Review Summary: The Beginning of The End
This album is a horror show. It's one of the most boring experiences one can subject oneself to in their lifetime. Led Zeppelin was pretty much done at this point, but I'm glad they released
In Through The Out Door since despite that one being bad, it is a major improvement over this disaster. Robert Plant was in an accident and was wheelchair-bound during the recording session, and it really hinders his singing ability leading his voice to be quite raspy (His vocals were already on a decline starting in 1973 due to constant touring, straining, and not taking proper care of his vocal chords, alongside having nodules, but his new style on stuff like
Physical Graffiti and
Houses of the Holy
still sounded quite good when done right) making it his worst performance on a studio release yet.
The songs are really not that good either and the album's closer drags on endlessly, but even the shorter ones are boring. There are only two songs that are essential listening and are among Led Zeppelin's absolute greatest, which will be the only ones that I recommend off of this.
For the first one, I turn your attention to "Achille's Last Stand" which is one of the most epic pieces of heavy metal to ever grace the planet, even despite Plant's laughably bad vocal performance, the rest of the band is on a creative spark, with Bonham's fierce drum attack being the main instrument until Jimmy Page cuts through with some insane playing, and the lyrics have to do with something to do with a tale of the greek gods or something. It's pretty cryptic and hard to tell. The other one is their cover of "Nobody's Fault But Mine". It is a cover of an old gospel song, but Zeppelin turns it into an all out hard rocker of goodness. This one is sure to wash the aftertaste of cookie cutter blandness you're subjected to between this and the aforementioned song.
Unfortunately, that's where my praises of this one end. "For Your Life" is a sorry attempt at blues, something that the once-mighty Zeppelin used to attack with a fist of fury, but here it is lifeless and lacks any soul, with rushed, barely thought-out lyrics and a simple boring riff that doesn't provide much of a challenge to play. Where is the unique time signature changes, dynamics in mood, and the other things that made the band special? "Royal Orleans" is the worst offender here however, being blatantly homophobic with the protagonist taking home a woman
for sexual reasons, and it turning out to be a man, with the protagonist of the song being repulsed. This song has aged like milk left out in the sun in that department but also suffers from another let-down of a vocal performance. John Paul Jones himself even expressed not feeling that happy about the song for its message, so clearly even the other bandmates knew something was wrong with this one.
"Candy Store Rock" never really seems to find itself and is unsure if it wants to be a pulsing heavy metal number or have a go at being classic rockabilly, making it an unfocused jagged mess. However, unlike most of the ear rot on this record, it is interesting. "Hots on for Nowhere" is a poor bubblegum pop imitation without development happening musically or anything dynamic, yet fascinating lyrically at least, being a jab at Plant's bandmates for his treatment of him during the time he was injured.
Lastly, "Tea For One" is just a step-by-step ripoff of the much better "Since I've Been Loving You" which reminds you of the time when this was actually a good band. This was the beginning of the end for these rock titans, and as a record it shows the once tight unit splitting at the seams of various issues that the band members had.
Track By Track:
Achille's Last Stand: ★★★★★ 🎖️
For Your Life: ★★
Royal Orleans: 💣
Nobody's Fault but Mine: ★★★★★
Candy Store Rock: ★★
Hots On For Nowhere: ★★
Tea For One: 💣
