Review Summary: "If you actually bought it, well, joke's on you."
Why have we all fallen for the same ploy Weezer’s used since 2001’s ultimate failure, Green? It can only be used so many times (all the talk of changing sound, that is…), and since Rivers has been flapping his mouth about how this new, eponymous (shocker, huh?) album would be different than past albums. Ever since the cluster**** of the pop/emo disaster Make Believe, Weezer has taken a slide down most rock fan’s charts. Simply, Weezer just isn’t relevant anymore-and what a shame it is for this pioneering power pop band to be reduced to such mediocre albums and singles. Weezer’s Red album could have changed all that-but as we’ve learned so many times before, all talk, no results.
But, honestly, if Rick Rubin couldn’t have pulled Weezer back to earth with Make Believe, what makes you think Rubin and Jacknife Lee could have? Simply, the fault in today’s generation of Weezer is the fact that Rivers Cuomo isn’t in the same state of mind. He was all ugly emo/depressed back in the days of the classics Blue and Pinkerton. Simply, Cuomo’s riding high, rambling on and on about how he’s not like other rock stars. “I’m the baddest of the bad/I’m the best you’ve ever had”, “Timberland knows how to reach the top of the charts/Maybe if I work with him I can perfect the art.” Which the latter I actually find quite hypocritical since the massive pop hit Beverly Hills was
all that was on radio back in 2005. Talking about how you don’t follow any trend isn’t cool anymore, Rivers; it’s time to move on. And that’s where Red’s downfall occurs-lyrical quality is atrocious.
Normally lyrics are just a bit of gloss on a highly polished rock song. However, on Red, they’ve, well, you know, the same old lame style. What do you expect a post-Maladroit Weezer song to contain lyrically? Exactly. That’s what you’re going to get. Cuomo’s not like any other rock star, and that’s what you hear for ten songs. It gets quite stale, by, hell, "Pork and Beans". But also it’s just gotten so lovably lame for Rivers over the years that every lyric has gotten so commercially accessible, shallow, and fake that it’s tiring as hell. “I’m a troublemaker/Never been a faker/Doing things my own way/And never giving up” he wails in "Troublemaker", “They say I need some Rogaine to put in my hair” only works the first time you’ve stated it. That’s what makes Weezer’s Red album so stale.
But they do deserve some props-it’s cleanly produced, it’s creative, fairly experimental, and has some solid songs here and there. But, really, outside of "The Greatest Man That Ever Lived" and "Pork and Beans", nothing on the album is
worth listening to again. The first time you listen to the album, it’s a fairly enjoyable listen. But after you go back and want to listen to a few tracks, you’ll end up asking yourself “What the heck do I listen to now?”. Hell, even Green had a more than a few tracks worth going back to. Red’s got two, maybe three, depending on how pansy you view "Heart Songs" (which is an alright track).
There was a bit of excitement when "Pork and Beans" splashed onto radio-it’s certain Blue feel attracted me, while it’s Make Believe-style lyrics deterred me. Still, I was damn well anticipating the album. Beyond "Troublemaker’s" blatantly ripped riff (eerily reminiscent to Pinkerton’s The Good Life), the painfully horrid Thought I Knew, or the random rapid-fire pace of "Everybody Get Dangerous", Red is easily quite an ugly listen the whole way through. Thought I Knew, the worst Weezer song potentially of all time, is the most forgettable, bland, unattractive track ever written since Limp Bizkit ruled the airwaves. Awkward drum machine loops, horrendous vocals, and a terribly un-memorable chorus all makes it quite ugly. "Everybody Get Dangerous" is just Rivers unsuccessfully rapping at fast speeds to awkward verses and disjointed riffs. Don’t even start complaining about lyrics, “What’s with these homies dissing my girls?” is easily a much more matured and talented lyric than any single line of "Everybody Get Dangerous" (including the
Boo-yahs).
It could have been worse-at least they tried. It’s not cheap post Blink-182 pop punk like Make Believe, but it's just an awkward album. You may ask, "How is an album awkward?" Don’t ask me, listen to the album. It makes you unsure if this is where Rivers intended the album to sound upon final release. From the blatantly commercial single "Troublemaker", it goes to the rather surprisingly good modern-day Bohemian Rhapsody "The Greatest Man Who Ever Lived" which actually showcases Rivers rapping-well. "Pork and Beans" is just El Scorcho v2, but at this point the album is still tolerable. The rest is an absolute ugly mess of tracks thrown together with no rhyme or reason, and leaving you to wonder “Why did I waste my internet bandwidth downloading this album?”.
If you
actually bought it, well, joke's on you.
Weezer R.I.P.
