LL Cool J Breaks A Face
2012-08-24 by John Cruz | 73 Comments

LL Cool J went berserk on some poor transient who broke into his home Wednesday morning at 2:00am and tried to front on the notoriously fit and worked out rap star/movie star/tv star/business man/ladies man/weekend baller,and husband and father.

According to police it's "three strikes" and you're out for the bloodied and battered Jonathan A. Kirby, who took a vicious smack down at the hands of LL after tripping the house alarm as LL and his cool wife and cool kids slept. Kirby was rushed to hospital with some pretty cool injuries, too. Broken jaw, nose, and ribs according to official reports. And who knows, could be more! Sounds like a hook, jab, and uppercut to the ribs to this scribe. And have you seen LL's rock hard body? Woe to this perp,indeed.

Kirby is a two time loser with a history of violence and two prior felony convictions under his belt. That's two strikes, Kirb. If convicted on this latest incident the broke face loser can see up to 38 years in prison under Cali's "3 Strike" law. Which I am sure is fine with The Cool One himself.

This reporter rode his motorcycle to the home of LL a day after the incident to see if LL wanted to comment on the whole shebang. But I got scared and just rode past. At least my face is still pretty.

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Band Page: LL Cool J

Comments:Add a Comment 
JohnXDoesn't
August 24th 2012

1247 Comments


why is it when the news is edited the format gets all messed up on the page? i can't seem to correct it, either. meh

Fluttertrank
August 24th 2012

16963 Comments


wut is this lol

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taylormemer
August 24th 2012

4887 Comments


Because you either used Chrome or Safari.

JohnXDoesn't
August 24th 2012

1247 Comments


its music news from the home of one of our most beloved entertainers.

JohnXDoesn't
August 24th 2012

1247 Comments


its chrome. brb with ff

Adabelle
August 24th 2012

4161 Comments


Classic JohnX

hesperus
August 24th 2012

184 Comments


This was hilarious.

NoMeansYes
August 24th 2012

1012 Comments


Fantastic news, and well reported

Curse.
Contributing Reviewer
August 24th 2012

7762 Comments


Not enough paragraphs about his abs, reported

Digging: The Menzingers - Rented World

iamSeraph
August 24th 2012

852 Comments


lolz

Recspecs
August 24th 2012

9811 Comments


Hahaha

thumbcrusher
August 24th 2012

3546 Comments


wtf lol

henryChinaski
August 24th 2012

2457 Comments


cool

Digging: The War on Drugs - Lost in the Dream

Deviant.
Staff Reviewer
August 24th 2012

30298 Comments


Andcas take note, this is how you write unimportant news and make it worth reading

Digging: L'Orange - The Orchid Days

taylormemer
August 24th 2012

4887 Comments


He'll still fail.

TheFantasticDangler
August 24th 2012

1144 Comments


wow

Hep Kat
August 24th 2012

14022 Comments


posting in fuckin jxd news

Digging: Fucked Up - Year of the Dragon

ChuckyTruant
August 24th 2012

15572 Comments


Hahahh sweet

Digging: Architects - Lost Forever // Lost Together

KSK1
August 24th 2012

4051 Comments


Lol

JumpTheF**kUp
August 24th 2012

2708 Comments


Hahaha I love you John.

Curse.
Contributing Reviewer
August 24th 2012

7762 Comments


This article is almost as funny as that time Chan did that thing

BallsToTheWall
August 24th 2012

44164 Comments


Andcas take note, this is how you write unimportant news and make it worth reading (2)

LL's the man.


Ahmad498
August 24th 2012

242 Comments


Kirby

says nuff

snerefedsav
August 24th 2012

785 Comments


this is one of the best news posts i've seen in a very, very, very long time

ConcubinaryCode
August 24th 2012

1850 Comments


Mama said knock you out

jizzatboz666
August 24th 2012

33 Comments


ladies love cool james.

GringoSuave89
August 24th 2012

943 Comments


Mama said knock you out [2]

AnthonyFartano
August 24th 2012

233 Comments


I didn't laugh. It's not funny.

PayneTiger777
August 24th 2012

4368 Comments


So that's why he never dies in movies. Good job.

MO
August 24th 2012

17364 Comments


good 'ol LL

Digging: Soundtrack - Turok 2: Seeds of Evil OST

manicmonkey
August 24th 2012

446 Comments


cool article

Upsidedown_and_Sideways
August 24th 2012

246 Comments


yawn - gossip style writing is too easy.

Scoot
August 24th 2012

17486 Comments


not enough of you even know who john is

forums legend

GhettoHmbrglr
August 24th 2012

531 Comments


ll lol

cirq
August 24th 2012

9257 Comments


Only 2 'Mama said knock you out' comments? Come on, smutnik

TomAkaVeto
August 24th 2012

1523 Comments


hahaha amazing

AtomicWaste
Staff Reviewer
August 24th 2012

1918 Comments


Epic.

CaptainDooRight
August 24th 2012

26444 Comments


m/




Digging: Deniro Farrar - The Patriarch II

ChuckyTruant
August 24th 2012

15572 Comments


very m/

Spluger
August 24th 2012

1004 Comments


lollololol "his cool wife and his cool kids"

Electric City
Staff Reviewer
August 24th 2012

15693 Comments


lol'd hard

Digging: Nmesh - Dream Sequins® [AMDISCS]

Oceanus
August 24th 2012

877 Comments


Best news article, JXD. It's good to see you on the inferior section of the site again, brought the laughs for sure.

robertsona
Staff Reviewer
August 24th 2012

14884 Comments


hahahaha

Aids
Contributing Reviewer
August 24th 2012

23652 Comments


johnxdoe returns

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EyesWideShut
August 24th 2012

3028 Comments


lol thats awesome!

Trebor.
Contributing Reviewer
August 24th 2012

48559 Comments


The three strike thing sucks hard

Digging: The Hotelier - Home, Like NoPlace Is There

Recspecs
August 24th 2012

9811 Comments


"how dumb do you have to be to commit three felonies."

Pretty sure I've committed hundreds of felonies and gotten away with it.

HSThomas
August 24th 2012

668 Comments


^ Yeah I'm guessing most of those are rape.

Calc
August 24th 2012

10878 Comments


lol this article is awesome...

sixdegrees
August 24th 2012

15777 Comments


hahaha this is brilliant

Digging: Tam Tam - Polarize

bloc
August 24th 2012

34499 Comments


Anyone say MOMMA SAID KNOCK YOU OUT yet?

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freedomofspeechnoway
August 24th 2012

407 Comments


old news.

JohnXDoesn't
August 24th 2012

1247 Comments


bloc wrote:

"Anyone say MOMMA SAID KNOCK YOU OUT yet?"

its been said. unfortunately this reporter could not think of the title of the song at the time to pun it. good thing.....

RosaParks
August 24th 2012

14592 Comments


brilliant

TrstN01
August 24th 2012

800 Comments


I don't know what I just read, but I liked it.

macman76
August 24th 2012

373 Comments


Needs more roundhouse kicks

bloc
August 24th 2012

34499 Comments


Just rob Van Damme's house for those

Relinquished
August 24th 2012

22379 Comments


ha

nnnope
August 25th 2012

418 Comments


i hate this fucking website

fr33convict
August 25th 2012

11678 Comments


Pos'd.

Storm In A Teacup
August 25th 2012

12688 Comments


I nearly broke a few girls faces tonight. 4 of them jumped my friend who I was walking beside and I was pulling them off her throwing girl after girl and they kept coming. I only got punched in the face once by them and I didn't get mad cuz I didn't even feel it lol.

SCREAMorphine
August 25th 2012

1704 Comments


Fantastic!

JAV
August 25th 2012

1883 Comments


He's only doin what mama told him to.

Apollo
August 25th 2012

10083 Comments


"^ Yeah I'm guessing most of those are rape."

Bahaha

0ctahedronzz
August 25th 2012

184 Comments


This is why I hate this place.

JohnXDoesn't
August 25th 2012

1247 Comments


hate a website? so much energy wasted on something which can't know
or care :/



Storm In A Coffee Mug got beat up by a gang of womens lol. now that is news!

Storm In A Teacup
August 25th 2012

12688 Comments


well there was never a stringent atmosphere to the staff. they do want the website to be enjoyable after all especially considering this is a user run community.

asaf
August 26th 2012

873 Comments


if someone breaks into your home while you sleep, you should have every vote to unleash a wrath of fury at your leisure and to your liking. Saw I-VII style even

LG
August 26th 2012

3049 Comments


Kirby's a bitch, if that was me LL woulda ended up my little bitch. And be wearing a dog collar so he knows who his master is

JohnXDoesn't
August 26th 2012

1247 Comments


is there a continuing story, here? are some questioning his actions? that would be dumb. imo he could
have killed the guy and i would still be ok with it. not flat out murder him, but if he hit the guy or
shot the guy in self defense and the guy dies, who cares? the man is in his home and i agree...if
someone breaks in in the middle of the night w/e happens to them short of flat out murder is on them

derkaderka
August 26th 2012

52 Comments


word

MoosechriS
August 26th 2012

4643 Comments


hahahaha this sounds as funny as the time when people thought it would be funny to break into footballer duncan fergusons house.

"who lives here i wonder? probably some rich nonce"

*enters house and sees LL coming down the stairs towards him*

"oooooooopppppssssss"

Digging: Durazis - Prayer Rehearsal

massasarcasm
August 26th 2012

54 Comments


"Kirby's a bitch, if that was me LL woulda ended up my little bitch. And be wearing a dog collar so he knows who his master is"

tuff guy!



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