rockarollacola
Mitch
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Soundoffs 840
Album Ratings 3277
Objectivity 78%

Last Active 09-03-22 1:19 am
Joined 05-26-14

Review Comments 2,179

 Lists
04.17.24 My Worst Metal Takes04.02.24 Sex Pistols Albums: Worst to First
01.08.24 Power Metal in 2023 04.28.23 Anthem Albums: Worst to First
03.10.23 Hair Metal That Doesn't Suck - Volume 5 01.07.23 Power Metal in 2022
12.15.22 13 Reasons Why08.13.22 Pick my Poison (YOU CHOOSE MY TORTURE!)
08.10.22 EVERY "Teutonic Big 4" album ranked06.30.22 Artists I Gave Up On
06.21.22 Underrated Sequels06.02.22 Things that piss me off (but shouldn't)
03.28.22 Black Sabbath Albums: Worst to First03.18.22 Hair Metal That DOES Suck
03.09.22 Accept Albums: Worst to First02.04.22 Iron Maiden Epics: Ranked
01.27.22 Kidney Stones01.21.22 W.A.S.P. Albums: Worst to First
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Hair Metal That DOES Suck

It's March, which means its time for my annual hair metal list, but this time I'm mixing it up. I have always been a staunch defender of 80's and 90's hair metal, but even I have to admit these records fucking suck.
1Poison
Flesh & Blood


When people say they hate hair metal, they are more than likely referring to this band in particular. These guys encapsulate every negative aspect from the genre and crank it up to 11. All their albums suck, but I picked this one because Unskinny Bop is one of the worst songs of all time.
2Bon Jovi
Slippery When Wet


The birth of mom rock.
3Krokus
Change of Address


I actually enjoy this album, but even I have to admit its a desperate grab for commerciality.
4Celtic Frost
Cold Lake


I own this on vinyl, lucky me. It’s so bafflingly awful that it becomes enjoyable to a degree.
5KISS
Hot in the Shade


15 tracks of pure agony. Love Me To Hate You might be the worst song KISS ever released.
6Guns N' Roses
G N' R Lies


I Used to Love Her is decent as a joke song, but the rest is pure hogwash. This band sucks.
7Steel Panther
Heavy Metal Rules


I genuinely like Steel Panther, but nobody even tried with this one.
8Pantera
Metal Magic


Awful, but still more enjoyable than anything released from Far Beyond Driven onward
9Keel
Keel


Pretty sure they got an 8th grader to write their lyrics. Listen to United Nations or Cherry Lane and you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about.
10Godzilla
Godzilla


One of the best worst albums I’ve ever heard. Incompitent dogshit, but fun incompitent dogshit.
11Uriah Heep
Raging Silence


Uriah Heep's foray into hair metal was a misguided and inconsistent effort with a couple diamonds in the rough. Sadly, this album sucks from start to finish.
12Digger (DE)
Stronger Than Ever


Oh my god
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