Review Summary: Trve review for a derivative, but cvlt Christmas album.
If metal makes your wee wee hard, you will enjoy this festive album. There are many riffs to masturbate to here, if you’re a 22 year old metalhead virgin. Other than that, this is an album created for August Burn Red fans, utilizing the same metalcore shreds and wonga wa-zoozles and rifferry-doodles they usually do. Breakdowns are broken down, and the riffs go hard enough to suggest you will be cumming to town, and saving your ass for this album.
I think the best part of this album is the Christmas spirit. I touch myself to hard riffs and I think a lot of us do, so that’s why this album shreds. Also, there’s jingle bells and festive melodies too. You may get your eggnog splashed all over your face after the shredgasmic guitars and Christmassy tunes. What a wonderfully Grinchy trick!
If you don’t like this album you don’t like hard candy canes - enough said. That being said, the album isn’t perfect. There isn’t enough singing because it’s mostly an instrumental album. But when there is singing it’s average as *** like attempting to sing at Church while having no previous practice. There is also not enough screaming.
Though instrumental Christmas metal is a great idea on paper, it lacks much variety. There’s only so many Christmas breakdowns you can employ before the offering becomes stale. These riff punches also lack a very angry man screaming over these songs, which would’ve been much more festive. In conclusion, if you love men carefully plucking guitar strings, this album is for you.
