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Last Active 11-22-20 7:04 am
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05.05.21 BPD sucks04.29.18 Moving to MONTANA (give me recs)
04.25.18 THAT'S NOT METAL12.07.17 DOOM Soundtrack origins
09.29.17 Saw Jeepers Creepers 08.28.17 Hurricane Harvey jams
04.25.16 Albums that cost a shit ton to make 10.27.15 Albums that blatantly copy another band
10.05.15 Acoustic death metal10.05.15 Folk recs?
09.25.15 Death - TSOP09.11.15 Creed singles ranked
09.08.15 My to-do list08.20.15 Important and Essential music
08.14.15 CULT OF TOMORROWS END - A Conclusion08.13.15 Heading off to college...
08.05.15 Thanks, Victory Records.08.03.15 Slayer live at Mayhem Fest - The Woodla
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BPD sucks

I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, along with some other related personality disorders, in October 2020. It's answered significant questions about my life and my past, but it hasn't helped to make life any easier. I'm glad I know why I am the way I am and I'm glad to put my life on right track for the first time ever, but these dark spots are still as dark as ever. List is digs/songs that I identify my BPD with:

"When The Sun Hits"

Sweet thing, I watch you
Burn so fast it scares me
Mind games, don't leave me
Come so far, don't lose me
It matters where you are

"Flattening Of Emotions"

A mind shared by
An uninvited stranger
Which comes and goes
As it choose to appear
Should we not prepare
For the uncertain
Mysteries of our life
Of our destiny

See things that are not there
Intruding voices
What went wrong
To their picture perfect life
They once knew
Flattering of emotions
3The Smashing Pumpkins
Siamese Dream


Today is the greatest
Day I've ever known
Can't live for tomorrow
Tomorrow's much too long
I'll burn my eyes out
Before I get out
I wanted more
Than life could ever grant me
Bored by the chore
Of saving face
4Trinity Garden Cartel
The Ghetto My Hood

"Nothing Personal"
It has gotten to a point that I'm fed up with the bullshit
And the player hater punk clique
Everywhere I go, I feel myself bein' watched
So I pack a .45 just in case I'm busted
No need in lyin' sayin' I'm not paranoid
As another day approaches, I'm alive
I say thanks, god, and I'm a targeted man
When I step out on the scene they say "I wish I had your hands"
That's when I turn with silence
Never speakin' my mind 'cause it might be critical violence
I heard these rumors from these lyin' motherfuckers
Got me wonderin if y'all are my motherfuckin' brothers
Put my pride to the side and then I jet away
Thop a joint, take a pull, it's another day
It's a damn shame, these tricks
Sonic Excess in Its Purest Form

Pretty much every song this band ever put out, partly why I love them so much.
6Alice in Chains
Jar of Flies

My gift of self is raped
My privacy is raked
And yet I find
And yet I find
Repeating in my head
If I can't be my own
I'd feel better dead
7American Football
American Football

"I'll See You When We're Both Not So Emotional"

If you're so prone
To accidents and misunderstandings
You may accidentally
Misinterpret honesty for selfishness
We're two human beings
With inherent interest in
Each other and how we relate

"Something In The Way"

Underneath the bridge
Tarp has sprung a leak
And the animals I've trapped
Have all become my pets
And I'm living off of grass
And the drippings from my ceiling
It's okay to eat fish
Cause they don't have any feelings
9maudlin of the Well

"Interlude 3 / Geography"

Listening reveals his wounds
Voiceless, he kneels to you
Like a glinting dagger, one quick look
And he spills you
Sheets surrender you
And I expect trauma
Breath is real, anger's real
Sleep through your birthday and cry
Cry, my baby
Let me wash you
I have no ears for my lady...
10Jimmy Mackey & The All Stars

"Deserted With A Broken Heart"

Deserted with a broken heart, left alone to cry
My soul is crush, my heart is fried, I wish I could die
I can't seem to remember why I cry
Why these nights are oh so long
I can't place the blame on myself, But I can't place the blame on you
11Horn of the Rhino
Weight of Coronation

"Goat Behind The Gates"

I know where to find the truth
The secret eternal youth
I keep inside your desires
And now I posses your fire
Let me plant my seed inside
Back where your pain first began
Let my evil get inside you, bitch
Together we shall destroy paradise
12Oliver Tree
Ugly Is Beautiful

"Alien Boy"
"I fell down to Earth
From a hundred miles away and somehow
I still make it work
But it's overrated and somehow played out"

"Good Morning, Captain"

The captain reached for something to hold on to
"Help me", he whispered, as he rose slowly to his feet
The boy's face went pale
He recognized the sound
Silently, he pulled down the shade against the shadow
Lost in the doorstep of the empty house

I'm trying to find my way home
And I'm sorry
And I miss you
I miss you
I've grown taller now
I want the police to be notified
I'll make it up to you
I swear, I'll make it up to you
14Touche Amore
Is Survived By

"Just Exist"

I was once asked how I’d like to be remembered
And I simply smiled and said “I’d rather stay forever.”
It was possibly, my loudest cliche
But felt better than, just walking away

I don’t know what my legacy will be
A song, some words I wrote, or a kid I’ll never see
All of these things scare me half to death
I’ll suffer the day just hoping for the best
Viet Cong

"March Of Progress"

Lately there’s a wound that needs some healing soon
Before the infection can set in
Slowly, this repulsion leads to nausea
And fear for these old forgotten halls
Maybe you just need someone to keep you warm
With fire coming from a different sun

Your reputation is preceding you
We’re all sufficiently impressed
And this incessant march of progress
Can guarantee our sure success
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