2023 BNM: cringedex
Hotly anticipated/you asked for it/etc.. Here is the entirety of 2023's Best New Music ranked in order of increasing cringe -_- |
| 107 |  | Molecular Corporation
Millions of Dead Menposters
this is the least cringe record that has ever been platformed on this site |
| 106 |  | Stimming
Elderberry
new stimming makes dancefloors shake and plebian knees rattle - rejoice |
| 105 |  | Cicada (Taiwan)
Seeking the Sources of Streams
good artwork, good vibes, good work single-handedly getting whichever skele account banned for advocating genocide. stan taiwan, stan chamber mood |
| 104 |  | PJ Harvey
I Inside the Old Year Dying
it's a real struggle to attach any words at all to this one, most certo including 'cringe' |
| 103 |  | Tujiko Noriko
Crépuscule I & II
this is just too pure |
| 102 |  | Healthyliving
Songs of Abundance, Psalms of Grief
oh FUCK i meant to hear this one - very cool lineup, probably great record? definitely not cringe! |
| 101 |  | Lankum
False Lankum
you are the false lankum this is real fantastic |
| 100 |  | Kostnateni
Úpal
are post-KGLW microtonal riffs cring- god i hate myself, Kostnateni is c l e a r |
| 99 |  | Dream Dolphin
Gaia: Selected Ambient & Downtempo Works (1996-2023)
dream' 'dolphin' |
| 98 |  | Crisis Sigil
God Cum Poltergeist
good internet moment |
| 97 |  | Otay:onii
夢之駭客 Dream Hacker
these are the only good vocals on the entire list |
| 96 |  | Hinako Omori
stillness, softness...
purify yourself |
| 95 |  | Closet Witch
Chiaroscuro
unexpected discovery of a nonsensical new insult (no, YOU closet witch!) + some of the most bitchin' grind of the year = firm anti-cringe |
| 94 |  | Spangle call Lilli line
Ampersand
33% of this album is undiluted floatyjank, the rest is impeccable shower music. cleanse > cringe |
| 93 |  | Tribulation
Hamartia
is death metal but has good artwork: i will ask NO questions of it. metal AOTY. |
| 92 |  | Tiny Ruins
Ceremony
pretty artwork + meant to listen to this but forgot (and did rate the 1 song i heard) = i am the cringe |
| 91 |  | Chepang
Swatta
docking a solid ten places for this thing's token wanksolo Mick Barr feature track, otherwise it is above good and cringe |
| 90 |  | Dispirited Spirits
The Redshift Blues
indigo dias pokemon champion 2023? |
| 89 |  | Complete Mountain Almanac
Complete Mountain Almanac
an oasis of "just pretty tunes" in an oceanic cringe genre |
| 88 |  | Saya Gray
QWERTY
saya gray is such a talented nerd lol she is too much! eschews your cringe etc. |
| 87 |  | Sleepwalker (JPN)
Skopofoboexoskelett
inject this evil limbo avant-jank into my bloodstream |
| 86 |  | Maria BC
Spike Field
maria beats cringe? |
| 85 |  | The Exit Bags
Our Sun Will Clean Its Holy Wounds
bleach-your-soul starter pack: would be the perfect antidote to cringe, but i heard it's still available on cassette |
| 84 |  | Tenhi
Valkama
the folk-for-metalheads factor may be real on this, but that artwork was an asset to the site and the songwriting at least has the decency to make you wait for the good bits. huzzah! |
| 83 |  | Yo La Tengo
This Stupid World
yes okay sure, these guys are a *little* too cool to be too cool for school and i cannot remember 50% of the songs on this despite multiple plays but but but they wear it!? |
| 82 |  | Blood Ceremony
The Old Ways Remain
i want dewi's cat |
| 81 |  | Maruja
Knocknarea
knockmeup core |
| 80 |  | Jeromes Dream
The Gray In Between
would you call a staple-gun cringe? fuck. |
| 79 |  | Slowdive
Everything is Alive
aww the music might have been a bit drab, but i miss the way this artwork looked on the frontpage |
| 78 |  | McKinley Dixon
Beloved! Paradise! Jazz!?
((((((punctuation neg)))))) |
| 77 |  | Yeule
softscars
sugar-rattled pastel-addled apocalypse of all things tasteless and-
"I am a vapid superficial airhead yes but the album art is so horrifically bad it is detracting from my enjoyment. Like it's being mediated through a lens that's hard to palate" - Winesburgohio, 2023
nvm, turns out the cringe was coming from inside the house on this one |
| 76 |  | Great Falls
Objects Without Pain
this album is excellent and discomforting. unfortunately, both those qualties are a little cringe themselves |
| 75 |  | Glen Hansard
All That Was East Is West Of Me Now
beards are IN |
| 74 |  | DreamWeaver (JP)
blue garden
plus cringe for unapologetic comfort music minus cringe for perturbing DnB crusties |
| 73 |  | Carbon Based Lifeforms
Seeker
"""More like carbon cringe lifeforms amirite"" thank you Kompys |
| 72 |  | Sermon
Of Golden Verse
it's prog metal and someone compared it to tool no i am not researching it any further yes i will dock it like ten places to make up for my own incompetence |
| 71 |  | Sangre de Muerdago
O Vento que Lambe as miñas Feridas
something something bard stereotypes i hate you |
| 70 |  | Jason Isbell
Weathervanes
look, i've not committed to this one but jason isbell strikes me as proper dad material and i want him to pat my back just once and then ask nothing of me again ever |
| 69 |  | Endless, Nameless
Living Without
2013 sputcore throwback record |
| 68 |  | Rebecca Black
Let Her Burn
the greatest monument to post-cringe of our times |
| 67 |  | Avenged Sevenfold
Life Is But a Dream...
a worthy heir to rebecca black's legacy |
| 66 |  | Horrendous
Ontological Mysterium
alright metalheads, you can have this one |
| 65 |  | Empty Country
Empty Country II
[[ ]] |
| 64 |  | Lauren Bousfield
Salesforce
Debtors Prison Click Here Disney Needs To See This |
| 63 |  | Hotline TNT
Cartwheel
disaffected shrug emoji xo |
| 62 |  | Thrice
The Artist in the Ambulance (Revisited)
someone else write this one please, thrice discourse has rended my soul enough as is |
| 61 |  | Sacred Outcry
Towers of Gold
not currently in the market for hacked Elden Ring incantations |
| 60 |  | Aphex Twin
Blackbox Life Recorder 21f / In A Room7 F760
you can justify this one to me later (smashes window) |
| 59 |  | Ben Howard
Is It?
i love the artwork (but man, don't we all hate the artwork) |
| 58 |  | George Clanton
Ooh Rap I Ya
george clanton's greatest strength is that he will never be as cringe as you. is this enough? |
| 57 |  | SKECH185
He Left Nothing for the Swim Back
this chap is definitely trying |
| 56 |  | Panopticon
The Rime of Memory
"man this hits different in winter" |
| 55 |  | Parannoul
After The Magic
this guy's entire vibe is a redemption arc for dorky bedroom musicians, and, uh, ashes to ashes? nerds |
| 54 |  | Svalbard
The Weight of the Mask
having a strong opinion either way about svalbard in 2023 seems like a lot of effort that i am not yet ready to expend. they hit the exact the middle of the list on principle |
| 53 |  | Big|Brave
nature morte
significant minus points for bandname formatting, more for lowercase title, and then extra for bland drone metal production. |
| 52 |  | Unfurl
Ascension
wikipedia refused to tell me where to put this one, so it shall go HERE! |
| 51 |  | Wednesday
Rat Saw God
courtney barnett for bums who think that country influence entitles them to a stake in the hot culture. eat your fucking pie and tighten your jeans |
| 50 |  | Ruby Haunt
Between Heavens
piecemeal songwriting takes advantage of seasonal fixations: the anticlimax |
| 49 |  | GridLink
Coronet Juniper
[half-hearted allusion to gamer stereotypes] |
| 48 |  | Billy Woods and Kenny Segal
Maps
this forgettable grab bag was miles too underwhelming to hit proper cringe, but it does have a danny brown feature to make up the distance |
| 47 |  | Hail the Sun
Divine Inner Tension
mandatory placement for swancore, but shit damn this album does everything in its power to fight it |
| 46 |  | Tim Hecker
No Highs
"this guy actually reminds me of some undiscovered ECM records/windham hill guy youd find in the dollar bin at a record store which is high praise" - sonic
translation: hecker is in his flop bitch saxophone phase, and y'all have been way trigger-happy validating his mid |
| 45 |  | Omnerod
The Amensal Rise
"Way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way too long. The progressive metal and avant-grade metal elements show a lot of interesting experimentation, but the sludge fest this takes me to finish is worse than a half marathon.
^might be ajcollins' finest work to date" |
| 44 |  | Krallice
Porous Resonance Abyss
leave my dungeon immediately |
| 43 |  | Logan Ledger
Golden State
yes i will need another glass of chablis to appreciate this highly forgettable americana record |
| 42 |  | Tomb Mold
The Enduring Spirit
nuh-uh neckbeard gang, prog has *never* been the answer |
| 41 |  | Blood Incantation
Luminescent Bridge
fwiw i do feel bad about forgetting to jam this one, but in the meantime it cringes off residual cringe from their retconned EP and failed pleb filter Timewave Zero last year |
| 40 |  | Tigers on Trains
Antiquities
it's no shallow believer by the used |
| 39 |  | Sprain
The Lamb As Effigy
band lived by the cringe and died, uh, before they could be cancelled for it (and other reasons). huge record, but this placement was practically a given |
| 38 |  | Ne Obliviscaris
Exul
album may have exceeded expectations, but the Disney metal rep is insurmountable |
| 37 |  | Lunar Chamber
Shambhallic Vibrations
more like menstrual toilet (no idea what this one is) |
| 36 |  | Sulphur Aeon
Seven Crowns and Seven Seals
a rare death metal album that i struggle to find a basis to casually berate, if only because i had never heard of it before now |
| 35 |  | Dodheimsgard
Black Medium Current
i LIKE this album precisely because it is ridiculous (and good!) enough to conquer the cringe, but that does not mean that it didn't face unspeakable odds. more theatre kid avant-jank please |
| 34 |  | Red Velvet
Chill Kill
this was an industry plant and you didn't fucking deserve it |
| 33 |  | Thurnin
Útiseta
mandatory neofolk badge of cringe |
| 32 |  | daine
shapeless
this was supposed to be daine's year - how dare anything else place higher here what the fuck happened |
| 31 |  | Fall Out Boy
So Much (For) Stardust
this album not being a unilateral slab of shitcheese is absolutely no excuse for the return-to-form pushover calls foistered all over it by those who should know better |
| 30 |  | Molly (AT)
Picturesque
i have absolutely no idea how i let jesper convince me to boost this complete non-entity of a record to BNM lol -- we are the true cringe |
| 29 |  | Family Dynamics
Service
no fucking way is this a real band. psyops are rarely cringe, so i can't put it too high (and yet...) |
| 28 |  | Agriculture
Agriculture
and on the subject of fake bands |
| 27 |  | There Will Be Fireworks
Summer Moon
this one's inclusion in BNM may have been preordained, but fate itself is not above a little cringerie |
| 26 |  | Tiny Skulls
Songs From Some Depressing Movie
...and as if *two* interviews and a vertiable hype whale weren't enough for There Will Be Fireworks' comeback, we are also out there elevating sister projects. thirsty sput =/= best sput |
| 25 |  | Iress
Solace
i have no idea what this one is, but "if you have the time to read this you also have the time to listen to this record" protest u, jesperl |
| 24 |  | Nicole Dollanganger
Married in Mount Airy
site's affinity for anything coded in waiflike goth creep knows no bounds |
| 23 |  | Earl Sweatshirt and The Alchemist
Voir Dire
""earl could drop 30 minutes a fart raps and i'd give it a 4"" |
| 22 |  | Blindfolded and Led to the Woods
Rejecting Obliteration
that band name really is insalvageable |
| 21 |  | Beach Fossils
Bunny
i know the staff rulebook no longer allows us to call things "offensively basic" but jfc i did not ask for this allergy |
| 20 |  | Enslaved
Heimdal
fuck off back to narnia |
| 19 |  | Josh Ritter
Spectral Lines
i know nothing about this man except that chan has been proclaiming him as terminally underrated for X years, and y'all know what that means |
| 18 |  | Knuckle Puck
Losing What We Love
i have no recollection of whatever backdoor antics landed this one here, but have no doubt that they were not worth it. GOOD band name though! |
| 17 |  | The Flower Kings
Look At You Now
see above and take out those saving graces |
| 16 |  | Young Fathers
Heavy Heavy
yuppie trash woo-hoo party album of the year // miss u rowan // great artwork |
| 15 |  | JPEGMAFIA and Danny Brown
Scaring the Hoes
the music alone could warrant a place literally anywhere in the top two-thirds of this list, but the number of typewriter meltdowns this inspired in our staff/emeritus ranks gives it a firm push towards the top |
| 14 |  | Anberlin
Convinced
no fucking way does this band still exist |
| 13 |  | Thantifaxath
Hive Mind Narcosis
great artwork and inoffensive music, but anything that enables metal fans to wax lyrical about the collective unconscious is a shoe-in for the top of this list |
| 12 |  | slowthai
UGLY
obnoxious shitchat album // get fucking cancelled |
| 11 |  | Caroline Polachek
Desire, I Want To Turn Into You
luxury bath salts pop ft. as many spoonfuls as needed of the whatever plastic jank the kids are stooging it for in 202X. embarassing album |
| 10 |  | Manchester Orchestra
The Valley of Vision
this band's appearance here is about as token as the weary fuckin discourse surrounding them |
| 9 |  | Yellowcard
Childhood Eyes
nice to have a short pause in the site's usual format snobbery, but it ain't enough to redeem the tedium of this year's 00s pop punk revival |
| 8 |  | Balance and Composure
Too Quick to Forgive
quarter-life-going-on-midlife crisis inadequacy soundtrack |
| 7 |  | Wayfarer
American Gothic
ordering a flight to the Hague for sputnik's non-existent standards for anything with the faintest whiff of country + active love of tepid black (+ in this case post) metal |
| 6 |  | Olivia Rodrigo
Guts
any lower a placement would be frankly disrespectful to this girl's entire brand |
| 5 |  | Johnny Booth
Moments Elsewhere
ngl we've been pretty good at gatekeeping cookie cutter pantsshit metalcore from the BNM tab this year, but this can be the one that got away |
| 4 |  | Sufjan Stevens
Javelin
you won't find a single more reliable yardstick for this year's relative mediocrity than the amount of acclaim this wet flannel of an album has monopolised |
| 3 |  | Spanish Love Songs
No Joy
if you seriously require an explanation as to why this one made it this far up, i'm afraid to say you're part of the problem here |
| 2 | | Molecular Corporation
Millions of Dead Menposters
this is the most cringe record that has ever been platformed on this site... |
| 1 |  | Taylor Swift
1989 (Taylor’s Version)
...and somehow taylor swift manages to top it anyway |
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