evilford
11.04.25 | Riffs will keep me alive i guess |
Wildcardbitchesss
11.04.25 | Me too ford, gf left me, haven’t been taking my meds. Been taking way too much Xanax these last couple of weeks because if I don’t I’ll either drink myself to death or fucking kill myself.
It’s gonna get better partner, or it won’t but I’m here for ya < 3 |
Wildcardbitchesss
11.04.25 | Feel free to message me on discord if ya want buddy
Which of these records should I go with first? I will also take the most depressing shit you can come up with, Chelsea Wolfe, Have a Nice Life, Elliot Smith etc have been getting a lot of play lately. |
budgie
11.04.25 | sorry card thats shit |
Wildcardbitchesss
11.04.25 | ah well, she’s hurting (not because of anything I did) so I’m trying not to be angry but on the other hand fuck her for not even having the balls to say it in person. Dumped me over a text. Almost a year together ended with a fucking text message |
Wildcardbitchesss
11.04.25 | She’s had abusive partners in the past so I understand why she might be apprehensive of saying anything in person, but I not once ever even came close to being abusive, physically or verbally. I yelled at her exactly once and that was more because she nearly rear ended somebody and probably would have if I hadn’t.
“Not ready for a serious relationship” when she was the one that wanted things to be serious in the first place. I don’t know man. I guess I’ll just die alone. Better to have loved and lost is bullshit, I’d do some Eternal Sunshine shit in a heartbeat if I could
I’m not gonna punch my own ticket (yet) but goddamn man my walther is looking real appetizing right now |
Wildcardbitchesss
11.04.25 | Sorry, I don’t mean to hijack your thread evil, I just like both of yall and don’t really care to speak to anyone else about this shit.
I can’t not link it when you say “Tired of being alive tbh list is digs”: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=qShuBP6q888 |
RVAHC13
11.04.25 | What’s got you down ford? |
gabba
11.04.25 | Life sucks if you search for meaning and intimacy, what works for me is just to keep floating around and not taking things seriously (as much as I can). It will get better, there’s gonna be new people, new opportunities, new list of digs. |
Scoot
11.04.25 | wildcard i know exactly what you mean
if i hadn't started recording music again i would have gone off the rails |
Hawks
11.04.25 | Ily Ford buddy! I'm here if you need to talk. |
arthropod
11.04.25 | I second what gabba said |
RogueNine
11.04.25 | Your mileage may vary. Intimacy and meaning are quite valuable for some.
But as far as the list goes, riffs help, and even more so all the people who would love to share the riffs with you. |
keaton_86
11.04.25 | Maybe sharing my misery will help you with yours?
I was with my wife for 19 years. Then last may, completely out of nowhere when she got back from a work trip, she said we needed to take a break and couldn't give me a reason.
The next day we got permanent residency in germany (through me and my work, she couldn't get it without me because she is a freelancer and her company is based in a different country). The very next day, she met up with me and told me that our marriage is over. Still no concrete reason. I've known this person since i was 11 and i was with her since i was 17.
So sheer confusion and sadness ensued for the next few months. I had no idea what the flying fuck was going on. Then one day out of the blue she messages me and says its "imperative" that we meet up.
Long story short, she attempts to tell me she was having an affair, but she couldn't do it. Once she left, the wife of the guy she was having an affair with (who is a very good friend of mine) rang me and (very angrily) told me what had actually happened. Turns out her husband basically told my wife that he was going to tell his wife about the affair and forced her hand. Also, semi related, he was having an affair with another one of her very close friends too. So x2 friend affairs.
So that was pretty horrible. But then shit somehow got worse. I then found out that she had been going around to all of our mutual friends, literally around the world for the past 1-3 years and had been telling lies about me, like we never had sex, we were in an open relationship and that i (paradoxically) was getting super conservative, to name a few things.
On top of that, i found out that she had a heavy, heavy ketamine addiction and hadn't really worked that much for the last couple of years. By the time it ended, she was living off my money, i was making 5x as much as her, and she was syphoning my money back to our home account for "long term savings" Oh, and at the end, she claimed she couldnt work from home because i was always there, so i paid for an office for her to rent, with the guy she was cheating on me with.
This all culminated with her being completely fucking cooked, allegedly trying to kill herself, getting admitted to hospital and being generally insane for several months.
So yeah that was my 2024, and I'm still recovering now. It wasn't fun. Going to the gym and for runs, and getting a dog basically saved me life.
|
Hawks
11.04.25 | Keaton bro, that is heavy. Sorry to hear that all of that happened to you. :[ |
arthropod
11.04.25 | Heavy is a pretty fucking light way to put it. Glad you've found yourself activities to keep yourself together.
I have to say, I feel really paranoid about relationships. |
keaton_86
11.04.25 | Thanks boys. It was, and still is truly horrible. |
Jurtz
11.04.25 | Here for each and everyone of you if you want to talk or vent |
Wildcardbitchesss
11.04.25 | Jesus h fucking Christ. Love will truly get you killed. I’m sorry all that happened to you man |
zakalwe
11.04.25 | Bloomin women |
arthropod
11.04.25 | No woman, no cry |
Hyperion1001
11.04.25 | trust in the riffs brother they’re always there for us. |
Hawks
11.04.25 | Ain't that the truth! |
botb
11.04.25 | Thinking of all you guys, take care of yourselves. Shit feels endless sometimes but things really do get better, everything is temporary, especially pain |
Kusangii
11.04.25 | Life is a sick joke agreed |
pizzamachine
11.04.25 | Life is fucked |
evilford
11.04.25 | Thanks everyone |
Dedes
11.04.25 | @keaton
That's the kind of shit Jerry Springer wished he could emulate, good christ that's a lot of fucking betrayal to endure. I admire your perseverance in spite of it. |
gabba
11.04.25 | Yeah, that's very serious shit, I'm happy you survived keaton! |
BaselineOOO
11.04.25 | The worst part is that it is impossible not being alive at any time in any dimension because we are captive in this cringe-ass web of consciousness. I am supremely bored of reality, but I can't even bother ending life here when I know I'll just respawn with different stats - most likely weaker. And what if in that NG+ I'll be a boy or even Finnish, ew wow no thx much? |
gabba
11.04.25 | sad but true: you don't live in the matrix mate |
JayEnder
11.04.25 | The world truly gets darker every day. I wish I had some sort of solace or feel good advice but we're in the thick of it. Just hang in there bros.
Music is pretty much the only thing that keeps my sanity in tact these days |
twlight
11.04.25 | Im with ya that life just seems dark these days. Im living in a constant state of malaise the last few months. Absolutely no drive. Not sure why because overall things are quite good. At least I’m 42 days off the booze so hope I can keep that up
Just don’t have much hope for the future in general. For society as a whole |
keaton_86
11.05.25 | Thanks again for the support guys. I think because it was so overwhelmingly fucked up I can kinda look at what happened objectively (after a year or so of therapy) which kinda helped me process it easier. Oh, and the dog. The dog helped too.
|
Demon of the Fall
11.05.25 | dogs rule. Hang in there you're doing amazingly okay (won't say 'well') considering what you've been through keaton
I do wonder what's up with ford although the general tired of life thing definitely resonates with me sometimes
also on the whole bigger picture / the world sucks thing... honestly the only way of dealing with this (for me) is erm not to? It's tough, but ignorance really is (relative) bliss. Any time I stumble upon another depressing article about the state of society I ignore it the best I can. I don't need further reminders. It's tougher these days as everything is shoved down our collective throats from all angles, but the less I indulge myself in worldly awareness the happier I am. It's generally frowned upon to 'stay ignorant' but idgaf anymore. Hold onto the little things that give you joy, that's all we have to get us through. |
Deez
11.05.25 | Some sad bros on here atm , damn. Im in and around that but im off for my annual 4 month holiday in 2 days so should be good alas now with a Mrs in said country who im pretty sure will kill me or ill be on a murder charge within a month.
Keep ya heads up kids x |
JWT155
11.05.25 | Sucks to see people struggling, the struggle is real.
I’m fortunate that my career path paid off, married with twin girls, future looks bright, but I also know I’m in the minority and most people are struggling day to day.
A few strategies have paid off for me but I’m not won’t give unsolicited advice, music and dogs really are a life saver.
Wish all the best to everyone. |
theacademy
11.05.25 | buddy you got love right here |
evilford
11.05.25 | Don't really want to die
Just want to not be alive |
arthropod
11.06.25 | I feel you ford, had the same wanting two years ago. Stopped likely due to changing my environment entirely and starting to exercise on a regular basis. Can't speak of your conditions but it's the little things that make the world, so... say, set yourself a tea drinking ritual or observe a sunrise from time to time, something that suits you. Whatever your conditions are, I wish you all the best. |
Wildcardbitchesss
11.06.25 | Going to sleep and not really caring if I wake up is how I put it. I feel for you brother, I really do. |
Aids
11.06.25 | m/ |
evilford
11.06.25 | Word |
Wildcardbitchesss
11.06.25 | u wanna find a co op game or sum on steam that we can play buddy? Maybe get both of our minds off the bullshit.
I had to move my modem so I gotta buy a WiFi adapter for my PC but if you’re down just say the word < 3 |
evilford
11.06.25 | Thanks man I'd love to but I have no gaming shit
But I plan to change that soon |
brickhed
11.06.25 | i'm not really one to trauma dump online but i will say that engaging with music and people who enjoy it has really helped me a lot. shit has gotten real tough but giving up is not where it's at. i, personally, don't watch national news, don't use social media, and keep myself happy with music and reading. sometimes i game. i've also been getting back into working out, trying to maintain a slim body shape. i do it on and off.
every time i think about the state of the world i just get depressed, and that's how they get you. basically i have a lot of methods to try to keep my mental health in check, and it really helps. one thing that is irritating is being 18 and people around me on their phones or talking about shit on their phone all the time when i want to talk to them as a friend.
(speaking from the perspective from a filthy americunt) |
Wildcardbitchesss
11.06.25 | You’re only 18 man? Highly recommend therapy my friend… I’m afraid to inform you that it’s all downhill from here. Especially for millennials/zoomers/gen A.
The old fucks destroyed everything and they’ll be long gone by the time shit reaches maximum shittiness. We’re gonna be the ones that have to live with the consequences of their selfish actions.
@evil
Time and place brother! I’m always down |
efp123
11.06.25 | much love to everyone. misery loves company I guess. I hope things get better. that’s all I can offer up |
brickhed
11.06.25 | "The old fucks destroyed everything and they’ll be long gone by the time shit reaches maximum shittiness. We’re gonna be the ones that have to live with the consequences of their selfish actions."
yeah see that line of thinking is true but really clouds the mind. all i can really do is just go along with my loose plan on what to do for my life and go from there. it won't be easy but things never are. sure there's the illusion of maximum convivence but it's always at some cost. anyway imma move on. |
budgie
11.06.25 | wildcard why come u never play steam coop games with me anymore |
Wildcardbitchesss
11.06.25 | let’s play resident evil 5 bby |
Wildcardbitchesss
11.06.25 | and shit, 6 too. I never got to play either co op |
Wildcardbitchesss
11.06.25 | I’m in the middle of RE4 Remake rn, I wanted to try to beat all of them before REquiem drops |
evilford
11.06.25 | Probably buy myself a ps5 soon |
keaton_86
11.06.25 | Get donkey kong on switch 2 and smash some rocks Shits therapeutic. |
Wildcardbitchesss
11.06.25 | Do it! Then we can really get into it man |
Scoot
11.06.25 | https://youtu.be/s9_D3XbUbrM?si=Jl7LWKyoAw5xFY83
throwback core from a year ago |
RogueNine
11.06.25 | (To the general populace) Be online less fr. Terminally online is where a lot of people get this feeling. There's so much world out there.
brick, you've got a lot of room for uphill momentum too. Keep pushing for those goals. |
Wildcardbitchesss
11.06.25 | Smartphones really were one of the worst things to happen to everyone.
Wish I could go back to the days of flip phones |
Demon of the Fall
11.06.25 | Yeah fr. I'm actually thankful that I lived in a world before the terminally online epidemic. Youngsters (laughing at myself for this old man word) probably have a good chuckle about tales of pre or dial-up internet, but there were certainly benefits to those times.
It's tough but sometimes I have to remind myself to put the phone down and concentrate on doing something else for a while. Music really helps. Gaming too. Admittedly I often combine them which sounds like the same lack of focus thing, but it works and is so much more mindful than doom-scrolling etc. when combined correctly.
It can be habit on weekday evenings if the telly is on and I'm not that invested, usually incurring the wrath of the Mrs (although she is the same and aware of it, just that we try and plan 'let's put the phones down for a while' lol... I always find that easier down the pub for some reason!) |
Demon of the Fall
11.06.25 | I'm now getting rec'd an article by my browser called "boomer pub behaviour that confuses younger generation" lol...
proper algorithm failure if it thinks I'm a boomer, but perhaps it thinks the confusion would resonate with me on the account of being a Millenial. Hmm, so which is it machine overlords? |
smaugman
11.06.25 | i want to try out new hobbies but i have a form of social anxiety, so getting started with something is pretty difficult smh |
JWT155
11.06.25 | Honestly you just have to do it and mentally make not doing it not an option.
I’m in my mid thirties and been kicking around here since I was in high school, I skipped dances, asking girls out, and frankly not doing much because of being afraid of rejection.
Looking back now those were some of my biggest mistakes.
Making mistakes are part of life, if you’re not making mistakes you’re not living life, that risk taking isn’t just exclusive to personal relationships but applies to work, personal finances, etc. |
Wildcardbitchesss
11.07.25 | BUDGIE
DO YOU WANT TO PLAY RESIDENT EVIL WITH ME? WE CAN BANG AFTER |
Deathconscious
11.07.25 | Same, Scott's lyrics from Bird is Bored of Flying are spot on:
"Do you wonder why
The bird is bored of flying
It never asked to be alive
To be a bird
And never cared for heights
And it’s seen the earth
For what it is, the big ball of inconsequence
Still, it sings" |
Wildcardbitchesss
11.07.25 | jesus fucking christ. I wish I was a Forest Gump style simpleton and not just a regular dumbass cursed with existentialism. I could just play ping pong and fuck jen nay, instead I’m saddled with all this other shit that makes me wanna fuckin kill myself |
evilford
11.07.25 | Not sure that's the takeaway he was going for |
NudeTayne
11.07.25 | I'm down for some ping pong |
gabba
11.07.25 | depends on the song |
Demon of the Fall
11.07.25 | it's Friday and I'm jamming Dead Congregation ahrd in the office while winding down for the day (it's not midday yet, lol)
life could be worse in this moment |
evilford
11.07.25 | Sick |
smaugman
11.07.25 | Right on JWT, i just need a kick in the ass |
Demon of the Fall
11.07.25 | new Kostnatění is a phenom
the day just gets better!
(trying that positive thinking bullshit) |
Christbait
11.07.25 | Had a couple of rough days this week. Got too much into my own head, crashed out, and woke up Thursday just not wanting to be alive. Cried in the shower, cried fixing my hair, couldn't thank my wife for being supportive without crying. It was rough. Got to work and was already mentally exhausted. Ended up thanking and apologizing to a bunch of my colleagues (I struggle to appreciate when others tell me they care--family abandonment will do that to you). Am doing better today, but these brief episodes of depression that hit are awful.
Hoping everyone is doing well, feeling good about themselves, and making something of their Friday. |
chemicalmarriage
11.07.25 | I'm one day closer. Life is happy |
evilford
11.07.25 | Gonna be a good day
Im with yall |
efp123
11.08.25 | deleted |
JWT155
11.10.25 | Hope you gents had a good weekend |
hexfix93
11.10.25 | Hope you're good man. |
Wildcardbitchesss
11.10.25 | I’d rather suck dick than go to work tomorrow goddamnit… I really gotta figure this shit out I can’t fucking do it anymore man. Too many bad memories associated with that place. |
Scoot
11.10.25 | binging meadowlands currently |
Wildcardbitchesss
11.10.25 | That’s a pretty good sopranos ep, but why are you watching it over and over? |
