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Last Active 05-19-10 7:56 pm
Joined 03-22-09

Forum Posts 9
Review Comments 6,397

03.05.11 Hey.05.01.10 Chappelle's Show
04.05.10 News Mod Is A Myth03.25.10 How To Be Cool On Sputnik
03.24.10 My Favorite Bassists03.19.10 Non Music Lists
02.25.10 Cool Mix, Bro.02.07.10 Sputnik Music Festival
02.05.10 350 News Articles01.30.10 Favorite Venues
01.29.10 Top 5 Side One Track Ones01.17.10 I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell
01.10.10 Appendix A: Overlooked/Unknown Post-roc12.28.09 Prophet2009
12.27.09 Unbanned!11.24.09 Favorite Genres/Albums
11.24.09 I Need New Muzik11.03.09 Modern Warfare 2
More »

How To Be Cool On Sputnik

A 10 step program to becoming cool on Sputnik. Follow this list and results are guaranteed.
1Have a Good Username
Step 1

And no, xXxJaneDoe66xXx is NOT a good username. Neither is Prophet178,
I would know. Don't name yourself after your favorite band, lyrics from your
favorite band, or track titles from your favorite album. Everyone will think
you're a fanboy (which you probably are) and you will never be cool. If your
username really sucks, get it changed. Just look at bloc01 and the_wizard,
before they became bloc and wizard they were super fags.
2Be a Dick
Step 2

You ever wonder why guys like qwe and rasputin always get mentioned on
lists? It's cause they're dicks. This is the first step in becoming cool on
Sptunik. Start out by picking on new users that comment on popular
albums by telling them they are wrong then telling them to leave the site
forever, or making bold claims that can be backed up if someone calls you
out. DON'T BE A TROLL. That will ultimately turn out for the worse in the
end, with people labeling you as a troll and not taking you seriously ever.
3Have Good Taste
Step 3

Now heres the hard part. No matter how much you like pop and hip-hop
don't tell anyone. Go into Electric City's ratings and copy all his 4 and 5
ratings, then go into Knott- and AtavanHalen's ratings and copy their 4 and
5 ratings but make them 1's and 2's. Now you have the perfect Sputnik
taste. If you want, you can become a specialist too, but that requires more
work. In order to become a specialist you would have to devote all your
music listening to one genre and become "that guy," who knows
everything about the genre. Just look at SlightlyEpic and Planewreck for
4Make Lists
Step 4

Not lists about how your girlfriend dumped you or how you like auto-erotic
aphysication. The first list you should make is a top 10 best albums (not
favorite; best) consisting of Jane Doe, Godspeed, Aeroplane, TDAGARIM,
Blackwater Park, and 5 other Sputnik albums of your choice. Leave
deions like "I didn't get it at first, but now I love it!" or "I liked Opeth
before I came here, js" to give yourself some street cred. After establishing
yourself as someone with good taste, you can begin making dig lists of
obscure albums no one has heard before and lists bashing other users.
5Review Stuff
Step 5

Even if your writing is worse than Cirq write some reviews. Start off by
giving OK Computer another 5 review then move on to others. Whatever
you do don't write a troll review for a popular Sputnik album. You'll turn out
like fireaboveicebelow and get run off the site. Once you've established
yourself as a writer (shitty or not) write a joke review. Give Backstreet
Boys - Millenium a 5 and just write about hair styles and clothes.
6Get a Good Profile Pic and Avatar
Step 6

Make it something funny or strange. Absolutely don't use a picture of
yourself, even if its a picture of you sucking Mikeal Akerfeldt's dick. Nothing
screams I'm a loser like using a picture of yourself, just look at foxxxy's
profile. Your avatar can either be an underrated album around Sptunik that
you want to rep hard, or something so nonsensical that it works. Take for
example any of Meatplow's avatars.
7Reach 1000 Comments
Step 7

You're pretty much a nobody until you reach the big 1K. A majority of your
comments should come from making fun of other users on album threads
and lists, but a few helpful posts here and there won't hurt. Once you
reach 1,000 comments don't make a list about it. Just brush it off like its no
big deal but in your head think about how much better you are than
everyone else. When you see someone with 100 comments saying
something like "Good review" say "You would think its a good reivew, fag"
then never check the thread again.
8Don't Use the Forums
Step 8

Seriously, anyone with a penis wouldn't be caught dead posting on the
forums. Take any chance you get to bash the forums and take pride in your
0 post count in your profile.
9Don't Try to Become a News Mod
Step 9

Even though a big avatar is the best way to show off your gigantic
sputdick, it will never happen. Just look at me.
Step 10

Chan's list: ://
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