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Soundoffs 76
News Articles 102
Band Edits + Tags 1,316
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Album Ratings 4468
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Last Active 01-01-70 12:00 am
Joined 01-01-70

Review Comments 60,522

05.17.24 GHOST folk 05.11.24 what's good sputnik
05.10.24 Aquemini ranked04.25.24 REC me glitch/downtempo/IDM
04.16.24 All Blonde Redhead songs RANKED 03.28.24 OED Japanese imports RANKED (Q1 2024)
03.22.24 Sputnik's Sacred Cows03.14.24 POP ALIGNMENT
03.09.24 Discogs that peak on song #103.07.24 new staff + contribs RANKED
03.03.24 MARCH of JAZŽŻ 02.16.24 G L I T C H genre tag
02.01.24 FEBRUARY of ambi2ent (REC me) 01.01.24 well_2023: "YES" albums (2/2)
12.31.23 well_2023: "NO" albums (1/2)12.27.23 (be)rate my LP 'collection'
12.03.23 2023 BNM: cringedex 12.01.23 New users :: REVIEWED
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new staff + contribs RANKED

jk congrats nerds. list is my predictions for all new staffers' mid-term futures
Never Wear Out Your Summer xxx !!!

BOFF will do it all and do it hard. shit damn i cannot wait to see how hard BOFF goes. my stomach is sick just thinking about it. i don't anticipate any of us being able to formulate as much as a sentence by the time he's through with us lfg
2David Grisman
The David Grisman Quintet

DADKUNGFU will 100% the Archive, start work on the Archive 2.0, and set up a charity to pay the therapy bills of all hapless upstarts who think they have what it takes to any% the Archive 3.0 ahead of him (which will coincide by definitely pure chance with an upswing in my mental health so drastic that I cease reviewing music as a hobby)
3Alio Die
Deconsecrated and Pure

GARAS will find the holy grail of deathened synthwave buried in the dungeon of some black metal white supremacist forgotten by history, and then somehow review it in a way that avoids getting the whole site cancelled (gotta be at least 3 virgins sacrificed at the post-publication afterparty though).
4DJ Close Your Eyes to Find Me
Angel Trance Edits Volume 1

KORIS will never be alone in the bathtub again.
5Daisuke Tobari

MANATEA will use the role as impetus to big up his discord presence and upload a comprehensive set of ratings (jk (not really)), from which point onwards the gradual shift in emphasis in his reviews from zit-bursting, demon-exorcising boydisaster core into debonaire contemporary jazz-folk will be a valuable symbol of the site's long-awaited transition from its hitherto unbroken perma-adolescence into the internet's first and only civilised retro-pasture. By the time we've arrived, it will never not be tea time and *you* will be sipping.
6Yoshiko Sai
Taiji no Yume

NEEKAFAT will secure sputnik's place as a cultural landmark within the post-Marvel wasteland of his local milieu, but hold off selling us out until Phoebe Bridgers goes public about career hopping into advertising, and make my favourite B-movie of the year envisioning the creative process behind the worst reviews on the site
7Lexie Liu
The Happy Star

ODAL is gonna eat poptimism before it eats any more of itself, ditch pacifism (and write a 1.0 review for the Dalai Lama to prove it), and pull a merciless cop arc that literally no one saw coming I cannot wait for my goats to be confiscated for crimes against the Culture
8Laurel Halo

HI ALSO to all new CONTRIBS AnimalForce1, brainmelter, Dedes, NightOnDrunkMountain, Shamus, Sinternet, someone (is that all of u), stoked to watch y'all suffer for your craft more conspicuously than before
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