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User
Reviews 1
Approval 62%
Soundoffs 3
Album Ratings 201
Objectivity 72%
Last Active 04-22-17 6:43 pm
Joined 09-16-10
Review Comments 6,316
| For Travis. (I miss you...I love you.)
All those years ago, I had no idea that record shopping with my brother would be the most meaningful experiences I'd ever have with him as an adult. As some of you may know, he died in 2013, when he was just 21. I was 20.
Here's something I haven't shared with many people: for every year since he's been gone, I've bought him a new record. Usually a release from the same year, always something that makes me think of him in some way. (Some years it was tough to narrow it down to one album - this year was damn near impossible and such a significant year for me that I broke the "rules" and chose three.) For years, I've left them unopened (aside from the ones that I framed) because in my mind they weren't mine, they were for Travis. Two weeks ago, I finally opened those records.
*These are their stories. DUN DUNNN* | | 1 |  | Misery Signals
Absent Light
2013 - This isn't my favorite album objectively (it's not even in my top two Misery Signals albums), but it's the one that connects me the most to my brother and one of three top-tier albums that I hold as untouchable for personal significance. I've shared the story before in a prior list (4 Years and a Story) and won't rehash it again here, but the timing and circumstances under which I first heard this album are uncanny. | | 2 |  | Sigur Ros
Kveikur
Also 2013??? - Yo, this one is fucking me up - for years I thought this was one of the records I bought for him while he was alive, but I realized while going through these all that it was released a few months after he died. I have huge gaps in my memory from the years immediately following his death, and no recollection whatsoever of buying this. I only know I've had it on display for years with the two records that I do remember buying him in 2012. | | 3 |  | Alcest
Shelter
2014 - The first few times a band he loved put out an album after his death, it was painful to process the thought that he would never hear it. This album in particular had me wondering what he would have thought of the new direction. Alcest quickly became one of my top 5 favorite bands after Travis died and they're currently the only one still on my list of absolutely-must-sees that I haven't yet. | | 4 |  | Death Grips
The Powers That B
2015 - I'm not sure I totally "get" Death Grips, but Trav enjoyed 'em and introduced me to No Love Deep Web - I believe at the time I was a little jolted by the album cover and he thought it was hilarious. | | 5 |  | Katatonia
The Fall of Hearts
2016 - Similar to Alcest, a band he loved and now one of my top 5. I saw Katatonia in 2017 - it's always an emotional experience for me to see a band he loved, especially for the first time. Looking forward to seeing them twice in 2026 m/ | | 6 |  | Godspeed You! Black Emperor
Luciferian Towers
2017 - Another one of those bands I just never "got", but this album was a shift for me. I might have to throw on their discog again and give it another go. | | 7 |  | A Perfect Circle
Eat the Elephant
2018 - Maynard, what more can I say. I don't know if Trav listened to this project, but he did love Tool. | | 8 |  | Flying Lotus
Cosmogramma
2019 - I think I discovered Flying Lotus through Trav's interests after he died. He would have loved the David Lynch feature. | | 9 |  | Phoebe Bridgers
Punisher
2020 - The first from an artist Trav never heard. He liked Chelsea Wolfe and Fiona Apple though and I always wondered what he would have thought of Phoebe. | | 10 |  | Vola
Witness
2021 - The first time I heard this, someone else was playing it and I actually thought it was a new Katatonia record. Sounds very Katatonia-inspired and oddly enough, based on recent Katatonia, I think the inspo may have became a loop. Again, always wondered what he would have thought. | | 11 |  | Parius
The Signal Heard Throughout Space
2022 - My memories/associations with Trav are rife with space themes and there are inextricable links between my relationship with him, music, and my tattoos. This fits the trifecta with a tattoo I got several years prior. Sonically, I found it reminiscent of PTH's Rody Walker and The Mars Volta, and I think Trav would have been impressed with it. | | 12 |  | Sigur Ros
Átta
2023 - I know I'm not alone in having been pleasantly surprised by a new Sigur Rós album after such an extended period of time. I think this may be their most beautiful record yet - 'Gold' in particular can and does move me to tears. | | 13 |  | Misery Signals
Of Malice and the Magnum Heart
2024 - I made an exception this year and bought an older release. Misery Signals (and particularly this album) is the music that connects me the most to Trav, even prior to the release of 'Absent Light', and I went to three shows on their Farewell Tour, including their final two. I had two tickets for the last one, but my friend wasn't able to make it. I felt bad having an extra ticket, given that it was sold out and their final show ever, and I tried to give it away but wasn't able to find someone who wanted it. Fitting though - I decided that was Travis's ticket, and the change in plans ended up being a really meaningful/symbolic glitch. | | 14 |  | Agalloch
Ashes Against the Grain
2025 (1/3) - Like other bands, I saw this name all over Sputnik in my early days on the site, but didn't give them a real listen until after Travis died. He liked them and I desperately wanted to understand him. This band changed me/saved my life/brought me back to life...more than once. Agalloch is everything to me. Three months ago, I went to Portland and had the opportunity to sit down with Jason (their bassist) and share part of my story with him before seeing this album performed front to back. I was worried that sharing my subjective reception of their music and "ooooh look at this whole-ass arm sleeve I got for you guys" would be cheapened by coming across as annoying/fan-girly, and I almost didn't do it, but I'm so glad I did. Jason is the most genuinely kind person I've ever met. He saw me as a person and since then, I've been able to do the same. This experience triggered real healing and changed my life more than I can say. A list for another day...maybe. | | 15 |  | Lorna Shore
I Feel the Everblack Festering Within Me
2025 (2/3) - I went to Atlanta with my youngest brother for a pop concert in October and thought I'd see what metal shows were happening around the same time since not many happen in my area and I'm forever trying to turn my siblings into metal heads. I thought "Lorna Shore" sounded like a pop-punk name or something but there weren't a lot of options so I checked 'em out the day before their new album came out and was blown away. I fell in love with the titular trilogy from Pain Remains and when I heard their new album the next day, I was hooked. Lots of emotions around taking my youngest brother to his first metal show - my usual thought at shows is "Travis should be here", so to go with my youngest brother was really meaningful for me, even if he'll never quite understand that and it wasn't really "his thing". | | 16 |  | The Exit Bags
A Fear of Open Water
2025 (3/3) - *Description for this one is way too long and there's no way I can cut it down to size. See first comments for my best attempt at an explanation.* | |
Kimm
11.23.25 | Trying to write a description for this one has prevented me from posting this list for quite a few days. Really hard to explain it without either oversharing/exposing a lot of personal vulnerabilities, or severely understating the impact this album has on me. I will say that the effect was amplified by going through The Exit Bags' prior two releases and seeing (from my own limited perspective) some of the development in the healing journey of the artist. Another hiccup here though - I've tried a few times to write some of those thoughts out, but I just am not able to do it in a way that I feel comfortable with. Both because of the "oversharing" it would require, and also because The Exit Bags (as we know) is one of Sputnik's own, and I absolutely don't want to "get it wrong" here or misstate any of what this album represents to the artist. So to keep it vague:
A Fear of Open Water came to me during a time of transition from coping/catharsis (which has been basically my entire life) into real healing. And although "healing" may carry connotations of sunshine-and-rainbows, it's actually deeply painful - a time of incredibly raw emotion and vulnerability, which is exactly what this album delivers.
*Writes and erases a hundred thoughts*
I wondered if this record was more suitable for my personal collection, given the timing and how it touches more on my developmental C-PTSD than the PTSD from losing Travis (don't worry about it), but one thing I've learned in healing is how interconnected everything is, and I guess (to keep it short) the album relates to Travis not only through the obvious themes of grief and loss, but also in the timing and my reception of it and acknowledging/accepting that Travis would want me to heal. To be happy. Which is something that's always felt impossible to confront. I'll never "get over" the trauma of losing my brother, and I don't want to - but I'm learning that it's okay to let a deep wound heal...the scar will always be there. | Kimm
11.23.25 | Another quick thing I'll mention is that through Travis I acquired an appreciation for the importance of supporting local music, and The Exit Bags is not only "local" to Sputnik, but also hails from my own home province of Alberta.
I don't know. I feel I haven't done a great job articulating this, but believe me when I say this album means a lot to me, and I think it would have meant a lot to Travis too. Gonna go listen again and cry some more now. | Kimm
11.23.25 | (Kudos to anyone who actually read all of that.) | Hawks
11.23.25 | Love you!!! I didn't know this Kimm. RIP to your brother. | botb
11.23.25 | Grief is a really wild thing. The way it ebbs and flows and little things can set you off that normally wouldn’t, but you find solace in other things that seem trivial to other people. You can’t explain it to someone that hasn’t been there. wishing you the very best. | Emim
11.23.25 | "What is grief, if not love persevering?"
Such a deep line from a marvel TV show of all things, but so true. The intensity of your grief, the scars, are a testament to the depth of your love for the lost. Grief becomes bittersweet after a while. The pangs in my heart let them live on for a little while more.
Stay up, you carry him with you | arthropod
11.23.25 | Putting thoughts to words is often a failure, so I'll just say this: being able to cherish the memories of a sibling is something not everyone would be capable of, so that's great. I didn't know about your brother, but if you say you're healing... godspeed, fellow user.
That's a cathartic coincidence under 13. | Nikkolae
11.23.25 | this has to be one of the most wonderful things i have read, I am so glad you were open enough to share your thoughts and experiences, I cant begin to explain how lovely it feels to see this music site be used for its intended purpose, bringing people closer together through music, be you, your brothers, or us reading what you have to say about that, thank you for sharing it. | Hawks
11.23.25 | Very well said Nik. | Wildcardbitchesss
11.23.25 | this is beautiful. | Wildcardbitchesss
11.23.25 | and fwiw, I think he would like phoebe < 3 | CaliggyJack
11.23.25 | I've seen some fantastic lists but this... this is on another level. | RVAHC13
11.23.25 | A little late but I am sorry for your loss. Music is a great memory maker to carry with you through life. I’ve had good times and bad times in the past with no photos, people or tangible reminders left to keep them fresh in my mind, only the music I was listening to when they happened. Glad to have read this post and I wish all the best for you and your family going forward | Spec
11.23.25 | This is a beautifully written list Kimm < 3 | cloakanddagger
11.24.25 | What a beautifully written piece Kimm, thank you so much for sharing.
Also as someone who got to see Alcest for the first time live a couple of years ago, I'd highly recommend seeing them, truly captivating performance. | Kimm
11.24.25 | It's a meaningful thing for me to be able to share. Especially with other people who understand and appreciate how much of an impact music can have. It's wild how many people in the real world don't really have that experience. Really appreciate everyone here |
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