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02.16.24 G L I T C H genre tag02.01.24 FEBRUARY of ambi2ent (REC me)
01.01.24 well_2023: "YES" albums (2/2) 12.31.23 well_2023: "NO" albums (1/2)
12.27.23 (be)rate my LP 'collection'12.03.23 2023 BNM: cringedex
12.01.23 New users :: REVIEWED 11.28.23 Your 5s choices reviewed AGAIN
11.15.23 learn from my WORST REVIEWS 11.13.23 Tory stooge music
11.10.23 Feed me 2023 things11.04.23 4000 Ratings // Top 100 albums*
11.02.23 NO AVATAR CLUB10.20.23 SPUT ROYALE: f i n a l e
10.15.23 SPUT ROYALE: FINAL10.10.23 SPUT ROYALE: Round 6 (½ final)
10.06.23 SPUT ROYALE: Round 5 (¼ final)10.03.23 OCTOBER of d o w n t e m p o // ぼreak
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2023 BNM: cringedex

Hotly anticipated/you asked for it/etc.. Here is the entirety of 2023's Best New Music ranked in order of increasing cringe -_-
107Molecular Corporation
Millions of Dead Menposters

this is the least cringe record that has ever been platformed on this site

new stimming makes dancefloors shake and plebian knees rattle - rejoice
105Cicada (Taiwan)
Seeking the Sources of Streams

good artwork, good vibes, good work single-handedly getting whichever skele account banned for advocating genocide. stan taiwan, stan chamber mood
104PJ Harvey
I Inside the Old Year Dying

it's a real struggle to attach any words at all to this one, most certo including 'cringe'
103Tujiko Noriko
Crépuscule I & II

this is just too pure
Songs of Abundance, Psalms of Grief

oh FUCK i meant to hear this one - very cool lineup, probably great record? definitely not cringe!
False Lankum

you are the false lankum this is real fantastic

are post-KGLW microtonal riffs cring- god i hate myself, Kostnateni is c l e a r
99Dream Dolphin
Gaia: Selected Ambient & Downtempo Works (1996​-​2023)

dream' 'dolphin'
98Crisis Sigil
God Cum Poltergeist

good internet moment
夢​之​駭​客 Dream Hacker

these are the only good vocals on the entire list
96Hinako Omori
stillness, softness​.​.​.

purify yourself
95Closet Witch

unexpected discovery of a nonsensical new insult (no, YOU closet witch!) + some of the most bitchin' grind of the year = firm anti-cringe
94Spangle call Lilli line

33% of this album is undiluted floatyjank, the rest is impeccable shower music. cleanse > cringe

is death metal but has good artwork: i will ask NO questions of it. metal AOTY.
92Tiny Ruins

pretty artwork + meant to listen to this but forgot (and did rate the 1 song i heard) = i am the cringe

docking a solid ten places for this thing's token wanksolo Mick Barr feature track, otherwise it is above good and cringe
90Dispirited Spirits
The Redshift Blues

indigo dias pokemon champion 2023?
89Complete Mountain Almanac
Complete Mountain Almanac

an oasis of "just pretty tunes" in an oceanic cringe genre
88Saya Gray

saya gray is such a talented nerd lol she is too much! eschews your cringe etc.
87Sleepwalker (JPN)

inject this evil limbo avant-jank into my bloodstream
86Maria BC
Spike Field

maria beats cringe?
85The Exit Bags
Our Sun Will Clean Its Holy Wounds

bleach-your-soul starter pack: would be the perfect antidote to cringe, but i heard it's still available on cassette

the folk-for-metalheads factor may be real on this, but that artwork was an asset to the site and the songwriting at least has the decency to make you wait for the good bits. huzzah!
83Yo La Tengo
This Stupid World

yes okay sure, these guys are a *little* too cool to be too cool for school and i cannot remember 50% of the songs on this despite multiple plays but but but they wear it!?
82Blood Ceremony
The Old Ways Remain

i want dewi's cat

knockmeup core
80Jeromes Dream
The Gray In Between

would you call a staple-gun cringe? fuck.
Everything is Alive

aww the music might have been a bit drab, but i miss the way this artwork looked on the frontpage
78McKinley Dixon
Beloved! Paradise! Jazz!?

((((((punctuation neg))))))

sugar-rattled pastel-addled apocalypse of all things tasteless and-

"I am a vapid superficial airhead yes but the album art is so horrifically bad it is detracting from my enjoyment. Like it's being mediated through a lens that's hard to palate" - Winesburgohio, 2023

nvm, turns out the cringe was coming from inside the house on this one
76Great Falls
Objects Without Pain

this album is excellent and discomforting. unfortunately, both those qualties are a little cringe themselves
75Glen Hansard
All That Was East Is West Of Me Now

beards are IN
74DreamWeaver (JP)
blue garden

plus cringe for unapologetic comfort music minus cringe for perturbing DnB crusties
73Carbon Based Lifeforms

"""More like carbon cringe lifeforms amirite"" thank you Kompys
Of Golden Verse

it's prog metal and someone compared it to tool no i am not researching it any further yes i will dock it like ten places to make up for my own incompetence
71Sangre de Muerdago
O Vento que Lambe as mi​ñ​as Feridas

something something bard stereotypes i hate you
70Jason Isbell

look, i've not committed to this one but jason isbell strikes me as proper dad material and i want him to pat my back just once and then ask nothing of me again ever
69Endless, Nameless
Living Without

2013 sputcore throwback record
68Rebecca Black
Let Her Burn

the greatest monument to post-cringe of our times
67Avenged Sevenfold
Life Is But a Dream...

a worthy heir to rebecca black's legacy
Ontological Mysterium

alright metalheads, you can have this one
65Empty Country
Empty Country II

[[ ]]
64Lauren Bousfield

Debtors Prison Click Here Disney Needs To See This
63Hotline TNT

disaffected shrug emoji xo
The Artist in the Ambulance (Revisited)

someone else write this one please, thrice discourse has rended my soul enough as is
61Sacred Outcry
Towers of Gold

not currently in the market for hacked Elden Ring incantations
60Aphex Twin
Blackbox Life Recorder 21f / In A Room7 F760

you can justify this one to me later (smashes window)
59Ben Howard
Is It?

i love the artwork (but man, don't we all hate the artwork)
58George Clanton
Ooh Rap I Ya

george clanton's greatest strength is that he will never be as cringe as you. is this enough?
He Left Nothing for the Swim Back

this chap is definitely trying
The Rime of Memory

"man this hits different in winter"
After The Magic

this guy's entire vibe is a redemption arc for dorky bedroom musicians, and, uh, ashes to ashes? nerds
The Weight of the Mask

having a strong opinion either way about svalbard in 2023 seems like a lot of effort that i am not yet ready to expend. they hit the exact the middle of the list on principle
nature morte

significant minus points for bandname formatting, more for lowercase title, and then extra for bland drone metal production.

wikipedia refused to tell me where to put this one, so it shall go HERE!
Rat Saw God

courtney barnett for bums who think that country influence entitles them to a stake in the hot culture. eat your fucking pie and tighten your jeans
50Ruby Haunt
Between Heavens

piecemeal songwriting takes advantage of seasonal fixations: the anticlimax
Coronet Juniper

[half-hearted allusion to gamer stereotypes]
48Billy Woods and Kenny Segal

this forgettable grab bag was miles too underwhelming to hit proper cringe, but it does have a danny brown feature to make up the distance
47Hail the Sun
Divine Inner Tension

mandatory placement for swancore, but shit damn this album does everything in its power to fight it
46Tim Hecker
No Highs

"this guy actually reminds me of some undiscovered ECM records/windham hill guy youd find in the dollar bin at a record store which is high praise" - sonic

translation: hecker is in his flop bitch saxophone phase, and y'all have been way trigger-happy validating his mid
The Amensal Rise

"Way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way too long. The progressive metal and avant-grade metal elements show a lot of interesting experimentation, but the sludge fest this takes me to finish is worse than a half marathon.

^might be ajcollins' finest work to date"
Porous Resonance Abyss

leave my dungeon immediately
43Logan Ledger
Golden State

yes i will need another glass of chablis to appreciate this highly forgettable americana record
42Tomb Mold
The Enduring Spirit

nuh-uh neckbeard gang, prog has *never* been the answer
41Blood Incantation
Luminescent Bridge

fwiw i do feel bad about forgetting to jam this one, but in the meantime it cringes off residual cringe from their retconned EP and failed pleb filter Timewave Zero last year
40Tigers on Trains

it's no shallow believer by the used
The Lamb As Effigy

band lived by the cringe and died, uh, before they could be cancelled for it (and other reasons). huge record, but this placement was practically a given
38Ne Obliviscaris

album may have exceeded expectations, but the Disney metal rep is insurmountable
37Lunar Chamber
Shambhallic Vibrations

more like menstrual toilet (no idea what this one is)
36Sulphur Aeon
Seven Crowns and Seven Seals

a rare death metal album that i struggle to find a basis to casually berate, if only because i had never heard of it before now
Black Medium Current

i LIKE this album precisely because it is ridiculous (and good!) enough to conquer the cringe, but that does not mean that it didn't face unspeakable odds. more theatre kid avant-jank please
34Red Velvet
Chill Kill

this was an industry plant and you didn't fucking deserve it

mandatory neofolk badge of cringe

this was supposed to be daine's year - how dare anything else place higher here what the fuck happened
31Fall Out Boy
So Much (For) Stardust

this album not being a unilateral slab of shitcheese is absolutely no excuse for the return-to-form pushover calls foistered all over it by those who should know better
30Molly (AT)

i have absolutely no idea how i let jesper convince me to boost this complete non-entity of a record to BNM lol -- we are the true cringe
29Family Dynamics

no fucking way is this a real band. psyops are rarely cringe, so i can't put it too high (and yet...)

and on the subject of fake bands
27There Will Be Fireworks
Summer Moon

this one's inclusion in BNM may have been preordained, but fate itself is not above a little cringerie
26Tiny Skulls
Songs From Some Depressing Movie

...and as if *two* interviews and a vertiable hype whale weren't enough for There Will Be Fireworks' comeback, we are also out there elevating sister projects. thirsty sput =/= best sput

i have no idea what this one is, but "if you have the time to read this you also have the time to listen to this record" protest u, jesperl
24Nicole Dollanganger
Married in Mount Airy

site's affinity for anything coded in waiflike goth creep knows no bounds
23Earl Sweatshirt and The Alchemist
Voir Dire

""earl could drop 30 minutes a fart raps and i'd give it a 4""
22Blindfolded and Led to the Woods
Rejecting Obliteration

that band name really is insalvageable
21Beach Fossils

i know the staff rulebook no longer allows us to call things "offensively basic" but jfc i did not ask for this allergy

fuck off back to narnia
19Josh Ritter
Spectral Lines

i know nothing about this man except that chan has been proclaiming him as terminally underrated for X years, and y'all know what that means
18Knuckle Puck
Losing What We Love

i have no recollection of whatever backdoor antics landed this one here, but have no doubt that they were not worth it. GOOD band name though!
17The Flower Kings
Look At You Now

see above and take out those saving graces
16Young Fathers
Heavy Heavy

yuppie trash woo-hoo party album of the year // miss u rowan // great artwork
15JPEGMAFIA and Danny Brown
Scaring the Hoes

the music alone could warrant a place literally anywhere in the top two-thirds of this list, but the number of typewriter meltdowns this inspired in our staff/emeritus ranks gives it a firm push towards the top

no fucking way does this band still exist
Hive Mind Narcosis

great artwork and inoffensive music, but anything that enables metal fans to wax lyrical about the collective unconscious is a shoe-in for the top of this list

obnoxious shitchat album // get fucking cancelled
11Caroline Polachek
Desire, I Want To Turn Into You

luxury bath salts pop ft. as many spoonfuls as needed of the whatever plastic jank the kids are stooging it for in 202X. embarassing album
10Manchester Orchestra
The Valley of Vision

this band's appearance here is about as token as the weary fuckin discourse surrounding them
Childhood Eyes

nice to have a short pause in the site's usual format snobbery, but it ain't enough to redeem the tedium of this year's 00s pop punk revival
8Balance and Composure
Too Quick to Forgive

quarter-life-going-on-midlife crisis inadequacy soundtrack
American Gothic

ordering a flight to the Hague for sputnik's non-existent standards for anything with the faintest whiff of country + active love of tepid black (+ in this case post) metal
6Olivia Rodrigo

any lower a placement would be frankly disrespectful to this girl's entire brand
5Johnny Booth
Moments Elsewhere

ngl we've been pretty good at gatekeeping cookie cutter pantsshit metalcore from the BNM tab this year, but this can be the one that got away
4Sufjan Stevens

you won't find a single more reliable yardstick for this year's relative mediocrity than the amount of acclaim this wet flannel of an album has monopolised
3Spanish Love Songs
No Joy

if you seriously require an explanation as to why this one made it this far up, i'm afraid to say you're part of the problem here
2Molecular Corporation
Millions of Dead Menposters

this is the most cringe record that has ever been platformed on this site...
1Taylor Swift
1989 (Taylor’s Version)

...and somehow taylor swift manages to top it anyway
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