Shrezzers
SEX and SAX


1.5
very poor

Review

by bad metal is still metal USER (9 Reviews)
April 1st, 2024 | 48 replies


Release Date: 02/17/2023 | Tracklist

Review Summary: Yes, ‘Shrezzers’ is a portmanteau of ‘shredding’ and ‘Brazzers’. Read the review only if you’re desperate for more reasons to dismiss this album.

Technical proficiency is not the only metric by which to measure an album’s quality, but if it were then international progressive metal band Shrezzers would be a premier group. The skill of the members, particularly guitarists Vyacheslav "ChocoSlayc" Kavlenas and Vitalii Molokanov and saxophonist Artem Subichev, jumps out to the listener from the moment SEX & SAX begins. Likewise, it is equally apparent that the talent of Shrezzers is being wasted entirely on a gimmick crafted for middle schoolers. Nowhere on SEX & SAX is there a mature choice, a subtle idea, or even a second thought. Every moment serves only the most obsequious, pristine, in your face, bloviating and obvious progressive metal cliches, all wrapped in protective plastic (production) like an unused condom. Ironic for a band whose collective experiences with sexual contact are clearly limited to cranking pole in the workplace bathroom.

One would hope that the insipid optimism of each successive clean chorus would be the low point of SEX & SAX, or the silly stop-start chugging heavy bits trying way too hard to intimidate, but the progressive metal is not actually the worst part of this awful progressive metal album. Instead, it is the band’s complete inability to navigate genre distinctions with tact or taste that sets SEX & SAX apart. The ending of “Mastophobia” was perhaps the worst thing I thought I had ever heard, with its final chugging breakdown pierced by a ridiculous saxophone solo, but then “PVRNHVB” began and I instinctively attempted to stab my ears with a pair of scissors. It’s a trap song based around the Pornhub them, and it’s comfortably the worst thing I have ever heard. If you dared wonder, yes, there is a saxophone solo over the Pornhub trap beat.

On that note, what about the saxophone? Fowl, did you know there is a saxophone on this record? Shouldn’t you give the band some props for their use of SAXOPHONE?? No. I will not give this band shit for their use of saxophone because it is just a gimmick. They don’t incorporate it into their musical character whatsoever, instead carelessly whipping the listener into musical sections fit for sax before quickly retreating to the same old trite, predictable progressive metal cliches. When other metal bands such as Hoplites, Rivers of Nihil, White Ward, and Epitimia have so effortlessly and capably built their identities around the saxophone, Shrezzers’ experimentation fails to even be forward thinking. Really, all they have done is add a second instrument to play masturbatory leads.

I should say that not everything here is terrible: the two transition songs are actually quite nice, some of the solos (guitar and sax) do rip, “UVB-76” has an impressive riff in the first verse, and, unlike the rest of the album, “Temptura” actually manages to be sexy. None of the moments save SEX & SAX of course, but they do hammer home the point that musicians of this caliber have no reason to play music this derivative, uncreative and uninteresting all in the service of a joke that really isn’t even that funny. Shrezzers already rebranded once before, back in 2017 when ‘Shredding Brazzers’ skirted a little too close to copyright infringement, and I think they should rebrand again. Quit fucking the dead gimmick.



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user ratings (38)
3
good

Comments:Add a Comment 
FowlKrietzsche
April 1st 2024


624 Comments

Album Rating: 1.5

Felt polemical and went dumpster diving to kill a boring evening. Don't know if I would have written this review if their wikipedia didn't mention twice that saxaphone is "nontypical" in progressive metal.



Have some better sax metal: https://hypnoticdirgerecords.bandcamp.com/album/un-reality

ToSmokMuzyki
April 1st 2024


10461 Comments


frickn wikipedians smmhhhhhh

GregoriusV
April 1st 2024


49 Comments

Album Rating: 3.5

it feels like there's a bit too much SEXes & SAXes on the band's page at the moment

JohnnyoftheWell
Staff Reviewer
April 1st 2024


60171 Comments


>When other metal bands such as Hoplites, Rivers of Nihil, White Ward, and Epitimia have so effortlessly and capably built their identities around the saxophone

*hmmm*

FowlKrietzsche
April 1st 2024


624 Comments

Album Rating: 1.5

@greg yeah it got a little exSAXsive



@jotw differing opinions on the actual quality and worth of White Ward aside (I like them quite a bit even if they commit the cardinal sin of metal experimentation, where none of the innovation or genre mashing is actually as capable or as fun as what they're borrowing from because metal is the Calvinism of music), there is no way but to describe their use of saxaphone as effortless and capable when contrasted against this

Calc
April 1st 2024


17329 Comments

Album Rating: 2.5

I like how they named their first EP after a Dane Cook joke.

Pikazilla
April 1st 2024


29702 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0

has anyone ever told these guys that this name is just not it

Tundra
April 1st 2024


9591 Comments

Album Rating: 4.5 | Sound Off

Sputnik knows best, that's why Sleep Token and Shrezzers have no followers and Ulcerate are mainstream, oh wait...

Ryus
April 1st 2024


36538 Comments


an excellent april fools comment

Havey
April 1st 2024


12048 Comments


worst album title of all time?

ffs
April 1st 2024


6213 Comments


cum and chugs

Tundra
April 1st 2024


9591 Comments

Album Rating: 4.5 | Sound Off

anyways check out Reliqa/ Avralize most find them better than this band

Sunnyvale
Staff Reviewer
April 1st 2024


5817 Comments


Quite a choice to pick an album title which makes 80% of people who come across it cringe and never listen, yikes!

JohnnyoftheWell
Staff Reviewer
April 1st 2024


60171 Comments


do i feel bad for pressing play on this when there are untouched ryus/havey/jazz recs sitting in my in-tray

or do i just feel bad for pressing play on this?

SomeCallMeTim
April 1st 2024


4048 Comments


you feel bad because now this will be in your discussions moving forward and there's nothing you can do

ToSmokMuzyki
April 1st 2024


10461 Comments


??? this is the best bum title cant believe no one did it before

Emim
April 1st 2024


35222 Comments


Sexy Sax man Sergio Flores

FowlKrietzsche
April 1st 2024


624 Comments

Album Rating: 1.5

As bad as this is, the instrumental release of their debut, 'Relationshits' just barely eeks past this as the most offputting title ever. At least SEX and SAX instills you with something gross and voyeuristic that makes you press play, I will not touch an album called Relationshits

Tundra
April 1st 2024


9591 Comments

Album Rating: 4.5 | Sound Off

Titles is surely not their strong suit lol

Sinternet
Contributing Reviewer
April 1st 2024


26565 Comments


tundra no joke how do you actually listen to this drivel



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