LL Cool J Breaks A Face

2012-08-24 by John Cruz | 71 Comments
LL Cool J went berserk on some poor transient who broke into his home Wednesday morning at 2:00am and tried to front on the notoriously fit and worked out rap star/movie star/tv star/business man/ladies man/weekend baller,and husband and father.

According to police it's "three strikes" and you're out for the bloodied and battered Jonathan A. Kirby, who took a vicious smack down at the hands of LL after tripping the house alarm as LL and his cool wife and cool kids slept. Kirby was rushed to hospital with some pretty cool injuries, too. Broken jaw, nose, and ribs according to official reports. And who knows, could be more! Sounds like a hook, jab, and uppercut to the ribs to this scribe. And have you seen LL's rock hard body? Woe to this perp,indeed.

Kirby is a two time loser with a history of violence and two prior felony convictions under his belt. That's two strikes, Kirb. If convicted on this latest incident the broke face loser can see up to 38 years in prison under Cali's "3 Strike" law. Which I am sure is fine with The Cool One himself.

This reporter rode his motorcycle to the home of LL a day after the incident to see if LL wanted to comment on the whole shebang. But I got scared and just rode past. At least my face is still pretty.

Tagged: LL Cool J

Comments:Add a Comment 
JohnXDoesn't
August 24th 2012
1287 Comments


why is it when the news is edited the format gets all messed up on the page? i can't seem to correct it, either. meh

taylormemer
August 24th 2012
4955 Comments


Because you either used Chrome or Safari.

JohnXDoesn't
August 24th 2012
1287 Comments


its music news from the home of one of our most beloved entertainers.

JohnXDoesn't
August 24th 2012
1287 Comments


its chrome. brb with ff

Adabelle
August 24th 2012
4265 Comments


Classic JohnX

hesperus
August 24th 2012
185 Comments


This was hilarious.

NoMeansYes
August 24th 2012
1012 Comments


Fantastic news, and well reported

Curse.
August 24th 2012
8037 Comments


Not enough paragraphs about his abs, reported

iamSeraph
August 24th 2012
879 Comments


lolz

Recspecs
August 24th 2012
9866 Comments


Hahaha

thumbcrusher
August 24th 2012
3612 Comments


wtf lol

henryChinaski
August 24th 2012
3051 Comments


cool

Digging: Skyharbor - Guiding Lights

Deviant.
Staff Reviewer
August 24th 2012
31869 Comments


Andcas take note, this is how you write unimportant news and make it worth reading

taylormemer
August 24th 2012
4955 Comments


He'll still fail.

TheFantasticDangler
August 24th 2012
1216 Comments


wow

Digging: Royal Thunder - Crooked Doors

Hep Kat
August 24th 2012
16963 Comments


posting in fuckin jxd news

Digging: Boilerman - Boilerman

ChuckyTruant
August 24th 2012
15728 Comments


Hahahh sweet

Digging: Alexisonfire - Watch Out!

KSK1
August 24th 2012
4097 Comments


Lol

JumpTheF**kUp
August 24th 2012
2718 Comments


Hahaha I love you John.

Curse.
August 24th 2012
8037 Comments


This article is almost as funny as that time Chan did that thing

BallsToTheWall
August 24th 2012
44805 Comments


Andcas take note, this is how you write unimportant news and make it worth reading (2)

LL's the man.


RangerTaffles
August 24th 2012
268 Comments


Kirby

says nuff

snerefedsav
August 24th 2012
867 Comments


this is one of the best news posts i've seen in a very, very, very long time

ConcubinaryCode
August 24th 2012
2286 Comments


Mama said knock you out

jizzatboz666
August 24th 2012
33 Comments


ladies love cool james.

GringoSuave89
August 24th 2012
1088 Comments


Mama said knock you out [2]

Digging: Tyler, the Creator - Cherry Bomb

AnthonyFartano
August 24th 2012
233 Comments


I didn't laugh. It's not funny.

PayneTiger777
August 24th 2012
4432 Comments


So that's why he never dies in movies. Good job.

MO
August 24th 2012
19480 Comments


good 'ol LL

manicmonkey
August 24th 2012
461 Comments


cool article

Upsidedown_and_Sideways
August 24th 2012
266 Comments


yawn - gossip style writing is too easy.

Scoot
August 24th 2012
18073 Comments


not enough of you even know who john is

forums legend

GhettoHmbrglr
August 24th 2012
653 Comments


ll lol

cirq
August 24th 2012
9296 Comments


Only 2 'Mama said knock you out' comments? Come on, smutnik

TomAkaVeto
August 24th 2012
1732 Comments


hahaha amazing

AtomicWaste
Staff Reviewer
August 24th 2012
2098 Comments


Epic.

Digging: Jakub Zytecki - Wishful Lotus Proof

ChuckyTruant
August 24th 2012
15728 Comments


very m/

Spluger
August 24th 2012
1191 Comments


lollololol "his cool wife and his cool kids"

Electric City
Emeritus
August 24th 2012
15744 Comments


lol'd hard

Oceanus
August 24th 2012
877 Comments


Best news article, JXD. It's good to see you on the inferior section of the site again, brought the laughs for sure.

robertsona
Staff Reviewer
August 24th 2012
15093 Comments


hahahaha

Aids
August 24th 2012
24181 Comments


johnxdoe returns

Digging: The Mountain Goats - Beat the Champ

EyesWideShut
August 24th 2012
3276 Comments


lol thats awesome!

Trebor.
Contributing Reviewer
August 24th 2012
51197 Comments


The three strike thing sucks hard

Recspecs
August 24th 2012
9866 Comments


"how dumb do you have to be to commit three felonies."

Pretty sure I've committed hundreds of felonies and gotten away with it.

HSThomas
August 24th 2012
668 Comments


^ Yeah I'm guessing most of those are rape.

Calc
August 24th 2012
12611 Comments


lol this article is awesome...

Digging: Hiatus Kaiyote - Choose Your Weapon

sixdegrees
August 24th 2012
18442 Comments


hahaha this is brilliant

Digging: Goropsy - Mac and Cheese

bloc
August 24th 2012
35301 Comments


Anyone say MOMMA SAID KNOCK YOU OUT yet?

freedomofspeechnoway
August 24th 2012
420 Comments


old news.

JohnXDoesn't
August 24th 2012
1287 Comments


bloc wrote:

"Anyone say MOMMA SAID KNOCK YOU OUT yet?"

its been said. unfortunately this reporter could not think of the title of the song at the time to pun it. good thing.....

RosaParks
August 24th 2012
15707 Comments


brilliant

TrstN01
August 24th 2012
800 Comments


I don't know what I just read, but I liked it.

macman76
August 24th 2012
373 Comments


Needs more roundhouse kicks

bloc
August 24th 2012
35301 Comments


Just rob Van Damme's house for those

Relinquished
August 24th 2012
28026 Comments


ha

nnnope
August 25th 2012
418 Comments


i hate this fucking website

fr33convict
August 25th 2012
11708 Comments


Pos'd.

Storm In A Teacup
August 25th 2012
13576 Comments


I nearly broke a few girls faces tonight. 4 of them jumped my friend who I was walking beside and I was pulling them off her throwing girl after girl and they kept coming. I only got punched in the face once by them and I didn't get mad cuz I didn't even feel it lol.

SCREAMorphine
August 25th 2012
1766 Comments


Fantastic!

JAV
August 25th 2012
2000 Comments


He's only doin what mama told him to.

Apollo
August 25th 2012
10382 Comments


"^ Yeah I'm guessing most of those are rape."

Bahaha

0ctahedronzz
August 25th 2012
184 Comments


This is why I hate this place.

JohnXDoesn't
August 25th 2012
1287 Comments


hate a website? so much energy wasted on something which can't know
or care :/



Storm In A Coffee Mug got beat up by a gang of womens lol. now that is news!

Storm In A Teacup
August 25th 2012
13576 Comments


well there was never a stringent atmosphere to the staff. they do want the website to be enjoyable after all especially considering this is a user run community.

asaf
August 26th 2012
894 Comments


if someone breaks into your home while you sleep, you should have every vote to unleash a wrath of fury at your leisure and to your liking. Saw I-VII style even

LG
August 26th 2012
3049 Comments


Kirby's a bitch, if that was me LL woulda ended up my little bitch. And be wearing a dog collar so he knows who his master is

JohnXDoesn't
August 26th 2012
1287 Comments


is there a continuing story, here? are some questioning his actions? that would be dumb. imo he could
have killed the guy and i would still be ok with it. not flat out murder him, but if he hit the guy or
shot the guy in self defense and the guy dies, who cares? the man is in his home and i agree...if
someone breaks in in the middle of the night w/e happens to them short of flat out murder is on them

derkaderka
August 26th 2012
62 Comments


word

MoosechriS
August 26th 2012
5120 Comments


hahahaha this sounds as funny as the time when people thought it would be funny to break into footballer duncan fergusons house.

"who lives here i wonder? probably some rich nonce"

*enters house and sees LL coming down the stairs towards him*

"oooooooopppppssssss"

massasarcasm
August 26th 2012
54 Comments


"Kirby's a bitch, if that was me LL woulda ended up my little bitch. And be wearing a dog collar so he knows who his master is"

tuff guy!



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