Lorde Stoned / Antonoff Stooge 2021-07-22 by Hugh G. Puddles STAFF | 38 Comments |
The Kiwi-born LA-acclimatized popstar LORDE has released a second single for her highly anticipated/somewhat dreaded upcoming album Solar Power. It comes replete with a visualiser because the industry just loves giving.
In a long overdue though (#spin) shocking turn of events, the song has had untoward consequences for both Lorde's reputation as a relatively independent pop auteur whose artistic judgement was credible, and for producer/co-writer Jack Antonoff's reputation as someone whose situation at the forefront of That Mainstream Sophisticate Pop Sound That Keeps The Depressive First World Dancing And Thinking About Crying (You Know The One) is even more obsolete than people once feared.
"Stoned At The Nail Salon" is an essentially a carbon copy of the track "Wild At Heart", as heard on Lana del Rey's trainwreck of an album Chemtrails Over The Country Club earlier this year - and by carbon copy, we're not talking similar moods or motifs or inflections or any other innocuous similarities of the kind that you've heard countless times already on separate works by separate artists produced by Antonoff (see: St. Vincent's "Slow Disco" vs. Lana Del Rey's "Norman Fucking Rockwell"). No sir, this is self-plagiarism of the highest order and no amount of intellectual property rights should keep our good man from suing his own pants off in a flurry and hurry. Make haste! Spear of the church, by the sacred decree, protect our princess.
"Stoned At the Nail Salon" is more innocuously boring than "Wild At Heart", but anyone who made it through that song's catatonic vocal performance and nib-rending lyricism (The cameras have flashes / they cause the car crashes) will have instant flashbacks of the still-fresh depths it plumbed, rendering Lorde's cadence and inflection commonalities tragically unlistenable. Alongside Lorde and Lana, Jack Antonoff produces and backseat auteurs for Taylor Swift, St. Vincent and Clairo, none of whom have made a decent album in recent memory, and he did one song with Carly Rae Jepsen that turned out okay somehow.
You can watch and enjoy the online fallout on Twitter links including this one:
mobile.twitter.com/FranziaMom/status/1417886494820159491
You can listen to and experience "Stoned At The Nail Salon" here:
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Tagged: Lorde
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i didn't write this article and there is no blood in my veins
there is only red wine
fuck this song
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Lord(e) Sto)))ned
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Exciting. There's also two new William Parker albums coming out tomorrow.
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johnny i appreciate that whenever you write words they feel as if The Internet has become sentient and grown vocal cords and spoken to us all. this is the strongest of compliments i can give
genuinely lolled at "he did one song with Carly Rae Jepsen that turned out okay somehow"
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there's a staff blog section ya know
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so you're just writin reviews in news articles now huh
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what a snoozer
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This is the best news article I've ever read here
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"so you're just writin reviews in news articles now huh"
Keep this trend GOING
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I like that some personality is finally being injected into this site's news section. Even if that personality is sarcastic and condescending. #jotw for title of news staff
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"Even if that personality is sarcastic and condescending"
This is the personality that this site deserves!
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@Sowing - yeah but whenever non staff does it it gets edited before posting. Otherwise there could be lots of fun here lol
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I can't imagine this could be worse than the first track but also I can definitely imagine it being worse than the first track
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It is
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"yeah but whenever non staff does it it gets edited before posting."
I've had some fun in articles in the past that go by unedited :]
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christ these articles suck
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“I've had some fun in articles in the past that go by unedited :]”
NEPOTISM. NEPOTISM I TELL YOU
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I won't decline articles just because they're written differently or with a sarcastic wit
But they do have to be well-written
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"johnny i appreciate that whenever you write words they feel as if The Internet has become sentient and grown vocal cords and spoken to us all. this is the strongest of compliments i can give" {2}
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zzzzzzz
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"NEPOTISM. NEPOTISM I TELL YOU"
look at what I classify Volumes as in this article lol
https://www.sputnikmusic.com/news/37579/Volumes-promote-new-single-album/
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johnny about to get sput blown up with redditers again lol
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Jerk Antonoff should rot. I mean he dated Lena Dunham right, so that says everything. Screw him and screw this record. Lorde can stay in New Zealand and never leave IMO.
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"Jack Antonoff produces and backseat auteurs for Taylor Swift, St. Vincent and Clairo, none of whom have made a decent album in recent memory"
Taylor and St Vincent have NEVER released a worthy album. Not a single one. I saw ST VINCENT open for Arcade Fire on the Neon Bible tour and it was a garbage opening set.
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Can’t wait to see Sowing’s review stacked next to Johnny’s
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I chuckled.
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"Kiwi-born" lmao I love you Johnny
those mfs are some of the dopest birds that's for sure
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"Taylor and St Vincent have NEVER released a worthy album. Not a single one."
You never listened to 1989 then?
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I’m enjoying these
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article is probably the best thing to come from the song so thx lorde
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More news posts like this please
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aha who is making these news articles?? xD fukn crazy hahaha
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Bless this article and fuck Jack Antonoff to pieces, single-handedly ruined pop music.
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lmao what the hell is this article? Trash takes aside, can we please leave the editorializing out of this?
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perfect article. johnny never misses
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yuck
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there's a staff blog section ya know [2]
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there's a staff blog section ya know [2.1]
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