oisincoleman64: | Sputnikmusic

oisincoleman64 08.05.26	It's hard out here gang
Gfunk839 08.05.26	just take the small victories where you can. Don't expect yourself to do a full 180 and be right on track. Fractions of a degree are still progress towards the right direction. It's okay to be a fuckup, it's the first step towards being better, provided you work at it. I say this as someone working out of a similar hole.
evilford 08.05.26	We are our own worst critics. Don't be too hard on yourself. Also my therapist once told me "don't say anything to yourself that you wouldn't say to a good friend." That bit of advice has been incredibly helpful in my life.
bighubbabuddha 08.05.26	We can be very cruel to ourselves. We would be horrified if we spoke to others like we do ourselves. All I can recommend is compassion and to enjoy your farts. *Farts
bighubbabuddha 08.05.26	Also pretend you are in a film and that you are the main character. Time to get groovy, and boogie as the G
Kusangii 08.05.26	Amen brother
WretchedCacophony 08.05.26	You should try to go to local events, festivals, etc and just talk to people. You'll see that your own flaws are perfectly acceptable and that other people are struggling in their own ways. Most people don't have it all figured out and you can start getting a better sense of community and you'll feel better about yourself and maybe even more motivated to work on yourself
Scoot 08.05.26	almost everyone around you also hates themselves
arthropod 08.05.26	From my experience: establish a healthy routine and adhere to it. Find something meaningful to commit to and keep working no matter whether you're motivated or not. If you're feeling strong hatred towards yourself at the moment, channel that energy into incentive for action (although, it is a destructive emotion so you better find a healthier one to act upon in the long term). The worst you can do is wasting that energy by giving into debilitating negative thoughts. For something different, read this book: https://armedwithabook.com/ikigai-the-japanese-secret-to-a-long-and-happy-life/
Futures 08.05.26	honestly, cutting out the self pity and self loathing is the first step. you’ll never get anywhere if you don’t get over that first.
Spec 08.05.26	can’t even cut out the self loathing anymore because I feel like i deserve it lol
Pascarella 08.05.26	Brother, For what it's worth, you're definitely not the only person who gets trapped in that cycle. But please don't confuse the way you feel about yourself right now with who you actually are. Be strong, brother. Take care of yourself. I'm rooting for you.
KjSwantko 08.05.26	Probably everyone has felt this way at some point. On a serious note- if you don’t like yourself, CHANGE. We can change the vast majority of such things. Also worth mentioning that everyone has failed A LOT in their own life. It’s part of the human experience. Choose a different strategy and try again.
JWT155 08.05.26	Good advice so far. I guess I'm an elder statesmen here in my later 30's now so I'll share my advice. When I started perusing this site in 2007 I was in high school and when I joined in 2009 I was in college. I was an overweight kid who hung out with the school outcasts/goths, etc. I got good grades and was going to go to a good school but I had low self esteem and low ambitions. I went to college and unfortunately quickly faced the facts that if I did not lose weight and make myself the most attractive partner I could be then no one would be interested in me. Fast forward to today, and even though my weight is an issue yet again, I'm married with twin girls, my wife and I have succesful careers, and we're in the process of closing on a house I never would have imagined purchasing. The reality is that essentially everyone deals with self doubt, challenges, etc., and it really is how you deal with that and choose to act that defines who you are and how you'll succeed. If you choose to wallow in self pity you will never improve. Sometimes it is as simple as being graceful to yourself, loving yourself for who you are, but also understanding you need to make improvements in your life and it all starts with just checking one box at a time, even as simple as just cleaning your room or not drinking alcohol tonight. I'm fairly senior at a large employer now and I have a cohort of mentees I train, I legit give advice for a living (professional, finance, personal) so if you have any other questions feel free to ask, be glad to help (as long as I'm not off Sputnik and forget to follow up).
combustion07 08.05.26	Read some shit about rewiring your brain and changing the way you think and actually apply the things you learn (hard part). Do shit you like doing. Listen to music. Don’t just halfway listen either immerse yourself in that shit
combustion07 08.05.26	Also be yourself. It seems like less and less people do that now. And if you don’t know who you really are go on a little journey and figure that shit out
NudeTayne 08.05.26	Me? Gongaga
oisincoleman64 08.05.26	Appreciate all the advice and kind words, been improving over the last few months and practicing CBT techniques have been extremely helpful but for whatever reason in the last week or so I've just been backsliding mentally, gonna keep doing my best though and wish the best for anyone else suffering with this
JWT155 08.05.26	People find fulfillment and engagement through family, work, religion, community. Do you have positive relationships/status in those structures?
Spec 08.05.26	I’m curious which CBT techniques have been most helpful?
oisincoleman64 08.05.26	@JWT155 I have a very unhealthy family and few friends I'm still in contact with but I'm making efforts to reach out to people more and maintain relationships better, plus just getting out more in general, it can be very difficult when you have a poor self image and innately expect to hate you but I'm sure the more I socialise with people and develop stronger relationships plus some sort of support system the less I'll feel that way @Spec it sounds simple but just journaling and writing down your emotions and beliefs to assess them and challenge them with reason, understanding why you make the mistakes you do and trying to empathise with yourself and map out how to avoid making future mistakes in a reasonable way
combustion07 08.05.26	Those are good. Definitely keep doing that too. Find some hobbies you enjoy doing too. Wood burning is cool. I only did it for a few months and dropped it though lol. Instruments are good if you play anything
auberginedreams 08.05.26	I deal with this all the time one thing I did was stop drinking which was hard for me but helped quite a bit (today is exactly 9 months sober from alcohol for me actually) and try talking to a therapist. Finding a productive/creative hobby also helps like a musical instrument or painting or a foreign language or something. Finally exercise even if it’s just a little walk each day can be good for your brain. And realize that the version of other people you see is usually a curated image and everyone makes mistakes even people who seem perfect and successful on the outside.
NudeTayne 08.06.26	you hate yourself so far
BAT 08.06.26	yeah i spent most of my twenties in this type of funk and probably the best thing i did for my mental health was stop drinking. it'll take a while to get out of it but if your drinking a literal depressant everynight like i did for the majority of my twenties, it's gonna take a toll. after some time away with it things just feel a lot less negative, have some friends that got super into meditation and that might also help. life's still tough but i'm a lot less down on myself now.
Trebor. 08.06.26	I finally stopped feeling ashamed and hating myself like two weeks ago lol. After over a decade of therapy of course
deathschool 08.06.26	I stop hating myself sometimes. Then I remember some random ass memory and I’m like… fuck me. It doesn’t interrupt my day to day all that often anymore though.
Supercoolguy64 08.06.26	last 2 years i was going through it and as we got closer to 2026 i started seeing this one friend more and more. religion isnt for everyone, but the guy was kind of like a misfit catholic who had a unique way of looking at life, the ego, regrets, the afterlife etc and it helped me out a lot. basically what im saying is that meeting different people who can keep you and people you hang out with in check will go a long ways. if you're not much of a social person (saying this because ive never interacted with you much so i dont know if you are or not) then talking to coworkers or maybe fellow students if you're in school and getting to know how they view things can help reshape the way you look at yourself and life in general
Christbait 08.06.26	"Appreciate all the advice and kind words, been improving over the last few months and practicing CBT techniques have been extremely helpful but for whatever reason in the last week or so I've just been backsliding mentally, gonna keep doing my best though and wish the best for anyone else suffering with this" The reason for the backslide is the simple fact that you're a human being and we're prone to occasional relapses and bad periods. The greater part of self-acceptance is appreciating the good moments and the bad while giving equal consideration to both sides. We tend to be more affected by our negative experiences and negative emotions because they operate more insidiously in terms of seeping into our conscious and surreptitiously impacting our motivation to want to do better. It sounds like CBT is working well for you given that you continue to journal and challenge distortions when you become aware of them. All I can recommend is to always give yourself grace even when you're struggling. You are not a failure when bad days happen and your success is predicated on you being active in your own treatment outside of therapy. You're working hard, man. Keep it up.
deathschool 08.06.26	I’m with all of these responses for real. BUT. If none of this works, you could always find a way to motivate yourself to be better by using your self-hatred to reach your goals. Is it toxic? Sure, yeah whatever. It’s still better than hating yourself in a constant state of stagnation. And maybe eventually it’ll turn you into someone you don’t hate as much, ya know. I’ve made a surprising amount of progress in life out of spite for myself and others.
Supercoolguy64 08.06.26	maybe to add on to deathschool's idea, you could get into a creative hobby like songwriting or maybe visual arts. It's something you have to actively work towards while also giving you a way to sort out your thoughts, and when you finish on a project you'll have something you can admire with the knowledge you made it
WretchedCacophony 08.06.26	"and when you finish on a project you'll have something you can admire with the knowledge you made it" yeah! Get into woodworking! Do something cool for yourself. I'm a hobby woodworker and I've seen people on reddit post their apartment work benches and small scale operations so you can really do it anywhere.
Supercoolguy64 08.06.26	woodworking is pretty cool, you can build pedalboards and shit like that. if the first one sucks then you do it again and get better at it with time
pizzamachine 08.06.26	Brains can be like demons. We can choose what we wanna believe about ourselves and the world around us