Just Tim.

Soundoffs 29
News Articles 1
Band Edits + Tags 9
Album Edits 13

Album Ratings 1456
Objectivity 74%

Last Active 07-29-22 11:10 am
Joined 07-29-22

Review Comments 4,127

04.02.24 Current LP collection (April challenge?02.27.24 Rec me the WORST album EVER (March of M
01.24.24 Unwound ranked01.19.24 To Review
01.03.24 Ministry, but RANKED12.01.23 Tim's 2024 Live Music Itinerary
10.13.23 Fav 30 death metal albums09.25.23 GRΣΣK MUZAK
08.30.23 Yo LA Tengo RANKEDDD08.08.23 Rec me nostalgia-core
07.30.23 Record player recs / advice / discussio07.26.23 Tim's 2023 Live Music Itinerary
06.24.23 Final Dead & Company Boston show tomorr01.17.23 Rec me music based on these v2
12.09.22 Rec me music based on this09.25.22 Godflesh ranked
09.06.22 Rec me Noise

Rec me the WORST album EVER (March of Masochism)

Title says it, and you know the drill. Rec the album you believe is the worst album ever, is your least favorite album for whatever reason, has absolutely no artistic merit, etc etc. and I will listen to it start to finish (unless its something like the Merzbox or likewise) and give it an honest "review" (blurb) in the list entry. Will do one a day, and one rec per person but will take more if I end up catching up
1Maroon 5
2Rings of Saturn
Rings of Saturn
3Highly Suspect

March 1st
rec'd by Zac124

I went ahead and listened to Highly Suspect's first two LPs prior to this, and while those two albums were closer to 40 minutes..why does this one need to be an hour?? The first track is easily the least enjoyable song I've heard from the band, but there are some redeemable moments on this. 16 is boppable to an extent and I did actually enjoy Canals. Certainly ambitious and fairly diverse in comparison to their previous release, The Boy Who Died Wolf (worst album title of all time contender?), but the execution doesn't always stick the landing. Some of the features on this are interesting to say the least, and the decision to put the Young Thug feature directly before the Gojira one was a mood (a horrid one, also easily the worst I've ever heard Gojira sound). The current avg of 1.9 may be a little harsh, but the negative reception to the album is certainly justifiable and the length of it makes for a tedious listen.

Final rating: 2.5
4Lil Xan

March 2nd
rec'd by TheManMachine

Alright, now we're rolling. Absolutely abhorrent and damn near not one redeemable second on this album. The only ones that come to mind are the Charli XCX feature and Color Blind, but they only offer a wiff of relief due to how much of a garbage heap the rest of this album is. Beyond laughable lyrics, repetative basslines, uninspired beats, and, uhh... REALLY laughable lyrics. His live performances are equally comedic.

Final rating: 1.0

March 3rd
rec'd by bighubbabuddha

Skins is not nearly as unlistenable as as TOTAL XANARCHY, but it surely has its comparable moments. It does, at the very least, have the decency of being just under 20 minutes, so there's a plus. Skins also starts of not horrid, some beats here and there that I could bop along to. It doesn't take long though for it to begin a nosedive that it never recovers from. "BAD!" is, would you believe it, quite bad. Following this track is "STARING AT THE SKY" which is an easy contender for worst song of all time. Kanye's feature on "One Minute" further exemplifies why I believe he's one of the worst popular lyricists ever and Travis Barker's drumming does little to salvage the wreckage. All in all, Skins is a 20 minute low-effort discombobulated mess that seems to serve only the purpose of grabbing a few last-minute bucks off of XXXTENTACION's name.

Final rating: 1.5
The Forest Seasons

March 4th
rec'd by Hawks

I knew going into this that it couldn't be the WORST music of all time, but I'll take any chance I can to dunk on Jari Mäenpää. From making absolutely mid metal to constantly falling short on promises to his fans to crowdfunding a studio with a fucking sauna, he's deservedly become one of the metal scene's favorite punching bags. The Forest Seasons is not significantly worse or better than Time I, but it is hard to draw comparisons between the two. Time I is riddled with filler and seems far less inspired overall, while The Forest Seasons lacks much of the punch and some of the neoclassical influences that made the band remotely interesting to begin with. It's certainly less technical than its predecessors, but what I find most off-putting here is the lopsided mixing (who thought a snare that sounds like a spoon against tupperware was a good idea?). I won't find myself listening to this again, but wanted to hate it more than I did. Fuck you Jari.

Rating: 2.5
7Polly Bradfield
Solo Violin Improvisations

March 5th
rec'd by cylinder

The artwork for this album is a young child standing on a step-ladder sawing off a large branch from a tree. That image alone easily sums up the album better than any write-up I could offer. Solo Violin Improvisations is merely a collection of brief and awkwardly spaced spastic violin movements that are devoid of nearly any melody and could serve as an alternate soundtrack to Yorgos Lanthimos' "The Lobster". It's both creative and nonsensical. Plenty of moments on this are exciting and have me thinking "yeah, yeah, more of that!", but these instances are heavily diluted by plucks, creaks, shrills, and other improvisations that bring me back to the days of my childhood when I would play with my sister's violin while nobody was around. What else can I say? I certainly didn't love it, but I also didn't hate it.

Rating: 2.5
8Missing Andy
Generation Silenced

March 6th
rec'd by DoofDoof

Rec me the WORST album EVER (March
Do Your Worst: search for the worst
Search for the worst 1/5

At first while listening to this, I started contemplating just how desensitized I am to generic indie pop. The first half of this, had it been a mini-album or a long EP, could have easily cleared a 2.5. Starting with "Indie Kids" though, it takes a violent nosedive into unsalvageable atrocities. Constant easy-grab rhymes, horrible rapping, mundane instrumentation, lyrics that could be written by a 4th grader - it's all here and it's horrendous. "Landfill Indie" doesn't even begin to describe this nuclear garbage heap.

Rating: 1.5
9Etienne Sin
The Art of Stealing Hearts

March 7th
rec'd by ArsMoriendi and Scoot(?)

First song starts and first thought that came to mind was this a poppier "No son, we have Alesana at home" type band that may have been something my high school self would have tolerated. Next song begins and I am thinking I have my rating locked in already, enjoying some of the guitars in spite however derivative they may be and getting a solid chuckle out of the lyrics and the vocalist's emphasis on certain phrases. Third song begins and I'm realizing I have thirty-three more minutes of this. Nothing changes. Nothing keeps it interesting. Nothing keeps it afloat in a "so bad it's good" way. The lyrics get worse. The vocals remain helpless and whiney. Oh good lord, these LYRICS!

I'm tired of thinking about this record. Indeed, this is in fact a 1.

Rating: What do I do, what do I do now? Should I tell her how I feel, should I tell her how I feel? Is it possible, that she could be with me? What do I do, what do I do now? Do I even have a
10Falling in Reverse
Fashionably Late

March 8th
rec'd by mkmusic1995

This is the album that had me realize how dumb of a list idea this was. I will still continue with it but good god there are some lows out there. I already hated everything Ronnie Radke related but this album has decimated figurative quality barriers in my mind that Etienne Sin had just engineered the day before. Now I just hate everything. One solid moment on this is the guitar solo on "Born To Lead which is, go figure, a feature by Rusty Cooly and has nothing to do with the band whatsoever. Good god, I just hate this.

Rating: 1.0
11Joshua Radin
The Ghost and the Wall

March 9th
rec'd by someone

Right after listening to a duo of Easycore final bosses, I'm thinking there should be a similar label for the movement of artists that skirt close to the styles most recognizable by acts like Iron And Wine and Sufjan Stevens with noticeably less effort and little inspiration done in a mom-rock fusion way. Like Easyfolk. This is Easyfolk. Instrumentally the album is pleasant yet unoriginal, while the vocals sound nearly as unmotivated as the stock photo lyrics they deliver. I can't say I felt as offended by the music as 'someone' was, but I will agree with a number of grievances in their soundoff. Discount bin easyfolk for sure.

Rating: 2
12Vantana Row

March 10th
rec'd by SlothcoreSam

Having done absolutely basic and minimal research I jumped head first into Vagina. And yeah fight me, there is some undeniable fire on this. 100% of that fire is Swiss cheesed by bad baaAAad vocals, absurd lyrics, lopsided and insane under-mixing, rapidly moving between ideas, the list goes on. But the fire is present! I had to research more just to see if this was a meme band or not, and what really caught my attention was their "live shows" where they roll up in an old tour van and the singer hops on top of the van and starts singing while the drummer stays in the back and starts playing, sometimes while looking incredibly fried out. All about that crust I guess. Also apparently the "first scientology hardcore band" ?¿(!) But yeah, this is bad. Absolutely needed to just end already twenty times over during its runtime.

Rating: 2
13Hello Kitty Suicide Club

March 11th
rec'd by arthropod


rating: 1.0
A Wonderful Life

March 12th
rec'd by FrozenFirebug

An insanely boring record. Definitely fits the descriptor of having "absolutely no artistic merit". And not only is it boring, it is LOOOONG. Within its hour and ten minute run-time, I found my ADHD kicking in at least four times where I was subconsciously pausing or changing the music because I just really, really didn't want to listen to it. This album takes so many bad and overdone ideas and makes them immensely flatter. I am convinced that AI could have made an album with more soul in it. A Wonderful Life sounds just like what a nu metal band still going in 2020 would sound like, while sounding... EXACTLY like what a nu metal band in 2020 would sound like. Sad thing is I probably know people who would think this was the greatest thing released that year.

Rating: 1.5
Die Rückkehr der dunklen Krieger

March 13th
rec'd by XyphDryne

The only thing worse than a black metal album is a black metal album that is supposedly one of the worst albums of all time. I'm definitely exaggerating black metal's lack of merit here. Or maybe I'm not. Certainly not a fan of the genre overall but there are plenty of albums I consider classic. This is not one of those albums. Given the option to pick an Andras album at random for this entry, I went with the one with the most ratings. What I uncovered was a collection of low effort imitation second-wave black metal. Some of the melodies and the doomier sections I can appreciate, but like many entries on this list it is destroyed by sickly vocals and horrible mixing especially regarding the drums (yes I am complaining about mixing on a black metal album). Won't be returning to Andras any time soon.. or ever

Rating: 2
16Hannah Diamond

March 14th
rec'd by JohnnyoftheWell

I see why Hannah Diamond is performing at the Sinclair tonight and not, well, anywhere else. Not that the Sinclair is a bad venue by any means; it's actually my favorite in the Boston area. It's just… small. It adds up that not many would want to see Diamond since like Johnny pointed out their music on Reflections is definitely NPC pop music. The lyrics are like diary scribbles from a Swiftie main character of a 2020s Netflix rom-com, layered on top of canned KISS-radio-esque pop beats. Very watered down contemporary young-adult pop. That said though, this album is not so offensively over-the-top NPC that it deserves to be scorned with a 1. It has some boppable moments, "Concrete Angel" being the first to come to mind. I'd compare this in many ways to Ocean Eyes by Owl City - nothing new and by no means quality songwriting, but the possibility to have a fun listening experience is there if you are willing.

Rating: 2.5
We Can't Dance

March 15th
rec'd by zoso33

I actually do have this rated at a 2 on my old account, but it's been some years since my last listen so why not put myself through it again? Could be worse, I could have to listen to Calling All Stations again.. But it is worse, actually, because over the past decade I've come to hate Phil Collins aside from his drumming. First two songs are fine, not great not horrible, solid 3 material. But there's another hour to go.. On to Driving the Last Spike" had me subconsciously trying to change the music several times. The t/t is a joke. "Tell Me Why" hilariously made me think of "Why" by Chat Pile. The rest of the album is forgettable in most ways, though "Fading" is oddly pleasing (maybe because it is the last song)

Rating: Still a 2
18They Might Be Giants

March 16th
rec'd by mryrtmrnfoxxxy

Not sure whether to be upset this was recommended as a worst album ever made or thankful and relieved that this was given a spot in the middle of the month so I could put some focus into an album I actually enjoyed. I am already a huge fan of similar artists like Ween so overly crisp mixing and whimsical lyrics don't bother me too much as long as the music holds up. Everything on this is incredible, though. Each song feels better than the last and does something the last one didn't. Funky instruments and fun vocal harmonies keep you on your toes. My favorite moment / song / whatever on this was easily "Minimum Wage", the second shortest song on the album but had me rolling nonetheless. I may need to do a deeper dive into their music now, particularly the two albums prior. You need to defend your hate of this album, Foxxy

Rating: 4.5

Music of the Spheres

March 17th
rec'd by Pangea

Usually I can stomach Coldplay fine, I stopped hearing anything new by them long ago though and the last album I heard by them didn't care for. First thing that catches my attention is that 5 tracks are titled with emojis and three of them are under a minute long and another has many features. That track, "♥", was enjoyable and maybe a highlight but didn't pack any real punch. Its overly enthusiastic tone looms heavy a lot of the time much like the rest of the album. The hits like "My Universe" which were meant to pack it are the reason I don't dedicate any thought to this band anymore. "Coloratura" was nice until it wasn't. Starting to feel like Hammock should have had their collab with Coldplay, it would have gotten equal reception but sounded far more natural. It's a Coldplay album that auto-played into an Explosions In The Sky song after, take that for what it's worth. Not my ish.

Rating: 2.0
20Unleashing My Demons

March 18th
rec'd by splinter

I did sneak a preview of this at the start of the month so I knew a little of what to expect. Didn't know quite how disingenuous it was originally though instead of sounding like eager but painfully unambitious high school students in band-mode. It's hard to tell if self-aware or not - everybody went through a phase of garage band emo / core jams (right?). The comedic value of this going into it was great but wore off real quick. The lyrics really tie the room together. An album of (no(?)) effort wasted. A true 1.

Rating: 1
21Six Feet Under
Bringer of Blood

March 19th
rec'd by BAT

Oh wow, those vocals. The dude who gargled "Hammer Smashed Face" never improved on what wasn't all that great to begin with. Definitely cashing in on the death'n'roll sounds and not landing on something that seemed to strike at the time (definitely not retrospectively). Incredibly forgettable and unspectacular from every aspect. There are bands and albums with sounds far more rotten than this, but this does fester from boredom and does nothing to spice up a seemingly bland catalogue. Genuinely surprised the Graveyard Classics IV cover comp wasn't rec'd to me but I may have to dabble in that just to see if it is that much worse.

Rating: 2
22Lou Reed
Metal Machine Music

March 20th
rec'd by TwigTW

I am grinning from ear to ear. I want to love this as much as I hate it. Spiritually I love everything about this album and one of the biggest reasons is the artwork. His name glows above him like a label for an action figure of a devious pop icon. His head is level with the album title as if part of😎it. As a noise record, I want to love it but it can be pretty unforgiving. A couple of moments come and go that have sounds that could be amplified on but are drowned out by the ongoing and unevenly timed drone, an explosive sound I can only describe as "up". Halfway through the record tho and I have become carsick twice. Whatever justification there was go give this audio lobotomy its hour length has worn off. It is starting to feel like the "up" and Lou Reed's scraping are just a new reality and eternity. And then an hour later it just ends, and with an ending that kind of slaps. A charming album that ceases to charm and quickly begins to troll.

Rating: 1.5
For the Love of the Game

March 21st
rec'd by cycosynner

Don't have a lot to say about this one other than this completely outdoes the other overtly NPC christian post-nu-metal-rock rock music out there like Thousand Foot Krutch or whoever. Auto-pilot AI-worthy easy-Jesus-core galore. This is also the first time I've heard of this group and it doesn't look like I need to check them out beyond this in any capacity.

Rating: 2
24Sonic Syndicate

March 22nd
rec'd by Rolling Girl

I was obsessed with this band's debut during my melodeath phase, and they had undeniable pop-metalcore bangers on their second and third albums. This is bottom-shelf trash. Absolute 1, some of the worst pop-metal I've ever heard and the bar is already low. Not surprising but a letdown considering the nostalgic hits this band put out when I was in high school. Many of the key members left to form The Unguided and others went in other directions so there's hardly anyone tied to the core sound of the band at this point. This started hitting christian rock territory for a minute I swear. ADHD kicked in ten-fold and I full-on walked away from this around track 11 and didn't give it a second thought, but I did come back to take on that last track which is Richard Simmons tier pop-rock. I originally had We Rule The Night at a 1 but this made me briefly revisit it and realize it wasn't quite as intolerable as I remember, at least not as bad as this.

Rating: 1
The God Slayer

March 23rd
rec'd by Rowhaus

Only prior knowledge I had of this band was I did not enjoy their first few albums in high school and sometimes stumbled across them when looking for Opeth. Quickly opens up with nasally, whiny vocals (picturing an Otep tour with Etienne Sin opening). Astounded and perplexed emotionally that "The Way I Am" exists and it's also the longest song on here (if you have time, please read the lyrics, they are a journey). "California Girls" is a worst song of all time contender. The Nirvana cover does nothing for or against it except consumes time for original song real estate. The album certainly keeps you on your toes, though. Also "Purity" kinda catchy ngl. I've been listening to a lot of bad music lately so it is hard to have perspective on something I don't enjoy right now; everything sounds good until it's bad again. But overall would honestly take this over the Mushroom head album I was put through earlier.

Rating: 2
Uterovaginal Insertion of Extirpated Anomalies

March 24th
rec'd by porcupinetheater

Alright, now onto the Torsofuck vein of slammy metal shock-horror excessiveness. Slammy, super shitty. It's not good. There was a big bang of bands like these and I am sure I could keep discovering new ones until the day I die, and there's very little to distinguish between each one. The title track that kicks in around the 18 minute mark had me grooving for sure. Definitely giving me more appreciation and newfound respect for some death/grindcore albums like the Doom EP, maybe for popularizing the acceptance of extreme art like this. Maybe as it goes on it actually doesn't scream quite as disingenuous as Torsofuck or some of their peers, but it is still braindead easyslam that serves to slam. Maybe they'll make a new LP for a 20 year follow-up.

Rating: 2
27Five Finger Death Punch
And Justice for None

March 25th
rec'd by Galbador

And Justice For None kicks off with a crushing yet unoriginal chugga riff that I'd get on board with in doses. Lyrics are predictable from a band that embodies "mom raised the rent" energy. Over the top and on the nose lyrics throughout, like the putrid rap complaining about people taking selfies on their phones on a song called "Sham Pain", because they live a life of it (champagne.. geddit..) The unoriginality here is comparable to Etienne Sin's regarding the songwriting and lyrics. Muppet metal YouTube poop level riffs. The track "Rock Bottom" sounds again like muppet metal and also an unfinished GarageBand project. Also, was that Offspring song really so significant that it warranted a cover on any band's LP? At any rate, album goes well with bone smashing.

Rating: 1.5
28Peter Sotos
Buyer's Market

March 26th
rec'd by Kompys2000

My ignorance going into this hit me like a brick wall. Boy, am I uncomfortable. Buyer's Market is a collection of recordings of children encountering a wide array of physical abuse from molestation to murder, discussing said abuse, parents discussing said abuse, and all authentic. A number of these are painful to listen to. There is no modification to the audio, to the best of my knowledge. There is no music on this recording except towards the end, though hard to tell if a contribution from Sotos or Albini. It does not necessarily demean the victims or glorify the attackers in any way, but seems to purely exist to capitalize on the utmost traumatic experiences of abused people while executed in a very minimalistic way for edginess. Apparently some of the clips were used without the consent of the respective victims. His motivation behind compiling this remains insanely questionable, I feel like whether it's necessary does not.

Rating: what the fuck
29A Day To Remember
You're Welcome

March 27th
rec'd by beloveddd

Not the biggest fan of ADTR to begin with, I mostly know them as the band that sings "You Had Me At Hello" and the "DUNNA-DUNNA DUNNA-DUNNA DUNNAH DUNNAH" song. On You're Welcome we have both the most humorous album title ever and the sound of a metalcore band all out of ideas. First two tracks are okay but it tumbles hard from there. Most tracks delve hard into the pop-heavy influences which I try to be open to but coming from already pop-metalcore bands it's almost exclusively never good. Surprised to see most comments on Youtube praising this album. It definitely doesn't sink quite as low as that Falling In Reverse record but absolutely nothing that would entice a new listener. "Re-entry" is a semi-redeemable moment, I guess. Super not good album.

Rating: 1.5

March 28th
rec'd by rockarollacola

I get that it's not as good as From Beyond on any level, but going into this I felt maybe it's a bit over-hated. I enjoy the groovier sound that comes with Promise and the mixing is tight, not as much as on the debut but still.. It is all ruined by those horrible vocals and lyrics, which originally I thought maybe this is where a lot of the hate for this comes from. Overall average seeming album. Doing a bit of background research into the album and listening with slightly better headphones though and it leaves a slightly worse taste in my mouth. The songwriter / not songwriter even quit death metal for a decade because of how much he hated this album. I guess that "Black Soil Nest" And "Promise" are some highlights from here (I do love the gnarly bass tone) but would easily pick anything from Far Beyond any day.

Rating: 2
31GG Allin
E.M.F. (Eat My Fuc)

March 29th
rec’d by widowslaugh123

Really hard for me to imagine an era of GG Allin before his obscene live performances, when he had hair and wasn't covered in feces. I just assumed that’s what he started out doing. E.M.F. isn't a tame album in comparison per se, it is still vulgar with sexualized lyrics hard to ignore if you are focusing on the music. I for one love the guitar tone on here, which is pure hardcore punk start to finish. However most other hardcore punk albums will often focus largely on social or political issues whereas on E.M.F. it really all feels like sexual, shock energy. Whatever it is, the theme wears off after one and a half tracks and the album grows tired very quickly despite its short length. Hard to think of anything regarding a GG Allin LP I'd want to return to. His existence was solely so that that Jerry Springer clip could exist.

Rating: 2
32Prussian Blue
Fragment Of The Future

March 30th
rec’d by ConcubinaryCode

Until I came across the Peter Sotos album, this was the one I was dreading the most. Listening to it once for the first and last time, I can confirm this would be my torture music. We will put aside the overt racism factor for a minute and focus on the music being terrible. Guitar so bad an anti-folk group wouldn't take them. Off-pitch children's voices you'd hear running down a hallway in a nightmare. The random vocal passages are sinister and tacky. It's all very egregious. Then to learn to the surprise of nobody they were forced to do this by a whack parent with a whole lot of hate and no musical talent. Why do people who have such a shitty message to share decide to create the shittiest abomination to share it? I am glad to hear the twins have been redacting many of their political stances, but even without the white nationalism this album is ruthless in its endeavor to punish you and I hope they are perusing entirely new careers.

Rating: 1
33Abandoned by Light
On Broken and Rotted Dreams, Suicide Took Flight

March 31st
rec’d by FearThyEvil

I was semi-determined to find On Broken and Rotted Dreams, Suicide Took Flight in full since that's the one I originally selected as my Abandoned by Light pick, but only found chunks so I gave No God, No Sun, No Future a listen instead. Being sold to me as shitty black metal I am already going in with a highly contaminated palate. I expect poor mixing and atrocious one-take riffs or solos and vocals that are inexcusable no matter how trve or kvlt the album is. This is exactly what I received but in abundance. Ten-fold. I listened ever so briefly to another album of theirs and this one is mixed significantly worse, seemingly intentionally. A number of black metal stereotypes are given the spotlight and centerstage on this album. A couple of melodies here and there I'd say could work on a more serious album, but overall I agree that this is poorly executed dsbm. Sorry Dragoth.

Rating: 1.5
34Parkway Drive
Darker Still

Dishonorable mention
rec’d by Ectier

chicken fried boring

rating: 1.5
Show/Add Comments (104)


Bands: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Site Copyright 2005-2023
All Album Reviews Displayed With Permission of Authors | Terms of Use | Privacy Policy