Review Summary: Gotta Leave My Problems at the Jet Bridge
Good afternoon, Passengers
Welcome aboard Flight b741, my name is King Gizzard of the Lizard Wizards Flight Academy, and I will be your pilot and Captain today. It’s a beautiful sunny day so we should experience little to no turbulence during the entirety of the flight, but I do have a short list of things that you may in fact experience during this short forty-three minute and six second flight. Before I begin, please be courteous to your flight attendants and be sure that your carry-on baggage is strapped in securely. Thank you.
First and foremost, don’t be alarmed should you begin tapping your toes to distinct bluesy melodies that fill the cabin during our ascent. The country/blues influenced guitar licks and nostalgia-bitten harmonica passages tend to offer our passengers a sense of comfort which leaves them vulnerable to involuntary toe spasms. You might also experience brief flashbacks to backyard barbeques at your Aunt Nancy and Uncle Bob’s lake house with the radio blasting all afternoon, attempting to attach worms to your fishing lures while sitting on a wooden dock. These feelings are normal and in fact, advised given the circumstances of these tasteful riffs that carry the weight of 60’s and 70’s blues radio.
Secondly, you will experience sort of an unprecedented barrage of unique voices coming through the speakers unlike you’ve heard before, a sort of more varied approach to this flight that utilizes the individual talents of each of our staff here who all surprisingly have good voices. We’ve actually all been taking turns as Captain and giving our own individual input and ideas as to how our flight should turn out and, in the process, we’ve created one of our most cohesive and creatively interesting flights in a while. With each of our unique experiences and backgrounds being present in person each day, we’ve collaborated more than ever and have truly crafted something that feels more focused and well-oiled than we’ve built before.
Thirdly, unfortunately we might have taken a bit too much acid one too many times before our test flight simulations, so some of things we talk about and express during this finely tuned forty minutes feel like drunken jargon with very little sense being made. I’m sure this isn’t something you aren’t used to with our many flight offerings prior to this, but just be warned…this one is especially weird. But it’s catchy so that’s okay….right? I mean there’s literally a part of this flight where we talk about a Hog Calling Contest and how awesome it is to be rolling around in our ***, so yeah.
I think that sort of sums up the entirety of your proposed flight experience for today. We most certainly hope that you enjoy yourselves and take the time to dance a little with some of the loose pigs that we’ve uncaged now that the doors are shut airtight. We’ve replaced all your emergency oxygen masks with Skullcandy earbuds so buckle up and have a good time! If you don’t, you’ll make me a Sad Pilot.