LL Cool J Breaks A Face
2012-08-24 by John Cruz | 73 Comments

LL Cool J went berserk on some poor transient who broke into his home Wednesday morning at 2:00am and tried to front on the notoriously fit and worked out rap star/movie star/tv star/business man/ladies man/weekend baller,and husband and father.

According to police it's "three strikes" and you're out for the bloodied and battered Jonathan A. Kirby, who took a vicious smack down at the hands of LL after tripping the house alarm as LL and his cool wife and cool kids slept. Kirby was rushed to hospital with some pretty cool injuries, too. Broken jaw, nose, and ribs according to official reports. And who knows, could be more! Sounds like a hook, jab, and uppercut to the ribs to this scribe. And have you seen LL's rock hard body? Woe to this perp,indeed.

Kirby is a two time loser with a history of violence and two prior felony convictions under his belt. That's two strikes, Kirb. If convicted on this latest incident the broke face loser can see up to 38 years in prison under Cali's "3 Strike" law. Which I am sure is fine with The Cool One himself.

This reporter rode his motorcycle to the home of LL a day after the incident to see if LL wanted to comment on the whole shebang. But I got scared and just rode past. At least my face is still pretty.

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Band Page: LL Cool J

Comments:Add a Comment 
JohnXDoesn't
August 24th 2012

1267 Comments


why is it when the news is edited the format gets all messed up on the page? i can't seem to correct it, either. meh

Fluttertrank
August 24th 2012

17098 Comments


wut is this lol

taylormemer
August 24th 2012

4916 Comments


Because you either used Chrome or Safari.

JohnXDoesn't
August 24th 2012

1267 Comments


its music news from the home of one of our most beloved entertainers.

JohnXDoesn't
August 24th 2012

1267 Comments


its chrome. brb with ff

Adabelle
August 24th 2012

4254 Comments


Classic JohnX

hesperus
August 24th 2012

185 Comments


This was hilarious.

NoMeansYes
August 24th 2012

1012 Comments


Fantastic news, and well reported

Curse.
Contributing Reviewer
August 24th 2012

7983 Comments


Not enough paragraphs about his abs, reported

iamSeraph
August 24th 2012

860 Comments


lolz

Recspecs
August 24th 2012

9829 Comments


Hahaha

thumbcrusher
August 24th 2012

3591 Comments


wtf lol

henryChinaski
August 24th 2012

2723 Comments


cool

Digging: The Tidal Sleep - Vorstellungskraft

Deviant.
Staff Reviewer
August 24th 2012

31085 Comments


Andcas take note, this is how you write unimportant news and make it worth reading

Digging: Banks - Goddess

taylormemer
August 24th 2012

4916 Comments


He'll still fail.

TheFantasticDangler
August 24th 2012

1154 Comments


wow

Digging: Neutral Milk Hotel - In the Aeroplane Over the Sea

Hep Kat
August 24th 2012

15343 Comments


posting in fuckin jxd news

Digging: Botany Boyz - Forever Botany

ChuckyTruant
August 24th 2012

15710 Comments


Hahahh sweet

Digging: Palm Reader - Bad Weather

KSK1
August 24th 2012

4081 Comments


Lol

JumpTheF**kUp
August 24th 2012

2710 Comments


Hahaha I love you John.

Curse.
Contributing Reviewer
August 24th 2012

7983 Comments


This article is almost as funny as that time Chan did that thing

BallsToTheWall
August 24th 2012

44164 Comments


Andcas take note, this is how you write unimportant news and make it worth reading (2)

LL's the man.


RangerTaffles
August 24th 2012

256 Comments


Kirby

says nuff

snerefedsav
August 24th 2012

823 Comments


this is one of the best news posts i've seen in a very, very, very long time

ConcubinaryCode
August 24th 2012

2064 Comments


Mama said knock you out

jizzatboz666
August 24th 2012

33 Comments


ladies love cool james.

GringoSuave89
August 24th 2012

1023 Comments


Mama said knock you out [2]

Digging: Interpol - El Pintor

AnthonyFartano
August 24th 2012

233 Comments


I didn't laugh. It's not funny.

PayneTiger777
August 24th 2012

4388 Comments


So that's why he never dies in movies. Good job.

MO
August 24th 2012

18512 Comments


good 'ol LL

manicmonkey
August 24th 2012

456 Comments


cool article

Upsidedown_and_Sideways
August 24th 2012

258 Comments


yawn - gossip style writing is too easy.

Scoot
August 24th 2012

17726 Comments


not enough of you even know who john is

forums legend

GhettoHmbrglr
August 24th 2012

572 Comments


ll lol

cirq
August 24th 2012

9263 Comments


Only 2 'Mama said knock you out' comments? Come on, smutnik

TomAkaVeto
August 24th 2012

1624 Comments


hahaha amazing

AtomicWaste
Staff Reviewer
August 24th 2012

1986 Comments


Epic.

CaptainDooRight
August 24th 2012

28831 Comments


m/




ChuckyTruant
August 24th 2012

15710 Comments


very m/

Spluger
August 24th 2012

1133 Comments


lollololol "his cool wife and his cool kids"

Electric City
Staff Reviewer
August 24th 2012

15732 Comments


lol'd hard

Oceanus
August 24th 2012

877 Comments


Best news article, JXD. It's good to see you on the inferior section of the site again, brought the laughs for sure.

robertsona
Staff Reviewer
August 24th 2012

15014 Comments


hahahaha

Aids
Contributing Reviewer
August 24th 2012

23806 Comments


johnxdoe returns

EyesWideShut
August 24th 2012

3130 Comments


lol thats awesome!

Trebor.
Contributing Reviewer
August 24th 2012

50088 Comments


The three strike thing sucks hard

Digging: Tiny Moving Parts - Pleasant Living

Recspecs
August 24th 2012

9829 Comments


"how dumb do you have to be to commit three felonies."

Pretty sure I've committed hundreds of felonies and gotten away with it.

HSThomas
August 24th 2012

668 Comments


^ Yeah I'm guessing most of those are rape.

Calc
August 24th 2012

12133 Comments


lol this article is awesome...

Digging: Jizue - Shiori

sixdegrees
August 24th 2012

16917 Comments


hahaha this is brilliant

Digging: Ted Nugent - Shutup&jam!

bloc
August 24th 2012

34768 Comments


Anyone say MOMMA SAID KNOCK YOU OUT yet?

Digging: Interpol - El Pintor

freedomofspeechnoway
August 24th 2012

413 Comments


old news.

Digging: Buckethead - Closed Attractions

JohnXDoesn't
August 24th 2012

1267 Comments


bloc wrote:

"Anyone say MOMMA SAID KNOCK YOU OUT yet?"

its been said. unfortunately this reporter could not think of the title of the song at the time to pun it. good thing.....

RosaParks
August 24th 2012

14837 Comments


brilliant

TrstN01
August 24th 2012

800 Comments


I don't know what I just read, but I liked it.

macman76
August 24th 2012

373 Comments


Needs more roundhouse kicks

bloc
August 24th 2012

34768 Comments


Just rob Van Damme's house for those

Relinquished
August 24th 2012

24922 Comments


ha

nnnope
August 25th 2012

418 Comments


i hate this fucking website

fr33convict
August 25th 2012

11687 Comments


Pos'd.

Storm In A Teacup
August 25th 2012

12702 Comments


I nearly broke a few girls faces tonight. 4 of them jumped my friend who I was walking beside and I was pulling them off her throwing girl after girl and they kept coming. I only got punched in the face once by them and I didn't get mad cuz I didn't even feel it lol.

SCREAMorphine
August 25th 2012

1752 Comments


Fantastic!

JAV
August 25th 2012

1934 Comments


He's only doin what mama told him to.

Apollo
August 25th 2012

10290 Comments


"^ Yeah I'm guessing most of those are rape."

Bahaha

0ctahedronzz
August 25th 2012

184 Comments


This is why I hate this place.

JohnXDoesn't
August 25th 2012

1267 Comments


hate a website? so much energy wasted on something which can't know
or care :/



Storm In A Coffee Mug got beat up by a gang of womens lol. now that is news!

Storm In A Teacup
August 25th 2012

12702 Comments


well there was never a stringent atmosphere to the staff. they do want the website to be enjoyable after all especially considering this is a user run community.

asaf
August 26th 2012

885 Comments


if someone breaks into your home while you sleep, you should have every vote to unleash a wrath of fury at your leisure and to your liking. Saw I-VII style even

LG
August 26th 2012

3049 Comments


Kirby's a bitch, if that was me LL woulda ended up my little bitch. And be wearing a dog collar so he knows who his master is

JohnXDoesn't
August 26th 2012

1267 Comments


is there a continuing story, here? are some questioning his actions? that would be dumb. imo he could
have killed the guy and i would still be ok with it. not flat out murder him, but if he hit the guy or
shot the guy in self defense and the guy dies, who cares? the man is in his home and i agree...if
someone breaks in in the middle of the night w/e happens to them short of flat out murder is on them

derkaderka
August 26th 2012

52 Comments


word

MoosechriS
August 26th 2012

4943 Comments


hahahaha this sounds as funny as the time when people thought it would be funny to break into footballer duncan fergusons house.

"who lives here i wonder? probably some rich nonce"

*enters house and sees LL coming down the stairs towards him*

"oooooooopppppssssss"

massasarcasm
August 26th 2012

54 Comments


"Kirby's a bitch, if that was me LL woulda ended up my little bitch. And be wearing a dog collar so he knows who his master is"

tuff guy!



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