| 50 Cent The Massacre | 1.0 |
| An undying testament to how stupid most people really are. I need more characters, huh? Fuck you. |
| AC/DC Back In Black | 2.0 |
| Way too trivial & obnoxious to be anything more than passingly amusing. |
| Agalloch The Mantle | 4.5 |
| Agalloch use beautiful, melancholic clean electric melodies and deliberate acoustic strumming to create perfectly dark soundscapes. You Were But a Ghost In My Arms is the standout here - I get the feeling that if the last line were screamed forcefully that You Where But a Ghost... would be the best song ever... but sadly, Agalloch refuse to reach for that climactic freakout moment. Regardless, this is perfect atmospheric music, and I have no right to criticize this for being uniformly dark and haunting, because that's what Agalloch do. |
| Between the Buried and Me Alaska | 3.0 |
| Black Sabbath Master of Reality | 3.0 |
| The religious lyrics are a definite negative, because Black Sabbath make evil music. In fact, I'm tempted to knock off another half-star for After Forever - that song features Ozzy taunting the listener about how he has found Jesus and you haven't - and now you're damned! Nanner nanner boo boo!!!! Anyway, most of this is just pure golden-age Sabbath, with the essential doomy guitar tone & downtempo pace. Good stuff, except for the lyrics. |
| Blind Guardian Nightfall in Middle-Earth | 2.5 |
| Caliban The Undying Darkness | 1.0 |
| A perfect example of everything that is repulsive about metalcore - shallow melodies, derivative rhythm riffs, & corny lyrics. |
| Children of Bodom Hatebreeder | 1.5 |
| Converge Jane Doe | 3.5 |
| I love the cover art on this... the image of an emaciated girl transforming into a horde of locusts is just exciting, for some reason. Despite all of the hubbub around this album, this really isn't the most intense album ever - it's fractured without being truly broken, emotional without being completely unhinged. Honestly, that's probably a good thing, because it allows Converge to craft wonderful tracks that have enough intensity to hook the listener on the first listen and enough depth to keep people interested for 20+ listens. Heaven In Her Arms is one of the best songs ever written, but I find the title track to be slightly overrated - it's good, but it's not all that. Regardless, this is an outstanding album. |
| Converge No Heroes | 3.0 |
| Cynic Focus | 3.5 |
| It's amazing that anyone could write an album this technical and still make the actual music so cohesive. This album isn't very outwardly emotional but there's sort of a tragic beauty here... I actually find this very melancholic. If I factored technicality into my ratings this would be a 4.5, but since I don't give a shit about technicality, this gets a 3.5 simply because the actual music so damn good. |
| Death The Sound of Perseverance | 3.5 |
| Not Death's best album, but still a damn good one. This is hardly death metal at all, actually - the vocals are mostly shrieks, the guitars don't really churn out low end riffs but rather focus on technical progressive leads, and the drums play complex and driving rhythms. Well, actually the drums are still solidly death metal. I prefer power to progressive-ness and that's probably why I don't view this as Death's best work, but it's still wonderful. |
| Eminem The Slim Shady LP | 3.5 |
| Eminem Encore | 1.0 |
| Eminem The Eminem Show | 2.5 |
| Eminem The Marshall Mathers LP | 4.5 |
| Evergrey In Search Of Truth | 2.5 |
| Thee melodies are nothing special, the song compositions are formulaic (this really doesn't deserve the progressive tag), and thee catchiness is prevalent. I suppose the default review is the product of one man's struggle to make his tastes appear unique and obscure, because this is really, really average. Not bad, just average. |
| GZA Liquid Swords | 4.5 |
| High on Fire Death Is This Communion | 4.0 |
This is really damn good... like Mastodon without the often-extraneous progressive stylings. Fury Whip is all dark
age riffs and brainswamping sludge... perfect music for smoking cheap weed out of a plexiglass bong. |
| ISIS Panopticon | 4.0 |
| Isis have pretty much perfected their gentle style of post-metal on Panopticon - the heavy sections are crushing without being aggressive, the slower sections are well constructed, and the ambient parts (see: Altered Course) are meandering and deliciously lazy. This is outstanding stuff. |
| Mastodon Leviathan | 3.5 |
| Sludgy guitars & driving rhythms... an outstanding formula. This album sounds like the heavy parts of Times of Grace. That's a good thing. |
| Megadeth Youthanasia | 1.5 |
| Megadeth were only tolerable when they played fast - there was always a notable lack of depth to their sound, but at least Rust In Peace was fast and furious. This, on the other hand, is just boring, downtempo metal. |
| Meshuggah Destroy Erase Improve | 4.0 |
| Metallica Master of Puppets | 4.0 |
| As the years pass, it becomes more and more apparent that anyone who doesn't like Master of Puppets is a cloth-eared faggot with shit for brains. |
| Mudvayne L.D. 50 | 3.0 |
| This is good, but not nearly as good as sputnik users think it is. At least half of the songs here lack any redeeming feature - no melodies, no grooves, no unique structuring, no nothing. Half the songs are great & the rhythm work is really unique, but... 5/5? Really? |
| Neurosis Through Silver in Blood | 3.0 |
| The heaviness is here but the emotion and intensity are not - No one can deny the crushing power of Locust Star, but songs like Eye that should be gloriously devastating are merely blunt and dull. Neurosis's talent and unique sound are on display here, but they would move on to bigger and better things. Still damn good, though. Oh, and the opening track is punishing. |
| Neurosis The Eye of Every Storm | 4.5 |
| Track 4 is the dud that holds this back from a perfect score, but that's a minor quibble. The agonizing, slow melody on No River To Take Me Home is the kind of thing that sparks revelations. |
| Nevermore This Godless Endeavor | 2.0 |
| Midtempo thrash with radio-rock melodies & overrated vocals. At least the solos shred. Sell My Heart for Stones is the best track here. |
| Pantera Vulgar Display of Power | 2.0 |
| Radiohead OK Computer | 5.0 |
| Is there really any other rating one can give this album? The pinnacle of rock. I knew this was classic when I was driving down a backcountry road in South Dakota at three in the morning listening to Lucky and having a few rogue tears sneak down my cheeks. It's going to be a glorious day... |
| Raekwon Only Built 4 Cuban Linx... | 3.0 |
| Good, solid album but not nearly on the same level as Liquid Swords & 36 Chambers. I get the feeling that Raekwon is trying too hard to be cool & gangster here and in doing so he isn't writing the silly, creative metaphors that made the Wu-Tang so enjoyable for me. Actually, I've always felt that Raekwon was one of the worst members of the Clan, only outclassing the obviously inept U-God and Masta Killa. Whatever. This is still solid stuff & the opportunity to hear more classic RZA is too good to pass up. |
| Sepultura Beneath the Remains | 2.5 |
| Music this sloppy is supposed to be intense - and yet this isn't. Whatever. Thee drumming kicks in skulls, though. |
| Strapping Young Lad Alien | 2.5 |
| The production is the most notable aspect of this album - Townshend's vocals are echoed to fuck, the riffs hit with the force of a sledgehammer, and the bass sounds like a cannon. However, this really isn't that great of an album, mostly because it's really monochromatic and repetitive. The soundtrack to our impending armageddon? Only if our armageddon consists of grey skies and cracked concrete. |
| The End (CAN) Elementary | 1.5 |
| Tool & Meshuggah's retarded child. If these guys knew how to tastefully utilize dissonance instead of simply drenching their music in it, maybe they could get somewhere. But probably not. |
| Tool Lateralus | 5.0 |
| I know it's gay to like Tool, but this album simply cannot be denied. Lateralus is a mainstream take on the post-metal genre - instead of long ambient sections, Tool fill space with interesting bass & drum grooves & solid metal riffage. The rhythms are what really make this album - I haven't found an album with more interesting rhythms than Lateralus. Oh, and the climaxes are crushingly powerful. |
| Tool 10,000 Days | 2.5 |
| Wolves in the Throne Room Two Hunters | 3.5 |
| Post-black metal? I dig it. The guitars are spiraling & formless, and the dominating snare gives this harsh atmosphere a driving sense of direction. |
| Wu-Tang Clan Enter the Wu-Tang (36 Chambers) | 5.0 |
| Why is 36 Chambers the best rap album ever? Well, because (almost) every member of the Wu-Tang clan brings a unique talent to the table - GZA has the most intricate rhymes of any mc, Method Man's flow is flawless, RZA's beats are minimalist and captivating, and Ol Dirty Bastard is fucking hilarious. Every verse here is simply classic, and lines like "I come at you like a sorceress/shootin' that piss" are just too creative & funny. Honestly, this album renders 90% of rap meaningless. A must own if there ever was one. |
| Wu-Tang Clan 8 Diagrams | 2.0 |
The best verse from this album is inferior to the worst verse on 36 Chambers. Of course, this renders 8 Diagrams
completely pointless. RZA's degradation is nearly complete here - the beats rely on cheap thrills & the hooks are way
too poppy... what happened to the ninja battlefield beats of Liquid Swords & 36 Chambers? This isn't horrible in the
grand scheme of things, but dammit, it's so disappointing when you consider that this group is responsible for two
absolute classics in the aforementioned 36 Chambers and Liquid Swords. If you must, the opener Campfire is a
highlight, but this is probably best left alone. |
