Metallica
72 Seasons


2.5
average

Review

by Drbebop USER (96 Reviews)
April 14th, 2023 | 22 replies


Release Date: 04/14/2023 | Tracklist

Review Summary: Been here before, couldn’t say I liked it

72 Seasons. A review by DrBebop, composed entirely of Metallica lyrics.

All words by James Hetfield and Lars Ulrich (Turn the Page by Bob Seger).


Better raise your ears, let the show begin. We will never quit, cause we are Metallica. 72 Seasons, now is the time to let it loose. To let it ***in’ rip. You know our fans are insane. We do our best, you’re the rest!

Hey baby, wait a minute, stop. Something’s wrong. Been here before, the memory remains. The deafening sound of metal nears but it is nothing new, you know it drives us insane. The fallout has begun. Hardwired to self destruct - ready to witness again? Same song and dance, sad but true. Money talking.

The sound - weakening. ‘If Darkness Had A Son’, ‘You Must Burn!’, all is lifeless. They say “You are good enough”, kicking at a dead horse. Boredom sets into the boring mind. ‘Inamorata’ - it’s ‘My Friend of Misery’ but three days long. The ultimate in vanity, exploiting their supremacy. If I could have my wasted days back, would I use them to get back on track? Time moving slowly. The minutes seem like hours. Just get it over with. All these words, what I heard was ooh… bad. They ring of stupidity, cliche. I’ve already heard this song before. ‘Lux Æterna’, ‘Chasing Light’, ‘Too Far Gone?’ - They’re right, well alright. Hard and it's heavy, but one man’s fun is another man’s hell.

More dead than alive. Killing all we’ve learned, history must burn. Burn it! Broken is the promise, betrayal, no thought to what we have done, so I dub thee unforgiven. All this I cannot bear to witness any longer. Cannot the kingdom of salvation take me home?



MY LIFESTYLE DETERMINES MY DEATHSTYLE

Standouts: Shadows Follow, Sleepwalk My Life Away, Lux Æterna, Chasing Light



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Comments:Add a Comment 
DocSportello
April 14th 2023


3377 Comments


Draco leaned in extra-close and I looked into his gothic red eyes (he was wearing color contacts) which revealed so much depressing sorrow and evilness and then suddenly I didn't feel mad anymore.

And then... suddenly just as I Draco kissed me passionately. Draco climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree. He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my bra. Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time.

"Oh! Oh! Oh!" I screamed. I was beginning to get an orgasm. We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body became all warm. And then...

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!"

It was...Dumbledore!

Drbebop
April 14th 2023


333 Comments

Album Rating: 2.5

Then another portal opened and out stepped someone I know very well, Sora. I greeted him and he asked “why is there so much blood and bodies everywhere?” I told him “these assholes tried to revive Chaos, and I stopped them from doing so.” Then Sora’s Keyblade and mine glowed and fused so did Sora and I, when the bright light dimmed, I was holding The Omega Weapon, and when I looked in a mirror I had Sora’s hair and his personality. Then I went Super Sayin and killed the scientists and told the toa to get out of the facility because I was going to destroy Area 51 and it was easy to do.



JohnnyoftheWell
Staff Reviewer
April 14th 2023


60554 Comments

Album Rating: 2.5

EBONY IS THAT YOU

ToSmokMuzyki
April 14th 2023


10906 Comments

Album Rating: 2.0 | Sound Off

butts

Drbebop
April 14th 2023


333 Comments

Album Rating: 2.5

Sonic cried so hard that he fell asleep, and then he woke up a little while later and looked in the mirror at himself. He did not want to see him anymore, because that was all about him being ruined by other people, even when he was the nicest to everyone. Sonic reached into his drawers and pulled out a black hair dye. Sonic filled up the bath tub with this dye and it looked like a portal to Evil World, and then took a bath in it, and when he came out, all of his fur was black. There was no blue on him anymore anywhere. He looked like Shadow, but only similar. Sonic looked into the mirror again now that he was not blue anymore. He did not say anything but only looked at himself and looked angry, but not at himself, but at everyone else.



Then, Sonic next jumped out of his bedroom window instead of going around and down and using the front door. It was bad, like something Shadow would do. Sonic ran away to the tattoo store, and looked at their tattoos. They were all gay. He did not see one that he wanted, but then he went to the tattoo man and threatened him until he let him into the secret back room of tattoos for free

DocSportello
April 14th 2023


3377 Comments


The concierge nodded, typed something in to the computer and answered "Well, looks like the only thing we'll have to have sent up is the Coors and the popcorn. Everything else is already in your mini bar and welcome basket sir. Is there anything else I can get you?"

"Great, thanks. I think that will be it. Goodnight."

"Goodnight Mr. Hetfield, and if you need anything else, anything at all, I would be happy to help." She said with a sly smile. Damn, she was STILL trying with him. She felt herself get angry. James just placed a kiss on her forehead and answered the young woman.
"Thanks, but anything I NEED tonight I can get from my girl."

And with that they turned towards the elevator and stepped on. She felt herself swell with pride at James calling her "his girl". As they rode up to the top floor, y/n was slightly nervous, and James must have noticed. He pulled her in to his arms, putting his forehead to her's, and said "You ok baby? Remember, we're taking this slow, we dont have to do anything you don't want to do. Im totally cool with just having a movie date."

She smiled back, her nerves relaxing. She leaned in and kisses him gently, then answered "Thank you James. I AM nervous, but it's because I've had a crush on you for so long. This honestly feels like the nerdy chick finally getting a date with the hot musician from highschool."

James nodded, laughing, he understood. "Ok, but believe me, I was never cool in highschool. And I liked the nerdy chicks, they were way more fun than the stuck up cheerleaders."

Storm In A Teacup
April 14th 2023


45784 Comments


One of my fun conspiracy theories on Earth is that Lars is the best drummer of all time but is suffering from "the money shakes" and it impairs his drumming and everything else about him. He only sees dollar signs and it makes him shake and have outbursts like in production he just shouts "louder!" when hearing his drum parts.

Storm In A Teacup
April 14th 2023


45784 Comments


His fills are him trying to control his thoughts on how much money he made for the show.

Drbebop
April 14th 2023


333 Comments

Album Rating: 2.5

The guard groaned and loomed over her. “Look, missy, I’m only gonna tell you one more time: nobody gets in without a pass.”

“Go ask him yourself if you don’t believe me,” she said and crossed her arms defiantly. The guard smirked at her and shouted for Lars over his shoulder, not taking his eyes off her.

“Hey, Lars! I got a girl here for you.”

Her temper flared up again but she shoved it back down, refusing to give him a reaction. Lars finally managed to pull himself away from the fans to where they stood.

“What’s going on?” he asked, confused before finally locking eyes with her.

“This groupie here says you gave her a pass and she lost it. That true?”

“Yeah, I did give her a pass,” Lars said and reached for her hand. “And she’s not a fucking groupie, she’s my girlfriend.”

She wished she could have seen the look on the meathead’s face as Lars pulled her out of the crowd. A smug smile crept onto her face but she couldn’t help but overthink what had just happened. What if he was just saying that to get the guard to leave her alone? He was probably already picking out another girl to take to bed that night.

“Go wait for me in the green room,” Lars said in her ear as he guided her back inside. “I’ll be there in about ten.”

DocSportello
April 14th 2023


3377 Comments


James Hetfield wasn’t your average muse. Is there even such thing as an average muse? It was a well known secret that magical creatures made up the world’s greatest rockstars. What was often referred to as the “British invasion” initially broke the barrier in accepting magic in the music world and pop culture. All the big names coming across the pond from that time had some ties to magic…you name it and there was likely at least one magical creature in the band, if not more.

But that was England in the 60’s and 70s. California in the 80s was like a completely different planet in comparison. Magic was more out in the open and accepted in the mainstream. Of course, in America it was all about making a profit. James, on the other hand, was immersed in hunter culture. Hunters were basically bigger, stronger humans with a much better sense of smell. They ventured into the magical woods known as the outskirts and slayed rogue demons for a living. James was the lone muse born to a family of hunters. How that had happened was a complete mystery. James wasn’t stupid. He knew there was a time not too long ago that hunters didn’t just go after demons who had strayed too far from humanity. It was only rather recently that hunters stopped capturing and killing magical creatures for sport, and it still remained that way in many places around the world. But being raised as a hunter made it all very hard to reconcile. James didn’t really view the world in terms of good and evil. He just saw people, capable of both. Take his dad, for example. Accepting James despite being a muse and teaching him how to hunt and fish and survive in the outskirts. Good. Abandoning James and his mom when James was just a teenager. Bad. Life was nuanced like that.

To make things even more interesting, James was what was known as a death muse. The muse symbol on his chest was inverted. James shared similar characteristics to traditional muses in that he fully connected with his magic by singing and/or playing an instrument and he would glow when he plays music, but instead of connecting to healing powers and pure magic, he channeled dark magic. Traditional muses heal; James kills. Well, James like to think of it more along the lines of putting people out of their misery, or at least he would tell himself that to justify his capabilities. One of James’s main powers was transcending a portal into purgatory. When he entered this other dark realm, he could see spirits, invisible to everyone else on earth, and help guide them to the other side

Gnocchi
Staff Reviewer
April 14th 2023


18258 Comments

Album Rating: 2.6

Are the youtube comments about to be smarter than the Sputnik thread?

DocSportello
April 14th 2023


3377 Comments


One can only hope lol

Drbebop
April 14th 2023


333 Comments

Album Rating: 2.5

“From a visual inspection, we could see at least one planet which appears to be Earth-like in its composition. You must understand sir, that we could only see with our naked eyes. We didn't dare to leave the ring for safety reasons. We didn't know how this fissure operates. It could have simply been a window that couldn't be breached. Worst case scenario was that it really was a breach.”

Obama seemed to take the news as if it were just another day in the office. “What's the current status of this anomaly?”

“Gone. The collider has been completely shut down under the guise of maintenance, sir. We all agreed that it wasn't a good idea to leave such an anomaly in place without knowing how exactly it was created, or if it could even be controlled.”

“Do you have any theories at least?”

“There is one, but it's very thin.”

“Try me,” Obama thinly smiled. Morgan had the feeling that the president's eyes were boring through his skull. He had the complete attention of one of the most powerful people on the planet now, and it made Nathan's hands sweat.

“We were testing several artifacts that were seconded to us by the U.S. Air Force. We were told that their presence at CERN was to be considered classified, along with their origin.”

Obama chuckled. “You mean the Chaos Emeralds?”

DocSportello
April 14th 2023


3377 Comments


We arrived at this house. It was extremely large. His garage was also large and he had many cars. My house was also large but not this large.

“You get your own wig of the house” he said to me, his voice shaked nervously. I guess I was his first kidnaping. My wing had it’s own kitchen, library, gym, office bathroom, guest room and master bedroom. It also had a very big television. I unpacked my mini suitcase in my room. Going through my stuff I found a framed picture of me and my ex lover mark. I didn’t mean to bring it, I must have grabbed it by mistake.

“Who’s that?” Elon asked me.

“My ex lover mark zecuberg” I replied confused to why he asked.

“Gross“ his tone of voice seemed jealous. Why would he be jealous.

“He broke up with me and then went missing, we still haven’t heard from him,” I don’t know why I told him about my tragic past love life. I guess since I live with him now i should I least get to now him.

“Yeah I know” he scoffed rolling his eyes.

“You know????”

“Wanna see something?” He asked. I followed him into the basement of the mansion. It was a long walk because of how big the house is. His basement was actually a creepy dungeon. There were cage-like cells on either side.

“Grimes? Is that you??” my ex lover Mark called. He was locked in one of the cells at the end. He had chains around his arms.

“WHAT!???” I exclaimed. I ran to him. I opened the door and hugged him tight. He kinda smelt bad tbh. “How long have you been here? Is this where you’ve been this whole time?”

“Yes he has, ” Elon interrupted.

MetalMan77
April 14th 2023


87 Comments

Album Rating: 5.0

This album is great. Your review is such garbage LOL

ToSmokMuzyki
April 14th 2023


10906 Comments

Album Rating: 2.0 | Sound Off

bringin back the butttt

Drbebop
April 14th 2023


333 Comments

Album Rating: 2.5

But MetalMan, it all comes from the mouth of Metallica! They said it, not me!

Supercoolguy64
April 14th 2023


11793 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0

YOU LIVE IT YOU LIE IT

rockarollacola
April 15th 2023


2200 Comments

Album Rating: 2.5 | Sound Off

There just isn't much to say about this album other than it's really boring. A couple decent track scattered throughout, but not enough to save it from being a mediocre slog.

Sinternet
Contributing Reviewer
April 15th 2023


26593 Comments


I was really scared about Vlodemort all day. I was even upset went to rehearsals with my gothic metal band Bloody Gothic Rose 666. I am the lead singer of it and I play guitar. People say that we sound like a cross between GC, Slipknot and MCR. The other people in the band are B’loody Mary, Vampire, Draco, Ron (although we call him Diabolo now. He has black hair now with blue streaks in it.) and Hargrid. Only today Draco and Vampire were depressed so they weren’t coming and we wrote songs instead. I knew Draco was probably slitting his wrists (he wouldn’t die because he was a vampire too and the only way you can kill a vampire is with a c-r-o-s-s (there’s no way I’m writing that) or a steak) and Vampire was probably watching a depressing movie like The Corpse Bride. I put on a black leather shirt that showed off my boobs and tiny matching miniskirt that said Simple Plan on the butt. You might think I’m a slut but I’m really not.

We were singing a cover of ‘Helena’ and at the end of the song I suddenly bust into tears.

“Ebony! Are you OK?” B’loody Mary asked in a concerted voice.

“What the fuck do you think?” I asked angrily. And then I said. “Well, Voldemort came and the fucking bastard told me to fucking kill Harry! But I don’t want to kill him, because, he’s really nice, even if he did go out with Draco. But if I don’t kill Harry, then Voldemort, will fucking kill Draco!” I burst into tears.

Suddenly Draco jumped out from behind a wall.

“Why didn’t you fucking tell me!” he shouted. “How could you- you- you fucking poser muggle bitch!” (c is dat out of character?)

I started to cry and cry. Draco started to cry too all sensitive. Then he ran out crying.

We practiced for one more hour. Then suddenly Dumbeldore walked in angrily! His eyes were all fiery and I knew this time it wasn’t cause he had a headache.

“What have you done!” He started to cry wisely. (c dats basically nut swering and dis time he wuz relly upset n u wil c y) “Ebony Draco has been found in his room. He committed suicide by slitting his wrists.” 



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