Earlier this week, we offered Sputnik users the chance to win a copy of the new Converge single, ‘On My Shield,’ which is currently only available at the merch table on the band’s European tour.

The way the original post was worded, it appeared that the contest was in some way endorsed by the band. This was a failure on our part and we apologise for any confusion caused. I personally attended a date on the band’s tour earlier this week and bought the record myself to give away as a “thank you” to the community for all that you contribute to this place.

On Thursday, we were contacted by the band’s label, Deathwish Inc., and asked to take the contest down. We opened a dialogue with Converge singer Jacob Bannon in an attempt to reach a compromise but were told in no uncertain terms that Converge/Deathwish are to retain full control of all contests. In hindsight, we should have asked the band for their approval in advance, but we have been left in no doubt that no permission would have been granted had we done so.

I am prepared to take full responsibility for this as it was my haste that caused the situation, and Deathwish/Jacob Bannon were fully within their right to tell me to go fuck myself. Which they did.

Once again, sorry guys.

We would hate to leave you guys shorthanded, though, so the competition will go ahead as scheduled with one minor alteration – the promised single has been replaced with a super-duper MYSTERY PRIZE! We can’t tell you what the MYSTERY PRIZE is, because it’s a MYSTERY, but as luck would have it it matches the spatial dimensions of the original prize exactly, meaning I won’t have to buy a new envelope.

We asked you to complete the following sentence: “Hi, my name is Jacob Bannon, and I’m…”

After days (one, to be exact) of deliberation, there was only ever going to be one winner. And without further ado, the winner is…

Hi, my name’s Jacob Bannon and I’m obviously very upset about something.

Congratulations, Tyler! Your MYSTERY PRIZE will be on its way to you very shortly.

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Here’s a selection of the best of the rest:

Disclaimer: none of the following statements represents the views of Jacob Bannon.

Hi, my name’s Jacob Bannon and welcome to WWALLLLLMARRRRRTTTTTTTTTT.

Hi, my name’s Jacob Bannon and if you leak a Deathwish record you will be Bannon-ed from hardcore.

Hi, my name’s Jacob Bannon and I am the only man to have ever literally punched someone with his voice.

Hi, my name’s Jacob Bannon, and I enjoy moon-lit walks along the beach, and petitioning the empty sky from time to time.

Hi, my name’s Jacob Bannon and when I open my mouth every ball in the room drops.

Hi, my name’s Jacob Bannon and just kidding no one can understand what I’m saying.

Hi, my name’s Jacob Bannon and I’ll be your substitute teacher today.

Hi, my name’s Jacob Bannon and my name is an anagram of Non-Bacon Jab.

Hi my name’s Jacob Bannon and you look like a fucking pig in heat and if you get raped by a pack of n***ers it will be your fault.

Hi, my name’s Jacob Bannon and tonight we’re only doing Blondie covers.

Hi my name’s Jacon Bannon and I completely understand why I wouldn’t want to be associated with this.

Hi, my name’s Jacob Bannon and I’m taking my talents to South Beach.

Thanks again to everyone who contributed.