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12.03.23 2023 BNM: cringedex 12.01.23 New users :: REVIEWED
11.28.23 Your 5s choices reviewed AGAIN 11.15.23 learn from my WORST REVIEWS
11.13.23 Tory stooge music11.10.23 Feed me 2023 things
11.04.23 4000 Ratings // Top 100 albums* 11.02.23 NO AVATAR CLUB
10.20.23 SPUT ROYALE: f i n a l e10.15.23 SPUT ROYALE: FINAL
10.10.23 SPUT ROYALE: Round 6 (½ final)10.06.23 SPUT ROYALE: Round 5 (¼ final)
10.03.23 OCTOBER of d o w n t e m p o // ぼreak 10.02.23 SPUT ROYALE: Round 4.5 (playoff)
09.27.23 SEPTEMBER of J a ρ a n (+++) 09.26.23 SPUT ROYALE: Round 4
09.20.23 SPUT ROYALE: Round 309.14.23 SPUT ROYALE: Round 2 Group B
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CRINGE index: BNM 2022

We have a Best New Music (BNM) tab, and you have seen it. The rules are simple - at least three ratings with an avg of around 4.0 from staff or emeritus, and a record appears on the list/frontpage. SOME OF US (*gazes out of window*) have abused this system! Here is a full list of every album that has made BNM this year, in order of site embarrassment
Baby, We’re Ascending

HAAi is the least embarrassing BNM addition of 2022

She is cool, her music is good, her inclusion is not deja vu, and the accolade means more for this record than it would for most.

Listen to more good clean techno you filthy scum.
106Saya Gray

**shocking last minute update and late addition to list**

...but 19 MASTERS has finally hit BNM (even if no-one will ever see it there because it dropped months ago)

minus one point for tardiness, plus 106 points for all that nu-cult classic perfect genius AOTY potential magic that BNM really do be championing for once
105City of Caterpillar
Mystic Sisters

Little deja vu, but City of CAT is a site treasure for the right reasons and Mystic Sisters is one of the best comeback records in years (+ an AOTY frontrunner). A worthy feature.
104Cloud Rat

The hype over this record still confuses me

in a good way

Not the best *album* here by a long shot, but easily one of the year's most gratifying bandwagons. No cringe!
103Say Sue Me
The Last Thing Left

WHOLESOME no cringe lovely lovely keepers

minus 0.5 points for weak artwork
102Asian Glow
Stalled Flutes, means

a few minus points because I have yet to work out whether this entire scene should be associated with too many showers or too few, but Asian Glow LP II is the apex of 5th wave K-emo as we know it, and it belongs to BNM as such mmm
Diaspora Problems

absolute no brainer duh yes

lost a few spots because that WHOGUNBEATMYASS line do be more of a meme than a good line and i'm not convinced the site is fully aware of this yet
Glitch Princess

blessed and based and still best of all albums here

dropped one place on the list for every user I have letterbombed for not listening to it correctly
99Billy Woods

do not fuck with billy woods he belongs on this list
98Lupe Fiasco
Drill Music in Zion

lupe fiasco also belongs here, but he goes slightly lower than billy woods because of some hyperbolic comment marskid probably made. unfortunate!
97Chat Pile
God's Country

This would have come *dramatically* lower down if we had put it on BNM after it blew up literally everywhere else (collateral hype is no hype at all in this site empire place), but fortunately this was not the case and we can all sleep tonight good
96MJ Lenderman
Boat Songs

Have not hard this album but its nomenclature is both casually badass and deeply chill + boney forced me into believing that it is actually extremely good. mucho benefit of doubt splashing around this sweet vessel

Most DARK DIVA DOES FEMALE METAL VOCAL ATMOSPHERE records will be dropped far lower for awkward site fetish points, but this one does *not* have an annoying fanbase and is actually quite great. NICE ONE TEAM
94Willi Carlisle
Peculiar, Missouri

The first and almost certainly last time on this list that sput staff fellates a country album worth the price of mouthwash. Enjoy that aftertaste while it lasts.
93Jenna and the Janes
Earth Dog Year

i know nothing else about this, but it does have the greatest album title of all time
92Rolo Tomassi
Where Myth Becomes Memory

good artwork points
good album points
minus points for a couple of early junz
Synchro Anarchy

probably-classic thrash band drop probably-great album and all is uncontroversial, but that do be an extremely thrash metal album title oh dear
90Shapeshifter (JPN)
Dark Ritual

the first (chronologically) album on this entire list!!!

it is good and nasty and was a better start than we probably deserved

...but my rev did get it [blackened grindshit] confused with hardcore and overrated it very slightly, so it can't quite top this list hurr hurr
Night Parade of One Hundred Demons

cool record cool artwork cool shit, but man do i hate reading that album title in english. that's 34 English characters (inc spaces), whereas the original Japanese title used 4

minus points for consequent frontpage ugliness and also for reminding me that this stupid website still uses ASCII jfc cringe
88JJ Allin

OKAY HEAR ME OUT i recognise that i have already made a drastic error by not placing this at either extreme of the spectrum, but protocol was out the window here from the moment Jesper dropped a 2.5 rating gap between his rev-rating and rating-rating

sach's album was a top-tier community experience, almost certainly kicked a garbage record off the frontpage, and gave us all a chance to laugh at a bunch of prog troglodytes struggling to listen to it. these wholesome reasons alone warrant an earnest, flattering placement

yh unless you count JJ Allin, this was definitely the best meme BNM of the year

and also artwork of the year

don't call me.
86Danger Mouse and Black Thought
Cheat Codes

probably very good next
Heavy Rocks (2022)

gains points for bangers and (chiefly) LEOPARD PRINT
loses points because Boris hitting bnm is (however righteously) deja vu at this point

i am part of the problem fuckin love it
84Hinako Omori
a journey...

should this have been on BNM? it is lovely...


83The Callous Daoboys
Celebrity Therapist

very good semi-stereotypical showcase of that mathcore bollocks the pleb users are still wired up to, with a few impromptu showtunes thrown in because fuckit. viable.

ditto everything from Heavy Rocks (2022), but:

- extra plus points because zero bangers all DRONE
- extra minus points because no leopard print

this could possibly be the *last* BNM of the year, and as notes to FADE out on go, it is definitely acceptable

but also this would be a cliche, and we can't have that
81The Gathering
Beautiful Distortion

good album nice comeback, *nice* crossover appeal among separate chunks of the userbase/taste patchwork

but the disconnect between the title and artwork/music is unforgivable. more distortion please! best band hmm
The Forever Story

pheromone did not like this

but JID was a top 5 component of the last doja cat

what to do
Blue Rev

look, i *KNOW* alvvays are an indie [pop] cliche and the most deja vu of the deja vu for the current staff roster and a little bit precious in their C86 nostalgic jangle worshipping latte purveying hipschtick (some of which does tar a couple of tracks here severely)

but Blue Rev is killer and a massive step forward for their songwriting dept and ingenious in the amount of weight it places on the smallest twists and turns and it really did need to be here oKAY
78No Devotion
No Oblivion

band says NO too many times and is a little bit too Netflix montage viable but stilly worthy, Geoff Rickly is the best boi
77Drive-By Truckers
Welcome 2 Club XIII

sometimes i imagine theboneyking as a full-on redneck and it is adorable
76Prince Daddy and The Hyena
Prince Daddy and The Hyena

extreme minus points for the band name

extreme plus points for the album name
Fever Fantasy

74Petrol Girls

Baby *kinda* fucks and definitely has some of the year's best protest songs

but also it has been pretty steeply overrated for the right reasons (which is why I put it here hehe)

definitely belongs in the safer reaches of this list, but upon reflection it was not the top bestest of the best new music placements
Evidence of Immortality

this was probably good heavy stoner shit

but not enough cool people jammed it loudly enough, so it came and went

The Great Awakening

*probably* the best sowingcore exclusive of the year. it is itself exclusive in this field for containing an Actual Atmosphere (!!!) but the artwork becomes terrible if you stare at it long enough, so that's a hardcap.
Heal My Head

title combo is vaguely cute and good

intuition tells me the music is vaguely cute and not good
There's Always Blood at the End of the Road


69The Smith Street Band
Life After Football

need to hear this (dug their last record!!!)

but this band has extreme quarter-life crisis energy yikes
68Somewhere South of Here
Leave Me for the Crows

yet to hear the music on this, so no comment there

but this is an IN-HOUSE (sput user) placement!!! the system is rigged etcetc
The Loser

band is one of the most exclusive site cliches of them all and the artwork on this is terrible. music is aight though!
66Ruby Haunt
Cures For Opposites

band slowcore drem chill sleepysputnik catnip next
65Holy Fawn
Dimensional Bleed

worthy addition but gains awkwardness because i don't think a single staffer including me has firmly worked out whether or not it's actually a *great* album

trusty metalcheese hello hallo
63Perfume Genius
Ugly Season

this is *almost* great enough as an artfart record to defy cringe

but alas it is Perfume Genius and he has released too many designer farts into expensive installation spaces to escape that spectre. good record though
62Falls of Rauros
Key to a Vanishing Future

*METAL CAN BE ROMANTIC TOO* well then how many fucking artists do you know HUH
Dissolution Wave

good mildly overrated album that loses mad points for being site catnip in too many ways!

affectionate backhand music etcetc
The Endless

i regret not checking this purely because it looks like it could be mad good or complete bollocks
59Conjurer (UK)

58Tokenai Namae
Kasuka ni sou Matou

YES i rigged this

YES it is an EP and the worst thing the band have released to date

YES it is embarrassingly cute

NO i do not regret this
57Daniel Rossen
You Belong There

indie folk[tronica??] that has a 4.5 someone review but a sowing 5.0??

jfc i don't know how to class this one.
Thought Form Descent

little bit lost for words here

metal album with a review that opens by paraphrasing Heraclitus -type beat
55Artificial Brain
Artificial Brain

[insert death metal joke here]
The Buried Storm

Sputnik Appreciates Gloomy Darkgirl Yelling At Ocean, ep.102
53Denzel Curry
Melt My Eyez See Your Future

this is the absolute perfect halfway-point album (we are halfway)

it is overrated and kinda normie (?!!!) and a little cringe as such

it is also solidish and enjoyable and too normie to have much traction in sput cringecurrency

hop hop ok
The Ailing Facade

post-metal more like shut up and eradicate all edgelord diphthongs next
51Cave In
Heavy Pendulum

a) the production is good and the songs are alright

b) jfc y'all ruined it with the Ballou fellatio + artwork (initially gr8) is diminishing returns the more you stare at it
50Cult of Luna
The Long Road North

yeah i ain't got shit on Yowi's soundoff for this one. neckbeard album good band
49Craig Finn
A Legacy Of Rentals

unfortunate album title just pirate that shit you goof

if Sputnik were a normal site, this would be a top 10 contender without question and the subject of considerable facepalm jfc ultramainstream kpop is the worst, indulging it is stupid and i can remember so little of this EP that i honestly have no idea why i pretended to love it


it is Sputnik and this was hilarious i am sorry fuck each and every last one of you
All That Was Promised

artwork is literally a man whose neckbeard has grew into an entire poisonous swamp and choked him to death (maybe) say yes to life kids
Quiet the Room

retirement home music for zoomers oh wait was that a sound in my room SHUT THE SHIT UP qt
45Dir En Grey

am being a little mean here + am still loosely glad that this made the list, but it's such a painfully palpably *partial* partial-return-to-form that it still feels like a bit of a sad joke that it got here. sorry boiz
44Elder (USA-MA)
Innate Passage

hate that location tag yuck
43William Ryan Key
Everything Except Desire

this guy
1) is literally named after the antagonist in the Coheed comics
2) is from Yellowcard
3) has gamer artwork
4) that shade of blue
42Imperial Triumphant
Spirit of Ecstasy

dissonant dm band goes through the unexpectedly dull motions of doing dissonant dm jazzshit // sputnik creams

am extra annoyed at this one because Alphaville was so good, but will cut some slack because the artwork is acceptable
41Mizmor and Thou

flagged review told me this album was "Uncharacteristic from any perspective"

smells like cringe to me!
40Orville Peck

whew, been a while since our last country pick! this one is actually pretty decent and occasionally great, but


the whole thing reeks from head to heel of polished pirouettey poisonous MUSICAL THEATRE razzle and is a mandatory top 40 placement as such, i do not make the rules
39Pure Reason Revolution
Above Cirrus

hell hath no fury like a boi scorned by incongruous doggo artwork
38Domestic Terminal
All The Stories Left To Tell

DOMESTIC TERMINAL AFFIRMED MY LIFE *copyright sticker* *selfie emoji* *icecream*
37Mass of the Fermenting Dregs

there have been some thrills and spills this year, but this was the first and only time i nudged a truly mediocre album that i knew had no redemptive meme value into the BNM box and i am truly sorry for this [*big self-cringe*]

the artwork is redemptively great and the opener is somehow still a SOTY shortlister, so there is that

(but oops)
36Moon Tooth

This is actually a forward thinking, groundbreaking album that draws on a range of unlikely shapes and styles and offers a thoughtful energetic cheery experience for everyonHahahaha fuck off I know prog when I see it
35Faceless Burial
At the Foothills Of Deliration

death metal who-me? reaction face
The Jacket

find a better font you cheap flounces
33Blood Incantation
Timewave Zero

i do love that for a couple of blissful idiot weeks, the site factions were so aligned such that Mediocre Ambient vs. Retrograde Metalheads was a significant point of conflict and the former camp somehow won the day

but the fact that this was ever a thing is the stuff of chronicles of cringe

a rare album where literally every single thing said both positive and negative about it somehow managed to find a fresh way to put me off

it tapped into the crinffs merry christmas

Few Good Things

scenario: hip-hop
>rowna says it good
>phero says it bad

there is only one verdict that can be drawn
29Honey Harper
Honey Harper and the Infinite Sky

actually got relatively little to say about this record

but it did get BNM awkwardly quickly! have some decorum you hairy bellend
Isle of Wisdom

character creation sheet -type beat
27Peregrine (USA-MA)
the awful things we've done

hideous location tag THAT IS THE SAME AS ELDER'S ffs Massachusetts

poser LOWERCASE album title that is also a poser title

recommended by reviewer
Brand New The Devil and God Are Raging Inside Me
26Alex G
God Save The Animals

*approaching pitchfork odour*
25Regina Spektor
Home, Before and After

the promotion cycle this felt so protracted in its presence here that it getting BNM just felt like another formality

well, it *fell off the radar* so almost-immediately that this was a shit formality !

((will probably jam at some stage anyway))
Never Let Me Go

no fucking way does this band still exist in 2022
23Lack the Low

god-carrier more like garden centre bland artpop next
The Great American Novel





21Black Country, New Road
Ants From Up There

terrible antihype squad even worse superhype squad absolutely godawful rym connotations *frustratingly* good album supreme cringe
20Crippled Black Phoenix

nobody has ever made it the whole way through this in one sitting i refuse to believe any metabolism could handle that many hackneyed postrock tropes in one go
19Big Thief
Dragon New Warm Mountain I Believe in You

in which sputnik sluts out to
1) an ungodly mix of insufferable international hipsters whose powers of discernment are brutally spangled by the cognitive dissonance between their cosmopolitan crusades and incense bills, and the brooklyn basements they've been living in in the backs of their minds since approx birthday #12
2) idiot boomers who learned nothing from the White Album

will accept its one SOTY candidate as a saving grace
If My Wife New I'd Be Dead

don't you d a r e tell me this title/artwork combo belonged on the frontpage

extra salty at this because i expected it to have somehow become less mid between the time it dropped and the present day, but this was not the case. sput staff country strikes again, but the Worst Is Yet To Come
17Ben Quad
I'm Scared That's All There Is

16Charli XCX

okay this record is way too high and the artwork is bant


pretending it was best-anything is silly and must be japed at
The Unraveling of PUPTheBand

abysmally awful artwork
medicore production
desperate apologism over a colossal step down from a band who used to be one of the Best Bands and are now on the threshold of self-satirising mediocrity
enormous yikes

i know that the slowly-dying cohort of staff pop punkers have little enough to hold onto at the best of times (q rightly) but this is not a good look
It's Time...To Rise From the Grave


LET'S GO CAMPING *inbred midwestern tumbleweed noises intensify*
Here Comes The Devil

what the fuck is up with this site's kink for d a n g e r o u s religious-angst bois doing drippy edgeless edgy shit with the most strained screams you will ever hear shoehorned in for visceral measure zzz

this record has been released and BNM'd every year since TDAG get over your brand new fetish already
11Ethel Cain
Preacher's Daughter

ffs of course this elongated fanfiction abuse fantasy snoozer was payback for all the karma i racked up for going to war with its lazy winenoir mother lana del rey y'all have your attention span localised entirely in your cheap pathos

"though i aint gonna lie every time i read about fiction being framed as escapism its a bit of a sandpaper to the bollocks. also i may be missing something here but doesnt it clash a bit with the idea that the album's story was a way for the artist to process abuse etc"

this is the *real* reason park got banned; they could not handle his truth :[[
10Gang of Youths
Angel in Realtime

this one would be higher if anyone had any recollection of it having come out, but it getting a 5/5 review and hitting BNM cannot be forgotten so easily
Call To Arms and Angels

all length no girth where can i buy viagra for dysfunctional concept double album alternadisasters goodnight

hope the band sold this to billy corgan or some shit
Quantum Jumping

The sheer fact that this list exists and this *isn't* #1 tells you everything you need to know about the frankly diabolical standard we're dealing with from hereon
7Cosmic Putrefaction
Crepuscular Dirge for the Blessed Ones

Hahahahahaha yes this exists and people have listened to it peep that tracklist immediately
i don’t know who needs to hear this...

absolutely classic case of second-hand ripples from the Boygenius slumbersplash party somehow translating into site traction. probably the most offensively average record on the list

(quote my sister when we'd both heard it for the first time and i asked what rating it deserved - "whatever the perfect average of all ratings is, you do not need to think about this any further")

sometimes it really is all on the tin
5Porcupine Tree

band returns with the most by-numbers comeback imaginable epitomising all their stalest tendencies and of course the old guard of 21stC prog laps it right up

conclusive proof that there's been sod all else for them to wave compliments at in the last however many years
4White Ward
False Light

you can forcefeed me as many cornball saxophones as you like, but there's just no getting around that this kind of cheeseass crescendocore blackgaze is way beyond its honeymoon period and has wrought enough disappointment on the world already

not the worst metal of the year but up with the most tasteless (just be glad Lorna Shore missed BNM lmao)
3Noah Cyrus
The Hardest Part

I knocked this down one solitary place out of respect for how impossible this state of affairs would have been even three or four years ago

But we are literally platforming handkerchief fodder from the closest thing possible to an actual industry plant here and getting dangerously close to erasing the mountain of difference between celebrity struggles and tragic universals here. C'mon guys...
2The Wonder Years
The Hum Goes on Forever

I wasn't really sure which order to put #2 and #1 as they are equally salient indictments on two complementary qualities that define a significant proportion of Sputnik as #what #it #is

the lesson from this one is that the site is riddled with maladjusted 15 y/os who have been frozen at that age since the moment they reached it, stuck in vampire form and preying on other people's nostalgia and emotional maximalism (not in any circumstance to be confused with depth)

thoughts n prayers etc
1Zach Bryan
American Heartbreak

...whereas this engorged extravaganza of vapid commercial country cliches for faceless *sensitives* the [american] world over is more of a concerning reminder that those of you who have somehow managed to get older have absolutely zero filter for the most facile twee bullshit and will likely go to your graves square in the belief that Walt Disney really did create the american soul, only to wake up in a special realm of naive purgatory brutally overpopulated by other unsuccessful would-be extras for John Hughes movies. this kind of country needs to die immediately thank you

the reason it is #1 is because it's a newer trend and therefore more concerning thanks for reading please log off forever
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