Reviews 3
Approval 95%

Soundoffs 3
Album Ratings 977
Objectivity 71%

Last Active 10-27-12 5:20 am
Joined 06-15-11

Forum Posts 1
Review Comments 15,086

06.26.20 Ranking everything (part 1 of 2)06.16.20 Favorite concerts I've been to.
06.12.20 Rec me punk rock movies06.11.20 Albums I still need to jam all the way
06.10.20 Rec me sad songs06.10.20 Rec me less obvious music than this
06.07.20 Grunge Big 4 Ranked06.03.20 The 90s were better than everything
05.04.20 Books I've Read This Year Ranked (+want04.07.20 Ultimate quarantine playlist for me and
01.15.20 Trilogies ranked 12.13.19 Top 5 pop albums of the decade
12.11.19 Top 15 metal albums of the decade12.04.19 Top 10 Favorite Films of 2010s (6 honor
12.02.19 Top 20 Horror Novels08.06.19 Slipknot ranked
08.05.19 Top 15 Death Metal albums of the past d07.23.19 Music for horror stories
More »

Worst Horror Remakes

There are endless horrible horror remakes, so this one was a bit rough.
The Unspoken King

Wicker Man


For real, this one is actually really enjoyable to watch but it has to be here because it’s fucking awful. Also, the original is genuinely creepy so this is a bit of a slap in the face. Great drinking game movie, though and some of the best Nic Cage freak outs. This one doesn’t even make me mad.
4Limp Bizkit
Results May Vary


Vince Vaughan (who was actually good in the recent "Brawl in Cell Block 99") is not Norman Bates. Anne Heche is not Marion Crane. And Gus Van Sant (a director I like) is not Alfred Hitchcock. Recreating every scene, scene for scene, inorganically is just an exercise I never understood. A total waste of time. Watch the original, it's one of the greatest motion pictures of all time.
3Morbid Angel
Illud Divinum Insanus

When A Stranger Calls

ZZzzzz. No, seriously. This is one of like two or three movies in my life ever where I fell asleep in the movies. Boring boring boring boring.
St. Anger

A Nightmare on Elm Street

HOW IN THE FUCK DO YOU FUCK THIS UP? There was so much potential here that it makes me want to find the writers and personally fire them. Even though Robert Englund is the only person that could play his version of Freddy, I was actually excited for this film. Having a villain who could control your nightmares is like an open invitation for endless creative ideas. Somehow, someone thought it would be a great idea to recreate SOME of the kills from the original but in a more bloodless, boring way. Every character is boring/barely a character (Most offensively, so is Nancy). Most scenes drag. They tried to make Freddy sympathetic. Nothing made sense (not one fucking kid remembers Freddy from their childhood?). I could go on for days, but this movie makes me want to eat broken glass. Fuck this movie.
1Lou Reed and Metallica


Whoever thought that it would make sense to explore the childhood of The Shape, an embodiment of evil with no humanity behind his eyes should be fired. And to just make the kid a chubby, screetching shit with a stripper mom and an strangely insane redneck step dad… Everyone is yelling “cum” and “pussy” to immediately kill all sense of reality. Every character is someone I personally want to murder but not in a fun 80’s slasher way. The directing of each scene looks like a music video, which is weird because how the music is inserted into each scene doesn’t make any sense. Loomis is a bit of a doofus who…loves Michael? Laurie, the final girl who we are supposed to like is first introduced by fingering a bagel in front of her parents. The recreation of all of the murders from the original are directed horribly. And the GODDAMN SOUNDTRACK! LOVE HURTS? FUCK YOU ROB ZOMBIE, YOU BAG OF SHIT! DEVIL’S REJECTS DOESN’T MAKE UP FOR THIS YOU FUCKING AS;LDJF Ok gonna go meditate
Show/Add Comments (153)


Bands: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Site Copyright 2005-2019 Sputnikmusic.com
All Album Reviews Displayed With Permission of Authors | Terms of Use | Privacy Policy