and space on the internet to detail exactly how whacked-out this video is. For instance, he claims he has women all around his waist “like a shoestring” – is it normal to keep your pants up with shoestring? I use a belt, but then again I don’t know what the fashion is among millionaires these days. Even better is the self-satisfied smirk he can’t seem to remove from his face after he drops the zinger: “Though I may pretend it, I hardly ever listen.”

That last line is preceded by the couplet: “I’m hotter than the devil, colder than below seven.” Now, saying stupid shit like “colder than below seven” is allowable in certain instances, usually when you’ve got a really good follow-up rhyme you couldn’t shoehorn in any other way. Except Jereme doesn’t have a good follow-up rhyme – in fact, “listen” doesn’t even sound that much like “seven,” and he doesn’t inflect it in a way that would make it sound similar, and the line doesn’t even make any fucking sense anyway.

Furthermore, there are the incredible amount of inane things he appears to believe are “word around town.” “Word around town, bitch, I still don’t got no kids.” Congratulations on practicing safe sex, but perhaps you should stick to talking about your big gun. You know, the one you don’t have. He goes on to boast about being in my house with no shoes on. I don’t remember this happening but, again, I can only compliment him on his politeness. I don’t want people traipsing dirt all over my carpets any more than you do.

He starts off boasting about his Magnum (“word on the street is Magnum’s what I fit”) and then spends much of the rest of the song detailing the innumerate occasions in which he’s shown excessive common courtesy to his acquaintances. Except when he came all over my girlfriend’s face – we both thought that was weird. And I haven’t even got into the excessive eye movements and hand gestures.

Don’t give up the day job, kid.