Well here it is. The highly-anticipated full-length album from the one and only Paris Hilton. We have been blessed by the lead-single
Stars Are Blind for a couple of months now as it has mercilessly graced our radios and televisions. The fervour surrounding the album's release has reached fever-pitch of late. Any snippet that has leaked on to the internet has been downloaded with almost unparalleled alacrity. Whatever your opinion of Miss Hilton, there is no denying that wherever she goes and whatever she does, she draws a sh
it-load of attention. And so it is that this album will be one of the most talked about and scrutinised of the year. Like many romances, one gets the feeling the pursuit may be more enjoyable than the result.
After listening to this album enough times to form an opinion on it, I come to one conclusion above and beyond the music itself:
This is the most self-indulgent album I have ever heard. Writing a few dozen minutes' worth of music about one's feelings and emotions is inherently self-indulgent, but Miss Hilton takes it to a whole new level. Every lyric is in one way or another related to sex (with her). Now I'm not suggesting that she wrote anywhere near the majority of the lyrics - she has credits on four of the tracks - but it is a rare moment on this record where Hilton doesn't refer to her attractiveness, confirmed either by herself or the plethora of 'boys' vying for her attention. The equally laughable and ridiculous
Turn You On takes the cake. Singing about how she will undoubtedly 'Turn you on', Hilton gives us a sincere insight in to her self-image and the perils of being so damn hot that no one (not even girls) can resist looking at her. Some of the nuggets of lyrical gold include:
'
The club's not hot 'til I walk through'
'
I'm sexy and you know it, clap you hands'
'
Tonight I'll be your liquid dream. They want a piece of what I got'
'
Girls and boys are looking at me, I can't blame 'em 'cause I'm sexy'
The last line there is my personal favourite of that track. But it's not as if this sentiment is initiated on the penultimate track; it is apparent from the opening whispers of the album: 'Yeah… That's Hot… Ahhh.' It is this opening track -
Turn It Up - that sets the tone for the album. It is bubble-gum pop over a beat guaranteed to meet with club-chart success, sprinkled with utterly atrocious lyrics. The song title itself is conducive to club recognition, while there is a healthy influence of
Britney's
I'm A Slave 4 U for good measure. I can see how this song will/could be a hit, as for its niche (the club market) it has most of the elements guaranteed to sell copies and its remix will surely be a dance-floor favourite.
Any hope for an album anywhere above awful is quickly dashed with the most self-indulgent song I have ever heard.
Fighting Over Me is the type of song that, when played in five years' time, people will cringe and ask 'What the fu
ck was that?'. This is truly an awful song. Hilton's vocals are thoroughly nondescript in their malevolence and the rapping (by 'Jadakiss' and 'Fat Joe') is equally gratuitous. This is completely overlooking the words which Hilton sings. I'll leave it to you to judge the quality of the lyrics - here is the lead verse/chorus:
'
Everytime I turn around,
The boys fightin' over me.
Everytime I step out the house,
They wanna fight over me.
Maybe 'cause I'm hot to death,
And I'm so, so, so sexy.
All the boys, all the silly boys,
They wanna fight over me.'
Describing an overall feel of the album other than 'bubble-gum Pop', or 'crap' is difficult, as it meanders between dawdling club-anthems and upbeat, disposable Pop. There is some variety within the confines of the generic Pop that it is. This is probably best indicated in the reggae-influenced lead-single
Stars Are Blind. For a throwaway Pop hit, it's satisfactory. The up-stroke guitar provides the continuous support alongside some mediocre Hilton backing-vocals. An unremarkable lead-single if ever there was one, I guess it's one of the better tracks on the album. The horns (or is it just keyboards?) are integrated nicely but are used too sparsely to have any effect. There is a cracking line in the first verse, though: '
Some people never get beyond the stupid part'. Indeed they don't.
Ready-made club-hit
I Want You takes its influences from
Beyoncé and
Christina Aguilera, with Hilton showing something more than the timid vocals and whispers prominent throughout
Paris. The horns are the musical highlight, used attractively to build towards and throughout the choruses, but again the break is excessive. The track stands in stark contrast to the mellow
Jealousy, dedicated to ex-best-friend Nicole Richie. Despite only partially writing four of the tracks, Hilton's lyrical influence is instantly recognizable. Perhaps it is sheer coincidence that her talent-laden fingers didn't go anywhere near the two best songs on the album. Soon to be the third single,
Nothing In This World could easily have been by
The Veronicas, with its timid verses and powerful choruses shaping for a successful single. The choruses are to a catchy tune, even if the lyrics are again dreadful: '
I can do what she can do so much better.' This passable effort leads in to the best song from the album, the appropriately-named
Screwed. Benefiting from a very catchy lead-vocal line, the chorus has some serious potential. However, it is just held back too much for its own good. It could really work as a Kelly Clarkson-style power-pop hook. I guess there is one main stumbling block though, isn't there… Clarkson can sing.
The heavily disco-influenced cover of
Do Ya Think I'm Sexy? suffers from one of the main disappointments of the album in that is far too mild even though it does profit from the catchy original vocal line of Rod Stewart. If the tempo was cranked up a bit this track could make a decent impact but it is just too cautious. Like the closer, the album needs some balls. Strange that Hilton is lacking something she's so familiar with. Having said that, it is - yet again - meticulously produced and as smooth as you like. That is one of the pre-eminent features of the album - it is impeccably polished and there are few, if any, awkward moments. Then again, nothing more than one should expect from an album that has taken over two years to hit the shelves.
Hilton's voice has been blended to the casual beats capably, not to mention the enhancement of the voice itself - I could only imagine a live concert. If you can get past the bullsh
it that comes along with (read: is) Paris Hilton, this album is relaxed, staid bubble-gum Pop. Not necessarily 'good' Pop, but maybe tolerable. Overall it's probably not a disgraceful effort, but it's a long, long way from being a Pop classic. After the novelty of listening to Paris Hilton wears off (whether that be a positive or a negative), this album offers nothing remarkable or outstanding to sustain any interest. Here's hoping a long career pumping out heavily-produced, disposable Pop records isn't ensuing for LA's most famous heiress.
