Weezer
The Teal Album


2.0
poor

Review

by Nathaniel USER (31 Reviews)
January 24th, 2019 | 77 replies


Release Date: 2019 | Tracklist

Review Summary: Still Cruisin'

I make it no secret that I am a hardcore Weezer fan. They're my number 3 favorite band of all time. I've listened ad nausum, to all of their music, and I can safely say that I've enjoyed all of it, save for a few choice songs. With Weezer's Teal Album however, all I can do is shrug and say "still cruising". While this description applies really well, I mean it in a more literal sense. Way back when, Rivers described his band as "the beach boys with marshall stacks", and I am constantly struck with how accurate this tag is, not just sonically but with their career as well. Rivers is very much like Brian Wilson; quirky, wierd, and forever obsessed with crafting the perfect pop song, and most if not all of Weezer's albums are solid analogies for Beach Boys albums (Pinkerton = smiley smile and Songs from the black hole is SMiLE for example). Which brings me back to my description of the Teal album as Still Cruisin.

Basically, The Teal album is Weezer's still cruisin'. A collection of covers and old standards, led by the band's biggest hit in over a decade, ultimately ending up as a schmaltzy practice in nostalgia. Like Still Cruisin, the teal album is easily its author's worst work, forgettable and completely unnecessary. Save for maybe Happy Together, none of the songs have any of that classic Weezer charm of pitch perfect harmonies backed with punchy, chunky, distorted power chords. All of the songs are straightforward covers what are often so identical to the original, like with Paranoid and Mr. Blue Sky, it feels like a high school cover band covering their favorite classic pop songs at the school's Sadie Hawkins dance. It's just a playlist of the most basic 80s karaoke jamz sung by Rivers Cuomo. So save yourself the half hour of listening this and do yourself a favor by just sticking to the originals. And remember to pray to whatever god you believe in that the black album will be Weezer's That's why God Made The Radio.



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2.6
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Comments:Add a Comment 
theNateman
January 24th 2019


3609 Comments

Album Rating: 2.0

Half assed and unproofread, just like the album.

BigPleb
January 24th 2019


57460 Comments


This is a smart business move.

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AgentDeathbat
January 24th 2019


9596 Comments

Album Rating: 2.0

what the fuck is this hahahahaha

Digging: Attalus - Into the Sea

Dewinged
Contributing Reviewer
January 24th 2019


15057 Comments

Album Rating: 3.0

Well that was quick. I dig some of the covers, or maybe its just that the originals are too good to fuck them up.

Digging: Deafkids - MetaprogramašŃo

mryrtmrnfoxxxy
January 24th 2019


14996 Comments

Album Rating: 5.0

best dag of my life

Rowan5215
Staff Reviewer
January 24th 2019


41399 Comments

Album Rating: 3.3 | Sound Off

foxxxy sighting in the wild

Lucman
January 24th 2019


2108 Comments

Album Rating: 2.0

I can see this becoming a 5 with time. Yeah.

Digging: Emily Scott Robinson - Traveling Mercies

Ev1lToaster
January 24th 2019


184 Comments


Can we just be real for a second here and not act like Weezer haven't been putting out great content for the last several years? Actually excited for this.

Ev1lToaster
January 24th 2019


184 Comments


People act like Make Believe and Raditude are their only two albums post-their classics, meanwhile basically everything in their canon barring those 2 albums ranges from great to classic.

botb
January 24th 2019


12681 Comments


What in the fuck is that TLC cover hahahah

Edit: never mind Billie Jean is even worse

mryrtmrnfoxxxy
January 24th 2019


14996 Comments

Album Rating: 5.0

classic band covers classic songs, classic album. fucking fucks imo

zakalwe
January 24th 2019


26680 Comments


Best.User.Ever

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DoofDoof
January 24th 2019


2162 Comments


The Hangover Part IV: Miami Beach

Digging: Jungst÷tter - Love Is

SowingSeason
Moderator
January 24th 2019


29864 Comments

Album Rating: 2.5

I thought this was a joke review at first



Turns out it's a very real joke album

Bloon
Contributing Reviewer
January 24th 2019


2559 Comments

Album Rating: 2.5

so happy tOGETHER

Digging: Woody Guthrie - My Dusty Roads

RivalSkoomaDealer
January 24th 2019


1626 Comments

Album Rating: 3.0

GUYS



It's gonna be okay.

Digging: Obliteration - Cenotaph Obscure

Nap
January 24th 2019


8 Comments

Album Rating: 1.5

A bunch of carbon copies of songs that were already covered everywhere. So lazy... my expectations for The Black Album just gets lower

Ebola
January 24th 2019


3505 Comments

Album Rating: 3.0 | Sound Off

the Billie Jean cover fucks honestly. sweet dreams is great too

LebowskiRams
January 24th 2019


20 Comments

Album Rating: 2.5

It's a fun album, y'all are just mean.



No Scrubs is legitimately great

ChaoticVortex
January 24th 2019


752 Comments

Album Rating: 3.5

I dunno I had fun with this record. Billie Jean and Sweet Dreams are damn good, and even the Black Sabbath one wasn't cringy. For me that was the No Scrubs cover.



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