JohnnyoftheWell
Album Rating: 3.5 sputnik has become a cesspool of miserable old men who can\'t handle bands changing up their sound anymore. that and posers who are unable to find their own voice and enjoyment.
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Reviews 374
Soundoffs 77
News Articles 102
Band Edits + Tags 1,324
Album Edits 678

Album Ratings 4517
Objectivity 75%

Last Active 01-01-70 12:00 am
Joined 01-01-70

Review Comments 60,907

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02.01.24 FEBRUARY of ambi2ent (REC me) 01.01.24 well_2023: "YES" albums (2/2)
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SOUNDOFFS (the best ones)

definitive list no argument love these laugh with these jeer at these go ape
1Tool
Lateralus


this album went down in my estimation when ticks & leeches popped up on shuffle and i thought i was listening to Disturbed

- Havey
2Charli XCX
How I'm Feeling Now


When someone has to use a cover like this to make people notice an album is a ... kinda lame move. (Fan voted or not, this is lame marketing.)

- garas
3Lana del Rey
Chemtrails Over The Country Club


The sput user sits alone in his room. He has been in this position for the last three days, only venturing towards the fridge to refill his family-size bag of discount doritos and pitcher of diet mountain dew. Suddenly a thought comes into his head, the first in a long while. Chuckling to himself, he hastily heads for the latest Lana del Rey album soundoff page, not wanting his genius to be lost on his fellow patricians...

"lana = anal backwards loooool"

- Sinternet
4American Football
American Football


great album for when your bitch of a gf cheats on you with her dealer and the girl youve
been pining for doesnt want shit to do with you.. life is unfair sometimes but this record gets it

- ShrillYell
5Black Country, New Road
For the first time


I wrote a really detailed review of why I fucking hate this and it didn't save. Sigh.

- boredcore
6Circle Takes the Square
Rites of Initiation


wow! this was just too crazy for my still so immature taste.

- butchinette
7Circle Takes the Square
As the Roots Undo


A dim-witted model/merman once said, "Moisture is the essence of wetness, and wetness is the essence of.....beauty."
I suppose he was right, because this, being one of the most beautiful albums I've ever heard, is soaked in brilliance. Brilliant lyrics, brilliant riffs, brilliant, emotional screaming. It may take a few listens to finally understand and digest all of the brilliance, but once you've accomplished this, there is no turning back.

- iarescientists
8Dance Gavin Dance
Jackpot Juicer


...Now would seem like a good time to learn how exactly I would go about changing my username

- AdoreSwancore
9Converge
Jane Doe


its just noise andcall me oldfashion (brn 1964, in the golden age of rock) but this is trash andI hate that my niece listens to this

- BradenVanHalen
10The Dillinger Escape Plan
Dissociation


So here's that other viewpoint in contrast to all these 5's, and why: This band reminds me of all of those insecure boys and girls out there that try to be different, aggressive, and rebellious for the sake of their own self-image while believing in practically nothing that would warrant such a temperament. Dissociation is the product of thinking Infinity should be 'calculated.' A lesson in self-righteous excess, and the idolization of knowledge as separate from wisdom. The result is a technical piece of art demonstrating powerful narcissism that is unsurprisingly equally as popular as the rest of their discography. Its got "everything" a kid trying to appear deep and struggling could ask for. But at the end of the day, if you listen past all the different skilled affectations Puciato does on this album, and you make it through all the masturbatory noises coming from the guitars showcasing their technicality, you can hear him in the title track sound just like the whiny scene metalcore vocalists especially around 2:25. There is no doubt this band has talent, and they even produce some good melodies a few times in spurts of 10 seconds, but this band is what everyone who is a pussy thinks is intense. power without virtue. I wouldn't be so hard on them of course if this album was a 3.4. But the fact that this is put on a pedestal is a sorry state of affairs that I have no doubt has helped encourage countless youths to dig deeper into their own egos with piteous self-loathing masquerading as remorse. Thus I write this in the hopes of discouraging that.

- MegaResurrectedJake4
11Boris
Pink


Fell asleep with this blasting for 10 hours straight before waking up. Didn't really like it before that.

- galnegus
12Cult of Luna
The Long Road North


Music to fold your arms and look sternly to

- DavidYowi
13Carly Rae Jepsen
Emotion


feel like this is her Sempiternal imo

- theacademy
14Kanye West
Yeezus


When I downloaded this the first word in the captcha was "west". Yeezy - in full control of fucking everything

- Deviant.
15Sufjan Stevens and Angelo De Augustine
A Beginner's Mind


if it's getting repped by americanflagash, you already know it's trash

- Gyromania

A perfect blend of grandiose and timid moments, just like the movies that inspired the songs
Edit: Gyro we share so many 5s and 4.5s so you're calling yourself trash too

- AmericanFlagAsh

shut the fuck up neekafat

- CharlotteOfTheMone

I have a firm belief that ajcollins is a little bitch

- Colton

I have a firm belief that albums like this will get a lot of high ratings because it ?sounds exactly as he used to sound? and that idea is fine when the album really pans out, but for me, this new Sufjan Stevens record is not amazing. Don?t get me wrong I do enjoy several tracks on here and there is a lot of great indie folk ideas and styles littered throughout this album. But much of the sonic ideas have all been done, including by Sufjan himself. Tracks like ?The Piller of Souls?, ?Beginner?s Mind?, and Murder and Crime? are prime examples of somewhat boring indie-folk tracks. However, tracks like ?Reach Out?, ?Lady Macbeth In Chains?, ?Back to Oz?, ?Cimmerian Shade? are great indie-folk ballads with strong performances. Also, there are some interesting experimental tracks that call back to what Sufjan has done in the last few albums, for example, ?You Give Death a Bad Name?. Overall, it?s an above-average listen with some standout tracks, but there are still several skippable tracks that leave me wondering why Sufjan is going back to sounds like that.

- ajcollins15

somehow i doubt this album calls for a soundoff page this aggressive

- neekafat
16Relient K
Let It Snow, Baby... Let It Reindeer


If you think the pun is bad just wait until you hear the album

- Winesburgohio
17JPEGMAFIA
All My Heroes Are Cornballs


"ordinary i'd be reluctant to make this bold an assessment after a cursory listen and wait for the album to digest and reveal its nuances to me, but fuck it. after experiencing the peaks and troughs, lackadaisical production paired with caustic bars, subversion and reversion and innovation, i am absolutely, one-hundred percent confident in concluding: Ramon is gay

- Winesburgohio
18Brand New
The Devil and God Are Raging Inside Me


Lke any important relationship, I feel a sense of love towards The Devil And God Are Raging Inside Me, like one would have for a car that they have owned for a really long time or your favorite place to go when you just can't be bothered right now. Forget the passion, the emotion, the sense of loss, the questions; when it all boils down to it, The Devil And God... reminds me of one very simple thing that is easy to forget: we're human.

- chambered89
19Neutral Milk Hotel
In the Aeroplane Over the Sea


I'm sorry sputnik, but this album is so blatantly average that I felt the need to say something

- Progmaster85
20Glassjaw
Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Silence


Dear future girlfriends of Daryl Palumbo, don't mess with him. Besides the fact that this album contains some of the best post-hardcore riffs and overall songwriting, Daryl Palumbo makes this record what it is with his lyrics and sheer intensity. Lyrical standouts such as "I don't give a fuck about your dignity, that's the bastard in me," show you how much ruthless emotion when through Daryl while recording this album. This album did wonders for the post-hardcore genre, it in turn, influenced bands such as Finch among others. Glassjaw has changed my life for the better and I can't say that about many other bands. It's only a matter of time before it changes yours.

- IsItLuck? EMERITUS
21Red Hot Chili Peppers
Californication


Easily the best mainstream rock album of all time.

- pneumoniahawk93
22Deftones
Around the Fur


GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY!

- ????? [editor's note: this is clearly 3/5 funny at absolute best, but I had to tip my hat to the brazen lack of authorship. Excellent work, whoever the fuck you are]
23Deathspell Omega
The Long Defeat


First: You should judge the music you fucking
snowflakes. If you want to critizice the
band's political views or whatever do it on
forums but the score is for the music.
Second: Like Lvxfra said I hope you all don't
buy to big companies or give most death metal
albums good scores. You collaborate with way
worse things than a band with fash interviews
from 20 years ago or a degenerate obsessed
with Lolita themed porn, yet you choose to be
very conscious and vocal about this
because you've been brainwashed to believe you
live in a free, nice and caring system so you
have to virtue signaling your compromise with
its mantenance. Soon you'll realize
how stupid you are...
Third: That being said this could be their
weakest album in a long time. Need to give it
more spins

- Frost15
24Rolo Tomassi
Where Myth Becomes Memory


rolo tomassi is an anagram for maori stools what is this band hiding???

- Snake.
25Blondshell
Blondshell


Alternative rock has not sounded this intense in probably 20 years?I am all for it. Alternative rock (and indie rock for that matter) has had an extremely long, and at this point annoying, life span. From its early inception in the 80s, to its popularity in the 90s, and then to its mainstream appeal of the 2000s (leading to its downfall in the 2010s), the genre has seen a lot of things come across it. But one thing that always seemed to appear through the decades is the loss of energy and bite that the genre really started off with. Although this debut album from Blondshell is not breaking the mold at all, she is pulling from a lot of what made the genre so innovative back in the day. Plus, the melding with the intricacies of indie rock adds more to the fire. A fun-sounding and lighthearted (but aggressive) alternative rock album that will give you a run for your money.

- ajcollins15
26Jessie Ware
What's Your Pleasure?


Welcome to Future Nostalgia?s mother. Jessie Ware is a London based artist who is one of the few artists who can go toe to toe with the likes of Fiona Apple and Kate Bush at the same time. On her newest release ?What?s Your Pleasure? she jumps headfirst into the nu-disco trend. Not only does she execute it with flying colors, but she continues the huge influence of people like Robyn and Kate Bush without staying true to her own house tinted soundscapes. From start to finish you will be shown the mature world of Jessie Ware and what it likes to dance all night with the one you love, while also being dazzled by the lush atmosphere that she produces. Honestly, every song on her completely teleports you back to the ?70s, while also reminding you that this is 2020 with all the smooth funky disco beats but the amazing production of the modern era. There is absolutely nothing wrong here it?s just the one song ?Adore You? is a minuscule step down from the rest of the tracks here. Otherwise, this is a perfectly executed record, and everyone deserves to listen to this record. Actually, I mandate you to listen to this record because if it wasn?t for that one track this would be a perfect record.

- ajcollins15
27RXK Nephew
Slitherman Activated


The major problem with albums like this is not that it is bad, it?s actually really good, but it?s way too long, and the flow by Nephew has nothing that good to it and can really boring after a while. After about the fifth or sixth song the same flow gets really deteriorating and really makes this album a chore to listen to. The saving grace is the beats are actually really solid across the board. So, it?s a decent listen, but you have to kind of come back and forth with it, not a good listening experience.

- ajcollins15
28Elliott Smith
Elliott Smith


this album is the most important album in my life probably

- copgraveyard
29Ethel Cain
Preacher's Daughter


sputnik user snake described this on discord as: "it's like if chelsea wolfe, emma ruth rundle, and julien baker were sisters from a broken home and chino moreno was their AA sponsor" so I had to drop my rating to a 2.5

- Colton
30Nick Cave and The Bad Seeds
Let Love In


Most artists sing about their personal struggles with the Devil. The Devil sings about his personal struggles with Nick Cave.

lz41
31Nick Cave and The Bad Seeds
Ghosteen


Program music that relies heavily on ambience to accompany the lyrical content fails when said ambience is dated and unmemorable. Remove Cave's voice, and few would care for this shapeless ambient pop album that lacks strong melodies. The title track is an overlong rehash of New Age/Ambient/Electronic tropes that have long been expanded upon since the heydays of Vangelis, Tangerine Dream and Schulze. This is about as interesting as the New M83 album which is another example of shallow revivalism. Unlike M83 though, Nick Cave is really cool. Music journalists will eat this up and herald it as another masterpiece.
2.87/10 - Only recommended to his most loyal fans

- GhandhiLion
32Alice Cooper
Alice Cooper Goes to Hell


4.5 superb A veeeeeeeery odd album for the Coop, with almost every song sounding like a different artist. HE dips into several genres, and even has an inexplicable disco-esque song as his closer. My only explanation is that he was doing with this what he does with all of his music... just makes what he wants to, and doesn't give a rat's butt what anyone else thinks.
Takes several listens to really appreciate it. Listen to it several times before rating.

- Blarobbarg

1.5 very poor certainly their most banal and boring album to this point no wonder it has no review

- ToSmokMuzyki
33Danny Brown
uknowhatimsayin¿


ghostb1rd in his 30's and still sounds like a surface-level dumbass lil bitch

- ian b
34Danny Brown
Old


yall ever watched porn?

- oltnabrick
35Deftones
Ohms


every deftones song be like "haha stank pussy go whrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr *breathy screaming*"

- Snake.
36Metallica
72 Seasons


1.5 very poor
I know that it's because of the pre-release ratings, but this is the 3rd or 4th time my Napster soundoff has been deleted and
I don't know, it's just a little demoralizing. You spend so much time drafting the perfect soundoff, like a master craftsman at his
bench. Constantly sanding the rough edges until you're satisfied enough to hit that all-so-coveted "submit" button. Going back to
edit and re-edit, tweaking every little thing. Only for it to be wiped clean with no warning. Like the Great Library of Alexandria
burning, our soundoffs will only exist as the faintest of memories.

I'll never forget you "Napster died for this?" soundoff. You're in my heart, always.

Album fucking sucks.

- SandwichBubble
37Veninspectre
Enter, Serenity


Generic twitch streamer elevator music, only the elevator cannot go up. It descends into increasingly distressing depths of unrealised testosterone

- SteakByrnes
38King Gizzard and The Lizard Wizard
Ice, Death, Planets, Lungs, Mushrooms and Lava


Holy guacamole funko pop batman. Is that a new King Reddit and the Leddit Weddit album??? I have to dial my wife and her boyfriend to come over right now! Haha yes! We're gonna be listening to this one all night. Might even crack open a hoppy IPA. Don't tell the wife ;)

- Cormano
39nothing,nowhere.
Void Eternal


3.0 good nothing,nowhere. is about to drop the album of the century. The sooner you dumb fucks realize that the better. Void Eternal is going to change the game. Motherfucker has features from Under�ath, Will Ramos, Freddie Dredd, Silverstein, Seeyouspacecowboy, Senses Fail, Static Dress, Pete Wentz; the list goes on.rThis ain't no pussy shit either. This is real two-step nu metal rap rock post-hardcore. This isn't no corny ass TikTok pop punk, or some washed emo rap garbage. You fucking idiots have been sleeping on my boy nothing,nowhere. for too long. When Void Eternal drops, y'all better not act like you've been down since 2015.rIt's time to wake up; Void Eternal, or go fuck yourself.

- Tundra
40Vektor
Terminal Redux


R.I.P. album's 4.6 avg 2016-2016. Let this moment be one of mourning

- TVC15
41Stimming
Alpe Lusia


gonna bump this to a 5 to keep it above vektor
but also because it's real fucking good

EDIT: you idiots screw everything up

- Sinternet
42Nick Cave and The Bad Seeds
Skeleton Tree


Thank you nick for knocking vektor off the top spot on the charts
You don't know how much this means to me

- Sinternet
43Burial
Young Death/Nightmarket


Hey spoiler this is still better than vektor

- Sinternet
44Hopesfall
Arbiter


Yeah, it delivers on the hype, no question about it. The rest of the edgy too-cool-for-school crowd can get fucked in their faceholes

- StrizzMatik

It's like a machine algorithm generated a "sputcore classic." Insipid mishmash of every post-hardcore band you loved as a teen set to songwriting that flounders about, searching for a purpose.
Extraordinarily dull and homogeneous music. Avoid.

- luci

Imagine rating an album when it's not even out yet and only one song has been released and it's not even good

- SteakByrnes

Sounds like a bunch of adults still singing music that would come out of 13 year olds.

- RevBranchDavidian

I'm just here to further demolish the rating of yet another album that is continuing the lowering of standards in underground music

- Chambered79
45Taylor Swift
Evermore


If I see one Joni Mitchell comparison like you guys did for Folklore I swear to god I am logging out forever

- Colton

This has mad Joni Mitchell vibes
Bye Colton

- Pots
46Avril Lavigne
Avril Lavigne


Avril's best work yet, ballsier than half of the pseudo-"intellectual" pop crap half of ya'll listen to.

- Snide
47A Slow Descent/Sensory Deprivation
My Descent, Your Deprivation


I would have jammed this at my fake wedding reception tbh.

- Snide
48Phutureprimitive
Kinetik


Very well produced electronic music, with songs that actually are worth playing more than twice.

- spittis
49Anaal Nathrakh
In the Constellation of the Black Widow


This album is gay. The harsh vocals are way overdone and gay. The clean vocals sound like a painfully gay attempt at being epic but just come off as being epically gay. The music is bland to the point of being gay.
Overall this is the perfect album to go suck off a dude to.

- TricksterGRex
50Snowing
Fuck Your Emotional Bullshit


THIS IS ABSOLUTELY HORRIBLE. SCREAMING EMOTIONAL BULLSHIT. IRONIC ALBUM TITLE, AMIRITE GUYS??? AHHAHAAHH.

- Zay
51Wolves in the Throne Room
Celestite


Now that we know WIITR has a pair of celestits, maybe they can grow a pair of celesticals for their next album?

-TheSpirit
52Car Bomb
Mordial


3.0 good

Been years since I've enjoyed modern metal. This shocked me with how proficient and artistic it is. Awesome album.

- AnimalsAsSummit
53Vampire Weekend
Contra


This album transcends the phrase "sophomore slump." The first time I heard this album I was literally bored to tears and I was in a rather big VW fan at this time having really liked their debut quite a bit. Even when I occasionally give this a second chance once in a blue moon this is truly one of the most boring indie albums I have honest to God ever heard

- TVC15
54The Gerogerigegege
Showa


Only lasted 10 minutes listening to this thing if you get what I mean

- TVC15
55Swans
To Be Kind


ugh please nobody bump those Lambda or Jacob Royal soundoffs this is Swans not A Lot Like Birds or Protest the Hero or some shit have some fucking respect

- SeaAnemone
56Swans
To Be Kind


[fwiw every single other single soundoff on this page burned my eyes with hydrochloric cringe and none of them are funny enough to be posted anywhere don't ever let anyone tell you sputnik was better in whatever millennial crank year this was, these fuckers were all bunk]
57Ryoji Ikeda
Ultratronics


Ryoji Ikeda's Draft 7.30. Annoying attempt at doing trip-hop. Masterful but childish. Go home, pretty boy.

- Baseline000
58Invent Animate
Heavener


chuggy chugs chugs and clean vox. my solipsism is a bitch but core kids' solipsism is also a bitch.

- dedex
59Black Dresses
THANK YOU


, next

- Winesburgohio
60The Pablo Collective
The Death of Pablo


its kinda disheartening that in 2017 people are arguing over the validity of a musical project based on the fact that it was made by some people on the internet

- StallionMang

fuck OFF

- sixdegrees

no, your opinion is automatically irrelevant cause your username used to be linkinparkforthewin

- jasdevi087

why must you cream yourself over fantano-core, tvc?

you can deflect it all you want, finding it on rym is even worse

final edit, you can [not] back out - boi that shit ain't gonna work on me. take it like a champ or
foh

- Fripp
61Alice Cooper
Detroit Stories


A celebration of rock'n'roll, specifically all the reasons it is dead.

- someone
62Vildhjarta
Måsstaden Under Vatten


it will bore you, it will give you migraines, it will change your life

- someone
63Sleaford Mods
The Mekon


Born before 1985? You Dissatisfied, Dissociated, Despondent and feel Deposed by the cultural mulch of say nothing, do less YouTube fame celebrity arseholes? Listen to the Mods and be reinvigorated by the real deal. I'M A FUCKIN THEIF MATE!!!!!!

- zakalwe
64Dvne
Etemen Ænka


i haven't been this entertained by metal since the time a metal rod went up my ass. thanks to dvne for reigniting those memories in me

- someone
65Linkin Park
Minutes to Midnight


I hate politically charged albums. They are so shallow and inconceivably limiting. Don't care if i agree with you, just don't sing about it.

- McP3000
66The World Is a Beautiful Place...
Illusory Walls


This is As the Roots Undo for people who shop at H&M

- Xenophanes
67Bop
The Amazing Adventures of One Curious Pixel


i wish i was a pixel

- hyperion
68Madlib
Shades of Blue


This is nice, classy, serene jazzy instrumental hip hop at its best. Madlib does an awesome job, using his beats to envelope me in a calm, pontificative state of mind.

- Bulldog
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