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User
Reviews 29
Approval 97%
Soundoffs 31
News Articles 6
Band Edits + Tags 54
Album Edits 109
Album Ratings 906
Objectivity 92%
Last Active 04-07-18 8:10 am
Joined 01-06-15
Review Comments 315
| ArtBox's Art Box Week 12: The Weez
Back with another round of low-effort lists ranking cover art, this week it's River's Cuomo and the Japanese Fetish Crew. Let's go. | | 10 |  | Weezer
Raditude
I prefer my dogs to stay on the ground, the only reason I could see a dog jumping was if it was jumping to bite my face off, and I like my face a little more than I used to, so fuck Raditude's dog. | | 9 |  | Weezer
Maladroit
Maladroit - inefficient or inept; clumsy. The album is kinda clumsily thrown together and I'm pretty sure the artwork is here because it doesn't fit, like it fits because it doesn't fit, it's all really inefficient, I don't know, looks nice but nobody's known what it bloody means since 2002. | | 8 |  | Weezer
Make Believe
Yeah, the next five album covers all look the same and this list is subjective as fuck but there's still like one objective bottom of the Ego-Pleasing Five, and it's fucking Make Believe. I'd like to MAKE BELIEVE that this album art was thrown in a dumpster fire and Cardboard Cut-Out Cuomo and the Root Notes could make a nice design, like how hard is it to fuck up black? Very hard, and Weezer fucked up black. | | 7 |  | Weezer
The Green Album
So Green Album goes here because it's a fucking gross green and Rivers looks kind of depressed, I mean he was coming out of depression so I guess that makes sense. It's a self-conscious throwback with none of the soul, again kind of like the Green Album, but puke green is still better than Make Believe. | | 6 |  | Weezer
The Red Album
Sometimes I wish that Rivers Cuomo had pulled a Clint Eastwood around this time and just legitimately made a fucking cowboy film to the soundtrack of Weezer, like we have Chief Running Water and the Whooping Coughs show up on horseback to the sound of Beverly Hills and Troublemaker, and watch the audience fucking gouge their eyes out. Then we have a build up gun duel to the dual solos of Only In Dreams, like another allegory for wanking (did you know people thought Only in Dreams was an allegory for wanking? At least the guitar solo)
I'm lying. I've never thought of that until just now. | | 5 |  | Weezer
The White Album
"we live on the east coast aka the coast that matters so go to fuckin bed ala" - Fripp
This one gets marks for not being a green/blue/red/trash black screen and actually invoking imagery of a real place, also the band is so far away that we'll never truly know if Rivers had his famous moustache at the time, Cowboy Cuomo off in the distance. Like the White Album itself the cover is a return to form for band portraits. | | 4 |  | Weezer
Weezer
Before Rivers got depressed, almost wrote about space pods, wrote about half-Japanese girls instead, got depressed AGAIN, didn't touch his weenie for three years, became a cowboy, spent decades at Harvard, became the wingman of Lil Wayne and Chamillionaire and B.O.B. and general black people, before he was on a boat, before he said that disco sucks and wrote a pop song three years later, before the 2014-2016 resurgence of the Weez...
We had the Blue Album, and we had a young naive Cuomo with no idea what the trappings of a rock star could do to him. Man just chilling with his uneven legs and his geeky-looking bandmates who played power pop in a post-Cobain world where people still hated themselves and wanted to die. Bringing geek rock to popular culture like never before.
Also I think Wikipedia says the bassist's head is Photoshopped but Wikipedia could say Hitler invented fudge brownies at any point so nah son. | | 3 |  | Weezer
Everything Will Be Alright in the End
For once I feel like I get where Rivers is coming from with his choice, like it's absurdly funny to say "Everything will be alright in the end" while a quadrupedal Sasquatch comes to crush the lives and houses of everyone you love. It's even better when everything actually DOES turn out alright and that sasquatch decides not to destroy everything and instead becomes your pet. Rivers Cuomo would definitely go get a pet sasquatch, like at this point I'm not even fazed. | | 2 |  | Weezer
Pinkerton
Make Believe fucking up black is an unforgivable atrocity when you look at Pinkerton and realise "Holy shit Pinkerton didn't fuck up black, wait what the actual fuck?" The severity of the palette linking to the severity of the guitar distortion and songs, the kinda Japanese village leading Cuomo over the edge of his kinks, fucking SNOW! People always like snow until they're in it, they like what it means but by the time it gets there they go "Fuck it's cold." Like Pinkerton, people like the idea of Trademarked Cuomo Catharsis but then that would be weird to see live, like Cuomo singing El Scorcho at 50, fuck that. | | 1 |  | Weezer
Hurley
You knew it was coming, Whitey and the BlueBalls' magnum opus, dedicated to the man with the magnum dong and the stash of Magnum ice creams...
Jorge Garcia himself. Motherfucking HURLEY.
This album cover should have been the last episode of Lost to be honest, just 40 minutes of this. | |
Papa Universe
03.27.17 | Hurley might be the most WTF album artwork in existence. | ArtBox
03.27.17 | I think "Front to Back" by Wasnatch will always be the most WTF but yeah, Hurley. | Conmaniac
03.27.17 | idk man i actually love Raditude'a art even if the album sucks | ianblxdsoe
03.27.17 | Hurley is objectively the greatest album art in existence |
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