Sammy Hagar: 4 Decades Of Crap
2012-09-02 by John Cruz | 76 Replies | 3096 Views |
Or as Sammy likes to think it, 4 Decades Of "Rock." And nothing says rock like a big party at Lake Tahoe to celebrate your 40th year of mediocrity in the music business in front of an audience of burned out yuppies. 40 years in the business and I can't name but a few Sammy Hagar songs, and neither can you. Guy catches a break on account of a great guitar player wanting a patsy for a singer in his band, and Sam goes all Van Hagar on us. Now we can't get rid of him.
To celebrate himself, last night Sammy threw a big ass party and invited some musicians with actual talent to prop up his 65 year old ass. Promising a show that
would tell "The Whole Hagar Story," Hammy was joined by friends and bandmates Joe Satriani and Micheal Anthony from something called Chickenfoot, and some other guys from The Wabos and Montrose. Sammy was also joined by the singer from Whitesnake, who came out looking like a music video from 1987.
What is "The Whole Hagar Story." Well from what this reporter could gather it's something to do with being an ok guitar player and half ass talent on his way to obscurity after a half ass career in music. But suddenly as if by rock 'n roll miracle being plucked up and tossed into one of the mightiest rock bands on the planet, therefore giving you the ability to sell tequila, get fat, go fishing, live in Mexico, get laid by 20 year old "women," and throw big ass parties to celebrate 40 years of being the luckiest hack in the history of rock.
That last part actually sounds pretty good. Meh, some guys have all the luck, and I am not one of them. Rock on, Sammy! And see you in another 40.
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Lol.
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Not even slightly funny.
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awesome
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Does anybody else find it unprofessional and just plain stupid when people bash bands in news articles?
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John, be careful. If my mom ever heard someone slander Sammy so much she might hunt them down and kill them.
"Does anybody else find it unprofessional and just plain stupid when people bash bands in news articles?"
^Absolutely
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These are so painful. It's like reading Christina H.'s cracked articles.
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Article bleeds truth, good job.
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Article really isn't funny, but Hagar does suck a huge one.
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1. You're not funny
2. You're wasting an awful lot of time writing these idiotic "news" articles
3. Sammy Hagar is an insanely good vocalist and you're a moron for thinking otherwise.
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again, article is awesome. keep them coming cruz.
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Only non-VH songs I remember from this clown are "I Can't Drive 55" (dumb), and that song having to do with Tequila, which was also pretty retarded.
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you guys need to chill
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EVERYBODY CHILL!
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kcco
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WHAT KILLED THE DINOSAURS? THE ICE AGE!
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"Does anybody else find it unprofessional and just plain stupid when people bash bands in news articles?"
According to irrelevant shitty user no one gives a cunt about.
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STAY COOL BIRD BOY!
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I actually found this to be very accurate and moderately humorous. Is there some weird vendetta against John Cruz or something? conspiracy?
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Another?
Tl;dr.
Lol, but the title made me lol.
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A friend of mine once told me that there are three people he despises in this world. One of them is Sammy Hagar and the other two are Paula Dean and Papa Johns.
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What is the point of these articles? Are they supposed to be entertaining? Because they are. Are they supposed to be news? I hope not, they're entirely opinions. I don't understand it.
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I enjoy these articles. it's time this place stopped taking itself so seriously. we get it, everyone here is an elitist snob. but we don't hafta keep telling everyone every day
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According to irrelevant shitty user no one gives a cunt about.
what the hell is your problem?
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"and Papa Johns."
Papa John's rules wtf.
"what the hell is your problem?"
Your ugly ass avatar, dumbass user name, shit taste in music, the fact you don't like these articles, etc. etc. I could go on but I rather wouldn't.
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Hahahahaha people are still mad.
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Was this supposed to be funny?
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this is worse than JViney's review summaries.
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Can Emeritus people use the staff blog? It'd fit better there.
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Your ugly ass avatar, dumbass user name, shit taste in music, the fact you don't like these
articles, etc. etc. I could go on but I rather wouldn't.
y u so mad bro?
but seriously...those are all stupid reasons, and I looked through your ratings of albums, i agree
with most of them. If my taste is shit, then so is yours.
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This is the funniest one yet
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This one was good, but these gonzo articles are getting old
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Nice one John
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Maybe there should just be a separate Cruz-Newz sidebar.
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please pay attention to me
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looooooool John these are so awesome
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Mother fucker dude stop writing these terrible news articles.
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This article sucks almost as much as Sammy Hagar.
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John Cruz is hilarious y'all are fucking 'tards. The smart ones find his articles much needed.
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i hope no one actually thinks that
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haha
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Pretty funny read, I'm no Hagar fan myself though I am partial to Chickenfoot only for the other musicians, but these things really don't belong in the News. I've only read a few though so maybe there's somethingI'm missing out on because I'm not on here much anymore
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TONIGHT'S FORECAST, A FREEZE IS COMING!
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john cruz: a sputnik divided
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like these articles are just harmlessly unfunny but the amount of butthurt in the threads is ridiculous
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THIS IS NOT NEWS MY SENSES ARE OFFENDED BECAUSE NEWS IS VERY SERIOUS AND I AM VERY SERIOUS ABOUT THE
NEWS
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yeah just like that
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the user base rarely ever pays "conventional" news any mind so
why complain about what everyone so obviously craves on here.
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sammy gaygar
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"the user base rarely ever pays "conventional" news any mind so"
this is probably the dumbest thing youve ever said
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it's true. the amount of attention on outlandish stories doesn't lie.
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its news, like in the sense of giving people new information, the news articles do exactly what theyre supposed to
like i said these articles are harmless but the dude thinks hes way funnier/wittier than he actually is
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that seems to be the growing popular opinion as this continues.
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Am i too late to make a "____ cant drive 55" joke yet?/
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Good job drawing more attention to him, cretinous author.
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lol
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So Hugh Grant is to acting what Sammy Hagar is to rock?
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LOL this was great. I do like Hagar's voice at times but otherwise agree that he cheeses up any band he's in
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I was going to go on a pointless, Sammy Hagar related, internet tirade. But, then I started staring at Recspec's avatar picture.
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Pretty accurate
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"Hahaha, my god you apologists are hilarious."
All you are is a dumb-ass I guess.
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So awkwardly written, heh.
"and Micheal Anthony from something called Chickenfoot" - best line, omg.
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Cruz-News
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I pop in on every one of these just to see where he uses the phrase "this reporter" and to add tally marks for each time it's used.
Go on, Mr. Cruz. Go on.
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Really I wouldn't have read this article if it wasn't titled what it was titled. It was entertaining and informative. To me that makes it good news.
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And I second the Cruz Newz sidebar
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I third Cruz Newz sidebar
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funny
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China's in this has to happen or war
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Lol this guy is so polarizing.
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"Your ugly ass avatar, dumbass user name, shit taste in music, the fact you don't like these
articles, etc. etc. I could go on but I rather wouldn't."
Comments like this what make Sputnik the nice, wonderful community that it is.
Article was a fun read, and it was informative. Some members on this forum need to get a life and realize that not every news article needs to take itself so seriously. Keep it up, Cruz.
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i found this hilarious
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Points for trying
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This is awful.
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removed because, well...why fight it.
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I laughed pretty hard at this. I agree as well.
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this article is awesome
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