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Last Active 10-15-21 11:19 am
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10.14.21 The Big Fat Melvins Ranking

The Big Fat Melvins Ranking

EP's not included.
Stoner Witch

Sometimes the most obvious choice is the best one. This album has perhaps the best balance of explosive riffs and eerie creeping ambience - two things Melvins are best known for. When in doubt, just throw this on.
Favorite track: Revolve
The Maggot

The heaviest Melvins album, this one has the best slower tracks and the best faster tracks too, all thanks to simple, yet effective crushing caveman chords.
Favorite track: Manky

Continuing where Stoner Witch left off, this record goes as experimental as Melvins could get away with on a major label and throws everything in the mix - heavy, light, airy, noisy - and somehow still feels like a cohesive album in the end.
Favorite track: Bar-X-The Rocking M
Hostile Ambient Takeover

Probably the most song-oriented album Melvins have ever done. Not too many left turns compared to the previous entries, but every riff is outstanding and thereis absolutely no filler.
Favorite track: Little Judas Chongo

The "grunge" album is not actually that different from the rest of the 90's output - if anything, it's doomier than Stoner Witch. While the singles may somewhat outperform the rest of the record, it's still an outstanding listen overall, especially in one sitting.
Favorite track: Honey Bucket
A Senile Animal

Melvins at their most accessible, but it's not an insult at all. A lot of insanely catchy riffs here, and this album is a good entry point for a fresh fan.
Favorite track: A History Of Bad Men

The one that most people know - the rougher production only adds to the heaviness and the dungeon atmosphere, and while I feel that some songs could have been longer, this is nothing short of classic.
Favorite track: It's Shoved
The Bootlicker

Lack of distortion is no problem when you've got such a great bass tone and a bluesy mood to go with it. A great night listen.
Favorite track: Jew Boy Flower Head
The Crybaby

Melvins mostly serve as a backing band for other people here, but those people include the likes of David Yow, Mike Patton and J.G. Thirlwell, so the end result will catch your ear regardless.
Favorite track: Mine Is No Disgrace

This is the weirdest Melvins have ever gotten with the exception of Prick. But while Prick is a random collection of noises, this record actually has songs with some effort put into them. Requires several listens, but will surely grow on you if you don't mind something more out there.
Favorite track: Lovely Butterfly

The big drone metal track is the main attraction here, naturally, and I mostly put this album on because of it, despite the fact that the other ones are not too shabby either. An alright album whose main flaw is being (or at least feeling) too short.
Favorite track: Hung Bunny
Working with God

You'd think Melvins would be running on fumes by 2021, and you'd be at least half right. Luckily, this album takes the band out of a long slump by going back to the 1983 line-up, which means simpler, punkier songs without any noodling, and it really does the trick, as far as I'm concerned. No new ideas here, but the old ones are served with impressive grace.
Favorite track: Caddy Daddy
Tres Cabrones

The other, first album of the 1983 line-up. While it's not as compact and trimmed as the one above, this album is unjustly overlooked and contains a lot of really good songs, most of them, once again, dirt simple, but really fun.
Favorite track: City Dump
Gluey Porch Treatments

While this album and Ozma definitely earned their place in history, I've never been much of a fan. These are more song ideas than songs proper, and Melvins would go on to do better stuff. Still, you can see the roots of a great band here already.
Favorite track: Leeech

See Gluey Porch Treatments.
Favorite track: Oven
16Mike & The Melvins
Three Men and A Baby

Mike Kunka of godheadSilo does not change the band dynamic much, and, as a matter of fact, this is a very standard Melvins album. Mind you, it's good nevertheless, just missing something that would make it unique.
Favorite track: Chicken 'N' Dump
The Bride Screamed Murder

Melvins go prog! Sometimes it works, like in the first two stellar tracks, and sometimes the songs drag on a bit too long. Bottom line: flawed but salvageable.
Favorite track: Evil New War God
Pigs Of The Roman Empire

Melvins have done ambient before, so a collab with an ambient musician is bound to bring things to the next level, right? In practice it seems like this record is too small for both Melvins and Lustmord and that they are fighting for control more than working together. Good music, but best heard separately.
Favorite track: Safety Third
A Walk With Love And Death

A disc of noise + a disc of mellow Bootlicker-type tunes. Three guesses to which one will be listened to more than once. The Death disc is actually very solid and would be higher on this list, were it released separately.
Favorite track: Black Heath
Hold It In

Half of the album is full of poppy Kiss(?)-inspired songs which don't seem to be that bad on the initial listen, but get old very fast, meaning you are left with about 5 good songs.
Favorite track: Onions Make The Milk Taste Bad
Nude With Boots

A subtly infuriating album, since unlike other worse Melvins releases, where you can clearly name your favorite and least favorite tracks, here almost every song is a 50/50 split between good and bad ideas. The lighter and slicker sound does not really fit the band either.
Favorite track: The Smiling Cobra
Basses Loaded

Pretty much the same problems as Hold It In, and this time tame enough for one of the tracks to be featured on Uncle Grandpa (look it up). Honestly, I'd have no problem with that fact if it actually sounded like a Melvins song.
Favorite track: The Decay Of Lying
Freak Puke

Trevor Dunn plays double bass on this record. He does not really do anything interesting though, and the record itself is very basic and not even all that catchy. It's not a good sign when the only thing I remember after hearing this is that one of the songs is a Paul McCartney cover.
Favorite track: none

The problem isn't even that this is noise, it's that the noise is boring.
Favorite track: none
Pinkus Abortion Technician

"Melvins playing Butthole Surfers B-sides" is an idea that, while it involves two great bands that I like, is still stupid to its very core. The cover of "Graveyard" isn't even the best Melvins cover of this song.
Favorite track: none
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