Taylor Swift
The Tortured Poets Department


3.0
good

Review

by pizzamachine USER (631 Reviews)
April 19th, 2024 | 191 replies


Release Date: 04/19/2024 | Tracklist

Review Summary: Cuz the haterz gonna hate hate hate hate hate and the Sputters gonna neg neg neg neg neg

Taylor Swift’s ghost writing department thought this review was well written

people that enjoy complete sentences thought this review was well written

There are many ways to review a Taylor Swift album.

Some are proper.

Some are bad.

Today I will do a very, super in-depth review of the tortured poops deployment.

Review:

This album is very forgettable and fairly tame, mid fun. Indeed, I checked out a few tracks and they all couldn’t hold my attention for longer than a minute. This is because a lot of the tracks are ultra boring. Not gonna lie, there’s some good, shiny diamond beats, but we’ve been there, and ***ed that in the ass multiple times already. When folklore came out I figured it was a turning point in T Swizzle’s career and I was correct, she crashed into a tree. Shizz got boring real fast.

This album is good though! Yeah, in the same way that we enjoy vanilla ice cream. It is exactly the same as before. The same pop you love is here, though these vocals can’t light a candle compared to her previous pop albums. Where’s the passion? Where’s those belted out high notes she used to be known for? Nowhere, cause she doesn’t have to bother when she can literally ***, and people will buy it and call it modern art.

The one very different thing about this album is found on T Swizzle’s Twitter statement, where it is described as:

“An anthology of new works that reflect events, opinions and sentiments from a fleeting and fatalistic moment in time - one that was both sensational and sorrowful in equal measure. This period of the author’s life is now over, the chapter closed and boarded up. There is nothing to avenge, no scores to settle once wounds have healed. And upon further reflection, a good number of them turned out to be self-inflicted. This writer is of the firm belief that our tears become holy in the form of ink on a page. Once we have spoken our saddest story, we can be free of it.”

In other words, T Swizzle is finally deciding to grow up and not bitch about every boyfriend she’s dumped. Thank god, new lyrics!

Conclusion: pretty dece album with some nice, pleasant bops but it’s no Madonna or Britney Spears. =[

Was this Review Well Written? Yes indeed | Only losers hit the No button



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user ratings (180)
2.3
average


Comments:Add a Comment 
pizzamachine
April 19th 2024


27337 Comments

Album Rating: 3.0 | Sound Off

Ur mad u can’t write this in-depth

JohnnyoftheWell
Staff Reviewer
April 19th 2024


60860 Comments

Album Rating: 2.4



caninecommander
April 19th 2024


9 Comments

Album Rating: 1.5

How can you review something after only checking out a few tracks?

Scoot
April 19th 2024


22229 Comments


i can't believe she actually went with grindcore

pizzamachine
April 19th 2024


27337 Comments

Album Rating: 3.0 | Sound Off

That was b4 I checked out more tracks. ;)

vult
April 19th 2024


2375 Comments

Album Rating: 2.0

“ “An anthology of new works that reflect events, opinions and sentiments from a fleeting and fatalistic moment in time - one that was both sensational and sorrowful in equal measure. This period of the author’s life is now over, the chapter closed and boarded up. There is nothing to avenge, no scores to settle once wounds have healed. And upon further reflection, a good number of them turned out to be self-inflicted. This writer is of the firm belief that our tears become holy in the form of ink on a page. Once we have spoken our saddest story, we can be free of it.”



Is this real? Because wow she is so deep and philosophical if it is.

pizzamachine
April 19th 2024


27337 Comments

Album Rating: 3.0 | Sound Off

It is very real and I cringed so hard reading it

WretchedCacophony
April 19th 2024


3052 Comments


how did this review get approved

pizzamachine
April 19th 2024


27337 Comments

Album Rating: 3.0 | Sound Off

Because of its in-depth critical analysis duh

jrlikestodance
April 19th 2024


1152 Comments


Nice

DocSportello
April 19th 2024


3381 Comments


gotta give it to the swiftie numerologists they called it on this one

GiaNXGX
April 19th 2024


5430 Comments


Sowing gonna give a positive assessment

how did this review get approved [2]

artificialbox
April 19th 2024


1862 Comments


lmao pizza swoops in for the dub. pos’d

pizzamachine
April 19th 2024


27337 Comments

Album Rating: 3.0 | Sound Off

Like a thief in the night

Hyperion1001
Emeritus
April 19th 2024


26247 Comments


mods passed up an opportunity for official sputnikmusic.com content like this smh

YoYoMancuso
Staff Reviewer
April 19th 2024


18907 Comments


the tortured poops deployment made me laugh but pizza brother what is this

Slex
April 19th 2024


16645 Comments


There's better writing in this review than the entirety of the lyrics of this album

Sunnyvale
Staff Reviewer
April 19th 2024


5961 Comments


Taylor Swift's social media explanation of the album which pizza pasted in this review is more cringe than the vast majority of metal Bandcamp blurbs I've seen, which is saying something

tearsofatropicalfish
April 19th 2024


1 Comments

Album Rating: 2.5

this album was a pretty bad disappointment. i think this was the first album of taylor’s i was struggling to finish. i wasn’t a huge fan of midnights (although it did give us great songs in snow on the beach, you’re on your own kid, the great war, and maroon), which seems like it dances circles around TTPD, but i can’t think of one song i would choose to listen to again, except maybe my boy only breaks his favorite toys.



there isn’t a lot going on here sonically, and a lot of the songs are very similar. there is some great lyrics throughout, and there’s also some really weird ones as well.

i truly hope she drops this sound for her next album.

Futures
April 19th 2024


11021 Comments


wow this really makes u think



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