|Alice Cooper Albums: Worst to First|
This guy has a lot of albums.
Zipper Catches Skin
No wonder this didn’t chart. This is the only Alice Cooper album I actively hate, and the only blackout album where his substance abuse actually hurt the album’s quality. Just skip the zip.
Best Track: N/A
Pretties For You
Just some shitty Zappa worship, without retaining any imaginative or fun elements from the man they were trying to imitate.
Best Track: N/A
Same as ‘Pretties’, but with a decent song or two thrown in.
Best Track: Refrigerator Heaven
The Eyes Of Alice Cooper
Alice’s return to hard rock after going industrial should have been awesome, it wasn’t. It’s overproduced for the kind of sound he was going for, the lyrical content lacks originality and good storytelling, and the songs are just forgettable. This was Alice’s worst album in a long time, but he luckily corrected his mistakes on the next one.
Best Track: I’m So Angry
Along Came a Spider
‘Spider’ see’s Alice going in a heavier direction once again. He tried taking another stab at a concept album, this time focusing on a deranged serial killer. I love the concept, and the lyrical content of this record, but every single song on this album is pretty damn forgettable. It’s a shame, this should have worked, but just didn’t.
Best Track: The One That Got Away
Welcome 2 My Nightmare
I really wish I could put this one higher on the list, I really like some of the songs on here; but there is some BULLSHIT on this album that I really hate. I commend Alice for trying new things and branching off into different genres, but he really didn’t do them very well.
Best Track: The Congregation
Muscle of Love
I'’m really not sure how this happened. The band was just coming off it’s magnum opus, and within one album they lost all momentum. Sure some stuff on here is alright, but that’s the problem, it’s just alright.
Best Track: Man With the Golden Gun
Flush The Fashion
Alice goes new wave with some less than stellar results. It’s pretty clear that Cooper wanted to capitalize on the trend and barely attempts to do anything new or exciting with the sound. However, I can’t deny some of the tunes such as ‘Clones’ are pretty catchy.
Best Track: Grim Facts
‘Trash’ sees Alice going full on Bon Jovi, and I fucking hate Bon Jovi. I know this album is beloved by many, and is easily his most commercially successful, but I just can’t get into it. That doesn’t mean that there aren’t any positives, the first 4 songs are great and I dig the drum sound.
Best Track: Why Trust You
After coming off of ‘Killer’ this one is kind of a bummer. Nothing on here is bad per say, but aside from the title track and ‘Luney Tune’ everything else is completely forgettable.
Best Track: School’s Out
Alice Cooper Goes to Hell
I expected with am album title as awesome as this, I would be in for one hell of a ride, what I got was kind of disappointing. Alice softened his sound a little too much on this one, an obvious attempt at going commercial. However, when the album hits, it hits hard. It’s just too bad there’s a lot of poppy bullshit to sift through.
Best Track: Wish You Were Here
Leaps and bounds better than his previous effort, Alice yet again returns to the hard-rock oriented sound that catapulted him to stardom in the 70’s, although this time he had the songs to back it up. The production is raw, and his trademarked sense of humor is back full swing. Unfortunately, not too many songs on here are very memorable, and the record does drag on a bit too long.
Best Track: The Saga of Jesse Jane
From the Inside
Definitely Cooper’s most focused album since ‘Nightmare’, with a fun concept that he goes all the way with, which means there is lots of fun to be had with this one. Unfortunately, he kinda forgot how to rock. A very pop-driven affair, but a pleasant one at that.
Best Track: Serious
The Last Temptation
I really don’t have much to say about this one, it’s just another solid album. I’d say the only issue this album has is that it lacks any real standout tracks, aside from that, it’s pretty good.
Best Track: You’re My Temptation
Lace and Whiskey
I feel like Lace and Whiskey just is misunderstood. This album is very diverse and spreads across a bunch of genres which I consider a good thing. Yeah, there is a good amount of filler, but if you can look past that, I think it’s much better than the reputation it has garnered.
Best Track: Road Rats
After his 2 previous efforts I came in with low expectations, and to my surprise, this turned out to be pretty damn good. Easily his best since Dragontown.
Best Track: Fireball
Raise Your Fist and Yell
This is right on par with ‘Constrictor’. I actually really dig the heavier side of Alice, and this album delivers the goods in that regard. I do think the mid-section of the album is kind of generic, but when this album works it fuckin’ works.
Best Track: Roses on White Lace
*side note* - I fucking love that album cover, I don’t care what anyone says.
This album gets a lot of hate, mostly due to the glam metal stylings found throughout the album. I mean with tracks like ‘Thrill My Gorilla’ this album was destined to be a little divisive. Luckily, I fall on the side of loving this one..It’s cheesy as all hell but a damn fun record.
Best Track: The World Needs Guts
Love It To Death
I’d consider this to be Alice Cooper’s real debut. All of the trademarks the artist is known for are introduced on this album, setting the standard for all Cooper releases onward. I’m kind of surprised that it’s this low on the list, considering it’s the first Cooper album I listened to and actually enjoyed. Fuck the debut 2, and start here.
Best Track: The Ballad of Dwight Fry
Cooper’s first album of the “blackout” era, and a damn good one at that. After stumbling with his previous new-wave tinged effort, ‘Special Forces’ sees Cooper narrowing his focus and adding his own flare to the genre with his trademarked blend of horror and humor. This album may not be for everyone, but I sure as hell dig it.
Best Track: Who Do You Think We Are
Coop’s foray into Industrial metal is surprisingly good. I was expecting a total cringe-fest like Danzig’s late 90’s output, but I was proven totally wrong. This album is pretty damn great. The fact that an album this good is in 7th is a pretty good indicator of how quality Cooper’s discography is.
Best Track: Cold Machines
The sequel to 2000’s Brutal Planet is just as heavy as its predecessor, with the production given a welcomed layer of polish. I’d say that Dragontown and Brutal Planet are tied in quality for me, but Dragontown has ‘Triggerman’ so I’ll give it the nod for 6th.
Best Track: Triggerman
Besides ‘Yeah, Yeah, Yeah’ this record is a great example of the Alice Cooper band firing on all cylinders and delivering the goods, Killer is often touted as one of Cooper’s best, and it’s not hard to see why. Also, the ending of the title track made me shit my pants.
Best Track: Halo of Flies
Nobody gave a shit about DaDa in the 80’s but people are finally starting to come around on it, and for good reason. By far Cooper’s most experimental solo album, the results of which range from good to great. The vibe of this album is completely unique and allows it to stand alone in the Cooper discography. Be sure to check this one out if you haven’t.
Best Track: I Love America
Welcome To My Nightmare
An undisputed classic that showed that Cooper didn’t need the original lineup to put out strong albums with interesting and cohesive narratives. A stellar conceptual piece that stand to be one of his most highly regarded albums.
Best Track: Steven
By far my favorite solo album from Cooper. Guest musicians flood almost every track here, but it never once feels like a cash-grab. He had a bunch of good ideas on here, and they all worked out really well.
Best Track: Might As Well Be On Mars
Billion Dollar Babies
A top to bottom masterpiece. The perfect balance of catchy radio-ready singles, and the dark macabre humor the group was known for. Never to be surpassed.
Best Track: Billion Dollar Babies