Sputnikmusic - RE: Last Christmas

RE: Last Christmas

By staff Thursday December 16, 2010

I have a bone to pick with “Last Christmas” and no, it’s probably not the one George Michael is hoping for. I don’t really care that it’s overplayed and over-saturated. Five, now six times on today’s blog? Whatever. I don’t even mind George Michael’s breathy, exasperated delivery. I mean, it makes me a little uncomfortable, but I’ll get over it. Nope. My problem with “Last Christmas” is that it does not make sense.

Now I don’t know what George Michael went to school for, if he went at all, but I doubt he studied much math. The other guy in Wham? I don’t know who he is. I don’t care, either, because he’s also obviously not too strong with numbers. Let’s look at “Last Christmas” as if it were a math problem. A really simple one, too. Like, second grade simple.

So, George Michael has one heart.

George Michael gives his heart away to someone. Presumably the other guy in Wham.

Guy who now has George Michael’s heart gives it away the very next day, perhaps explaining why I haven’t heard anything from him since.

At this point, George Michael doesn’t have a heart. Insert joke here.

How, then, can he give it to someone special next year?

He can’t.

“Last Christmas” is an insult to mathematical logic and I will not stand for it.

PS: You can point out that medically it is impossible for one to survive without a heart, but try having some Christmas spirit you stupid jerk.

50 Comments

slep
12.16.10

lol

Tyler
12.16.10

i noticed this when i was getting my haircut today and i mentioned it to the hair stylist who totally ignored me. i think i ruined christmas for her.

sniper
12.16.10

Yeah fuck that song.

Winsomniac
12.16.10

Yeah fuck Christmas anyway.

Nobody ever gets me good presents :c

robertsona
12.16.10

well maybe the dude that george michael gave his heart to "gave it away" by giving it back to him

or maybe it somehow reached george michael indirectly

Winsomniac
12.16.10

Re-gifted.

Ouch.

JulianAssange
12.16.10

WOW THIS IS SO FUNNY

sniper
12.16.10

calm down no need to shout.

Tyler
12.16.10

that's a lot of maybes

JulianAssange
12.16.10

BUT IT'S REALLY FUNNY

robin
12.16.10

song transcends logic. it's george michael.

Tyler
12.16.10

and some other guy!

JulianAssange
12.16.10

tyler do you still do cocaine

Tyler
12.16.10

you're on a roll

JulianAssange
12.16.10

this time... but I think my luck could change

Poet
12.16.10

lmao. Awesome blog post Tyler. Your hairstylist probably did not say anything because her mind was so blown by your logic.

Tyler
12.16.10

I should post my noise cover of Last Christmas I made a few years ago for a forum competition for you to add to your blog post. It's real terrible.

Psilocyanide
12.16.10

Obviously the person who was given the heart re-gifted the heart (again) and George now has it again.

AggravatedYeti
12.16.10

hahahaha.

Winsomniac
12.16.10

Must've broken his heart.

Knott-
12.17.10

AS I SAID,

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart, but the very next day you realised that was medically impossible and that you hadn't seen your fiancé for over a week.

Knott-
12.17.10

just read small print and lol'd

Tyler
12.17.10

it was meant for you :D

Knott-
12.17.10

haha i thought it might be :(

start of second paragraph made me think of that busted song

Winsomniac
12.17.10

STUPID JERK

Tyler
12.17.10

i shouldn't say it was meant for you, you're not a stupid jerk, but you influenced it.

Knott-
12.17.10

some guy claimed to have written harry potter

JKR DISPUTE

Knott-
12.17.10

its not my joke anyway blame the guy that submitted it to sickipedia ;)

Tyler
12.17.10

thanks for the input sonictheplumber, you're a real asset around here.

Knott-
12.17.10

Presumably the other guy in Wham.

Tyler
12.17.10

you're an asset!

(sorry i feel stupid now)

DaveyBoy
12.17.10

No, you are all missing the super complicated ongoing concept of this all. What did 'Wake Me Up Before You Go Go' start off with (after the "Jitterbugs"):

"You put the boom-boom into my heart
You send my soul sky high when your lovin' starts"

It's all about a terrorist plot to ASSassinate Geoge Michael... So he gave his heart away last Christmas to survive & live (sort of) happily ever after.

fr33convict
12.17.10

shit just got serious

Douglas
12.17.10

daveyboy with married man logic

DaveyBoy
12.17.10

You guys need to open your minds up. It's not just metal bands that have multi-album concepts.

Klekticist
12.17.10

small print makes this.

bloc
12.17.10

I loooooooove Jimmy Eat World's cover of that song.

Winsomniac
12.17.10

Is it a sin if that cover was the first version of it I'd heard?

I wasn't born in the U.S. D:

Skimaskcheck
12.17.10

'George Michael gives his heart away to someone. Presumably the other guy in Wham.'

hahaha

Puzzles
12.17.10

See your doctor immediately man, I think you should get tested... There is a veritable and entirely realistic possibility that you may, in fact, be a genius.

Josh D.
12.17.10

Awesome.

Kimm
12.17.10

You raise a very good point, thus making me hate this song even more than I already did.

Wolfhorde
12.17.10

Valid point to a song that also makes wanna torture people playing it.

ConsiderPhlebas
12.17.10

In other news: rain isn't made of cats and dogs.

Tyler
12.17.10

uh yeah it is

Aids
12.17.10

haha right on

nice write up

starry
12.19.10

Andrew Ridgely isn't homosexual and at the time George Michael hadn't even come out as gay, so if you see the video you will see it actually refers to male-female relationships.

And most cover versions of anything are crap anyway. Normally they are just a cheap way of trying to get a hit by copying an old song in a lazy uncreative way instead of doing anything new.

"Insert joke here"

Please do, haven't seen any decent jokes yet.

Knott-
12.19.10

"Andrew Ridgely isn't homosexual and at the time George Michael hadn't even come out as gay, so if you see the video you will see it actually refers to male-female relationships."

it's like you didn't understand the post at all

starry
12.19.10

I know the post was trying to be funny, but it's just such an obvious joke to make and not really that original. I can be literal as well but more relevant with the intent of the song. Ulimately it's simply a warm Christmas song, all warmly produced as you'd expect from a Christmas song.

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