JohnnyoftheWell: 2023 BNM: cringedex

JohnnyoftheWell 12.03.23	"the true cringe was the ____"
Mort. 12.03.23	friends we made along the way
GhandhiLion 12.03.23	What is the sprain cringe? spill the beans 🐊
GhandhiLion 12.03.23	Is it the interview where they praised 20th century classical composers for their lack of "classical cliches of motif or chord progressions."?
JohnnyoftheWell 12.03.23	sprain's entire spiel for that record is(/was) the probably most indulgent ego marathon of the year, and i say that as a fan. affectation in the lyrics+delivery is galactic, and we do not talk about that closer
AsleepInTheBack 12.03.23	Cringedex recalibrated thank you brother
GhandhiLion 12.03.23	Delivery is pretty cringe sure, not sure if want to know what the lyrics are.
Trebor. 12.03.23	scaring the hoes is great agreed
RabbitSeason 12.04.23	Fun read lol I can't remember, was blink-182 ever in bnm? That may deserve a spot Edit: nope blink was not, list accurate
ArsMoriendi 12.04.23	Damn, so Godcaster and Fever Ray didn't make the best list? Lame
anode 12.04.23	who determines the bnm of 2023?
anode 12.04.23	that sprain album cover fuck me sideways
ArsMoriendi 12.04.23	@anode: anyone who is "Staff"
anode 12.04.23	tanks
bellovddd 12.04.23	the lack of amity is concerning.
JohnnyoftheWell 12.04.23	BNM = 3 staff ratings with an average of 3.9ish blink was a close call, but I think I 2'd that shit on release / Fever Ray iirc filtered Sowing p hard / dunno if anyone on staff cares about Amity soz
bellovddd 12.04.23	I CARE THOUGH JOHNNY. i care.
fogza 12.04.23	List is a powerful and mighty wind
kkarron 12.04.23	how come I ain't heard a single one of these albums?
kkarron 12.04.23	lol wait I have yo la tengo rated, I just don't remember shit about it
Dewinged 12.04.23	phew, healthyliving escaped the cringe, thank god...
JohnnyoftheWell 12.04.23	"how come I ain't heard a single one of these albums?" almost a very based take. get 95 and 91 on
garas 12.04.23	> "the true cringe was the ____" ...the fanboys' high ratings on Panopticon...
JohnnyoftheWell 12.04.23	that's the entire website my dude :/
Mort. 12.04.23	think ive heard like 5 of these?
DoofDoof 12.04.23	Maria Beats Cringe...I think that'll stick for me
Gameofmetal 12.04.23	I always wondered why johnny is such a hater but now i've seen this fool's pie chart lol
ArsMoriendi 12.04.23	Geese is boring but like how are they not on the list Isn’t that the most hyped post punk landfill release of the year
rabidfish 12.04.23	Naming your album after a meme is cringe as fuck. You can't even be a meme? That's low.
MarsKid 12.04.23	Am assuming this was done purely by the BNM tag, which Geese do not seem to have been on unless I missed them.
MarsKid 12.04.23	tfw Johnny thinks a prog album compared to Tool is less cringe than Rebecca Black Really the only shocker here, are you feeling OK bud?
AlexKzillion 12.04.23	list is based af and i agree with all of it disturbing lack of fart raps staff do better xoxo
Demon of the Fall 12.04.23	nice, this is fun! Thantifaxath is unnervingly on point because I really wanted to like that one (it was alright... I guess) And yes, not a lot of mediocre core here for a change!
ArsMoriendi 12.04.23	@Mars: yeah I was saying that I was surprised staff didn’t vote for them
JohnnyoftheWell 12.04.23	I have no idea how we have (almost) managed to collectively literally not care about Geese, but will take this as a very minor win? Rebecca Black being any lower would be disrespectful in the same way as O Rod - she's earned her cringe and did I just catch pie shade from a fullmetal cope? lfg ig
Bedex 12.04.23	no dedex no Bedex no dedes worst cringedex ever
anode 12.04.23	Let’s move the bnm list up to an average of a 4 rating or higher. Clearly the standard are too low
anode 12.04.23	Wait are these all the bnms or just the ones that made the cringe list? Because an album named seeking the source of streams on the uncringe part of the spectrum would be concerning
Atari 12.04.23	you forgot Fireworks. guess you have to redo the entire list now
JohnnyoftheWell 12.04.23	oh shit - well, only gotta copypaste 75% of it down a place and these are all the BNM album except Fireworks lol. Seeking the Sources of Streams is a pastoral chamber record about hiking in Taiwan, think it carries that title
anode 12.04.23	Fair enough, and I’ll givem yee ol second language cope
nickisnotarapper 12.04.23	holy fuck hahaha 100+ sound-offs just obliterating most people's AOTYs This is incredible
nickisnotarapper 12.04.23	I saw Sprain's last show in AZ and spoke with most of the band afterward. The frontman was writhing on the floor for half the set, his lyrics were pretty much entirely stream of consciousness and changed quite a bit live. The band was very reactive to physical cues in a way I haven't seen before. Definitely a bit self-serious, but definitely noise rock behemoths. They were cringe but they were free.
Gnocchi 12.05.23	lol @ fuck off to narnia and that Panopticon album being a winter thing. Literally just added it to my playlist and it’s um… 36’C and ball sweat here. This is gonna be a ride. Also think of the more metal BNM you’d have to sift through if I didn’t stop reviewing a couple months ago. Lovely work here Johnny
PitchforkArms 12.05.23	Sputcomp showing the trve duality of man
Ryus 12.05.23	the most cringe is this list!
anode 12.05.23	107 No comment 106 Very uncringe 105 Its a good thing being boring isnt cringe but a ton of nice moments 104 I was scared going into this seeing the genre tags but this nicely subverted my expectations. Got real poopy as the album went. Had to turn it off. Surprised to see this is a well established act 103 This japanese stuff is too funny johnny. I actually dig it quite a bit. But i dont know what to make of it, its so foreign to me. Maybe the basis of their music is fundamentally different from ours just like our cultures 102 Was genuinely surprised to find that this isnt the singer from the gathering. Very competent but not my style. Got me to jam red is a slow color though so theres that ~the picture on the wall is chaotic i dont want to look at it~ 101 this is way too long no way im getting through this right now. but im surprised to say i actually enjoyed some irish folk. having said that, im starting to regret it on the second track 100 damn this is actually insane. not sure im gunna return to it, but i MIGHT! 99 i wanted to skip this one as id been recd dream dolphin before and i wish i did. such nothing music that is only peripherally entertaining 98 if this is the direction the internet is headed im here for it. if the production and songwriting were just a small/large amount better, this would actually be pretty good i might finish this later. thanks for the recs johnny
JohnnyoftheWell 12.05.23	lmao can you approach it from both ends at once (please do not finish it, i beg you)
anode 12.05.23	please god dont make me do that
Kompys2000 12.05.23	Me and my exit bags cassette cringe I mean thank you for this list Did Taylor Swift have a higher staff average than fkn swans this year lmfao
BlazinBlitzer 12.06.23	13 kinda hurts
pizzamachine 12.06.23	Love that my music isn’t cringe let’s gooo
Pikazilla 12.06.23	yeah 4 is garbo indeed, sufjan lost the plot a long time ago
Pikazilla 12.06.23	also, still sad how the new slowdive is hands down the worst thing they've ever done
Gyromania 12.06.23	Lmao imagine a GameSpot or IGN staffer casually posting an article like “The most cringe games we repped this year”. Most of these are spot on tho - particularly 4 and 5. Fuck those albums
JohnnyoftheWell 12.06.23	I would love that from IGN lmfao. Perks of an unchartered platform on sput ig
Ryus 12.06.23	5 is at least a little better than other similar albums
Mort. 12.07.23	yeah cos we dont have to rely on bumlicking like ign does
Demon of the Fall 12.07.23	lol Gyro, that would be amazing! a little self-mocking / awareness is always welcome
Demon of the Fall 12.07.23	IGN are clearly paid to write their reviews. It's incredibly rare they publish anything even slightly critical (especially where a big IP is concerned), let alone scathing
Egarran 12.07.23	https://slate.com/human-interest/2023/06/lets-go-meme-phrase-history.html
JesperL 12.07.23	hahaha holy fuck i didn't realise this much... stuff ended up in bnm this year lol, incredible and listen to iress loser
JesperL 12.07.23	also 2024 will be daine's year mark my words
Gyromania 12.07.23	Demon: haha yeah I’m not tryna calll out Johnny or anything, just picturing a “professional” games journalist doing something this honest is funny af to me
anode 12.09.23	alright thats enough passable music. im going to go from the bottom of the list now since johnny requested it and i admit im curious 1 It took me a while to audibly go "eaugh" but the line "take your hearts put them in a jar" got me. Man, i was not prepared for the bridge. Anywho, ive really never listened to taylor swift- holy fuck, i know were not supposed to do track by track on sputnikmusic dot com but im genuinely shaken by the second track. Fascinating how there are such appealing elements. The squeaky-clean production, the melody of the first track, the catchiness of the chorus of the second track. But these vocal hooks are simply unforgivable. I guess the general populace isn’t as sensitive to it. Now on the third track and fuck this shit. And this concludes the track by track. 2 No comment 3 lmao this is so shameless but there are some redeeming qualities and i have heard FAR more painful indie dogshit 4 i dont know if i can do this johnny. This may be an all new low where i have to opt out on the first track. We’ll see please let this drop work. Ok yeah thats pretty solid. Doesnt even begin to redeem the start though. Ahh this second track. isnt this supposed to be nice music? this shit makes me suicidal yeah im sorry ive listened to johnny booth. My heart is shriveling into a raison. I tried mate. Good on you for bearing through these
anode 12.09.23	i seriously just went to until the day i die by story of the year to scrub my brain
Ryus 12.09.23	4 is great 3 is terrible
JohnnyoftheWell 12.09.23	RIP anode your brave efforts will be remembered 4 is pasty shit for boring pushovers, and 3's relative terribleness has no bearing on it either way
anode 12.09.23	ryus just curious, do you see why people dont like it?
Ryus 12.09.23	4? yeah ofc haha
anode 12.09.23	haha alright ty
JohnnyoftheWell 12.10.23	UPDATE (the final one?) ・Valdrin - Throne of the Lunar Soul: "Fantastical and epic black metal" + dorky moon landing band name/album name combo = mandatory third quarter placement (50-25) ・Peter Gabriel - i/o: Mostly uncringe on principle, but the expectation that we (his audience of stunted fucking ingrates on Sputnik) will even be capable of consuming and comparing two different versions of the same record makes me feel sorry for someone. Second quarter placement (75-50) ・Kumo 99 - HeadPlate: first and only legitimately badass record of the year + excellent wavy artwork = slot it one space below Crisis Sigil as a slightly better internet moment
Ladron93 12.11.23	Hey, Johnny. Stimming, Caroline Polachek, Hinako Omori, Spangle, Slowdive, Glen Hansard, Rebecca Black and Ben Howard are my picks from your ratings. I want to thank you for that 'cuz I gave them a listen.
AmericanFlagAsh 12.14.23	Putting Javelin number 4 just because of the amount of love it has gotten is way more cringe than it being BNM
JohnnyoftheWell 12.14.23	do i need to go back to giving you speedbump warnings for every comment with the faintest whiff of nuance "I want to thank you for that 'cuz I gave them a listen." blessed!
Mort. 12.14.23	this is a dumb cringe list
GhandhiLion 12.14.23	Mort rate this https://youtu.be/zmOBfx-ZLvU?si=ujVmC9SYOK-Snf5L
Mort. 12.14.23	im not sure if this is brilliant or awful hmmmmm
Mort. 12.14.23	lyrics are super stinky and not funny but the delivery is good overall this is like a 7/10
GhandhiLion 12.14.23	That's good!