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|MarsBro's NFL Ranking: Week 18|
Almost at the end... and then post-season football is upon us!
Angelic 2 The Core
Houston Texans (+/-0)
Yeah... we all knew how this was going to go, and yet it was somehow worse than expected. This team can't make it to the off-season fast enough. At least the draft should be super exciting!
Indianapolis Colts (-1)
Under Jeff Saturday, the Colts have ceased to exist in the 4th Quarter. Then again, if you watch their games (don't), you'd notice how they hardly play in the other quarters to begin with. The culture has clearly taken a hit, as evidenced by Nick Foles writhing in pain on the ground while his linemen just walked away. If the big men up front are out, then things are fucked.
Denver Broncos (+1)
The Broncos managed to have an offense! Unfortunately, it is still the Denver offense, which is led by Russel Wilson. The loss could've been penciled in weeks ago.
|29||Sleeping With Sirens|
Chicago Bears (+/-0)
Justin Fields desperately needs support. The defense needs support. The whole team needs support. I mean, yikes, it's just broken from top to bottom on that roster for the most part. Time will tell if a competitive team can be fielded by his new regime, but they've certainly got their work cut out for them.
Arizona Cardinals (+/-0)
At this rate, a lucky member from the audience may be able to start for the Arizona Cardinals. Early reports indicate that Midsbury will be kicked out the door, but with *this* ownership, I'll believe it when I see it. JJ retiring is just another blow to take in a season full of them, and AJ Green calling it a career potentially wouldn't exactly soothe the sting. This team felt so close to something so recently, but any hope is up in flames at this point.
|27||Pianos Become the Teeth|
Tennessee Titans (-3)
Allegedly, the organization will be making significant coaching changes come the off-season. If that does not include Todd Downing, then... I don't even want to cross that hypothetical bridge. Also, Josh Dobbs--heard of him before? No? Sounds right--looked infinitely better than Malik Willis in just one start, including throwing for more yards than him in just one game. Cause for slight concern? I think so.
|26||Spiritczualic Enhancement Center|
Atlanta Falcons (+1)
Ridder gets his first professional win on the board, although the team still looks pretty ugly. That kind of run-heavy works when you have the insane talent level to make it click (see: Niners), but Atlanta doesn't have that level of consistent personnel. Maybe Ridder will be able to develop more under Smith, but the offense needs some more dynamic weapons to stretch the field and upon up the passing game.
|25||Rings of Saturn|
Rings of Saturn
Los Angeles Rams (-5)
Was I overrating the Rams? Probably. I figured Mayfield would be the minor kick that would get the gears turning--something that prior games hinted at. Cam Akers also seemed to randomly find his old form and start running with confidence. Nothing work against a surprisingly stout Chargers defense, and the roster again looked lost. A divisional rival in Seattle will be their final game, and the Rams have the chance to deny them a post-season trip. Maybe that'll help motivate a solid performance; the Lions sure hope so.
Las Vegas Raiders (+1)
I said the Raiders would stay back here, and I'm sticking to that. Yes, the team demonstrated some random competitive spirit that had been drained over the past few weeks, but there are no more pats on the back to offer for McDaniels doing his damn job and actually capitalizing on the offense's talent. Credit to Stidham nevertheless for his gutsy performance; he took some serious shots while delivering clutch passes. In other news, it seems more and more likely Carr is heading out the door, which means McDaniel will get to hand-pick a successor. Time to watch how he messes *this* up.
|23||Preschool Tea Party Massacre|
Hardcore Died With Hitler
Cleveland Browns (+3)
The denizens of Cleveland and unfortunate viewers at home were again reminded that Caron Wentz is who he is, he will not change, and he will gladly give away games. Little late for a Christmas present, but there you. Also, Clowney is probably gone. Strange; you'd think a guy known for under-performing and being a general clown would enjoy being in the premier clown org of the NFL.
New York Jets (-4)
The beginning of the season is seeming more and more like a mirage. The Jets were on-pace to playing meaningful football late in the season, but the horrible offense was quickly exposed and crumbled under the weight of expectations and Zach Wilson's incompetence. There's still a chance the playoff streak is broken, but it is a distant one. Saleh better be blowing up Derek Carr's phone (or, depending on current events, Lamar Jackson's).
The Classic Symptoms of a Broken Spirit
Miami Dolphins (-6)
Welcome back to hell, 'Fins fans. Tua is likely shut down, Teddy is hurt, and all hopes now rest on Skyler Thompson--who might also be hurt. It's a disaster. The offense was rapidly becoming exposed even with key players healthy, so perhaps this was an expected result.
Carolina Panthers (-4)
For what it's worth, Wilks' gambit was clever and nearly paid off. Heading into a late game situation with 3 timeouts gave the team a chance after the field goal. Sadly, his starting QB is Sam Darnold.
Baltimore Ravens (-5)
I will scream it from the rooftops until this team is rightfully booted from the playoffs: the Ravens are frauds. And if they botch contract talks with Lamar, their fraud levels massively increase. Did I mention the Ravens are frauds?
There were apparently fans out there that believed Huntley was capable of being an adequate successor to Jackson r a high-end backup. That chatter should be 100% dead by now
Pittsburgh Steelers (+3)
Mike Tomlin refuses to have a losing record. It's going to look awful, it's going to be ugly, it's going to make people think that the organization has no direction or sense of accountability over past errors, but the STANDARD IS THE STANDARD and .500+ will be achieved. Amen.
Washington Commanders (-5)
Rivera decided to start Carson Wentz to add a "spark" to the Washington offense. Adding a spark is what one attempts to do when midway through a season in order to get things back on track, not when facing elimination. Newsflash, Ron: you were facing elimination. And, shock and awe, Wentz looked horrific, unprepared, and the exact same QB he has been for several years. Rivera is a nice guy and all, but at a certain point in time, he needs to be held accountable for his increasingly large amount of mistakes. Absolutely clueless, much like the organization as a whole.
|16||Humanity's Last Breath|
New Orleans Saints (+3)
The Saints defense put on a clinic against the Philadelphia Eagles, absolutely dominating the line of scrimmage against an offensive line that should've played much better. Instead, New Orleans took over the game and never felt as though they were losing control. As time passes, that backbreaking loss to Tampa become more and more of a "What could have been?" Make the playcalling more fun, by the way.
Seattle Seahawks (+8)
That felt good. After sliding for so long, Seattle managed to put together a competent, easygoing game that kept the stress levels low. The downside is that the 'Hawks still played themselves out of controlling their own fate; a Green Bay win knocks them out regardless of if they beat the Rams or not. The Geno Smith question approaches; he likely stays, but how much he gets and for how long is uncertain. Doing pretty well against a formidable Jets passing defense is a good W for his victory column.
The Crown of Winter
Minnesota Vikings (-5)
Minnesota had a chance to go up against a divisional rival and make a massive statement. And make one they did; it was one of failure. In arguably their most embarrassing loss this year (which is saying something; they've got plenty of options), the Vikes came out flat against the Pack and not once looked to be gaining momentum. Jefferson was invisible, the defense called in sick, and Kirk Cousins was abysmal. I spoke before about how the team swings pendulum-esque from "We're gonna bullshit our way to a ring" and "We are losing by 100 points." If they can't expose the Bay's flaws or at least be competitive at this stage of the season, I know which direction things are trending in.
Live At the End of the World
Tampa Bay Buccaneers (+10)
Fuck. Tom Brady rediscovered the deep ball, managed to improve his accuracy, and Mike Evans remembered how to catch a ball. And now he has dragged this corpse of a team to .500, a division title, and a trip to the post-season. He just won't die!
|12||Life in Your Way|
New England Patriots (+5)
The Pats again squeezed out a win via sporadically good offense, mostly good defense, and a dose of bullshit. Nothing better! To keep their hopes alive, they'll have to beat the Buff-oh fuck it they're not going anywhere, everyone else sucks so I guess here's rank 12.
|11||The Circle Ends Here|
The Division Ahead
New York Giants (+2)
The drought is over; the New York Giants are headed to post-season football. In just his first year, Daboll has made some serious magic happen, and he deserves whatever praise comes his way for dragging this roster to the playoffs. Daniel Jones ought to receive a heaping of praise as well. Look at his WR corps; who has done more with less? His rushing is deadly and his passing game has improved, especially with regards to turnovers. It's likely enough for a reward contract, which should help the team continue to build and develop going forward.
|10||The Dillinger Escape Plan|
Green Bay Packers (+1)
Aaron Rodgers now controls his own destiny. Even if Seattle wins, a Green Bay win sends the QB and his squad to the playoffs. Right when you think he can't keep getting away with it...
Detroit Lions (+1)
That felt good. Chicago is bad, so Detroit did what they should as a superior team and dismantled them. Sadly, there is a fair chance they'll be stuck at home; they hopes hinge on a Rams win versus Seattle. If the 'Hawks win, they'd only be playing spoiler. That shouldn't distract from the fact that, overall, the season has been a massive success, Goff has regained his top ten form, the WR corps is scary, the defensive front is intimidating as hell, and the coaching staff have figured out how to translate their culture to winning games.
Jacksonville Jaguars (+/-0)
Another day, another Texans loss. The Jags played solid and cruised along. Now? Time to clean things up and snag a division title.
|7||An Isle Ate Her|
Los Angeles Chargers (+/-0)
The offense finally looked like itself for a bit as the game went on. The defense remains the main prize; if it can stay as good as it currently is, Justin Herbert and co. might have some much-needed support when needing to stay competitive and hold onto leads.
|6||An Embrace of Angels|
'Ere January Be Unwintered
Dallas Cowboys (+/-0)
Struggling against the 15th stringers of Tennessee is not ideal. Dak Prescott and his WRs being unreliable at random intervals is also not ideal. Tread carefully, boys.
|5||I Would Set Myself On Fire For You|
Believes In Patterns
Philadelphia Eagles (-3)
Somewhere, slex is nodding in approval (or quietly asking for this ranking to be lower).
Anyways; yikes. Yes, Minshew was starting, but he alone can not be held responsible for such a poor showing against a Saints team that, while deceptively good, shouldn't be stifling such a powerful offense. It seemed as though nothing could get started, even when New Orleans began to stall. Jalen Hurts needs to return, fast.
|4||Dear and the Headlights|
Small Steps Heavy Hooves
Kansas City Chiefs (+1)
Why does this team have a Denver problem? Weird. Also, yes, everyone hears too much about it, but Patrick Mahomes is a special talent. Don't let media hype and Tony Romo's dicksucking distract from that.
Hot take: I enjoy Joe Buck and Troy Aikman infinitely more than Romo. Fight me.
|3||Amia Venera Landscape|
The Long Procession
Buffalo Bills (+1)
This past week's game was a sobering reminder of all that is at stake on any given day in the NFL. It's a sport we all love and enjoy to watch, but it involves people putting their bodies on the line more than any other sport. Damar has thankfully woken up, started breathing on his own and has been able to talk to his loved ones and teammates, so this story has a happy ending. But definitely a scary situation.
Cincinnati Bengals (+1)
Anyone blaming Tee Higgins or the vaccine need to
1) read a book
2) touch grass
3) log off Twitter forever.
Cincinnati's handling of the Damar, both on the field and in the hospital, from medical staff to fans and regular people, was incredible. I'm just glad everyone is coming out of this OK.
San Francisco 49ers (+/-0)
|Let's fucking do this. |
I ain't missing a week!
|(some of these write-ups will likely be brief but I'll at least try and do a bit)|
|just put for the ravens "tyler huntley lul" |
we have had the lowest PPG since lamar went down. end meeeeee
|Top 10 inbound! Although the surprises are minimal at this point.|
|Wait, I knew some mouthbreathers were blaming Tee Higgins for what happened to Hamlin, but there's people blaming it on the vaccine too?? Wtf man. |
|oh yeah they were - literally minutes after it happened. anti-vaxxers will latch onto anything|
49ers at #1 is a bit spicy
|alright i typically don't care about the steelers placement in these but i feel like you're baiting me placing the saints and commies above them lol. commies haven't even won a game since november. steelers are 6-2 (including a convincing win over the saints) with the #1 defense and even a top 10 offense(!) per dvoa over the second half of the season.|
win or lose/playoffs or not on sunday i'm super excited about this team next year. seriously on the precipice of being a legit great team if they can turn all these field goals into touchdowns.
|Oh I am fully biased lol, I just do not find the Steelers to be as good as their streak implies. They're very much a paper tiger that gets chewed up by the bigger fish of the AFC.|
Commies should be lower but mostly everyone else around them sucks too. They also 100% beat Cleveland with Heinicke under center tbh
|Steelers definitely aren't a threat to go far imo even if they squeeze into the playoffs. That said, I REALLY like what I've seen from Pickett in these last few weeks and I think they've got a ton of potential with him at QB. |
|idk man. they've been a completely different team since the bye week. defense is back to their old ways and the najee/warren backfield duo has been kinda unstoppable lately. obviously they aren't beating the bills/chiefs/bengals but i think they'd hold their own at this point (hell they beat the bengals with trubisky and then lost by 7 at cincy) and I think they could absolutely beat the rest of the likely afc playoff teams. |
i'd love to go to buffalo again. this aint october no more. feel like the 2-6 start and the low scoring masquerades just how efficient the offense has become... also doesn't help that we miss a field goal seemingly every game anymore.
|i don't see any rookie QB making it far in the playoffs tbh but - as much as i hate the fuckin' Steelers and wish this weren't true - i have to admit they are looking good for next year. Pickett looks great and Pickens is set to be yet another star Steelers WR|
|Purdy has shown some serious promise, and the roster around him is stacked basically everywhere you look. They have an amazing shot this year.|
|the propensity for rookies to make mistakes is why i'm not sold on the niners. my spicy prediction is they get bounced in the WC due to his mistakes. possibly divisional given the weaker competition in the NFC. i do hope i'm wrong tho because i like the kid and think he makes for a great story|
|I want the lions to make the playoffs. Therefore: Rams… please get a win…|
|Honestly I think I like the niners chances better with purdy than jimmy g. Both can run the offense just fine but purdy seems far better at making something happen when the play breaks down which is always where jimmy g faultered.|
|Purdy has better mobility, which makes him far more evasive than Jimmy was. And the fact that there is so much offensive talent around him means that he never has to be SUPER good, just good enough to pilot the ship.|
I think we all want to see Detroit get a shot at the post-season, unless you're a Packers fan I guess.
|oh you def gotta go with Purdy over Jimmy. never thought he was very good tbh and you already know Jimmy's ceiling too. ride the hot hand and give the rook some experience|
|damn i was really pulling for the passtronaut tonight, miss him dearly|
|wait so stidham isnt the next Brady and it turns out carr wasn't the issue :0 im shocked. good thing we'll get a worse version of carr next year when we sign Jimmy G and can lose 11 games with McDaniels' "guys"|
|Did y'all see a fan got thrown out for an anti-McDaniels sign lol|
|YES lmao hire one of the most disliked and unprofessional coaches ever and have him can the fans' beloved franchise QB only to throwout said fans when they express their displeasure, great job bowlcut|
also doesn't help that they moved to a tourist destination and all their games are overrun by traveling road fans when they had one of the most loyal and rabid fanbases in all of sports back in oakland/la.
|bungles lookin so beatable |
stillers lookin like they may pull off the improbable and sneak into the playoffs lmao
|Flacco’s ineptitude proved too much. poetic for them to get eliminated because of him|
|the absolute fucking audacity of lovie smith to go for 2 and win that game for the texans and lose them the #1 pick after they told him he's being fired lmao|
|Miami will be playing @ Buffalo in the first round with Waddle and Hill both banged up and all their QBs injured to varying degrees.|
Bloodbath, book it.
|the elite dragon broke my heart one final time :(|
|Lot of messy games today. Combination of playoff jitters and rosters with a lot of people sitting.|
Interesting implications for the future.
|full stan for Baker rn please pop off and help the Lions|
|i really don’t care who wins the game tonight i just don’t want to see seattle in the playoffs. |
|Tits vs refs and somehow Lawrence almost loses the game |
|eagels keeping starters out there so they can get the one seed so they aren't bounced in the first round|
|If it wasn't obvious already based on my rankings, I'm pretty high on Niner KoolAid. Don't see anyone in the NFC standing up to them.|
The real question is who the hell comes out of the AFC.
|baker did not bake. i am upset. RIP lions dream|
|Lifelong lions fan and I'm bummed l, hope they can at least slap the packers out and sweep them this year|
|Yeah completely with you on the Niners Mars. Also think I'm selling my cowboys stock... they've looked very not good these past the 4-6 weeks and I definitely don't think its a given they beat the bucs like I did previously. Looks like they peaked in october.|
|Broncos win today feels good |
|my niners family and friends want Seattle for some reason. packers offense is awful and wouldnt score a point against the niners D. Seattle while I dont think stands a chance vs the niners, poses way more of a threat due to coaching and familiarity. I think chiefs niners is a safe bet|
|KNEECAPS BACK ON THE MENU BABYYYYY|
|Bye bye Aaron|
|I’ve got no love for the Packers but fuck now we’re stuck with watching two slaughters next weekend. |
|It’s all they have Jay|
|Sure looks like it. Maybe they should have remembered that he fails to come through in key moments when they signed a 150 mil contract with him.|
|so much impending dead money in the NFL this offseason goodell's bailout machine gonna go brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr|
|Dan Campbell got booted from the playoffs, said "Fuck you" and took Rodgers out with him.|
These aren't the same ol' Lions. This is a new Detroit.
|alexk's end of season rewards:|
mvp: patrick mahomes
offensive player: justin jefferson
defensive player: nick bosa
offensive rookie: kenneth walker (chris olave and garrett wilson are very very close)
defensive rookie: sauce gardner
comeback: geno smith
coach: brian daboll
executive: howie roseman (eagles)
|also this year's hof ballot should be darrelle revis, joe thomas, zach thomas, patrick willis, and torry holt no cap|