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User
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Last Active 08-17-21 12:24 am
Joined 10-27-13
Review Comments 10,105
| Crossroads of Life
So, I hate sappy posts. And I ain't askin for sap. But life is really odd right now. There was a period of my life years ago where I used to be homeless, sleeping outta my car, hanging out with some pretty loathsome street trash and doing drugs every day, but I had my own personal miracle story where I admitted my faults, got a BPD diagnosis, got sober, and started going to university. Well, that was four years ago. I just graduated from college and have my degree hanging on my wall, and I got to work on some studio films that I thought would advance my career in the film industry, but I don't feel very accomplished. I spent all this time trying to get good grades...and now I did it! From an actual 4-year university! But now what? I had family then to root for me, but I don't have family anymore. A band I formed was going strong, playing gigs and selling merch, but we haven't had much success in a while and I feel we are growing apart as friends and bandmates. I can't seem to find a good career job and keep getting rejection after rejection. Drinking has become a bad habit for me because I'm never an angry/sad drunk, but knowing alcohol is guaranteed to make me happy is even worse IMO because I'll drink up anytime I'm down. Right now I'm staying in a camper on an 80-acre plot of land with no internet (except for my iPhone hotspot) with my pet cat and pet duck (dead serious bout that) and I basically sit around playing guitar all day or walking around in the forest. I mean, it's kinda chill, but I fear that this sorta lifestyle will eventually rob me of the pleasures of having friends, family, and a sense of self. I feel like my own identity is depleting. The face that looks back at me through the reflection of this shattered mirror is not my own. Sometimes I hear the hills speaking to me, but they say nothing of value. Everything is nonsense. | | 1 |  | Unmoored
Cimmerian | | 2 |  | Jimmy Mackey & The All Stars
Tex-Star Recovered Singles: 1958-1962
Not sure why I made this post. I need some drill instructor to kick my ass into shape. | | 3 |  | Bon Iver
For Emma, Forever Ago
Maybe a good lo-fi album could come outta this. | |
swallowtales
02.03.25 | First thing I would say is in my experience life goes in big peaks and valleys, there can be some real shit times that can be almost impossible to get away from and they can feel like they have no meaning, but I've always come out of them.
I think as little confidence as you might have in a direction, try and go towards what you think you might want, and at least it will show you if that's for you or not - though it can be hard as you said if you keep getting rejected from jobs etc. The first career job is real hard to get so I feel for you. | chemicalmarriage
02.04.25 | Hey man I'm proud of your progress, homeless to college graduate is incredible. This will sound cheezy but try volunteering. Help someone who is struggling like you used to, maybe meet like minded people along the way. Stay busy and try to stop drinking | budgie
02.04.25 | bro you have a pet duck you are living peak life already | NexCeleris
02.04.25 | It's all part of the journey. If it wasn't for the (constant?) drinking, I'd say just enjoy this current phase until you grow tired of it, then think about what you wanna do with your life.
Not the drill instructor type, but renounce the alc asap if having friends, a family and a sense of accomplishment are goals you've identified. Wouldn't want that to become a serious issue.
If the job situation is what keeps you from making progress, you could do some freelance work for a while. Compensation is likely gonna be shitty, but it's good for bolstering your résumé/portfolio, you get to pick and work on stuff that actually interests you, and it can eventually lead to long-term contracts. Obviously, nothing's stopping you from applying for your dream job(s) in the meantime, and you'd still have time for riffing etc.
Grats on your degree. | kevbogz
02.04.25 | ur pipeline is a significant accomplishment brother give yourself some credit | unclereich
02.04.25 | you're not asking for sap yet the last two sentences read like the sappiest stuff imaginable. you're giving into your own bs. you're smart and have a place to live. stop feeling sorry for yourself. you have already made it through tougher struggles. this doesnt come close to what you have already endured. use your hotspot and look into some online AA meetings. get that bottle under control because it's clouding your mind and judgement. you then need to rethink your approach to the job market. you may have to take something beneath your credentials and work your way up. use your free time to get another degree or certificate to make yourself more marketable. nothing will get done though until your get the bottle and mind under control. "an idle mind is the devil's playground" is true, you have too much free time-fill it with academic and spiritual betterment, not staring at the forest. | BallsToTheWall
02.04.25 | Real! Sorry for your struggles dude. Keep
Your head up. | efp123
02.04.25 | don't slip away with alcohol. tough lesson to learn | KjSwantko
02.04.25 | I’ll share two thoughts:
1. Recognize your wins and feel proud. Homeless to college graduate is a substantial victory. This shows you are capable and can do it again.
2. Appreciate the simple life you have currently. I too was at a terribly lonely point in life years ago. Now, I’ve got a wife, daughter, 4 dogs, 2 cats, a pig, a snake, and 20 chickens. I have little free time and a never ending to-do list. I didn’t appreciate the simple life when I had it, and often in some ways I miss those days. Point is I encourage you to be grateful for the simplicity and freedom. | somnolence
02.04.25 | that's cool, gianxgx banned, hope temporary/ i did say some silly things, just was mad i didn't get a pokemon- we r on same boat, i need to buy a tent- mom is something else | somnolence
02.04.25 | sending love 2 sowing and everyone | budgie
02.04.25 | sending love to me? 😊😊 | chemicalmarriage
02.04.25 | Agree with Kj about appreciating the simple life while you have it | arthropod
02.04.25 | "I feel we are growing apart as friends and bandmates"
Have you talked about it? I had a "growing apart" situation and I suspect it might have ended the bad way exactly because I remained silent the whole time. | AsleepInTheBack
02.04.25 | are your pet cat and pet duck friends? | AsleepInTheBack
02.04.25 | also alcohol will sap your productivity enthusiasm and drive like a bitch, speaking from personal experience. staring at forests chilling with your cat and duck savour that shit, but also ye get out there my guy, piss on the world and earn your fair share. | BallsToTheWall
02.04.25 | Are we human or are we dancer? | Beardog
02.04.25 | Nice comments and really agree with AsleepInTheBack. Alcohol really makes you unproductive and unfocussed as fck |
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