Review Summary: "What can I say? I'm learning to die, but I'm living to learn."
Trigger Warning: sexual assault, abuse
Beneath its wistful folk stylings and wispy vocals,
To Learn is quite the turbulent affair. The debut full-length of one Leith Ross, the album sees them illustrating personal tales of vulnerability, self-discovery, and trauma - all under the veneer of simple acoustic guitar arrangements. For all of the difficult feelings and situations Ross tackles in their lyrics, they sure know how to create an unassuming musical presence; the whole project is incredibly understated and low-key, crafting a cozy bedroom pop aesthetic while losing none of Ross’ songwriting prowess along the way. And this juxtaposition between subdued music and confrontational lyrics is, quite frankly, an excellent move on their part.
Much like Billie Eilish before them, Ross has the power to use space and minimalism to their advantage, allowing their pensive poetry to ring out in devastating silence. Opener “5am” lulls you in with ambient effects, almost as if you just started a guided meditation video, only for Ross to enter the picture with their musings on alienation and identity. It sets the mood perfectly for the rest of
To Learn, as “identity” is truly the record’s biggest focus. Much of the project was inspired by Ross’ experience coming out as non-binary, which wasn’t exactly easy because of their Catholic upbringing and conservative hometown of Manotick, Ontario. As such, there’s a prominent struggle underpinning these songs, which is something that starts to seep into the music itself.
Take, for instance, the devastating heartbreak found on “To Me”. As Ross details their story of a controlling and abusive partner, the music slowly veers between sweet and sour - major and minor keys intertwine as the bass slowly shifts, making the narrative more blurry and uncertain. “We’ll Never Have Sex” is even more powerful in this regard, as a lovely acoustic melody directly belies the crushing regret found in the lyrics: “Depollute me, gentle angel, and I'll feel the sickness less and less / Come and kiss me, pretty baby, like we'll never have sex”. Ross is incredibly adept at weaving these complex emotional tapestries, ensuring that no scenario is entirely black-and-white.
Still, even in all of this pain and confusion, Ross makes it clear that they are still in control; for all I’ve made of their melancholic lyrics, their calm, smooth voice just
exudes confidence. Album centerpiece “Guts” brings their strength and bravery to the forefront; it details a horrifying story of them being sexually assaulted at a party - all while still questioning their gender identity - and yet, the music is so triumphant and exultant that you’d swear it was used in one of the
Rocky movies. Ross absolutely owns this track, delivering their best vocal performance and most poignant lyrics on the entire record; you can tell they put their whole heart and soul into taking this monster down with their songwriting, and it makes for an incredible - if still painful - piece of music.
Closer “Too Much Time in My House Alone” wraps things up nicely, retaining much of the emotional ambiguity and indie folk instrumentation that defines
To Learn as a whole. One line in the song really stands out though: “running, running from lightning / waiting inside for something to happen”. That could serve as a thesis for the entire album, as it perfectly illustrates the inner conflicts and emotional reticence that Ross is perpetually facing on
To Learn. Sometimes it’s more tempting to just run away from the trauma, from the heartbreak, from the private hells - but, more often than not, it all
does resurface later down the line. Simply put, the way Ross addressed their past experiences on this record is truly moving. It’s compelling in its lyrical detail, but never to the point that the listener feels like a voyeur; it takes a lot of inspiration from similar indie artists such as Lucy Dacus and Phoebe Bridgers, but not to the point that it sounds overly derivative. It’s just an excellent debut, and proves that Ross has a very bright future ahead of them.
