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Last Active 11-25-17 12:46 pm
Joined 03-25-09

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Trying To Press Onward

i'd like to share the story of my life these last 6 months with you. my life has become impossibly difficult and i think it's important in these times of grief to reach out for some help. i had been living with my grandmother for the past 5 years as her caretaker until about 5 months ago. she was diagnosed with breast cancer that quickly metastasized to her lungs and other organs. the only solace i can take in her death is that it happened very quickly. after that i moved back in with my mother to help rebuild our house and our family. my mother was very distraught by my nana's passing and had been sick for many years prior to that. unable to take care of herself due to having fibromyalgia and osteoarthritis, i became her caretaker for a brief period. fast-forward two months and my family receives the terrible news that my father had died all alone in his apartment due to an overdose. i'd struggled for years to help him. he was a great man once - a giant of a man, a trusted confidant and an exceptional role model. my mother was ruined. the news of his passing was hard for us all to bear, but she went on a downward spiral that i couldn't even begin to get into. after a couple months of struggling to get her off of dilaudid and other hard meds that she'd been abusing, she finally agreed. a month off of the bad shit and things were starting to look up for our family. i told her i'd help her pick up the pieces and rebuild, said that we'd make it and father's legacy would live on. and then, about a week ago, things went to hell. i found myself going from watching a comedy with my sister in the basement to kissing my mother on the forehead and saying goodbye an hour later. she relapsed and took her meds and they killed her. i was in the room with her the moment she died. i watched the life drain from her eyes and tried several times to no avail to bring her back. on top of all of this grief, there's financials. my mother didn't have mortgage insurance, and so the bank will be here in 2-4 weeks to repossess the house. i'm now burdened not only with trying to somehow find the strength to move on emotionally, but move out the entire contents of a house into storage and figure out how to live without any money. shameful though i think this is, i opted to start a "gofundme" page ( i've always enjoyed this community and writing has been a positive outlet for me in these times of trouble. i turn to this community now for help -- not even necessarily in the form of a donation, but perhaps just spreading the word. this list is a small collection of albums that i enjoyed listening to with my nana, mother, and father. though i'm an atheist, a part of me hopes they're someplace else. at any rate, their suffering is over.
2Fleetwood Mac
3Frank Sinatra
In The Wee Small Hours
5Jeff Buckley
Sketches for My Sweetheart the Drunk
Back in Black
7The Beatles
Rubber Soul
The Joshua Tree
9Prefab Sprout
Steve McQueen
10Fleetwood Mac
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