JohnnyoftheWell: SPUT ROYALE: FINAL (results)

JohnnyoftheWell 09.29.21	Spoilers. A total of 68 ballots were cast in the final. Thank you to everyone who cast them. A detailed breakdown of statistics and shocker will be coming shortly. Good game, fuckers.
parksungjoon 09.29.21	cool
Demon of the Fall 09.29.21	Unwound won, I just know it to be true.
GhandhiLion 09.29.21	Husker Du
Demon of the Fall 09.29.21	Husker Don't (is actually a song by...?)
JohnnyoftheWell 09.29.21	melt-banana
Demon of the Fall 09.29.21	correct (... ? )
dedex 09.29.21	loved being part of the cmotitty
Bedex 09.29.21	you did use the Flood art woop amazing!! Nicely done my lad
Demon of the Fall 09.29.21	is that short for something dirty [d]edex?
Sinternet 09.29.21	HOLY BASED BORIS WIN
JesperL 09.29.21	him tecker? !
SteakByrnes 09.29.21	Boris won pog
Storm In A Teacup 09.29.21	Bonus round winner vs Hopesfall! 😊
AlexKzillion 09.29.21	who's boris?
LeddSledd 09.29.21	more like Snore-is!!
Demon of the Fall 09.29.21	Someone Still Loves You Boris Johnson
Pheromone 09.29.21	Fiona apple was robed
botulist 09.29.21	ABBA
kkarron 09.29.21	"Husker Don't (is actually a song by...?)" Rightningu! Bortuuu!
DadKungFu 09.29.21	Wondering if a female artist version of this would be a good idea given they ended up being pretty underrepresented overall and they tend to get eliminated early. Good Royale this year, can't say I'm unhappy with any of the results
CottonSalad 09.29.21	I'm very pleased that Mr. Hecker has been represented through due process.
CottonSalad 09.29.21	(5/5 video)
anarchistfish 09.29.21	better luck next year zoomers
evilford 09.29.21	Explosions yeah
evilford 09.29.21	Boris is not my president
Colton 09.29.21	incel metalcore wins over rhythm and creativity yayyy
SteakByrnes 09.29.21	of all the genres to choose from you pick one that Boris has never been lol nice
CottonSalad 09.29.21	yeah....im outta here before this gets any worse
Space Jester 09.29.21	“Wondering if a female artist version of this would be a good idea given they ended up being pretty underrepresented overall and they tend to get eliminated early. Good Royale this year, can't say I'm unhappy with any of the results” Well the most well-known Boris member is a girl, does that count
Colton 09.29.21	I honestly feel like sputnik appreciates women in music a lot
Space Jester 09.29.21	Colton was I’m gonna pretend the “incel metalcore” comment was you trying to get a rise out of people or else you might actually get a rise out of me!!!
Colton 09.29.21	put Boris on the next time you're about to get laid and tell me how it goes
DadKungFu 09.29.21	If we're going by that metric, put on Talking Heads and see how it goes
Colton 09.29.21	I used to live somewhere where you could probably get away with playing Take Me To The River, but probably only the Big Mouth Billy Bass version
Space Jester 09.29.21	“put Boris on the next time you're about to get laid and tell me how it goes” Well my wife went to see Boris with me so I think I’m doing alright there, besides Boris has so much stuff for all kinds of different moods that finding some fuck music wouldn’t be hard. Have you ever even listened to them lol
Space Jester 09.29.21	Man I should put on Flood II next time, that’s some mood music right there
Colton 09.29.21	"Well my wife went to see Boris with me so I think I’m doing alright there" that just means you're both metalhead incels so it cancels out like bedmas or whatever
tectactoe 09.29.21	Wow, video was the most confusing and worthless thing I've ever wasted two minutes on. Congratulations on mishandling even the most rudimentary of tasks!
Space Jester 09.29.21	Colton got bullied by a metalhead in school this is my theory
Colton 09.29.21	being a metalhead is just a product of having been bullied for being one of those kids who sits in the hallway on their DS during lunch
Sinternet 09.29.21	not even false lol
CottonSalad 09.29.21	"being" is just a "product", "man"...
Uzumaki 09.29.21	Man, Colton sounds as if he needs Bengay with the amount of reaches and straining he’s doing here.
Colton 09.29.21	one of my favourite bands just lost to fuckin Boris and you expect me to not ruin the thread? let me grieve
Colton 09.29.21	love the common metalhead circlejerk you see on reddit about how metalheads are actually super nice and friendly and how if there's someone in a mosh pit who is uncomfortable or scared being there they actually won't go hard on them or hurt them, as if them not slamming their smelly bodies into random civilians at concerts is worthy of admiration
Uzumaki 09.29.21	Grieve? Sure, feel free. Ruin the thread? Nah man, that ain’t cool. And before you get rankled, I like both bands here.
SteakByrnes 09.29.21	crying pissbaby alert in thread you hate to see it
Colton 09.29.21	johnny ruined the integrity of sputnik I ruin the thread. yin and yang bro
Uzumaki 09.29.21	How did Johnny ruin the integrity? And don’t say fuckin Hopesfall…
JesperL 09.29.21	don't forget to drop a like and turn notifications on!
Uzumaki 09.29.21	Anthony Fantano, Forever.
Colton 09.29.21	he allowed for this to happen, basically enabling all of you. he also blatantly tampered with the matchmaking process and incorrectly counted votes
Uzumaki 09.29.21	Oh my gosh, Bengay can’t save you now. I’m done here.
Space Jester 09.29.21	The band I like more won so that’s the only important thing here
Pikazilla 09.29.21	Cry more, plebs
SteakByrnes 09.29.21	simply vote harder
Space Jester 09.29.21	It’s especially good since Colton is so unhappy about it
MercySeat 09.29.21	Boris had a soft road!
AlexKzillion 09.29.21	Is Colton implying that the 2021 Sput Royale™ was rigged?
Trifolium 09.29.21	You're ALL winners in my eyes 😍🏆🥇
nol 09.29.21	voter frog
nol 09.29.21	put the Talking Heads on the next time you're about to get laid and tell me how it goes
Colton 09.29.21	I already responded to that the Big Mouth Billy Bass version of Take Me To The River would 100% get you laid in Lindsay. Boris, despite the overwhelming whiteness of the population, would not
SteakByrnes 09.29.21	The winners should not be allowed in future royales imo tbh
Pikazilla 09.29.21	Kendrick Lamar and Frank Ocean should not be allowed in future royales imo tbh [2]
Ryus 09.29.21	frank ocean>boris
Ryus 09.29.21	boris is prob my least fave artist in the top 8. theyre not bad tho
SteakByrnes 09.29.21	i did not say that and you know it pika you are putting words into mouths that are full of righteousness
Space Jester 09.29.21	Colton is the dancing kid http://youtu.be/4e0BOZ3PUgw
SteakByrnes 09.29.21	lmao
Colton 09.29.21	every metalhead on sputnik shaking with rage because the girls at the bar weren't impressed by their growling https://mirror.fro.wtf/reddit/post/3197800
Colton 09.29.21	honestly Burning Down The House is mid tier as far as Heads songs go
JohnnyoftheWell 09.29.21	tbqh Frank Ocean's game both yrs was weak, maybe he is done here and the top 8 was strong enough that most rankings are good rankings, except those that don't have Isis and Massive Attack in the bottom 2 let's be real also no shade on Byrne but jfc that's not a voice you get laid to (and I believe it shows here). press X to make colton unshit his pants
SteakByrnes 09.29.21	thought you were talking about me for a sec and was gonna fist fight you in dms
Colton 09.29.21	how many fckn times do I have to clarify that I meant the Big Mouth Billy Bass version it's like you guys aren't even familiar with Big Mouth Billy Bass
Ryus 09.29.21	al green version>
evilford 09.29.21	Colton Please Log off Get help
Colton 09.29.21	fucking traitor
JohnnyoftheWell 09.29.21	steak we literally made a baby last night i would never
Colton 09.29.21	wow and I thought I was the one that ruined the thread
evilford 09.29.21	I mean, it was already fubar
JohnnyoftheWell 09.29.21	i spy one whiny incel amidst a sea of fertile bromances you brought this on yourself now eat some fibre and ask your folks who was on the radio at your moment of conception
evilford 09.29.21	It was talking heads Im your real dad colton You're welcome
CottonSalad 09.29.21	Probably Meat Loaf tbh…Bat out of Hell is my inner life
Colton 09.29.21	listening to a male voice during sex is mad sus
evilford 09.29.21	Plz elaborate
Colton 09.29.21	music is heard through your ears. so you literally have a dude inside you while youre fucking. if you wanna get pegged just say that
evilford 09.29.21	I'm afraid it's too late for you, my friend
Space Jester 09.29.21	Not if I listen to a Boris song that has Wata singing
JohnnyoftheWell 09.29.21	yeah discounting flood 2, les Paul custom is probs the best sheet creaser between either band (altho talk about a low stakes game lmao)
DoofDoof 09.29.21	But Barry White is too large to fit inside my head
evilford 09.29.21	Colton, I would like to inform you that, over the last year, the number of posts you have made that have made me want to jump into oncoming traffic has far surpassed all like posts from other users combined, all-time. Congratulations and well done
JohnnyoftheWell 09.29.21	and there are more sus things than dude's voice, my ex and i once did it to the first 2 mins of a David chaim smith/John zorn drone piece that we'd accidentally left on infinite repeat and couldn't be bothered to changed. that shit was sus
evilford 09.29.21	Anyways I've tried with a couple exes playing music while we did the thing. Ultimately it was an afterthought and I didn't really even notice it. I like to focus on the "task at hand". Music just seemed like a distraction. Although I've never tried gorguts in the bedroom. Maybe the shit is fire idk
Space Jester 09.29.21	With their flesh they’ll create …a child
Colton 09.29.21	“I like to focus on the "task at hand".” yep unfortunately that’s what most metalheads have to resort to
Space Jester 09.29.21	Colton what does that mean
someone 09.29.21	really hoped those would be two different links showing two contradictory results
JohnnyoftheWell 09.29.21	stop 🛑 making sense
Colton 09.29.21	also thank you evilford I am glad that the many men who died in wars to allow for a free society in which the ingenuity of man allows for technology that I can use to digitally induce cringe in all of you did not die in vain
evilford 09.29.21	Colton is just mad that I'm his dad
evilford 09.29.21	You're alright colton
Colton 09.29.21	that’s all i’ve ever wanted to hear. i am at peace now
Space Jester 09.29.21	Colton listen to Boris with me
Colton 09.29.21	i actually like the Nick Drake cover one and listened to roughly 2/3 of the way too long first song on another one and didn’t like it
JohnnyoftheWell 09.29.21	who knew that under an hr of music could cause so many shit takes huh now get your trunks on and get over to jester's
JohnnyoftheWell 09.29.21	also now there is a description yay
evilford 09.29.21	I agree with Johnny's proposition
Avagantamos 09.29.21	linkin park will be back for vengeance next year!
ArsMoriendi 09.30.21	Talking Heads - always a bridesmaid, never a bride
Space Jester 09.30.21	Damn Boris won by a lot more than I thought lol
sometimes 09.30.21	neat now never do this again
JustJoe. 09.30.21	mbv
Uzumaki 09.30.21	I say we all pull for Tiny Tim to steamroll next year’s royale, thus barring Talking Heads for at least another year.
FadedSun 09.30.21	"listening to a male voice during sex is mad sus" Barry White has entered the chat
Divaman 09.30.21	Barf.
Kompys2000 09.30.21	Might fuck around and buy feedbacker on bambdcamp to celebrate a hard-won victory
Conmaniac 09.30.21	Sputnikmusic music still high off that 90s hash
kalkwiese 09.30.21	This was fun
Trifolium 09.30.21	Boris stinks!
Storm In A Teacup 09.30.21	I’m drunk enough to make a slut royal bonus round Boris vs Hopesfall but I’ll save it for next year if they still don’t make it on the rounds.
Storm In A Teacup 09.30.21	Say your Johnny’s now. 🙌 👼
nightbringer 09.30.21	Although I'm not crazy on Boris, this is a much more interesting result than last year. Boris feels like a genuinely Sput choice whereas Floyd could have been any generic music outlet's pick. I wish we could exclude such obviously canonical bands like Floyd from the royale. I'm not sure how best to determine which bands count in that category but I feel like the royale would be more interesting if it could be done. It's a bit like how the Bible is excluded from best seller lists because it would always win. Granted the problem here isn't that such bands always win. Boris came out ahead of a canonical artist like Bowie. But still, those canonical artists inevitably take out a chunk of the competition. And when they do so, it's just not that interesting.
nightbringer 09.30.21	Maybe an artist gets banned if it is included in the Rolling Stone mag's top 50 or something.
Trifolium 09.30.21	"Maybe an artist gets banned if it is included in the Rolling Stone mag's top 50 or something." This would actually maybe be a good decision!
Demon of the Fall 09.30.21	Wow, nightbringer nailed it with that criteria. I'll admit that Boris winning was cool in a Sput demographic/wider popularity kind of way. Floyd is painfully 'standard'. I also get the feeling people vote for a lot of their favourites even if they've heard nothing from the artist they're up against, similarly people like to vote against certain artists, maybe (well some people just admit it, so yeah it's a thing).
DoofDoof 09.30.21	If Boris can win then literally anyone can win, I don’t understand calling for a rule/criteria change. About as obscure/unlikely a second winner as could be imagined.
Demon of the Fall 09.30.21	Yes, but why was the first winner so obvious? Small sample size I guess. Maybe just ban previous winners from competing.
DoofDoof 09.30.21	Pink Floyd didn’t compete this time :/
nightbringer 09.30.21	Boring, canonical artists don't have to win the entire thing to nevertheless produce some boring results along the way.
JohnnyoftheWell 09.30.21	previous winners are always banned, but imma add nirvana and radiohead to that list just to ensure that doof has no-one to vote for i think the Point behind nightbringer's comment is a good one and should defs inform future selections to a certain extent, but things get kinda muddy when universal popularity rly does overlap with site-specific preferences. Bowie, for instance, got as far as he did in large part bc a load of people here individually adore him, and i'd be hesitant to take him out purely as an anti-canon measure as such. same goes for radiohead and the national etc - sure, they have critical and commercial clout on their side, but no-one's forcing half the users on this site to 5 em. that said (and no promises just now), but i'm defs in favour of curbing popular acts with limited site traction like rush and u2 in favour of more viable niche-ish picks; was good to see, say, carissa's wierd and stereolab make headway this time around. will have to be case by case, but we'll do our best to see that each tourno has a more interesting pool of artists people will positively vote for than the year before (ofc with the occasional sadism picks)
Pheromone 09.30.21	can next year be fiona apple only
nightbringer 09.30.21	Sounds good Johnny, thanks for organising this!
Pheromone 09.30.21	oh man like 8 years into this we can have a sputcore-off ultimate sputcore, get it in your diaries
DoofDoof 09.30.21	Johnny - I’d actually rated at least one album by all the bands included this time I think If I had a golden bullet pick I’d have gone for Fugazi (if not Husker Du?) with these entries. Listened to both bands a lot this year in particular, and The Cure too but they are maybe a bit too uneven If I had a wild card golden bullet then The The no question
JohnnyoftheWell 09.30.21	Fugazi sputcore champs is a brand i can back tbh The The are too underloved (inc by me RIP), but if we're talking semi-sputcred old bands that my dad loves, Prefab Sprout could work next yr hmmm gonna watch the TRENDS like a shitehawk for the following yr and keep a sporadically maintained list of that-could-works instead of overrelying on isolated individual favs on the nomination ballots next yr
DoofDoof 09.30.21	Are Brand New banned from next year?
JohnnyoftheWell 09.30.21	tbc, but unless the tide of opinion turns even further against them to the point that they're a stronger lesser-of-two-evils match contestant, i have no issue with omitting them. will depend on the comiteieia ig
Pheromone 09.30.21	i hate brand new
Gyromania 10.01.21	Haha yeah fking right talking heads loses to boris. Smdh
Sinternet 10.01.21	i agree with nightbringers suggestion tbh the point of this I always thought was to shine light on artists that are particularly loved on sput, at least more so than in the general canon of western music. when you have artists like pink floyd, rush, talking heads and included which are sung the praises of and lauded everywhere it takes away from the fact it s supposed to be about this site in particular. removing any artist on the rolling stones top 50 as suggested would still allow plenty of widely popular artists from different eras, but means that the actual identity of the site can be a bit more prominent.
BillyBrill 10.01.21	Talking Heads got into the finals both years right?? Honorary Hall of Fame tbh
FadedSun 10.01.21	"removing any artist on the rolling stones top 50 as suggested would still allow plenty of widely popular artists from different eras, but means that the actual identity of the site can be a bit more prominent." This is why I kept being annoying about Coltrane being on the list, even if it was cool to a see jazz artist in the mix. Dude needs no recognition anywhere. He's a jazz legend.
DadKungFu 10.02.21	Fair, but what underappreciated jazz artist would even have a chance on this thing?