Ectier: Working out identity

Ectier 09.28.23	Bit of a rant/vent Asexuality - Easy clear to work out for me Aromantic - Lmao Imma break your brain Agender/Non-binary - just out here not caring about my gender yo
Ectier 09.28.23	In other news im seeing Thou next year so thats pretty baller
Egarran 09.28.23	You make me recall the ancient hymn: How long must I wait? How much more can I take? Before loneliness will 'cause my heart to break No, I can't bear to live my life alone I grow impatient for a love to call my own But when I feel that I, I can't go on These precious words keeps me hanging on I remember mama said No, you just have to wait She said love don't come easy
Wicka4392 09.28.23	Ectier this was really emotional to read, and I can understand this. Not to make it about me because this is your post, but I had a similar anecdote - back in 2013 I was dating someone who means the world to me, we split because I moved away for the best part of a decade. We started speaking again in like 2019, then 6 months later her controlling boyfriend made her cut me off. She got back in touch in October and then cut me off again due to him earlier this year. I'm realizing much the same thing as you, although in my case because I only want this one person and don't find anyone else to be particularly appealing. I hope you're okay and can manage this well, you're not dead or just existing, there's plenty of stuff to do outside of relationships : )
Ectier 09.28.23	Oh the dead and existing parts came from the depression side of things and other stuff ontop of it all. Wrote a poem about it and put it on my insta. Can post it here if people are curious. Thanks Wicka tho!! And Eggaran! Everyone feel free to share and join in or scream into a void. I just needed to vent i guess
Wicka4392 09.28.23	I'd like to read it Ectier if you'd be interested with putting it here : )
Ectier 09.28.23	I dont know who I am these days A lost ghost wandering between pages My own identity shifting within When we ask who we are? Our voices are drowned out by the din For being ashes against a binarial grain Declared our existance to be a sin When alls we strive to be is ourself I stand at the precipice Questioning my desires Pondering my longing If I even want to kiss Wondering if my lack of eroticsim Leaves me a broken thing Stranded and cast aside As those I love live lives Of comfortable couped couples Building their futures together I stand alone Left behind by the roadside Cursing my identity We cannot choose the way we are One day our minds will feel serenity We will be free To simply be
Ectier 09.28.23	Its not super great but im extremely critical of my own work anyway
Wicka4392 09.28.23	That was pretty deep, man. I dig it : )
Ectier 09.28.23	Also have a fuck off long one about mental health and my journey with it, i wrote for my friend to say dont die
zakalwe 09.28.23	Can I book you for a children’s party?
Ectier 09.28.23	What am i doing at this party first of all
botb 09.28.23	Hope things work out for you bud, relationship stuff not panning out the way you’ve envisioned it is never easy.
Butkuiss 09.28.23	Apologies in advance if I crowdkill you in tha Thou pit Ectier
Ectier 09.28.23	Thanks Botb! Its so weird reframing everything. If i have to.die at a thou show at least let Emma be with them
Butkuiss 09.28.23	Emma’s solo show last year was probably one of the most affecting gigs I’ve witnessed in recent memory, good times
Ectier 09.28.23	Seeing her was so gooood. It was my first post covid show and first show at Manning bar. Even for her first show after being sick it was amazing
Butkuiss 09.28.23	I honestly think her shaky voice added to the emotional rawness. Anyway I will definitely see you in the pit then, Western Suburbs reprazent 💪
Ectier 09.28.23	I travelled from canberra for Emma and NeO this year. So ill be sticking to Canberra for Thou
botb 09.28.23	Thou is such a phenomenal live experience. Had my edibles hit as they went on stage last time
Ectier 09.28.23	Colton while it may be a debateable subject on the person someone is dating talking to their ex. Only Wicka and this girl know the content of their conversations and depth of the relationship, It could have been purely platonic.
Ectier 09.28.23	Botb im so excited for it. Hopefully the smaller venue of Canberra wont translate into a "aight pitstop show before the big cities so dont have to bring all the energy".
Ectier 09.28.23	@Colton again its a tricky debate. It comes down to all of the people involved within it.
botb 09.28.23	Colton is the controlling bf confirmed
Relinquished 09.28.23	yea lol what the heck you can go back to being platonic as long as your dick agrees
Minortimbo12 09.28.23	Turn your face to God my good friend
Shemson 09.28.23	I like your poem ectier If you fancy listening to something that seems a bit outside your norm you should check Oblivion Access by Lil Ugly Mane. Your poem reminded me of some of his vibe
PotsyTater 09.28.23	Talk to them about this ectier. Also colton expectedly insecure L
PotsyTater 09.28.23	If someone I deeply cared about told me they were working this out and felt the fact that they were asexual and possibly aromantic and that that made them afraid that they would lose valuable connection with people as everyone else couples off I would personally make a huge extra effort to make sure that particular friend continues to feel seen and valued because that’s really real and I can empathize with that.
MoM 09.28.23	^ agreed and well-worded
Ectier 09.28.23	Thanks everyone. I have talked to them about it almost every step of the way. Its a really complicated relationship but i think we have worked out things. Also i am not turning to God, no disrespect to the religous but its not my thing. Ill try to remember to check it Shemson
pizzamachine 09.28.23	“Working out identity” That’s easy yer all hoomans!
anode 09.28.23	lol i thought this list was gunna be about working out. "should i wear tank tops? maybe backwards hats?"
anode 09.28.23	oh good coltons commenting this should be fruitful edit: haha i was right
MoM 09.28.23	^ about as much as you would think
anode 09.28.23	genuine question though: why do you have to have an "identity"? just do what you want and let your sexuality or lack there of flow naturally
anode 09.28.23	oh jeez read the descriptions and better stay out of this. best of luck to you friend
pizzamachine 09.28.23	Romance is for those who want romance
chemicalmarriage 09.28.23	Dude we are all so self important lol. Live your life bro, be you, find your people. We all gonna die
Ectier 09.28.23	Going to try and do my thing. Just strange reframing perspectives you have been taught over 27 years of life. @Anode thanks, and thanks for accepting that it may be best to stay out of it no matter your stance on my predicament
anode 09.29.23	if you cant trust your current partner enough to the point where you are suspicious of them cheating on you or developing feelings for someone else than youre not mature enough for a relationship having said that, i wouldnt be so baffled by your ex's boyfriend cutting you off because most people arent in healthy relationships
Ectier 09.29.23	Me: just chilling trying to exist and do my thing My brain: Hows a serving of some longing and intrusive thoughts? On the house!! Me: No thanks Brain: Too bad LOOK AT THIS CLOSH AND REVEAL Me: this is rude, nice closh but rude On the current debate: Talk to your partners about boundries and comfort level. Open communication is the most important thing tk maintaining a healthy relationship
anode 09.29.23	alright colton dont really feel like splitting hairs with you on this trivial topic yeah man intrusive thoughts are life. i just learn to laugh and live with it
Shemson 09.29.23	“if you can’t understand why your current partner wouldn’t want you suddenly reigniting a relationship with an ex you might not be mature enough for a relationship tbh” The way I look at it is if my wife didn’t want to be with me then that’s not a 100% committed relationship and we’d divorce. She can talk to whoever she wants whenever she wants to, I don’t want to control that and she certainly doesn’t need my say so. So far we’ve been together 10 years, just celebrated our 5 year anniversary and she’s chosen to be with me and only me for that period and I with her which is great. I’d suggest if I tried to control her or she me we’d be a lot more likely to not make that choice, no maybe we’re not the ones not mature enough for a relationship!
MoM 09.29.23	Shemson, you and your wife are like my wife and me. We’re that same way. “ if you can’t understand why your current partner wouldn’t want you suddenly reigniting a relationship with an ex you might not be mature enough for a relationship tbh” It’s not worth spending the time to unpack where you’re wrong and why you shouldn’t be commenting on anybody’s maturity. Re-roll.
fogza 09.29.23	Ok but if you knew maintaining a relationship of some sort with an ex bothered your wife but she didn't necessarily say anything, would you keep it up? People can have the noblest intentions and be as logical as they like, but that stuff does put pressure on a romantic relationship, whether you realise it or not
MoM 09.29.23	Oh, it absolutely does! If i were in that situation and it bothered my wife, my wife and i would talk about it and decide the best way forward for us from there. I wouldn’t want to do anything to make my wife uncomfortable and she’s the same way with me. That’s not the thing
MoM 09.29.23	“ maintaining a relationship with an ex romantic partner against the wishes of your current partner and claiming they're being controlling or don't trust you for not being comfortable with it is super manipulative and selfish. if you're not ready to let past relationships go don't enter into a new one. have respect for your current partner” “ super manipulative and selfish” Saying this type of shit is the problem. There are too many factors and nuances to each relationship to create a blanket response. And it’s dangerous because, while not every person who has a problem with their partner having communication with an ex is abusive, SOME are, and some are controlling and untrusting, either as projection or reaction. So, if somebody were in an abusive relationship and read that shit, they might gaslight themselves into thinking they’re the one who is manipulative and controlling. Taking relationship advice from Colton is like a snail asking to be covered in salt.
denboy 09.29.23	You’re literally hearing about the “controlling boyfriend” from the pov of an ex who’s obsessed with the girl For all we know the guy is healthily communicating that her talking to wicka is making him feel uncomfortable
MoM 09.29.23	Exactly. Dude could be totally cool and respond in healthy ways, or he could be massively controlling and manipulative, or anywhere in between. But we don’t know. So that’s part of why Colton’s comments are crap
Ectier 09.29.23	Alright lets shut this debate down now before Wicka or anyone else gets dragged through the mud. Nobody but Wicka knows the details of that particular situation. If you want to continue this debate please continue it in a generalised and theoretical manner.
MoM 09.29.23	@Ectier Ah-greeeeed!
Jasdevi087 09.29.23	colton in the shower do you face towards or away from the water?
MoM 09.29.23	“ colton in the shower do you face towards or away from the water?” Isn’t there a myth about turkeys drowning because they stare at the rain? How does he keep coming back from the grave? I summoned Bones on that Ouija board years ago, but not no Coltons. Hmm… I’m out of here
Ectier 10.03.23	Nothing like a freaking mental breakdown kicking in and sending me off in an abandonment panicky haze. Now anxiety lingering wooo. Nothing worse than the clarity kicking in after an episode ffs. Thank god i have a pretty good psychologist and doctor. If you have mental health issues if nothing else be aware of the places you can go to for support. If you arent ready for it thats okay but make sure you know your options
botb 10.03.23	I’m so shocked a forum full of music dorks is filled with controlling insecure dweebs lmao
botb 10.03.23	Friend, my best advice to you is this: probably just put some effort into working on yourself in some way and focus on that, or maybe try and start a creative project and focus on that. You aren’t gonna do yourself any favors pining after someone that has moved on, and believe me I have been down that road years ago. Just because you haven’t found a person yet that is “your” person doesn’t mean that person doesn’t exist. Don’t stress about it, people’s lives move at different speeds. As far as trying to nail down the exact label on how you consider your sexuality, that’s a journey everyone has to make. Don’t self sabotage or self shame or compare yourself to your peers. Again; everybody is different.
Egarran 10.03.23	So what you're saying is 'you just have to wait, love don't come easy'.
Ectier 10.03.23	Am trying botb, thanks though. Its a complicated thing atm Im not even pining after them romantically now, as thats something i dont want. Just have some other things am trying to work on that have flared up alongside everything else. With the aromantic and asexual things it piles on to feeling like a deffective human being which ruling those other things out i already has. Comparing myself to peers is a problem ive had. Things have cleared up mentally for me atm
botb 10.03.23	Glad to hear. Getting off of most social media helped me a lot in finding happiness that wasn’t based around comparing myself to everyone else. Pick one you use to keep in touch with people you care about and get off everything else and spend the time you would normally spend scrolling or whatever doing something that holds value for you. For me it’s like working on music projects or going on a hike or going to the gym or whatever.
Ectier 10.03.23	Yeah may try and get back to reading or finishing Baldurs gate atm. Anhedonias a bitch but have to try and do things