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Emeritus
Reviews 172
Approval 98%
Soundoffs 200
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Last Active 01-01-70 12:00 am
Joined 01-01-70
Review Comments 21,030
| MarsBro's NFL Ranking: Week 16
The playoff picture becomes clearer each day, although a mad scramble is set to commence for final spots! | | 32 |  | Corey Feldman
Angelic 2 The Core
Houston Texans (+/-0)
Deja vu. It was Dallas all over again; the Texans had a higher-ranked team dead to rights and ultimately let the game escape their grasp. Not much else to say that hasn't already been said: roster bad, coaching bad, pray for good draft. | | 31 |  | Work
Lifetime Agreement
Indianapolis Colts (-1)
Well, well, well. Here we are again; yet another week where the complete mismanagement of the Colts is on full display, but OH BROTHER did we not expect *this* scale of failure. Saturday should be booted off the premises, and the next sound should be Irsay booting himself for his overbearing, delusional ownership. 33 point lead and they let it all go, with the defense politely giving up and Matt Ryan basically decaying into ash in real time. I don't know if that sort of collapse will ever happen again... I have no more words. This all needs to be blown up, unless this is the league's most blatant tank job, in which case there should be an investigation. Colts are screwed. | | 30 |  | Papa Roach
Who Do You Trust?
Chicago Bears (-1)
BUILD AROUND JUSTIN FIELDS. Like, my gosh, the things this man can do with the ball in his hands is insane. He's likely the most electric runner in the league right now, but it seems as though nothing around him ever clicks or goes according to plan. The defense did legitimately play a good game for once, but there's little happening on offense beyond Fields' magic, and there's only so much you can do to hold back Philly's explosive scoring capabilities. | | 29 |  | Jacob Sartorius
Last Text
Arizona Cardinals (-2)
I can't say Murray would win this game if he was healthy; there's far too much wrong with the roster construction and coaching of the Cardinals. Next year is shaping up to be another lost year depending on how Kyler's rehab goes, and I don't have much confidence in the organization performing well in the draft. Fire Midsbury. | | 28 |  | Iwrestledabearonce
Late for Nothing
Denver Broncos (+3)
Wow! Denver won game! Very good job. I'm actually sad I didn't watch what was likely a beautiful backup battle, but I can still safely assume Denver is bad. But somehow not as bad as Arizona! | | 27 |  | Caution: Thieves
The Blueprint For Moving Forward
Atlanta Falcons (-4)
Ridder coming out cold after an extra week of prep was not an encouraging sight. He made plenty of mistakes and seemed very unsure of himself, which was reflected in a relatively conservative playcalling and a back-breaking mistake that ended the game in embarrassing fashion. Have to forgive the rookie for being a rookie, of course, but it's a tough loss for a team that has suddenly started losing on demand despite a somewhat promising start. They COULD still win the division, but they're starting to tack on too many division losses for it to be at all a realistic chance. | | 26 |  | Crystal Lake
Helix
Carolina Panthers (-10)
lmfao alright let's stop with that nonsense. Back to the basement you go. One awful week by many teams helped a lot, and now reality has reset and revealed Carolina to be the uneven team it always was. Against a Steelers squad struggling with a putrid offense and lurking internal drama, Carolina could not will themselves to a win and now find themselves losing momentum. Their surprisingly strong division record is keeping them alive, but this team can't make any postseason noise if it makes it there. | | 25 |  | Carly Rae Jepsen
Kiss
Pittsburgh Steelers (+3)
The ball was moved! Points were scored! However, WR drama continues, and there's too much of a bottleneck at the 6/7 seeds for this team to salvage the season. Have to wonder when culture issues are finally traced back to Tomlin, who yes, is a great coach, but one that I think has been stagnating for several years now. You'll need to ride out at least next year to see how the org handles the official Life After Ben Rebuild(tm) since this was always going to be a sketchy season. Let's see what happens. | | 24 |  | 100 Gecs
1000 gecs
Los Angeles Rams (-3)
The Rams are back to being the Rams. Mayfield wasn't bad, but he was very much an average QB, and that isn't enough to will this roster to a win. It's also clear that he isn't 100% comfortable or trusting of his WRs yet, which is probably expected considering his limited practice. Losing to a weak Packers squad is still a stain on a season that is now officially lost. Still got that ring though! | | 23 |  | Device
Device
Tampa Bay Buccaneers (-3)
That was pathetic. Coaching-wise, Brady-wise, defense-wise, it was pathetic. A 17-0 lead seemed to be another chapter in the Bengals' history of ruining a good thing, but a plethora of turnovers and a defensive collapse meant a rapid blowout going the other way. Once Cincy got rolling, they was not stopping them, and Brady looked perhaps his most worn all year--something that Leftwich's playcalling certainly doesn't aid. This team is quickly becoming catnip for the stronger competitors of the league, which is a truly staggering fall from the peak of 2020. It's so distant now... | | 22 |  | Design the Skyline
Nevaeh
Cleveland Browns (+4)
Holy crap. GUYS GET IN HERE. THE BROWNS BEAT TYLER HUNTLEY. Oh my God. Crown they asses. | | 21 |  | Attila
Closure
Seattle Seahawks (-3)
A good comeback story is always an entertaining narrative to follow in a sport's season. As much as I want Geno Smith to succeed, the Hawks' continuing skid traces back to him; he's rapidly being exposed by opposing defenses that have clued into his tendencies and have clamped down on Seattle's weapons. The physical Niners were able to easily lock down the Smith-led offense, and what was once a revived defense has now reverted to its early-season form. They're on the outside looking in on the NFC wildcard race, and their upcoming schedule isn't doing them any favors. | | 20 |  | Attila
Guilty Pleasure
New Orleans Saints (+4)
There is a frustratingly good team hidden under Allen's horrendous coaching. If they kept up the fun playcalling and really messed with the potential their weapons gave them, they could be in the driver's seat of the NFC South. Kamara, Olave, and Hill should be a strong enough trio to keep defenses guessing and create mismatches, yet the scheming just isn't there. They should have done better against their hated rival, but a divisional win is a win, and it keeps the Saints in the hunt for a playoff bid. At least they aren't an utter embarrassment compared to the rest of their division? | | 19 |  | Pianos Become the Teeth
Drift
Tennessee Titans (+6)
Don't let the rise fool you; this is really where the Titans should have been before. If you watched the Titans, you'd understand that this team looks and feels like they should be the worst team in all football, which includes elementary school. At least we lost by ONE score this time! | | 18 |  | Alter Bridge
Blackbird
Baltimore Ravens (-5)
I don't care what the record says; the Baltimore Ravens are frauds. They've been on the verge of being entirely exposed, and Cleveland finally pulled back the curtain a bit. An absolutely ugly showing by a team that at one point lead their division. Cincy has now overtaken them, and the disparity between the two teams is growing wider and wider. | | 17 |  | Humanity's Last Breath
Abyssal
Las Vegas Raiders (+5)
That was the goofiest ending to a game I've seen in a long time. | | 16 |  | The Zenith Passage
Solipsist
Green Bay Packers (+2)
They don't look capable of it, but Rodgers has a penchant for running tables, which assists in giving Green Bay fans a sliver of hope to cling to. His ability to read the field and make the throws he used to has definitely taken a hit, and in the grand scheme of things, defeating the Rams isn't a massive accomplishment. The ball was moved more effectively at least! | | 15 |  | Cherubs
Fist In The Air
New England Patriots (-1)
Fire Matt Patricia. | | 14 |  | xSPONGEXCOREx
How Tough Are Yah?
New York Giants (+5)
A gritty divisional win was exactly what NY needed to snap their losing streak. It helps to stave off pressure from fellow Wildcard competitors and is likely a good morale boost. They ended up being the beneficiaries of some... uh... HIGHLY questionable officiating, however. | | 13 |  | Yeah Yeah Yeahs
Fever To Tell
New York Jets (-5)
The Jets got what they wanted once again: a close, defense-centric contest that should favor them on paper. However, without Quinnen Williams, the pass rush wasn't able to break through as much, and Zach Wilson made a handful of Zach Wilson mistakes that cost the team the game. At 7-7, playoff hopes are quickly dwindling despite the incredible performance by the secondary. QB needs to be the number one question when the off-season hits. | | 12 |  | My Bitter End
The Renovation
Washington Commanders (-2)
On one hand, the Commies were victims of some egregious officiating errors. On the other, they let New York out-tough them and deal a punishing blow to their playoff hopes despite having all the talent and momentum on their side. They're still holding onto the #7 seed, but they have a losing tiebreaker against the surging Lions that could hurt them down the stretch. Tread carefully... | | 11 |  | Forest Stream
The Crown of Winter
Minnesota Vikings (+/-0)
The Vikings both caused their massive, inexcusable hole that seemingly doomed them from the start. However, even against an awful squad like the Colts, it takes commendable talent and perseverance to architect such an incredible comeback. Kudos to Cousins and the gang for hanging in there and securing the North's division title. However, this team still doesn't inspire much confidence as playoff football nears, especially on defense. Time will tell if they finally put together another game like their showing against Buffalo. | | 10 |  | Stratovarius
Elysium
Miami Dolphins (+2)
Hey there, it's time for YOU to get a Quality Loss! Seriously though, Miami looked like Miami again and they definitely proved they could still hang tough against the top of the AFC. Some poor 3rd down calls didn't help in what was ultimately a close-but-no-cigar defeat, but at least the ship seems to be righted. Green Bay and the Pats round off their final games, which should be good match-ups for the Fin's dynamic offense. Gear up for the postseason and secure that slot, lads. Can't let it slip through your fingers. | | 9 |  | Be Well
The Weight And The Cost
Jacksonville Jaguars (+6)
Doug Pederson won't get the credit he deserves, but the Jags' turnaround has been impressive. If some closer games were properly ended or some better luck was had, this would be a division contender--and, technically, they still are if the Titans continue to slide. Lawrence has grown immensely as a starting QB, and he just looks like he's ENJOYING himself, which is fun to see considering pre-draft commentary that he didn't care enough. He's taking the next steps to become an upper-echelon starter, and as he gets there, the playbook begins to open up and the untapped scoring potential of Jacksonville begins to pop off. A well-earned victory over Dallas where pure coaching and talent and execution were observed in droves. This is the signature win of the Pederson era thus far for sure, and the Jags are getting red hot at the right time. | | 8 |  | Imperial Triumphant
Alphaville
Dallas Cowboys (-3)
I still think Dallas is better than most below them, if only slightly, but the injuries piling up on this team is concerning. Lawrence and co. liberally exposed the battered secondary, and considering the top-tier receiving talent of the best NFC teams--think JJ, AJ Brown, the entire 9ers roster--this is not a good indicator of postseason success. Prescott also just... seems very anti-clutch, although part of the issue is he really doesn't have many receivers he can really rely on, which was certainly illustrated by the walk-off INT that bounced off Noah Brown's hands. You gotta catch that shit my man! A long-awaited rematch against Philly awaits, which should be a good litmus test of where Dallas stands in the bigger picture of the postseason. | | 7 |  | Persefone
Metanoia
Detroit Lions (+2)
TOP TEN DETROIT AGAIN. TOP TEN DETROIT AGAIN.
Campbell and the Lions clearly had a gameplan against a potent Jets' defense: keep it simple, keep it safe, wait for a mistake--which the Lions are currently incredible at forcing on defense--and quickly capitalize. It wasn't a sexy win, but the tough, feisty fight the the Detroit of yesteryear likely wouldn't win. This is a big statement victory and completes the Lions' journey back to .500. A Washington loss helps their WC chances even more, and a Rams' lost keeps their upcoming 1st round pick a high one. It's ALL coming up Dan Campbell right now. | | 6 |  | Symphony X
Twilight in Olympus
Los Angeles Chargers (+1)
Seemingly out of nowhere and in spite of injuries/lack of talent, the Charger's defense has hit its best stride in its entire tenure under Staley (who should still be fired, let's be real). A healthy offense struggled to put points up, however, although they were able to come in clutch when needed. Ideally, going forward, the team will lean into their weapons more and become the deadly killing machine that their roster potential contains, but for now, it was enough to take a win. The Jets and Pats losing has pushing the LA squad up to the #6 seed and on-track for playoffs. Anything can happen once you're there! But you gotta finish up the year. | | 5 |  | Ben Folds Five
Whatever and Ever, Amen
Kansas City Chiefs (-1)
Kansas has been weird this year. They flaunted some incredible potential with their new WR corps, but while Buffalo has begun to come into form, the Chiefs have remained sort of static. Their clutch factor is through the roof as long as Mahomes is under center, which undoubtedly helped to bail the team out of a tough situation. The offense going cold and staying cold and the defense being the defense (i.e. not particularly good) is slightly alarming as the playoffs near. | | 4 |  | Noise Trail Immersion
Symbology of Shelter
Buffalo Bills (+2)
After a tumble in the middle of the year, the Bills are finally returning to form and demonstrating their terrifying power. Josh Allen keeps beasting, and Knox was finally involved in the passing game to great effect! (and without drops lol). It was a solid revenge win against a Miami team that initially stunned them, and it helps keep the #1 seed under their control for now. | | 3 |  | I Would Set Myself On Fire For You
Believes In Patterns
Cincinnati Bengals (+/-0)
Many publications have the Chiefs ranked above the Bengals, which feels both disrespectful and just... well, wrong. One team went up against an on-paper worse opponent and rained points on them, the other nearly forfeited #1 seed chances against the consensus worse team in the league. And that's not even counting the impressive head-to-head record Burrow has posted against Kansas in his Bengals' tenure. A Baltimore loss finally puts Cincy in the driver's seat of the AFC North and in contention for that top seeding, and their win streak grows longer and longer. Health issues could spell doom in the postseason, but the team has also proven it can win ugly if necessary. | | 2 |  | Persefone
Core
San Francisco 49ers (+/-0) | | 1 |  | Amia Venera Landscape
The Long Procession
Philadelphia Eagles (+/-0) | |
MarsKid
12.20.22 | It begins! | MarsKid
12.20.22 | Likely won't be able to finish write-ups, but I will at least lock in the picks. | Manatea
12.21.22 | "Still got that ring though!"
It's what's keeping me warm...
...I feel cold... | MarsKid
12.21.22 | Finishing write-ups today!
Where my NFL crew at??? :^( | AlexKzillion
12.21.22 | completely agree with your chiefs take in the bengals blurb... in the last three weeks they barely eeked out wins against denver and houston of all teams on top of losing to cincy... like i get its mahomes and reid and all that but it seemed like people were far more critical of buffalo and miami's november struggles despite them struggling against much better teams. | MarsKid
12.21.22 | Yeah, I'm all for occasionally valuing overall against potential/current performance when I think it makes sense, but nothing about the Chiefs has made me think they're better than the Bengals, especially since Burrow has gone 3-0 over his past matches against Mahomes. | AlexKzillion
12.21.22 | huge RIP to franco harris... was lucky enough to meet him at the hall of fame at like 14, couldn't have been a nicer guy. passes days before the 50th anniversary of the immaculate reception and his jersey retirement celebration. saturday feels like our super bowl now | MarsKid
12.21.22 | Saw the news, so tragic to lose him before a massive celebration his career. That's gonna be an emotional game. | AlexKzillion
12.22.22 | wait tannehill tore his acl wtf when????? | MarsKid
12.22.22 | Fuck me, ACL? I thought it was his ankle still. | vult
12.22.22 | Reports say ankle but say he’s likely out rest of year. Sheesh poor Titans fans.
That said…. JAGS ARE COMING FOR THE PLAYOFFS BABY LETS GO BEAT THE JETS TONIGHT SO I CAN LAUGH AT ALL THE SHITTY JETS FANS IN PERSON | MarsKid
12.22.22 | Please take the playoff spot, Titans fans are so entirely defeated and exhausted that I think we just wanna go home lol | MarsKid
12.26.22 | OK then! The weekend slot is almost over, and with all 32 teams having played, this week's ranking should have a bit more clarity. We now wait to see if Staley collapses against the Colts or they do what they should do and coast to a Wildcard berth.
Christmas was full of insane implosions, and because of some incredible luck, the Packers now control their own playoff destiny. What the fuck. | vult
12.27.22 | its time to put the broncos in last place for wk 17. | MarsKid
12.27.22 | That is definitely something that is on the table, not gonna lie... | AlexKzillion
12.27.22 | brandon staley is really about to coach a playoff game smh |
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